Snippets Of Life

If I’m Chopped Liver, Then You’re Bologna

/ Ally Bean / 10 Comments

Some situations provoke me to the point of regressing to my EIGHT YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL SELF… mouthing off… under my breath… to myself… about someone.

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To wit, as I may or may not have mentioned before, I live in a suburb that is non-friendly.  People are neutral about other people.  Pleasant, but indifferent.  Aware, but detached.  Previously polite to a fault.

This I can live with.

But what I cannot condone is rudeness.  And that is what I’m finding more often when I go outside for a walk.

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For example, yesterday as I was walking along – up & down the hills – around the curves, I said “hi” or “hello” to all the people who I passed.  I exhibited a modicum of good manners.

I. Was. Nice.

People with headphones nodded at me.  People talking on phones waved hello.  People with dogs shouted a greeting back at me.  People just out for a stroll said “hi” or “hello” back to me as I walked by them.

However, people reading their smart phones as they walked along – up & down the hills – around the curves IGNORED ME.

Besides the obvious fact that it’s foolhardy to not pay attention to where you’re going when you’re walking along – up & down the hills – around the curves, it is rude to not acknowledge the person who is near you in real life.

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As we all know, REJECTION HURTS.

So naturally, being the mature adult that I am, I started talking to myself about this boorish behavior.  My muttering monologue went something like this…

ADULT ME [sarcastic, through clenched teeth]: Well, don’t say anything to me.  Just. Being. Polite.

CHILD ME [insulted]: Hey, hey– what’s wrong with you, you poopy head?

ADULT ME [irritated]: Boy, I tell you, Ally– you try to be nice & see what you get?

CHILD ME [frantic]: Hey booger face, I’m over here.  What am I?  Chopped liver? Huh?!

ADULT ME [resigned, with a sigh]: Whatever.  Some people aren’t even worth the bother.

CHILD ME [zinging away]: Well, well, well… if I’m chopped liver, then you’re bologna.  Cut thick.  Just like you, fatso!

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Bottom line truth of this story?  I LOVED BEING SNOTTY RIGHT BACK AT THESE PEOPLE.  Granted, the conversation was only in my head, but it was lots of fun to mouth off like that.  Kind of a forgotten pleasure of childhood– empowering & entertaining.

SO THERE.

The Deer Ate My Pansies

/ Ally Bean / 8 Comments

Last week on this day I wrote about how I was happy and pleased because we had planted some true blue pansies by the sidewalk leading up to our front door.  Today I am saddened to tell you, my gentle readers, that last Friday night the deer ate 70% of my special, pretty pansies.

Apparently the deer were having their very own T.G.I.F. party out in front of our house.  And they didn’t even invite us.  SNOBS.

This experience reminds me of a Bible verse: “Pride goeth before Destruction, and Haughtiness goeth before the Fall.”  

[Don’t know where that is in the Bible, but I know it’s there.  My mother used to say that every so often.  While not a church lady by any stretch of the imagination, she knew all sorts of Bible quotes that she used, along with French phrases + literary quotes, to keep me on the straight and narrow.  Or to confuse me, thereby slowing me down as I sauntered along the crooked and wide.]

So yesterday morning Z-D and I went to Lowe’s to buy some average, run-of-the-mill pansies.  We bought one 6-pack of pansies with yellow/brown faces and one 6-pack of pansies with purple/white faces.  We came home and planted them all mixed-up with the remaining true blue pansies that the deer were too full to eat.

THEN Zen-Den gave the whole mess of pansies a thorough spraying with Liquid Fence, Deer & Rabbit Repellent.  Or as I call it– the deer stink stuff.

All of which means that our flowers look lovely from afar, but smell icky when you walk by them.  I believe that Fernando Lamas would approve of this solution to our deer/pansy problem.  In fact, I can imagine him saying that it is better to look good than it is to smell good.

Yes, my pansies: “You look MAHVELOUS!” 

[There’s more to the story.  Click here.]

Clothes Shopping: Doing What I Don’t Like To Do And Telling You All About It

/ Ally Bean / 15 Comments

The Facts.  I went clothes shopping yesterday afternoon.  I dislike shopping for clothes.  Yet I forced myself to get out there and buy something to wear this fall.

I wore: Josef Seibel sandals (from Dillard’s), Diane Von Furstenberg capris (from Kohl’s), Lands End t-shirt (from Sears) + simple jewelry (from Tiffany’s*).  I was carrying a Baggallini cloth purse (purchased online) which is lightweight and expandable.  For me, this is a typical shopping for clothes outfit;  I wear clothes that I can get in & out of easily.  But in this case I didn’t have on even one piece of clothing from the stores I was going to.  This was probably an oversight on my part.

I went to a lifestyle center where I could park my car in one spot, then walk along outside to these four women’s clothing stores that are almost side-by-side.

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•  First I went to Talbots.  This is not my most favorite store, but I admit that they do have clothes that are well-made and age-appropriate in decent colors.  Usually.

A sales woman dressed in black [isn’t that out of fashion?] greeted me when I walked into the store.  She then took one look at me, turned around and went to the back of the store.  After I picked up a few items to try on a young guy came over to me and offered to put my items in a dressing room.  I never saw him again.

