A Text Not Meant For Me, A Game Not Played By Me

March 18, 2025 / Ally Bean / 257 Comments

IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME 5 years ago when I lost touch with, let’s call her, Kathleen the Control Freak— a natural born queen bee, uptight and competitive.

The Covid-19 pandemic lockdown had just begun. I’d texted her to make sure she was doing okay and got a terse reply something to the effect of: “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

I responded with a polite “Just checking in” and left it at that.

During the next few months I tried a few more times to text her, our usual way of communicating, but got no reply.

Crickets make more noise.

Come December we didn’t receive a holiday card from Kathleen the Control Freak which confirmed I no longer existed in her small world which, truthfully, I was happy to not be part of anymore.

I’ve never been good in the role of a wannabe to a queen bee.

• • •

FAST FORWARD TO A FEW weeks ago when Kathleen the Control Freak texted me, including me in a group text to friends who play pickleball at her club. This seemed odd because: 1) her previous behavior over the last five years suggested I am persona non grata; and 2) I don’t play pickleball.

I believe I was accidentally included.

At this point, fun as it would have been to text a group reply about this queen bee’s error, I did not do that. Instead I watched in real time as everyone, a group of women who’d never give me the time of day, texted among themselves.

From this I observed that these women, who gushed and fawned over each other, waited dutifully for Kathleen the Control Freak to establish dominance by dictating where and when they’d be going to breakfast together the next morning after she finished her 8:00 a.m. pickleball game.

Queens gotta rule all the courts.

• • •

NOW AS YOU CAN IMAGINE this experience left me with a few things to consider.

• I wondered why Kathleen the Control Freak, a perfectionist along the lines of Martha Stewart, still has my phone number, presumably for some reason, in her exalted list of contacts.

I admit this seemed odd to me but also not worth dwelling on. Her number is no longer in my contacts and that’s what matters to me.

• I wondered why I’d ever considered Kathleen the Control Freak to be a friend. Was I wrong when I thought she was fun to be around? Or have we both changed over the years— she getting bossier, me getting mellower?

That’s the conclusion I’m sticking with because I see no need to overthink why someone ghosts you.

• But most importantly, and this is where the snark is, I wondered about whether I should be mischievous and show up to join the group for breakfast the next morning.

After all I knew the details of the plan to get together, didn’t I?

But I didn’t go. For one thing it’d have been an hour drive to get to their side of town and that seemed more bothersome & petty than worthwhile & victorious.

And for another thing despite contemplating this way to upset them, in reality I didn’t care about whatever the heck was going on with this group of grown-up mean girls.

Under the circumstances, would you?

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

Thinking about these last five years, has anyone ghosted you? Have you ghosted anyone? Details if you please.

Have you ever found yourself in a group text where you didn’t belong? If so, what did you do?

Who’s the most control freaky person you know in real life?

Do you play pickleball?

• • 🪴 • •

Are You Pondering What I’m Pondering? 7 Random Things To Tell You On A Tuesday

August 6, 2024 / Ally Bean / 239 Comments

“Brain, what are we going to do tonight?” “The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.”

~ • ~

1 – I am well. Show of hands, who here ate some of the recalled Boar’s Head sliced meat and got food poisoning caused by an infection with listeria? Anyone, anyone, just me? I’m over it now but it was painful and disorienting. And because of it I am vowing to never eat sliced packaged deli meats again. Bleech!

2 –I am enjoying. I adored the Opening Ceremony for the 2024 Paris Olympics, am still grooving on the history and quirkiness of the show. Since then I’ve discovered a new to the Olympics sport called Kayak Cross. If you’ve not seen this, and it is fascinating + hilarious, think of it as bumper cars for kayaks. What could go wrong‽

3 – I am entertained. A lecturer from the University of British Columbia who teaches about all things musical has put together a list ranking 114 Disney songs. Based on variables such “lyrics, music, vocals, plot integration and subjective enjoyment (‘vibes, basically’)” he scored each song. While #114 is one of my personal favorite songs providing the subtext to my approach to blogging* I won’t belabor the point and instead suggest this is a fun list.

4 – I am contemplating. Earlier this summer a friend surprised me when she confided that after decades on social media and reading personal blogs she’s no longer interested in the details of other people’s lives. She’s not mean-spirited, depressed, or uptight, she’s just tired of knowing so much about people. I’ve considered what she said, wondering how much is too much and too frequently when it comes to sharing socially online? No definitive conclusion, but I take her point.

5 – I am discouraged. One year ago we had 26 beautiful large boxwood bushes on our property. Then the blight came and we lost 13 bushes**. We had the diseased bushes professionally removed and have replaced them with a variety of small bushes, not boxwoods. This has changed the curb appeal of our house and while I understand why we did what we did, the house doesn’t look like my house. Yet.

6 – I am inspired. On my radar is the Cozy Cardio trend which I’m lead to believe started on TikTok. According to the Cleveland Clinic this is a gentle way to get active. I agree with the principles of the trend in reference to walking or pilates, but don’t consider jumping rope as a “gentle” exercise. The rest of the concept sounds doable, even to a sloth like me.

7 – I am relaxed. This blessing, or spell, or poem, or whatever you want to call it, speaks to me in a basic easy way. So in an attempt to parcel out good karma I’ll share a link to it HERE and end this list with a line I am taking to heart: “just for today, let gratitude be a balm I apply lovingly to my modern life.”

