Even Though I Make No Sense Doesn’t Mean That I’m Not Right

October 9, 2012 / Ally Bean / 23 Comments

A glimpse into a marriage…

Mr. Man has a habit of not shutting the blinds on the windows in the bathroom before he gets naked and showers. In the summertime when the leaves are on the trees and the mornings are bright & sunny, this is okay. But now that the trees are losing leaves and the mornings are dark, he is on display when he gets ready to shower.

I don’t like this and I told him so. In uncertain terms. That made sense to me before I said them to him.

– – • – –

ME: You can’t stand in the bathroom in the morning with the blinds open.

Him: Huh?

ME: Someone could see you.

Him: Who?

ME: Someone out for a walk in the early morning… on the street behind us… who looked through the trees and saw you in the bathroom.

Him: Who would that be? It’s a private drive back there. And someone out there can’t see through the trees, across the ravine and up this high to our second floor window.

ME: But they might have a camera with a telescopic lens– and then they could see you. Clearly.

Him: Not likely. The only creatures who can see me are the squirrels in the trees back there.

ME: Well, that’s not good. You don’t want that, right?

Him: I don’t give a [insert curse word of your choice] if squirrels see me naked.

ME: Well, well… there could be a sniper back there with a rifle and he could see you… if he was in the neighbor’s second floor bedroom… through their window. With a gun.

Him: HUH?!!

ME: And he could shoot you because you’d be a clear shot. YOU DON’T WANT THAT, DO YOU?

Him: THERE IS NO SNIPER BACK THERE. HE IS NOT GOING TO SHOOT ME WITH HIS RIFLE.

ME: Well, there could be. And then I’d be a widow all because you couldn’t be bothered to shut the blinds.

Him: Where do you get this stuff?

ME: It could happen.

Him: No way. How did the sniper get into the neighbor’s house anyway? Or are you saying that our neighbors are snipers? Like that Mr. & Mrs. Smith movie?

ME: No, of course not. Our neighbors aren’t assassins. DON’T. BE. SILLY. I got the idea from all the NCIS reruns… that you make me watch.

Him: THAT I MAKE YOU WATCH? How do I make you watch them?

ME: You put them on the TV and then I see them… and begin thinking about what could happen if someone saw you naked in the morning getting ready to take a shower.

Him: That’s what you get from watching NCIS? That someone might shoot me?

ME: Yes it is. So just shut the [insert curse word of your choice] blinds before you get undressed. OK?

Him: Sure. All you had to do is ask.

The Deer Ate My Pansies

September 17, 2012September 16, 2015 / Ally Bean / 8 Comments

Last week on this day I wrote about how I was happy and pleased because we had planted some true blue pansies by the sidewalk leading up to our front door. Today I am saddened to tell you, my gentle readers, that last Friday night the deer ate 70% of my special, pretty pansies.

Apparently the deer were having their very own T.G.I.F. party out in front of our house. And they didn’t even invite us. SNOBS.

This experience reminds me of a Bible verse: “Pride goeth before Destruction, and Haughtiness goeth before the Fall.”

[Don’t know where that is in the Bible, but I know it’s there. My mother used to say that every so often. While not a church lady by any stretch of the imagination, she knew all sorts of Bible quotes that she used, along with French phrases + literary quotes, to keep me on the straight and narrow. Or to confuse me, thereby slowing me down as I sauntered along the crooked and wide.]

So yesterday morning Z-D and I went to Lowe’s to buy some average, run-of-the-mill pansies. We bought one 6-pack of pansies with yellow/brown faces and one 6-pack of pansies with purple/white faces. We came home and planted them all mixed-up with the remaining true blue pansies that the deer were too full to eat.

THEN Zen-Den gave the whole mess of pansies a thorough spraying with Liquid Fence, Deer & Rabbit Repellent. Or as I call it– the deer stink stuff.

All of which means that our flowers look lovely from afar, but smell icky when you walk by them. I believe that Fernando Lamas would approve of this solution to our deer/pansy problem. In fact, I can imagine him saying that it is better to look good than it is to smell good.

Yes, my pansies: “You look MAHVELOUS!”

