A Conversation About Curly Hair With The UPS Delivery Man

August 23, 2022 / Ally Bean / 266 Comments

Our new front sidewalk, pristine and perfect.

THE Scene

I heard the UPS truck pull up in front of the house, mid-morning. I looked out the study window and saw the UPS delivery man step off the truck carrying a thin squishy envelope package for me [a t-shirt from Lands’ End].

He’s a nice guy, handsome, a regular in our neighborhood, and I’m a nice person so I walked out the front door and started walking down the sidewalk to meet him halfway.

Save him a few steps in the intense summer heat, ‘ya know.

Welp, I smiled and said “hello” while extending my left hand to grab the thin squishy envelope package, figuring he’d hand it to me. But instead he froze in place about four feet in front of me and just stared at me.

I followed his gaze and realized I had MY HAIR TIED UP on top of my head in what probably seemed to him to be an UNUSUAL style. I was wrong about that assumption.

THE CURLY HAIR BACKSTORY

When I can, like on days when I’m staying home, after I wash my hair I don’t use a hairdryer; instead I pull my wet curly hair into a topknot held in place with an elastic.

Then I twist bandana around it in such a way as to tie up my hair. This way my hair dries off my neck AND it forms groovy, beachy curls in the process.

It’s AN OLD-FASHIONED WAY of styling your hair that back then involved clean rags, but now as an affluent suburbanite I use A BANDANA purchased at Walmart for $1.98.

THE CONVERSATION BEGINS

Curly hair, he said.

Yes, said I while trying to reach over to grab the package from his hand, but to no avail.

You do that when it’s wet, he said. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

Yes, said I whilst staring intently at the package in his hand, hoping he’d remember why he was here.

Huh, he replied.

A LONG PAUSE during which time I began to notice how hot it was outside standing on the sidewalk in bare feet in the direct sunshine. DAMNED HOT.

THE CONVERSATION CONTINUES

My wife does that with our daughter’s hair, he explained.

Yes, said I nodding my head in what I hoped was a conversation-ending gesture of understanding.

I thought she was pulling my leg when she said it’s what you do with curly hair. I had two sisters but they had straight hair, he continued.

Yes, said I.

They never did that, he confided.

Hmmm, said I wondering where this conversation was going to go next.

After another LONG PAUSE, during which time he further scrutinized my hair like I WAS A SCIENCE PROJECT, he handed me the package.

THE UNEXPECTED COMPLIMENT

The bandana is a nice touch. My wife doesn’t use one of those but it looks cute on you, he said.

Thank you, said I whilst pondering how out of kilter the Universe must be that I, a gray-haired woman of a certain age, had just been told my hairstyle was “cute” by a handsome 30-something man.

I’m going to suggest she get some bandanas for our daughter’s hair, he told me.

Good idea, said I.

And with that he FINALLY handed me the package and said “goodbye” as he walked back to his truck, SHAKING HIS HEAD IN AMAZEMENT, mumbling about how he couldn’t believe his wife hadn’t been joshing him all along.

~ THE END ~

PLEASE NOTE: I’m having difficulties leaving comments on some blogs and it’s incredibly frustrating.

I don’t know if the problem is in my browser or if it’s another example of gremlins in WordPress. The problem seems random. Rivergirl, yes. Nicole, no. Kate, sometimes. And so it goes…

Also, on random blogs I’m not consistently receiving an indication that there’s been a reply to my comment when there has been one. Another gremlin?

Tidbits & Trifles Confirming That Life Isn’t Always Exciting

June 22, 2022July 11, 2022 / Ally Bean / 226 Comments

Image via Mums Who Wine on Instagram

Hello world, what’s new with you?

• Last Thursday the nurse holding the syringe said “Coming at ‘ya, BOOM!” And with that I received my final booster shot against Covid-19. On July 1 I’ll be VAXXED TO THE MAX at 95% protection. It’ll be my first day of freedom after 28 months of pandemic precautions and awareness. Whatever shall I do with myself?

Mark my words, this won’t be jolly.

• Our favorite DISHWASHER ever isn’t working. First we’ll see if it can be repaired, but past experience has taught me probably not. Then if/when that is confirmed we’ll start down the primrose path to getting a new one, meaning we’re heading back into the world of supply chain woes. This does not make me happy.

I think not, my fine fellow!

• I made deviled eggs whilst Z-D lurked around the kitchen looking like a starving puppy. As is my habit after filling each egg half with yummy yolk-y goodness I sprinkled smoked paprika on top of each egg, then placed a pimiento on top because… is it even a real deviled egg without a DECORATIVE PIMIENTO?

Zen-Den, who you’d think would know better, did not comprehend the importance of said decoration and kept trying to eat an undecorated egg, like a prehistoric caveman. Hands were slapped.

What are the odds, I ask sarcastically?

• On the home improvement front I’m sorry to report that not enough TILE has arrived to finish the floor in the powder room. We’re waiting on getting more of it that’ll, God willing the creek don’t rise, match what’s already installed. If it doesn’t match then who knows what happens next. I shudder to think.