After trying on a number of clothes, I decided to buy a few things.  So I folded what I wanted, took my purchases to the cash register counter and waited for the one employee at the register to ring up all the customers standing in line.  During my wait the first woman appeared, looked at all of us waiting to buy items, turned around and went back to wherever she was hiding.

It was a disappointing shopping experience.  I give Talbots a C-.

•  Next I went to Ann Taylor.  I love the style of clothes in this store.

A sales woman working behind the cash register counter enthusiastically greeted me when I walked into the store.  She explained the deals to me & smiled at me.  I looked around the store, but saw nothing that I needed now.  This made me sad because I wanted to buy something there.  So I said “thank you” and went on my way.  The sales woman said “good-bye” and told me to stop back again.  She was still smiling.

It was a lovely shopping experience.  I give Ann Taylor a B+.

•  Next I went to Chico’s.  I have a love-hate relationship with this store.  My style is not glittery and flow-y, but the clothes are well-made & the accessories are great. So I go in there when I’m near one just to see what they’ve got going on.

A  sales woman greeted me immediately as I entered the store.  She told me about the deals.  After I began to collect items to try on a different sales woman came over, took my items to a dressing room and then checked back as I was trying on clothes to see what I might need to resize.  She was helpful.

When I went to buy some items I did not wait in line because three employees were running cash registers.  The store was hopping and the vibe was fun which made me happy.

It was a wonderful shopping experience.  I give Chico’s an A.

•  Last I went to Coldwater Creek.  This store is popular around here and I like some of their clothes, some of the time, when the colors are not muddied and the textures are not too nubbly.

No one said a word to me when I walked into the store.  I wandered around, collecting items to try on– while carrying two large shopping bags from other stores.  No one offered to take my clothes to a dressing room for me.  No one offered to grab a blouse off the higher rack for me.  No one noticed that I existed.

I found myself a dressing room, tried on some clothes, re-dressed myself, went back out onto the sales floor carrying my two large shopping bags from other stores, found what I needed, returned to the same dressing room, and tried on some more clothes.  I then decided to buy a few items which I took to the cash register desk.

Here I found two employees at the cash registers ringing up customers while both employees carried on an involved [grandma one-upmanship] conversation with three other women who were [supposedly] shopping in the store.  I felt like an intruder within their [60-something] clique, but I have to admit that as the employee handed me my purchases she did manage to say “thank you.”  So there’s that.

It was a frustrating shopping experience.  I give Coldwater Creek a D+.

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The Conclusion.  I really have no insightful conclusion to this story.  Yes, I got some clothes.  Yes, I had a tolerable time clothes shopping.  I guess.

But what could have been one of the best afternoons of fall– filled with lots of new clothes & warm memories– was, as usual, a trial.  A struggle to find something that fit.  A struggle to find a sales employee who was attentive.  A struggle.

And I just don’t think that is how clothes shopping should be.  But it is.

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* Upon hearing this story, Zen-Den took it personally that my jewelry from Tiffany’s did not help me get noticed or good service in two of these stores.  From his POV, this shopping trip did not offer the predicted ROI that he was expecting from sinking his monies into platinum & diamonds!  He’s so sweet.

[Well hello there FTC!  It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?  But today, because I’m talking about specific stores, I want to let you know that I was in no way compensated for my opinions about what happened to me when I went clothes shopping.  We’re good, FTC.  Right?]

Answering The Quaker Questions

/ Ally Bean / 14 Comments

FYI, THE 2019 UPDATE TO THIS POST IS HERE: Revisiting The Quaker Questions: Say What? Naked Who?

[Please note: I updated this post August 2015 to include additional links that did not show up on my original Google search when I wrote the post in June 2012.]

•  Once upon a time Zen-Den and I joined a Presbyterian Church.  At one of the New Members Meetings we answered The Quaker Questions.  Here are the three questions:

  1. Where were you born?
  2. When you were 7 years old how did your family heat your home?
  3. What person in your real life growing up influenced you in a way that makes you who you are today?

•  Curious as always, I did a Google search on The Quaker Questions.  I figured that they were probably rather standard;  but I was wrong.  I found the following links– none of which duplicate what I’d call The Quaker Questions.

•  As you probably know I’m a firm believer in the idea that: if something works, stick with it.  Therefore I’ll be answering THE [PRESBYTERIAN-ESQUE] QUAKER QUESTIONS that were asked of me years ago.  So without further nattering, I give you my answers:

1.  Ohio

2.  Our home was an old house that consisted of two apartments, with a modern addition at the back of it.  We lived in the upstairs apartment.  The original part of the house was 100 years old and heated by a huge old clunky gas furnace in the basement that sent warmth to large hissy radiators in the rooms upstairs.

The newer part of the house, at the back of the building, had a coal-burning fireplace with a gas starter [that used a really cute little metal key that my 7 y.o. self adored & wanted for her very own.]

3.  My 10th grade English teacher had a big influence on who I am today.  She believed that everyone could write well.  She was a cheerful soul who gave me the courage to express myself on paper;  she taught me how to enjoy whatever life had to offer, knowing that later I could write it down to share with other people.

•  Care to play along?  Do so in the comments below OR on your own blog.