If The Name Fits: An Absurd Conversation With An Amusing Friend

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“Oh, you got to have friends, the feeling’s oh so strong….” 🎶

A friend who I shall call Wendy was telling me about something someone had said to her that had irked her. This wasn’t a case of trash talking but she felt she’d been dissed.

The someone had told Wendy that because she was the matriarch of her family, Wendy should keep her adult children in line– and that she hadn’t been doing that.

The comment was meant to be a criticism of Wendy’s mothering skills and how her adult children lived their lives.

The person saying it to Wendy was a someone who Wendy described as a snob, a social climber, a fraud. She didn’t usually pay attention to this someone’s opinions, but in this instance Wendy was peeved.

This someone had got her goat.

I figured that Wendy had taken offense at the idea she was failing as a mother because she allowed her adult children to be who they are, but I was wrong.

That was not the case.

Nope, Wendy had no problem with a criticism leveled at her parenting skills, she didn’t care about that. What bothered Wendy was that she’d been called a Matriarch, a name she found insulting because to her it meant she was old. It was in her mind an example of agism.

[Even though Wendy is the matriarch of her family, but let’s not get stuck on reality here.]

Looking for a way to put this perceived slight into perspective, I suggested that being called a Matriarch is better than being called a Crone, an ugly old woman. That’s a word I find derogatory and Wendy agreed.

She wasn’t a Crone.

Continuing on with the idea that there are worse names to be called than Matriarch, I suggested that at least this someone hadn’t called Wendy a Sea Hag, an old witch who lives near the sea. To me that seemed more demeaning than being thought of as the head of a family with the power to influence family members.

But you know what?

Wendy liked the idea of being called a Sea Hag. She said she enjoyed walking on the beach by the ocean so the thought of being a Sea Hag made her happy. She could easily accept that name because it was more in tune with who she is.

And with that admission I said the only thing I could think to say. I said three important words that keep friendships alive, I said: I believe you.

Because I do.

Questions Of The Day

Putting aside any concerns you might have about gendered language, would you take offense if someone called you the Matriarch or Patriarch of your family? Why or why not?

Thinking of all the names, positive or negative or neutral,  you’ve been called in your life, how much do you care about the way in which someone else refers to you?

Do you feel, like I do, that friends who are able to not take themselves too seriously are put on this earth to keep you laughing with them… at yourself… at life in general?

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Lighthearted Tidbits: Who I Am This Week + An Update About The Deck

WHO I AM…

I did what the following image asked me to do, because I wanted to, and saw what my week will be about: confidence, relaxation, and creativity. I can groove on this for a week, maybe longer.

What are your three words for the week?

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I studied the following image and realized that I am, more so than ever, all about detachment, especially the “Allow others to be who they are” Law.  I’ve never been one to want to fix people, preferring to observe and understand them, then write about them even.

Which Law of Detachment calls to you?

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I looked at the possiblities in the following image and decided, instantly, that my vibe is: Dragon with an Apothecary Satchel sipping the Tea of Wisdom [A3$]. But if you’ve followed along here for a while I suppose you already sensed that.

What’s your vibe? 

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AN UPDATE…

The deck, subject of a previous blog post, is built now. See four photos at bottom of this post.

There are finishing details that involve power washing the dirt off and painting the new screen door and installing new outdoor lights and landscaping decisions about what to do around the base of the deck, but until we get to warmer days those activities will have to wait.

For me the real significance of declaring the deck project completed is that it’s the last thing we had to plan and schedule during the height of the pandemic.

Not that there aren’t other house projects we need to do, but now we’re dealing with the normal frustrations of home improvement, not endless Covid-19 inconveniences. And that fact alone, feeling beyond the clutches of the worst of the pandemic, makes me smile and experience a sense of freedom that I haven’t felt in almost 3 years now.

Happy Week, Everyone!

The Floor is Trex Enhance in Coastal Bluff with a Trex Transcend Railing in Charcoal Black with a Trex Transcend Drink Rail in Spiced Rum

Door to be painted, light fixtures to be replaced

Stairs going down to ground below

Stairs going up to deck above, landscaping to be added later

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The Return Of The Delightful Blogroll: A Bit Of Snark, A Big Reveal

A Bit Of Snark

Not everyone you meet will be your friend, right?

