Not Slowing My Roll In Time: Baffled, Bothered, And Bugged

Introduction

HAVE you ever watched something happen in front of you but it doesn’t immediately register what is really happening in front of you, yet you sense something’s not right, THEN when you realize what’s really happening in front of you it’s too late to stop it from happening right in front of you, so you watch in horror, or disgust, while what is happening in front of you happens?

That’s what this post is about.

Baffled

THIS is what happened in front of me as I stood in the kitchen waiting for the early morning coffee to brew.

Having taken the roller shade remote control out of the drawer where it is stored…

Having pushed the buttons that open all four roller shades at the same time so that I could see our backyard aka the forest primeval…

Having become aware that there was a dark smudge on one of the roller shades that was rolling up…

Having sudden realized that the dark smudge was animated moving downward as the shade went up…

Bothered

THEN realizing that the dark smudge was a stink bug that had somehow gotten inside the house from the forest primeval and was on the back side of one of the roller shades.

Where it was caught in the upward roller action of the opening shade…

Where if I’d been quicker I could have grabbed the remote control from the drawer to stop the shade from rolling up but…

Where because of my slowness to understand and act promptly the unfortunate stink bug was slowly smooshed into a lumpy mess…

Where the dearly departed bug left an actual dark smudge for real.

Bugged

THAT forced me to forego my first cup of morning coffee while I frantically attempted to clean the remains of the bug off the roller shade.

Which was now stained with a smelly dark smudge that required a gentle removal of bug guts using a damp paper towel…

Which lead to a light dabbing of club soda attempting to get the bubbly water to flush out the bug guts from within the weave of the roller shade fabric…

Which was followed by a fast Google search about how to remove a stain from a roller shade…

Which culminated in creating a mild solution of Woolite Laundry Detergent + cool water that when applied with a microfiber towel removed most of, but not all of, the bug gut stain.

Conclusion

AND with that glimpse into my life I’ll say “good day” to one and all, hoping that your day doesn’t involve stink bug guts, but if it does may it happen after you are fully awake, cognizant of what is really happening right in front of you as it happens, so that you may slow your roll in time.

Unlike me.

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I’m back everyone. How ‘ya doing?

Anything in particular bugging you lately? Do tell!

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A Potpourri Of Pipsqueaks & Problems & Poems, Oh My

The Pipsqueak Part – So Much Energy, I Had To Laugh

In the mornings after I wake up my ritual is to brew a pot of coffee, pour myself a mug of the stuff, and [when possible] go outside to drink it whilst gazing upon nature, absorbing the stillness of morning.

Being at one with the universe, dagnabbit.

However the other morning at about 7:20 am, as I’m communing with nature sitting on the deck at the back of our house, I hear noise. It’s a loud unfamiliar sound coming from the front of the house.

What am I hearing?

It’s the kids, the little twerps, kindergartners mostly, in front of our house waiting for the school bus to pick them up. And they are all howling like wolf pups, loudly, with gusto.

Which has prompted neighborhood dogs in backyards, like Irene [Great Dane], and Cookie [Dalmatian], and Rocco [Beagle-ish pound puppy] to join in with the little human wolf puppies, howling louder than the kids.

Creating a glorious cacophony, that while unexpected, got me laughing so hard I almost spilled the coffee in my mug.

And that would never do.

The Problem Part – In Which We Mourn A Loss 

After 12 years of service our furnace died. We knew the end was coming but buying a new one isn’t exactly the most exciting use of money. Nonetheless with a loud *sigh* we got a new one.

The new furnace, like its predecessor, is in our unfinished basement. The installation took most of a day and went smoothly under the auspices of a guy I shall call Jake. He was quiet, knowledge, and seemed to have endless energy.

Welp, once the furnace was hooked up Jake had us follow him into the basement so he could explain the new furnace, as in parts and filters, and to show us the new sticker with his name on it saying that he’d installed the furnace.

Every time a maintenance tech comes to service the furnace they leave their initials on the official permanent sticker that starts with the name of the guy who installed it.

Very organized.

But here’s the thing, the unexpected turn in what we assumed would be a standard conversation with Jake, he got choked up when talking about putting his sticker on our furnace.

Come to find out 12 years ago Jake’s beloved mentor, Tom, had installed our old furnace placing his sticker on it. And, as Jake explained, seeing Tom’s writing on the old sticker reminded Jake that Tom had recently died.

Jake was visibly bereft about Tom’s passing, on the verge of tears. Thus while Zen-Den and I politely said things like “my condolences” and “I’m sorry for your loss” Jake stopped talking entirely. Then we three stood in front of our new furnace having an impromptu minute of silence in honor of Tom.

May he rest in peace.

The Poem Part – I Gave It A Try And Here Is What I Wrote

A couple of weeks ago Kari at a grace full life wrote a poem based on an “I Am From” template [HERE]. Then after sharing her poem she politely challenged us to write our own poems.

Challenge accepted!

Below is my poem, titled in the way that Kari did hers, created by following the prompts on the template, but written using my own punctuation because, really, the punctuation on the template makes no sense.

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My “Where I’m From” Poem

I am from legal pads of yellow paper

From office supply stores and college book stores.

I am from the small house on a brick street

Comfy, well-tended, scented with bayberry candles.

