When A Squirrel Takes A Fancy To Your House, This Can Happen

/ Ally Bean

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He might decide one morning to catch a few rays on the deck.

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I’M NOT GOING TO bother to tell you ALL the back story of The Squirrel Wars that go on here in this subdivision.  Suffice to say, in the past, we had to hire someone, with humane traps, to remove all the little chirpy baby squirrels and their parents from our attic/roof.  Then we had to get someone else to repair our roof.  This kind-hearted approach succeeded in keeping the squirrels away from our property until this year.

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He might decide one evening to dine al fresco leaving the remains of his dinner for a fly.

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ON THE OTHER HAND our former next door neighbor, a retired Army colonel, decided on a more aggressive way to deal with the squirrels.  He hired someone to put spring-loaded traps in the gutters where the squirrels liked to nest.  Then when a squirrel stepped on the trap, the squirrel was speared through the heart, thrown over the edge of the gutter and left to dangle to death under the gutter from a rope attached to the base of the trap.

It was gruesome– and ultimately not so effective.  The squirrels immediately took revenge on the colonel’s house, bird feeders and tree branches causing him more trouble than you can imagine.  While I’m not a fan of squirrels, I did think the colonel’s approach was a bit [shall we say?] extreme and will admit that I enjoyed watching him lose to a bunch of squirrels.

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He might decide one afternoon to take a siesta in the pot behind the zinnias.

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BUT THAT WAS THEN and this is now.  Which is to say that over the last month one lone squirrel has taken a fancy to our house.  I’m not thrilled by it, but as we are past breeding season and there is no indication of a wife and family anywhere in the house, I’m trying to live in peaceful harmony with this sun-loving, tomato-eating, pot-snoozing, gutter-lounging squirrel who insists on calling our house his home.

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He might decide on a stormy afternoon to lounge in a gutter daydreaming of sunny days.

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27 thoughts on “When A Squirrel Takes A Fancy To Your House, This Can Happen”

    • Me too, Z-D. I haven’t seen him in the front of the house since we destroyed his gutter nest. But he’s out back, probably on surveillance duty, looking in at me, deciding how best to annoy me next.

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  2. It’s never a good idea to wage war with squirrels. They don’t get mad, they get even. I have had some nibbles on my tomatoes but I have been blaming chipmunks. Maybe you need a dog? I hear that keeps them away but I don’t know from personal experience. I do know that they live in peaceful harmony with my cats. (You neighbor deserved what he got. That is inhumane. Kill them if you must but make it humane.)

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    • kate, ain’t it the truth? The colonel went ballistic about the squirrels. I did not like how he handled things.

      As for a dog keeping squirrels away, I think that you’re on to something there. After the colonel & the mrs. moved out of the house, our new neighbors arrived with a large, lovable black lab named Ellie. Nary a squirrel has been seen on that property since their arrival! *Yeah Ellie*

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    • Cheri, as long as he does no real harm to our house he may stay. BUT if he tries to get inside, I’ll find another animal removal company that uses humane traps. Then it’ll be adios amigo.

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  4. You should name the little guy and write a children’s book about him! Living among all the trees like we do, there are many of these little critters, but Mozart keeps them at bay and we have no destructiveness from them–just lots of chatter:) Your former neighbor sounds absolutely horrendous. I hope he moved to the desert somewhere!

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    • Beth, I think, like kate suggested, that having a dog, like your Mozart, keeps the squirrels away from the house. We have lots of squirrels in the trees behind here and they are noisy– but not as nosy as this guy.

      The colonel moved to Missouri where I imagine that he is still fighting the squirrels. He was a great neighbor, except on this one issue. He took them so personally.

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  5. The fig tree next door is calling all creatures. The fence is a busy freeway.
    I cannot imagine someone choosing such cruel traps – just rips at you. We do relocate, and yell occasionally at them, but not painful slaughter. Dogs and outdoor cats generally keep them moving.
    Have to laugh at the happy loungers

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    • philosophermouse, I can imagine that a fig tree would be irresistible. Gracious, what a yummy treat. I smile, too, at how comfy this little guy is around here. It’s almost a compliment, but not one that I want!

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  6. Nature, and that includes animals, will triumph in the end! When I was young, I thought all these critters were cute; now that I’m a home owner, not so much!!

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  7. He looks so happy. The critters have never done anything destructive here, so we’re pretty tolerant. Well, except the year that they took to bringing ripe tomatoes up on the deck rail and eating them right in front of Dad. He caught them and took them by boat across the lake – and he swore that they figured out how to get back across the bridge.

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    • Zazzy, that’s a funny story. I agree with your father that these squirrels are more savvy than we give them credit for. A lake wouldn’t stop ’em when there were fresh tomatoes to be had.

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  8. Luckily we haven’t had any problems with squirrels, apart from them waking us at dawn with their screeching. We have hundreds and hundreds around here. Several people I know view them as rats with good PR. – cuter with the bushier tail than without it.

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  9. I’m enamored with the black squirrels I see in Ontario, Canada. Of course, I don’t live in Ontario, Canada. 😉

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