Kindness Deconstructed, A Fun With Foibles Post

August 20, 2015March 31, 2017 / Ally Bean / 30 Comments

John the CincyZooLion is not pleased that Ally Bean was dissed. *growl*

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I’VE ALWAYS OPERATED UNDER THE ASSUMPTION that kindness is a good thing.

This, of course, is a simplistic point of view. One that along the way has gotten me into more trouble than you might imagine, allowing me to perfect my eye-rolling technique.

From what I can tell, if someone, for some reason, does not believe that they deserve kindness, then anyone who shows them kindness becomes a problem.

And it’s time for a squabble.

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TO WIT, LOOKING OUT MY WINDOW I remembered that a former neighbor here in the midwest, who now lives on the other side of the country, used to love this time of year.

So, spontaneously, without any expectation of reciprocity, I sent her a fast, sincere thinking-of-you email.

A random act of kindness.

A note saying someone cares about you.

A positive little message.

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WITHIN THE HOUR SHE WAS ON the phone, not calling to thank me, but to tell me how bad she felt about herself after receiving my kind email.

That I made her feel like a failure because she never thought to send anyone a thinking-of-you email.

And why did I bother with this email, anyhow? Was I trying to make her feel guilty?

What was my real motivation?

And my only response, which was the truth but it seemed to irritate her, was that I was thinking. of. her. She liked this time of year in the midwest and I remembered that.

I was just saying “hello.” Nothing more.

*eye roll*

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WHILE THE GOLDEN RULE MAKES SENSE to me, I’ve come to discover that occasionally doing unto others what you would want for yourself, can lead to resentment among others.

Somehow, it would seem that some people with low self-esteem, or perhaps the inability to understand generosity of spirit, misinterpret kindness to mean manipulation.

Or showing off.

Or sanctitude.

Or, I guess, some other off-putting behavior, sneaky and weird, that doesn’t say friendship to them.

Meaning that, if you’re primed to believe that the golden rule is suspect behavior, then my kind email marked me immediately as an untrustworthy human being.

Twisted logic, huh? Go figure.

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“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.”

~ SIMONE WEIL

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For The Win: In Which I Bid Adieu To Jibber Jabber July

July 31, 2015August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 22 Comments

“What’s up, Doc Ms. Bean?”

I STARTED my #JibberJabberJuly challenge with Scrat, my blogging muse.

But now that July is almost over, I think that I’ll end my month of writing with Bugs Bunny.

Always loved him, too. Observant. Funny. Snarky. He makes a good counterbalance to Scrat’s earnestness.

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THANKS TO my faithful gentle readers who followed The Spectacled Bean during this month of wordiness.

I appreciate your support via comments + likes + link backs. It’s only through those means that I, as a blogger, can know if what I write here resonates with my readers.

And rings true.

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ALSO HELLO to my new followers. This has been a delightful unexpected consequence of #JibberJabberJuly.

As part of my writing challenge I also commented more often elsewhere, and in the process of that became visible to many new people who found it in their hearts to visit this blog.

Many of my new visitors even left a comment &/or started following The Spectacled Bean. Isn’t that cool?

Thank you!

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AND ON that happy note, I’ll leave you, gentle readers + newbie followers, with Sweet Baby James singing Secret of Life. I’m going to take his words to heart and use them as my August mantra.

“… try not to try too hard, it’s just a lovely ride.”

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In Which I Do The “3 Quotes In 3 Days” Meme, My Way

July 19, 2015July 19, 2015 / Ally Bean / 20 Comments

[During the last few months I’ve seen a meme around the blogosphere that asks you to share three quotes + three photos.

Or something like that.

The intention is that you do this over the course of three days, but this being a quiet Sunday afternoon, and me being me, I think that I’ll do it all at once.

Why not? Are the blogging police going to come and get me?]

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I took these photos last month when we were visiting Centennial Park, Nashville TN. The famous author quotes are three of my favorites which seem to go perfectly with the photos.

Don’t you love serendipity?

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“If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

~ ANNE LAMOTT

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“Stories may well be lies, but they are good lies that say true things, and which can sometimes pay the rent.”

~ NEIL GAIMAN

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“To sit in the shade on a fine day, and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment.”

~ JANE AUSTEN

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A Country Moving Forward: More Gratitude, Less Attitude

June 29, 2015June 30, 2015 / Ally Bean / 19 Comments

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,

It is well, it is well with my soul.

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Yesterday was a rainy, cold Monday. I spent the day inside, not doing much of anything.

Lost in contemplation.

Humming the hymn that I’d heard on Friday while watching the funeral in Charleston for Rev. Clementa Pinckney.

Remembering my Southern church lady aunt who used to hum that particular hymn while tidying up around her home.

Which, really, is what I should have been doing.

My plan for the day had been to use the time to weed the garden. Our vacation travels followed by a busy week of getting back into daily routines had given the weeds a chance to take over.

Not pretty.

But instead of jumping into any activity at all, I found myself thinking about how proud I am of this country for moving forward in a peaceful way on social issues that impact everyone.

Somehow.

I realize that people are whining and opining all over the place on FB and cable news outlets, but when you get down to it, this country in pretty damned amazing.

The change process worked, both on a national judicial level and on a state executive level.

Homophobia and racism, spotlighted last week like they were, are now officially acknowledged as behaviors that do not help make our country strong.

Hate never does.

It really is that simple. We’ve moved forward. Hallelujah!

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Do not be afraid of the hate surfacing. Backlash is an inevitable side effect of progress. Cruelty is simply fear’s death knell. Carry on.

~ Glennon Doyle Melton