Existential Suburban Angst: Deciding What Color Armchairs To Buy For The TV Room

August 21, 2013January 25, 2024 / Ally Bean / 18 Comments

My mind is a swimming mess of colors now. Pity that this isn’t because of a Reiki session; then I’d be all mellow with the colors in my mind.

Grooving on the Infinite.

Instead, the reality is that we have finally gotten to the point of deciding on new armchairs for the TV room. Thus I have fabric swatches from Pottery Barn positioned all over the TV room.

As one does in these situations.

I have some swatches pinned to the drapes. I have some swatches sitting on the floor next to the rug. I have some swatches stuck to the back of a kitchen chair placed in the TV room so that I can see what the colors look like from afar. In other words, I’m looking at color in all its fabulousity from every angle possible because I know how easy it is to pick the wrong shade.

Been there. Done that. Many, many times.

To add to this dilemma, we already have all the walls painted and the sofa purchased [called ocean blue, but I’d call it more blue-gray] and an antique rug in place [basically maroon/ruby-red, navy/blue-gray, gold/tan with bits of peach and aqua]. All of which means that these chairs have to fit within a rather complex color scheme dictated by an old faded rug.

Charming? Yes. Difficult for me to do? You betcha.

So that’s what is going on around here this afternoon. And will probably be haunting my dreams this evening. And plaguing my brain for the next few weeks because decisions like this one come slowly to me. But when I finally figure out this conundrum, all major decorating decisions in this house will be a thing of the past.

And won’t that be an exciting day for all concerned?!

When A Squirrel Takes A Fancy To Your House, This Can Happen

July 31, 2013February 24, 2015 / Ally Bean / 27 Comments

• • •

He might decide one morning to catch a few rays on the deck.

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I’M NOT GOING TO bother to tell you ALL the back story of The Squirrel Wars that go on here in this subdivision. Suffice to say, in the past, we had to hire someone, with humane traps, to remove all the little chirpy baby squirrels and their parents from our attic/roof. Then we had to get someone else to repair our roof. This kind-hearted approach succeeded in keeping the squirrels away from our property until this year.

• • •

He might decide one evening to dine al fresco leaving the remains of his dinner for a fly.

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ON THE OTHER HAND our former next door neighbor, a retired Army colonel, decided on a more aggressive way to deal with the squirrels. He hired someone to put spring-loaded traps in the gutters where the squirrels liked to nest. Then when a squirrel stepped on the trap, the squirrel was speared through the heart, thrown over the edge of the gutter and left to dangle to death under the gutter from a rope attached to the base of the trap.

It was gruesome– and ultimately not so effective. The squirrels immediately took revenge on the colonel’s house, bird feeders and tree branches causing him more trouble than you can imagine. While I’m not a fan of squirrels, I did think the colonel’s approach was a bit [shall we say?] extreme and will admit that I enjoyed watching him lose to a bunch of squirrels.

• • •

He might decide one afternoon to take a siesta in the pot behind the zinnias.

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BUT THAT WAS THEN and this is now. Which is to say that over the last month one lone squirrel has taken a fancy to our house. I’m not thrilled by it, but as we are past breeding season and there is no indication of a wife and family anywhere in the house, I’m trying to live in peaceful harmony with this sun-loving, tomato-eating, pot-snoozing, gutter-lounging squirrel who insists on calling our house his home.

• • •

He might decide on a stormy afternoon to lounge in a gutter daydreaming of sunny days.

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I’m Beginning To Think That I Like Pink

June 18, 2013February 3, 2015 / Ally Bean / 21 Comments

If you were to ask me if I liked pink, I’d tell you that I did not.

However, the other day when Greg, the landscaper, was here chatting with me about our next big project, he started talking about color. He was taking notes about my vague ideas about what I wanted him to do next in the flower beds out front along the sidewalk leading up to the front door.

• • •

He asked me what colors I wanted to see along there. I told him no pink.

Being the polite sort of man that he is, he merely raised one eyebrow and tilted his head in about five different directions. My eyes followed where he was subtly pointing.

And what did I see? Oh pots & pots of pink flowers and many pink rose bushes. All over the property. Uh huh.

• • •

After I stopped laughing at myself, I looked over at him. He said nothing but held up his pad of paper on which he’d written one word. In very large letters. And the word was: PINK. The color that we’ll be seeing along the front sidewalk.

The color that, apparently, I like.

The Good News Is That The Neighbors Are Getting A New Roof

June 3, 2013June 3, 2013 / Ally Bean / 20 Comments

I cannot catch a break lately.

Last week as I watched my life get rather wonky, I decided that on this Monday, when I had nothing scheduled, I’d hang out on our screened-in porch. I figured that I’d take my laptop out there and set up camp for the day. To do this, all I need to do is to move the round glass-topped side table in front of a wicker lounge chair, add a few pillows for back support, reposition a smaller wooden side table for my mug of coffee– and I’m good to go.

And considering that the weather today is finally sunny + clear + mild, you’d think that I’d be out there, wouldn’t you? Doing my own suburban take on Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Walden Pond lifestyle. Finding spiritual inspiration sitting next to the trees with the birds chirping and the squirrels squirreling. Being all peaceful and such.

But I’m not.

Instead, I’m in my home office with the French doors to the foyer closed, shades on windows down, trying to ignore the loud ruckus that is going on next door– and in front of my house. This is because my peaceful screened-in porch sanctuary looks out upon the chaos and mess going on next door as a new roof is being installed. Meaning that I am not feeling passionately at one with the whole world a la RWE, but I am feeling passive like a victim of Lemony Snicket’s Unfortunate Events.

However, be that as it may, looking on the brighter side of things, the neighbors are getting a new roof that they need after theirs was done-in by some hail damage last summer. So this is necessary. And when this is all finished I’ll be the one who gets to look at the prettiest roof in town.

So there’s that.

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