Storytime

A Bear Went Across The River To See Who He Could Court

/ Ally Bean / 16 Comments

DSCN2756

There’s a WHAT? WHERE?  

MOM!!!    

• • •

They tell us that this rarely happens.  That’s what they say.

I mean, I’ve lived in southern Ohio for 25+ years and it’s a first.

Rather like the nighttime burglars who scared us into turning our lights on & speaking with one another.

Shocking, really.

Of course, the human miscreants have been nabbed.  Put in the hoosegow.  Sent away for bothering us here in suburbia.

• • •

But this fellow…

is getting away with anything and everything that he can…

because the authorities don’t want to mess with him…

and because he’s cute.

Never underestimate cute.  Remember Smokey? And Yogi? And Fozzie?

But you have to wonder, did they manage to have 2 Twitter accounts: @ClermontCtyBear & @MiamiTwpBear?

• • •

Just observe him, they say.

He’s only looking for a mate. 

Bears are good swimmers, they tell us.

Isn’t it wonderful how he made it this far north into Ohio?

If you encounter him, they suggest that you do this:

“Speak in a firm voice and if necessary, raise your arms above your head and clap.”

• • •

Taking a differing point of view than the authorities, I am.

Waiting each day to learn that an 85 lbs male black bear has caught a ferry back to Kentucky and is looking for love in all the right places.

Hoping to go outside at night without fear.  Too much to ask?

Don’t care if it is.  Asking for it anyway.

The Tale Of The Lonely Beet

/ Ally Bean / 22 Comments

DSCN3608Once upon a time the Lady of the House went to the grocery where she purchased some beets.  She was going to roast them and serve them as a side dish with some ham for dinner.

:: The Lady of the House had good intentions.

However, when the Lady of the House came home from the grocery, she put the beets in a stainless steel bowl which she put in the frig.  Then, she forgot about their existence.

Because the beets were well-mannered, they did not call attention to themselves in the frig.  No, they just sat in the bowl and slowly allowed mold to cover them.  Perhaps they were cold and considered the mold to be like a sweater.  Perhaps they were content and enjoyed connecting with the mold.

:: We will never know for sure.

All we know is that the next time the Lady of the House looked at the beets she saw six moldy, dried out vegetables that were way past their prime.  Upon seeing what had happened, the Lady of the House said a few words that will not be repeated on these pages.

But the Lady of the House had another idea for the beets.  You see, the Lady of the House’s mother had a saying which she said to the Lady of the House when the Lady of the House was a girl.

:: And this saying was: waste not, want not.

Remembering what her mother had told her to do, the Lady of the House decided to toss the beets into the wooded ravine behind her house.  The Lady of the House thought that some of the deer or raccoons that live back there might like to feast on said beets.

:: However, she was wrong about this assumption.

A few days later when the Lady of the House chanced to look outside upon her backyard realm, she noticed that all the beets were still there.  And that one beet in particular, that had the misfortune of landing on top of a concrete wall instead of on the ground, was positioned in such a way as to create a perfect photo-op.

So, the Lady of the House, who also happened to be a blogger extraordinaire, grabbed her camera.  Then she went outside and took one of the best artsy-farsty photos she has ever taken.  Not wanting to let this photo go to waste, the Lady of the House figured she could put this photo on her blog, tell her readers how this beet came to be so alone, and call it a blog post.

:: And that is exactly what she did.  The end.

The Tale Of The Potted Pothos In The Pretty Pot On The Porch

/ Ally Bean / 17 Comments

ONCE UPON A TIME ON A FINE SPRING DAY… the lady of the house went to the store and bought a small pothos.  She brought it home and planted the pothos in a beautiful terra-cotta pot that featured smiles & dots on its rim.

The lady of the house was very happy with how her new pothos looked in her favorite pot, so she put the potted pothos in the screened-in porch of her home.  There, the lady of the house was certain, the potted pothos would thrive.

 And it did.

WHEN SUMMER CAME UPON THE LAND… the lady of the house decided to take her early morning mug of coffee onto the screened-in porch, sit in her favorite wicker chair, sip her java and gaze upon her potted pothos in the pretty pot on the porch.

And all was well in the land.

UNTIL ONE MORNING… the lady of the house realized that there was something new & different about her pothos.  That during the previous hot, humid night the potted pothos had changed in a very weird way.

At first the lady of the house did not like this transformation.  In fact, the man of the house suggested that she get a paper towel and immediately remove the strangeness from her favorite potted pothos.  [Please note that the man of the house was not put out enough by the strangeness of the potted pothos transformation to do anything about it.  He merely suggested to the lady of the house that she should do this.]

But the lady of the house ignored the man of the house’s advice and decided to look very carefully at the mushrooms that had formed on her favorite potted pothos.  As she did this she realized that the mushrooms were a pretty shade of yellow that just happened to match the tiny yellow stripe on the pillows in the screened-in porch.  Such attention to detail delighted the lady of the house.  Yes, the mushrooms were an interesting development to be sure.

And suddenly the lady of the house had an idea.

FEELING THAT THERE MUST BE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS TURN OF EVENTS… the lady of the house found a link to a webpage that explained exactly what was going on with her potted pothos in the pretty pot on the porch.  She discovered that her beloved potted pothos had a fungus called Leucocoprinus birnbaumii, aka Lepiota lutea, the yellow houseplant mushroom.  Further she learned that this fungus, which had created these yellow mushrooms, was harmless as long as it was not ingested.

And there was learning in the land.

AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE… the lady of the house had absolutely no intention of eating these mushrooms.  Or of letting her precious morning mug of coffee come in contact with them.  The lady of the house had common sense– and then some.

So she let the yellow mushrooms be & allowed them to go through their 48 hour [more or less] life cycle.  During which time she enjoyed the unexpected, color-coordinated bit of beauty that they added to her potted pothos in the pretty pot on the porch.

And once again there was peace in the land.

THE END