Yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay

I know that it is customary in the blogosphere to put a photo of yourself on your blog.  As I understand it, the reasoning goes that by showing the world what you look like, more people will be interested in what you have to say.  You will be legit.

[I have my doubts about the truth of this assumption, but that isn’t what I’m in the mood to talk about today.]

So, not wanting to seem standoffish or out-of-touch, I decided to look for a picture of me.  This project seemed easy enough until I realized that I have very few photos of me.  I think that I must have been Amish in another life because I don’t like to have my photo taken.  Ever.

Still, I persevered and eventually I found this photo of me, age 3 (maybe 4?).

I think that this photo is close enough to what I look like now to qualify as a current photo of me. I still squint when looking into the sun.  I still have short blonde, sometimes curly, not quite straight hair.  I still have a rather casual approach to everyday outfits.

However, there are two important things about me that have changed since this photo was snapped.  First, I wear glasses all the time.

[Feel free to print this photo and draw glasses on me.  Make them kind of rectangular, rimless, with no-line bifocals– and make them very expensive.]

And second, I no longer carry a toy gun with me wherever I go.  I cannot overemphasize this point enough.

You see, this photo was taken during my “Wyatt Earp/Dale Evans” phase when I was convinced that if I dragged this gun around with me all the time, I’d eventually get my parents to buy me a cute little cowgirl outfit.  My tactics failed.  I never got the outfit and at some point a few months after this photo was taken, my little gun mysteriously got broken and was thrown out.

While it’s true that I never achieved my cowgirl dreams, this photo of me and the toy gun remains today.  And because of it I can show the world who I really am.  Or was. And more importantly, I can show the world that I’m a serious blogger with a picture of myself clearly posted for everyone to see.

The “If I Were…” Meme

[just ‘cuz it seems like something fun to do]

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if i were a month i’d be May

if i were a day i’d be Tuesday

if i were a time of day i’d be 1:00 p.m.

if i were a font i’d be Palatino

if i were a sea animal i’d be an oyster

if i were a direction i’d be left

if i were a piece of furniture i’d be a kitchen table

if i were a liquid i’d be bourbon

if i were a gemstone i’d be a garnet

if i were a tree i’d be a willow

if i were a tool i’d be an allen wrench

if i were a flower i’d be a tulip

if i were an element of weather i’d be a zephyr

if i were a musical instrument i’d be a guitar

if i were a colour i’d be cyan

if i were an emotion i’d be contented

if i were a fruit i’d be an apple

if i were a sound i’d be quiet

if i were an element i’d be air

if i were a car i’d be a Honda Accord coupe

if i were a food i’d be a petite filet

if i were a place i’d be a garden

if i were material i’d be denim

if i were a taste i’d be lemony

if i were a scent i’d be bayberry

if i were a body part i’d be an eye

if i were a song i’d be “Smooth” by Carlos Santana

if i were a bird i’d be a robin

if i were a gift i’d be something for your kitchen

if i were a city i’d be Seattle

if i were a door i’d be a six panel style

if i were a pair of shoes i’d be comfortable

if i were a poem i’d be “A Psalm of Life” by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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[h/t to julochka at moments of perfect clarity]