I am from hickory nuts,

Purchased whole, shelled, and baked into a birthday cake.

I’m from artificial Christmas trees and frugality

From Daisy Alice and JW.

I’m from helpers and bookworms

From relatives who preached the gospel and taught school.

I’m from Methodists and Presbyterians, a family that went to church but didn’t take it too seriously.

I’m from Ohio and can look to Scotland, Wales, Ireland, and Germany to find my ancestors.

I’m from Garibaldi biscuits and strong black loose tea measured in metal tea balls,

From childhood afternoons with my stay-at-home dad who eschewed coffee for tea, always.

The people who came to the USA to farm, and to fight in wars, and to get an education,

Leaving but a few photos of themselves behind,

While handing down antique furniture, most unique.

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Positivity Got You Down? Let Me Suggest Something

Not everyone grooves on uplifting thoughts all the time.

I understand this.

In fact when I was in college there were no Gratitude Journals, that wasn’t a thing like it is today.

Instead we kept what we called Bitch Books. They were nothing special to look at, just spiral notebooks with a theme, however it sounded better to refer to them as Bitch Books.

So we did.

To clarify, we called them this not because we thought of ourselves as bitches, even if we might have been, but because we needed a place to write about our issues, all the wrongs that we felt we’d suffered.

Oy vey!

Granted we also discussed our issues in lengthy conversations with a few people who would now be called your negativity friends [HERE], but often there were hurts that could only be expressed adequately, with the proper amount of collegiate drama, by writing about them ad nauseam in our Bitch Books.

We hid our books from our nosy roommates and unenlightened boyfriends because they could never know what we were really thinking. Heaven forbid there’d be open authentic communication.

We knew that our profs would never see the crap we’d written about them, so many pages of my book were filled with deets of professorial incompetence, stupidity, and hypocrisy. No surprise, huh?

I’d not thought about Bitch Books in decades, and probably wouldn’t have thought about them again, if it weren’t for an advertisement that shows up, unsolicited, on my Instagram feed*.

This intrusive ad confirms that everything old is new again. To wit, let me share a link to today’s version of a Bitch Book.

It’s stylish, something that’s now called a Grievance Journal [HERE], described by Boardwalk Gifts, the purveyor of it, as a “the perfect repository for all your existential angst and daily gripes!” 

Which no doubt it is.

And here’s the dealio, which is really where I’m going with this post. For a mere $28.00 you, my little bitches gentle readers, can purchase your very own Grievance Journal in which you, if you feel the need, can write about all the crap that happens to you.

OR, and this is just a thought, you could replicate what we did back in the day and write your angsty unhappiness in an 1 Subject College Ruled Spiral Notebook [HERE] currently available for $3.39 at Target.

It’s your money and your life, of course.

Obviously I don’t know how much bitching you need to do, so please, I encourage you, do what you feel suits you best.

* I’m on Instagram as thespectacledbean [HERE]

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever heard of an old-school Bitch Book or a new-fangled Grievance Journal?

Have you written one? Why or why not?

Did you once have, or do you now have, negativity friends?

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Good Grief! 7 Things To Tell You On A Tuesday Morning In August

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1 – I am laughing. I think with passwords you cannot win– and maybe you’re not supposed to, maybe they’re here with us to provide frustration. Why do we assume they’re on our side? Anyhow, go HERE to do your best to create a password.

2 – I am organized. A couple of weeks ago Zen-Den finished painting the interior of the garage [with exterior paint, oh the irony]. Then last week we had 1-800-GOT-JUNK come to the house to haul away the stuff we no longer wanted, stuff that had been stored in the garage for years. This is a huge step forward toward simplifying our lives. And I could not be happier.

3 – I am enjoying. We’ve discovered Tajín, a mild spice blend with chili peppers, lime, and sea salt. On watermelon it’s divine, so now I’m into trying it on almost everything fruity or vegetable-y. Once I like a flavor profile I go with it.

4 – I am anticipating. Only Murders in the Building returns today and we’re here for it. Season 3 is with Meryl Streep, so even though I say I never binge-watch anything, this could be the show that changes all that.

5 – I am pleased. I stumbled over The Love Language Quiz so I took it. Come to find out my love language is Acts of Service. This makes sense to me and brings to mind a certain song. Oh Zen-Den my Sweet Baboo, “I’m getting hungry, peel me a grape.”

6 – I am fascinated. Our neighbors have bought an electric robotic lawnmower. It’s white and looks like an albino turtle so I’ve named it Yertle. It scurries around their yard going hither and yon, eventually covering the whole area. Then, and this is what I think is wonderful, Yertle goes to his little charging station, his home, under their deck.

7 – I am prudent.  I knew about the Cardinal Sins, years ago having declared SLOTH as my fave, but now I’ve learned there are Cardinal Virtues. Who knew? Thus in the spirit of being a forthright blogger who shares important personal information, I’ve decided that my favorite virtue is PRUDENCE.

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QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Anyone else about had it with passwords, the bane of my online existence?

What are you looking forward to watching [TV or movies] during August?

What is your Love Language? Your favorite Cardinal Sin? Your favorite Cardinal Virtue?

Anything interesting going on in your world? Or over at your neighbor’s house?

You know I love to know what’s up with you!

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