Before I get to the real point of this post, here’s a memory from my early days of blogging. I occasionally think of this guy when the topic of blogrolls comes up and I’m still entertained.

From my point of view he was comic relief.

You see, there was this guy who considered himself to be an EXPERT on blogging. He wrote a weblog called something like Howard’s How-Tos. There was alliteration and that’s all I remember about the name of the weblog.

Howard [or maybe it was Horace?] was a mansplainer first class. In his bio he didn’t state any education or work experience to lend credence to his expert status, we were just supposed to accept that he was an AUTHORITY on blogging.

He knew things. 🙄

Welp, Howard [possibly Herbert?] loved lists– long rambling ones in which he’d repeat himself saying the same pieces of how-to advice, worded slightly differently, over and over. He was seemingly incapable of understanding that quantity is no replacement for quality.

So one day Howard [could be Homer?] announced that he’d put together a blogroll for us lesser bloggers. In his blogroll he listed the 300 weblogs he followed. Yes, according to this self-important knower of all things bloggy, these were the best weblogs out there in the blogosphere.

Being curious I went to look at his list of weblogs, presented alphabetically, and discovered that my sweet little bloggy wasn’t included. This made me laugh out loud. I mean, if I wasn’t on the list then obviously Howard [maybe Hiram?] wasn’t following all the best weblogs, now was he?

Hmmm…? 😁

A Big Reveal

And with that delightfully snide memory I present the updated crowdsourced DELIGHTFUL BLOGROLL, a list of weblogs organized BY THE YEAR in which the weblog began.

[To be clear, the blogroll isn’t on this blog post, it is on a tab. Keep reading & all will be revealed.]

Please note, this blogroll features FRIENDLY bloggers who write PERSONAL blogs. When given the chance these bloggers told me they wanted to be included on this blogroll so I included them.

Also, if I made any mistakes regarding your weblog, please forgive me. I tried my best to be accurate, but SO MANY BLOGS.

Thus without further ado I shall direct you to the blogroll. I’ve closed the comments here hoping that instead of chatting with me you’ll:

  1. Go review the DELIGHTFUL BLOGROLL by clicking on the capitalized bright green words you just read.
  2. Pick one new-to-you weblog and go visit.
  3. Leave a comment there IF you feel so moved.
  4. Introduce yourself by saying: “Ally Bean sent me.”

Enjoy!

Encouraged By Your Interest I Answer Minnie Driver’s Existential Questions

These 7 questions are from the podcast Minnie Questions with Minnie Driver. In December I asked you, my gentle readers, if these questions would be of interest to you and there was a resounding YES! My answers are as follows

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Artwork created by Zen-Den the Retired who has figured out how to draw pictures on my iPad.

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When and where were you happiest? 

When? Now. Where? Here. Granted there’s nothing about my current midwest suburban lifestyle that years ago I’d have thought I’d like, but I do. I’ve adapted. I’m grateful for where I’ve landed.

And with whom, of course.

What quality do you like least about yourself? 

I still tend to be a perfectionist in certain situations. I’ve overcome it in the sense of meal planning and daily schedules and wardrobe decisions, but when it comes to interior design decisions or word choices/grammar I get in my own way because I want things to be perfect.

I know, I know, progress not perfection.

What relationship — real or fictionalized — defines love for you?

I’m going to go with a fictionalized relationship and say Amy Pond + Rory Williams.

They travelled with the 11th Dr. Who [Matt Smith] for a while and their love for/commitment to each other was so strong that Rory once guarded Amy’s tomb for thousands of years, just in case she would come back to life. Which she did, eventually [because time travel, like a bowtie, is cool].

They were honest with each other, kind and adventurous, accepting each other’s foibles for what they were, quirky personality features.

What would be your last meal?

Once upon a time Z-D and I were in Hawaii on Christmas Day. We didn’t have reservations at any restaurant so we ate our Christmas dinner sitting on chaise lounge chairs by the hotel pool.