~ • ~

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

What’s your favorite sport in the Summer Olympics?

If you have one, which of the Disney songs is your favorite? Do you love this lecturer as much as I do?

When do you lose interest in someone online? Is it when they talk about themselves too much [as defined by you]? Is it when they do things differently than you? Some other reasons?

Assuming that you do, how do you spread good karma? Please share the deets.

~ ~ • ~ ~

* Over the years I’ve revised the lyrics to this song as a rational way of explaining who I am as a blogger: We are Ally Bean if you please, We are Ally Bean if you don’t please. 🎶

** Of the remaining 13 boxwood bushes 10 are struggling and will be replaced next spring, leaving us with 3 of the original ones assuming they don’t get sick between now and then.

Beep Beep! Roadrunner, The Coyote’s After You! 7 Random Things To Tell You On A Wednesday

April 24, 2024April 25, 2024 / Ally Bean / 203 Comments

~ • ~

1. I am agreeing. Social connectedness can take on many forms. I read THIS article about lively front yards that include any items like, but not limited to, garden gnomes, porch swings, plastic flamingoes, little free libraries, and assorted other decorative stuff. The conclusion was that: “residents who expressed themselves with items in front of their house reported feeling a greater sense of place.”

2. I am enthusiastic. What beach reading books are to summer, ‘Bunny Rabbit’ TV Shows are to your mental health. Bunny Rabbit TV shows aren’t literally about rabbits, they are shows that give you a lift, not requiring more from you than your willingness to be distracted in a lighthearted way from your woes. I grok this term, enjoyed the article and the comments that followed, and haven’t stop thinking about which TV shows to put on my list since I read about this idea.

3. I am ditzy. In my ongoing attempts at being mindful of water usage, I pour the end of our glasses of drinking water onto the houseplants. Welp, in a moment of *duh* I poured the remains of a flavored club soda [San Pellegrino Dark Morello Cherry & Pomegranate to be exact] onto a large pothos. And within days the plant turned yellow-ish and began dropping leaves. Yes, I murdered a plant.

4. I am laughing. According to my results from the Pottery Barn Style Finder Quiz my decorating style is Farmhouse: “rustic woods, hardworking metals, and sprinkles of barnyard whimsy.” Me thinks not. While the metals around here may be hardworking [not sure what that even means] the wood is refined and there is NO barnyard whimsy here. As if.

5. I am enthralled. I’ve learned that after soccer, badminton is the most popular sport in the world. Who knew? As such there is scientific research about which shuttlecocks, also known as birdies, are best: ones with duck feathers or ones made of nylon. Learn more HERE about findings that “may represent a new arc in the history of the beloved sport.”

6. I am indulging. I decided that I NEEDED something sweet to eat, something devoid of nutritional value. So I scrounged around online and found this Strawberry Rice Krispie Treats recipe that adds freeze-dried strawberries to the classic recipe. Divinely delicious.

7. I am entertained. I stumbled over this website, MovieGrid.io, that offers a daily online challenge about movies. Titles of said. Dates premiered. Stars in movies. You have 9 chances to answer 9 questions correctly which, if you do, creates a completely filled-in grid of 9 movie posters, NOT like what you see immediately below.

~ • ~

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY

What gives you a sense of place? Is having one important to you?

What’s on your Bunny Rabbit TV Shows list?

If you take the PB style quiz, what style do they say you are? Do you agree with the results?

When you want something sweet to eat that is devoid of nutritional value, what do you turn to? Are you on Team Rice Krispie Treats with me?

~ ~ • ~ ~

3 True Confessions Because You, My Gentle Readers, Need To Know

February 15, 2018 / Ally Bean / 102 Comments

One

It’s entirely possible that I’m not going to be an Instagram star.

Since November I’ve tried to get into my Instagram groove by posting three photos a week, usually all at once (because I forget to post them when I take them). Also, I’m following a few people there because social media is, after all, social.

HOWEVER, easy and sweet as I think Instagram is, it isn’t calling to me. For some reason its charms have yet to woo me. I like it, I enjoy glancing at the photos posted there, but I’m vague about why it’s a thing– and why/how someone becomes a star.

~ • ~

Two

I’m enjoying the Winter Olympics this year because they are Bob-Costas-free.

Sure, some people somewhere must have liked Bob Costas as the host of the Olympics, but I was not one of them. To me he combined Alex Trebek’s know-it-all-ness with Tom Cruise’s smugness– and I did not like him because of it.

HOWEVER, NBC’s new Winter Olympics host, Mike Tirico, is delightful. He reports on what is happening in a pleasant, informative way that does not make me want to yell at him. And guess thee what? Because of him I’m not changing the channel away from the Olympics when the host is on the screen.

~ • ~

Three

I’ve increased the size of my font on my computer.

There is no surer sign of impending decrepitude than the size of the font that one uses. Tiny font, great eyes– young. Medium font, okay eyes– middle age. Large font, lousy eyes– one foot in the grave.

HOWEVER, on the flip side of this depressing thought, I have to admit that seeing the words clearly on the screen has encouraged me to sit up straighter, thereby improving my posture. And that, Alas, poor Yorick, might be enough to keep my other foot out of the grave… for a while longer.

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