The One About The Friend, The Dog & The Suburban Grocery Store Salad Bar

Funny story.  File this one under: “Things We Do For Our Pets.” 

A former suburbanite, who has moved to a condo in a high-rise in the city, still works out this way, near where she used to live.  Having shopped in a large, suburban grocery store for years, she cannot tolerate the smaller, more citified ones near her current home.  So she continues to shop, either before work or at lunchtime, in her former suburban grocery store.

This woman, who we’ll call Wendy, has an old dog who she adores.  And this dog has taken, sort of, to city living.  Which is to say that when there are proper treats involved the old dog will do what is asked of him.

It follows, of course, that Wendy is conscientious about having a large supply of proper treats on hand.  And because Wendy now shops on the fly, she likes to get as many treats for her money as she can at one time.  Easier, you know. 

# # #

So, here’s what happened.  Wendy’s old dog likes one treat in particular and that one treat is bacon bits.

Wendy, who used to make bacon once a week for her dog, doesn’t like to make bacon in her new smaller condo because it smells up the place.  So Wendy has hit upon a solution.  This solution is to go to the salad bar in the grocery store and fill up one of those square clear plastic containers with the bacon bits that are on the salad bar.

It is less expensive by the pound to do this than to buy a package of raw bacon.  And it is more efficient, from Wendy’s point of view, because she doesn’t have to cook the bacon.  Plus her old dog loves these salad bar bacon bits.

# # #

Win. Win. Win.  That is until the day that Wendy ran into her suburban grocery store and discovered that the store had removed all the bacon bits from the salad bar.  

When Wendy inquired why the bacon bits were gone, an employee told her that some crazy lady kept coming in and buying a day’s worth of bacon bits all at once.  And that the manager in charge of the salad bar couldn’t afford to keep the bacon bits stocked, so the manager decided to take away all. the. bacon. bits. 

This sad turn of events, caused by Wendy herself, has left her bacon bit-less… somewhat ashamed of her behavior… and now shopping at the next nearest suburban grocery store to her place of work.

Because an old dog has gotta have his treats, ‘ya know?   πŸ˜‰

A Quiz About 7-Up + Milk, A Blended Food Drink

:: REQUIRED READING ::

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:: THE QUIZ ::

Q1:  Can anyone read this advertisement and not wonder: huh?    

  • Correct answer:  Of course not.

Q2:  Can anyone of a certain age look at this advertisement and not be reminded of Laverne who drank milk and Pepsi?

  • Correct answer:  Of course not.

Q3:  Can anyone guess who’d be nutty enough to walk into her kitchen and try this combo?

  • Correct answer:  Of course you can.

Q4:  Can anyone imagine just how icky it is to drink sip a taste of this allegedly wholesome combination?

  • Correct answer:  Of course you can.

Q5:  Can anyone please remember to occasionally remind me that not all of my ideas are good ones?

  • Correct answer:  Of course you can.  

:: CLASS DISMISSED ::

The Fine Art Of Decorating With Booze


It’s good to have friends.

It’s good to be up for doing something that your friend, who may or may not be a bit of a decorating nut, wants to do.

It’s good to keep an open mind while doing that which your friend, who is on to a good idea even if it is a bit whacked, decides that she needs help doing.

So with the foregoing in mind, here’s what my friend and I did.

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We went to the region’s largest liquor store [an acre+] and we window-shopped for bottles of booze that would look good in my friend’s house on a silver tray placed on a dark wooden table, by the brick fireplace in the living room, with the walls painted dark barn red.

Keep in mind that even though we were in the store for an hour, we did not buy any liquor.  Instead, we picked up pretty bottles of booze*, put them in our cart, and then occasionally stopped to create a pretend display of the various bottles so that we could see how they looked grouped together.

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From the above experience I can confirm for you that if you are in a liquor store and want the employee’s to pay attention to you, do what we did.  They were attentive to our every move;  asking us frequently if we needed some help.  Eyeballing us like we were inept shoplifters in training.

Not that I blame the employees: who in their right mind goes window shopping for booze?  Answer: two middle-aged woman with a penchant for decorating and the desire to make things look hospitable.

Who else would?

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* In case you were wondering, pretty bottles included:

Musings While Looking At 7 Pounds Of Cream Cheese

::  As some of you know, in a few days is THE PARTY.  At last count we have 54 guests coming to our not-so-little fiesta.  Early on, this open-house business holiday party was a small little gathering.  Not any more.

Now it is a big party… which, of course, brings me to the topic of this post: cream cheese.

Did you know that 7 pounds of cream cheese = 11,200 calories?

::  I didn’t grow up around cream cheese.  My dad liked it, but my mother hated all things cheesy, so not much cream cheese made it into our house.

It was only after I was out on my own, living in Philadelphia, that I became aware of how DARNED GOOD cream cheese can be– especially on freshly baked bagels.

Did you know that 7 pounds of cream cheese is 5″ high x 9.5″ wide x 5.5″ deep?

::  But even here in a midwest suburb, far away from those east coast bagels, cream cheese is a wonder.  And, come to find out, it is the basis of ALL PARTY DIPS.  Yes, this wondrous substance appeals to young [college interns] and old [retired former co-workers] alike.  It’s the yum that binds a party together.  

Did you know that 7 pounds of cream cheese will allow me to make 9 recipes of dip (3 recipes x 3)?

JalapeΓ±o Popper Dip

Skyline Chili Dip

Baked Buffalo Chicken Dip

::  And it is on this last note that I find myself dawdling here today.  While I know that there is NOTHING DIFFICULT about putting together these dips, I am in awe of the amount of cream cheese that I need to make the dips happen.  Looking at the cream cheese piled up in our refrigerator I see a monument– and it reminds me that a house party this large might be a one and only lifetime experience for me.

I mean, 54 guests?  What the heck were we thinking?!!