We ordered from the poolside menu, choosing the only items that were still available. Thus we each had a tuna salad sandwich on wheat, a small bag of potato chips, a cup of pineapple cubes, and a couple cans of light beer.

It was memorable and delicious.

What person, place or experience has most altered your life?

I don’t have a specific answer for this question. Maybe going to college altered my life? Or having a house built altered my life? Or learning about reiki altered my life? Or writing this blog altered my life?

All of the above, none of the above, I do not know for sure.

What question would you most like answered?

I’d like to know why some people are only happy when they’re clinging to their problems.

They blah-blah-blah about their problems, sometimes even ask for advice, but if you offer a solution, or suggest that it’s not really a problem, then you are the foe in their narrative. How dare you deprive them of their precious problems!

Can’t you see how put upon they are?

I understand the need to vent for a while but there comes a point when you have to fish or cut bait. Do something or shut up about it.

What in your life has grown out of a personal disaster?

I’d say blogging. Years ago I had emergency surgery, called volvulus, to remove part of my large intestine that unceremoniously had knotted itself shut [plus while the surgeon was in the neighborhood he removed my appendix]. After 6 days in the hospital in a morphine haze I was sent home to recover.

Come to find out healing from major abdominal surgery was a huge lifestyle change. No longer was I the walking-est yoga girl ever. Instead I was told to not exercise vigorously, to not stretch, to not lift heavy objects– and pretty much to sit still.

For 13 months.

So I did the only thing I could think to do while sitting still, I threw myself into blogging as a way to pass the hours and feel productive. Thus thanks to emergency surgery I became Ally Bean, the blogger you know and love today.

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Questions of the Day
What do you think of Minnie’s questions? Yay or nay?
How do you feel about my answers? 
Will you answer Minnie’s questions on your own blog? Why or why not?
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Waiting For A New Deck That I Shall Call Godot

“Let’s go.” “We can’t.” “Why not?” “We’re waiting for Godot.”
Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot

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AS YOU MAY REMEMBER THE stairs to our deck fell apart in the fall of 2020. Read The One About The Deck Stairs Betraying Us [No One Was Hurt] to refresh your memory or learn about what happened.

As a result of the aforementioned situation we immediately began the search for someone to rebuild the entire deck. This was during the lockdown portion of the pandemic, so I figured we’d have no trouble finding people who’d want to work outside in the fresh air away from the virus where it was safe.

I was wrong.

I’ll succinctly summarize the search.

Because our deck is elevated 9 feet off the ground with a hill below it, after seeing what was going on only two companies expressed any interest in the job. Only one company managed to give us a written estimate for the job, so last fall we contracted with that company.

• • •

ALL OF WHICH BRINGS US to today, a lovely Tuesday morning in the winter of 2023, a mere 28 months after the problem began. This is how things are going.

If the company had begun building our new deck on January 3rd as planned, then today I’d have a lovely series of before | during | after photos to show you.

Alas things are behind schedule.

[I shall pause here whilst you *gasp* in surprise, as I know you’re doing.]

Therefore instead of the finished deck that was estimated to be completed in 7 to 10 working days [January 11th thru the 16th], I’ll end this post with a bunch of photos showing the ongoing mess that now involves snow [because of course it does] + some photos that suggest progress.

Even as I grumble and wait for Godot, testing my patience, I’ll admit that what I’m seeing so far is darned delightful and sturdy.

Eventually it’s gonna be great.

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The aforementioned dodgy stairs on the old deck will be the last thing demolished.

The floor of old deck is the mess on the ground 9′ below.

Scene from the kitchen window showing no real floor just loose boards + no more railing just a drop to below.

The installation of the new deck floor begins.

New deck floor coming together in middle of the deck.

The new deck floor shown with a few of the new posts that’ll be part of the railing.

And finally 5″ of unexpected snow on top of the crumbling old deck stairs making them the poster child for unsafe.

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Now it’s your turn to spill the beans.
What are you waiting for in your world today?
Tell all in the comments below.

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