[There’s more to the story. Click here.]

This & That

September 10, 2012 / Ally Bean / 13 Comments

{september – monday – morning}

√ Saturday afternoon we spent driving around the city, going grocery store to grocery store, looking for one particular ingredient. We both had a hankering for Thai curried chicken & vegetables– which, logically enough, requires Thai green curry paste. It’s such a basic ingredient for Thai cooking, yet it turned out to be almost impossible to get.

Eventually we found it in grocery store #6. You’d think that we would have been annoyed by this whim turned bona fide expotition, but the day was so pretty outside that wandering around the city together was interesting. I forget how large this area is– and that what seems normal to one person is something unique & fascinating to another person.

Sometimes searching for the treasure is all that I need to be happy.

√ Over the weekend we planted some flowers in colors that we’ve not used before. Out front by the sidewalk leading up to the front door we planted true blue pansies. And by the side of the house where we’ll see them when we drive up to the garage we planted some coral-colored roses.

Once upon a time our garden had a tightly controlled color scheme, but those days are long gone. Now we have a confetti garden; that is, flowers of various colors growing wherever they will grow. It’s not what I initially envisioned, but that’s okay. I like to see flowers around the outside the house and if multi-color is what works, it works.

Go Team Eclectic.

√ We were outside doing yard work yesterday morning. The weather was cool & clear so the sky was blue. We heard the plane before we saw it– and when we saw it we both stopped doing what we were doing. Overhead, flying at a low altitude, was a B-17. Just moseying along in a straight line going somewhere. Over our subdivision on a Sunday morning. In 2012.

Kind of cool to see it. Definitely unexpected.

√ Zen-Den went camping [cabining?] by a lake in Canada over Labor Day weekend with some friends. He does this every few years & always comes back with tales to tell. This year, besides his stories of middle-aged boys’ antics, he brought back a new radio station for us to listen to: CBC Radio2 [Eastern]. It’s good.

I won’t try to explain it to you because playlists & music appreciation are topics that I leave to those who care deeply about being surrounded by music. Me? I just like to hear something that doesn’t set my teeth on edge in the background. And this new-to-us station pleases me– enough so that it’s giving Radio Paradise a bit of competition.

‘Tis music that doth soothe the suburban beast. 😉

The Naming Of Crickets Is An Easy Matter

September 7, 2012May 6, 2021 / Ally Bean / 14 Comments

[This is a random post if there ever was one. H/T to T. S. Eliot for the inspiration for the title.]

When I think of crickets, I think of three things.

1. The Big Bang Theory. There’s a cricket in our basement. The cricket in our basement is noisy. At about 10:00 p.m. each evening our little cricket friend ramps up his chirping. I think that he is a he– and that he is trying to attract any lady crickets who might be around.

Of course I could be wrong about our little cricket friend’s motive because I learned most of what I know about crickets from an episode of The Big Bang Theory. That’s how I got edumacated on this subject.

• • •

2. Jiminy Cricket. Once I realized that our little cricket friend was living with us inside our house, I named him for Disney’s famous cartoon cricket, Jiminy Cricket. Then I set out to find a video with Jiminy.

The video I found features Jiminy as host and is about “How To Have Fun Safely.” I remember seeing this cartoon when I was a kid. Jiminy wants me to live to be 83. And to not be a fool. And other assorted things that I may or may not have done throughout my lifetime.

Somehow, after viewing this video, I get the feeling that Jiminy would not be the sort of cricket who, now that I’m an adult, would meet me for a cocktail. He seems a bit judgmental and uptight to me. Just a little bit too know-it-all-y.

• • •

3. Buddy Holly and the Crickets. I remember once upon a time, in the early years of our marriage, we received a housewarming gift that was a good luck brass cricket for our hearth. I felt that the cricket was a cute, whimsical gift with wonderful symbolism; I majored in English Lit. Zen-Den, an Econ/Business major, thought it was dumb.

I don’t remember who gave us that gift because it was a long time ago. Although not as long ago as when there were “Rock and Roll Specialists” singing about a girl named Peggy Sue. Which, now that I think about it, is the name that I’d give the cricket in the basement if I thought he was a she.