It’s gonna be an epic battle.

• The ZINNIA WARS of the Summer of ’22 have begun. Deer [or rabbits?] are gnawing on my zinnias that I’ve nurtured from seed, then planted outside in sunny spots where I can easily see them daily. YET many zinnias have been torn out of the ground, strewn asunder, by nefarious animals intent on stealing my joy. We’ll just see about that.

Now is your chance to share your Tidbits & Trifles. WHAT NOT EXCITING THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR WORLD? Spill it in the comments below.

Mixing It Up: A Tale Of Despair, Determination, And Dollars

June 7, 2022 / Ally Bean / 210 Comments

“If you have been mixing a dense mixture for several minutes or more, it is possible that the force of the planetary action can over-tighten the bowl.”

~ KitchenAid Tilt-head Mixer “stuck bowl” product help

Planetary Action is “a double mechanical motion in which a tool is rotated on a center, while that center is revolved in another circle at the same time.”

~ Dictionary of Occupational Titles glossary

~ • ~

BLUESY THE MIXING FLOOZY nestled in the corner on the kitchen counter

~ • ~

This tale involves our KitchenAid Tilt-head Mixer, BLUESY THE MIXING FLOOZY. She’s okay, no need to worry, but there is a casualty in this story.

You see, once upon a time we bought the KitchenAid Tilt-head Mixer Ice Cream Attachment. It’s two parts that involve an insulated freezer bowl and a goofy little paddle thingie.

We did this so we could use BLUESY to make ice cream at home for the heck of it. Thus it came to be that the other day I decided we needed to make ice cream and we did.

But in the process of using the KitchenAid Tilt-head Mixer Ice Cream Attachment, the insulated bowl froze onto BLUESY. Not budging at all.

This did not make us happy.

Following KitchenAid’s “stuck bowl” advice for how to free a stuck bowl, we tried using multiple warm wet kitchen towels wrapped at the juncture where the bowl attaches to the mixer.

Bowl still stuck.

Again following KitchenAid’s advice we put dabs of vegetable oil at the juncture where the bowl attaches to the mixer, then applied brute force.

Bowl still stuck.

Then being innovative little suburban scamps we improvised and tried using WD-40.

Bowl still stuck.

At this point, I’m ashamed to say, I was ready to give up on BLUESY, the old girl. So I went online to see how much a new KitchenAid Tilt-head Mixer would cost. I was shocked. Prices have doubled since we bought her.

So we took extreme measures.

Zen-Den, following the last ditch “stuck bowl” advice, took BLUESY into the basement, placed her on a folded beach towel on the floor, then carefully used a rubber mallet to bash the base of the insulated ice cream freezer bowl, slowly reshaping the base of the bowl.

Then he used a flathead screwdriver to lift, force, cajole the insulated bowl loose, destroying its structural integrity in the process while accidentally leaving a small scratch on BLUESY’S pretty blue finish.

We can live with this.

In fact I feel the scratch, a mere boo-boo, adds character to BLUESY. Not to mention we saved $449.99 by not buying a new Kitchen-Aid Tilt-head Mixer.

Cha-ching!

~ • ~

Close-up of BLUESY THE MIXING FLOOZY’S boo-boo

~ • ~

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Have you ever wanted to take a mallet to a machine? Did you do it?

If you have a stand mixer [any brand], have you ever gotten the bowl stuck on it? If so, how’d you get the bowl unstuck?

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

~ ~ 🍨 ~ ~

This Is Not Insipid: A Vocabulary Tutorial + Photo Update Of Guest Bathroom Renovation

May 31, 2022 / Ally Bean / 207 Comments

THE VOCABULARY PART

Here’s how this blog post came to be, my little scribes. I read something that was lame, lacking any spunk. In truth I couldn’t believe it’d been published.

All I could think was: “this is insipid.”

While I thought that was the right word to describe what I’d read, I sometimes doublecheck words when I want to confirm that I’m using a word properly, that I know its real meaning.

That the word hasn’t become slang for something I don’t want to be saying. That I’m not inadvertently being vulgar.

So being a conscientious person I went to doublecheck the meaning of the word insipid. I used the trusty New Oxford American Dictionary that’s on my iMac.

Come to find out I do know the definition of the word insipid. It means: “lacking vigor or interest.“

Yep, that’d describe what I’d been reading.

However there’s more to what I learned. You see, while looking up the definition of insipid, come to find out, there are subtle differences among three words that are occasionally used interchangeably. Please refer to image immediately above this paragraph.

These words are the ones that writers, myself included, often misuse. Perhaps you’ve used them wrongly, too. No judgement here.

To demonstrate that I, a wordsmith, now understand the nuances implied in each word I’ll use these aforementioned words correctly in one long sentence. This sentence is the summation of our home improvement journey thus far.

When writing anything I aim to not be INSIPID, but admit that studiously researching a topic for a post can be TEDIOUS, not at all like the excitement created by the comings and goings of the tile guy who is making my daily life anything but UNEVENTFUL.