No Whippy Frosting For Me, Please & Thank You

July 15, 2015January 28, 2021 / Ally Bean / 29 Comments

Welcome to Fun With Foibles, an ongoing series wherein I helpfully point out what is wrong with other people & things, while remaining quiet about my own failings. Today’s topic is…

Whippy Frosting

In case, somehow, you are unfamiliar with Whippy Frosting, it is a vile, faux-vanilla flavored concoction of Crisco, Cool Whip and Peeps, blended together, making what bakeries try to pass off as frosting for cakes.

Whippy frosting is an abomination against man and God.

In fact, while often omitted in modern translations of the Bible, everyone knows that on the eighth day God created cake. And He said: Let there be butter cream frosting on all cakes. Henceforth and forevermore. Amen.

[That would be “Fiat Yum” in the original translations.]

Yet some people, mostly heathens I’m assuming, continue to buy cakes with whippy frosting from the bakery– thereby encouraging the bakery to ignore God’s perfect creation, butter cream frosting, and to continue to make said sub-standard frosting.

And try to pass it off as edible. WHICH. IT. IS. NOT.

So I urge you, gentle readers, as a favor to me, who asks so little of you, to not buy cakes with this stuff on it. Maybe then, it’ll go away.

I can only hope.

A Soggy Summer: How Bored Can A Bean Get?

July 13, 2015 / Ally Bean / 28 Comments

Things I have done in the past week to try to entertain myself while it rains almost non-stop outside during July, a month when accomplishing things on my “Save It For Summer” To Do List is a top priority.

1) I rooted for Zen-Den to burn up a waffle while he was making some for breakfast yesterday morning. I thought that the smoke might add a little excitement to the day.

He, however, didn’t burn anything, made delicious waffles, and even cleaned up the kitchen afterward, thereby depriving me of things to complain about here in a blog post.

Yes, I’m bored enough to feel defeated about not having a cooking mishap to start the day.

2) I watched hours of TV shows about buying property in Alaska. Alaska is a state that I adored in Northern Exposure, but after watching these shows, I dunno about these people.

While watching these shows I learned that 33% of the homes in Alaska have outhouses. And that people there seem ga-ga over views of mountains that all look the same to me. And that moose wander around free-range style in Alaska’s largest city, Anchorage, population 300,000.

Clearly, no matter how much I loved Maggie and Joel, this is not a state for me, a woman who thinks staying at a Motel 6 is roughing it.

3) I sorted through all the catalogues that are in this house. I ended up with a 14″ high pile of catalogues, unwanted, in my way, yet here, for reasons most varied.

Some were catalogues from companies that I have bought things from online, while other catalogues, unsolicited, seem to magically appear in our mailbox. Then like a ninny, I bring them inside the house.

My conclusion? Catalogues are a plague of locust, impossible to stop.

4) I researched perfumes online. I want a new fragrance, but when shopping in the stores I can’t find one that suits my fussy nose. So I sat here, at the computer, reading online descriptions of fragrances, knowing full well that perfume is something that needs to be sniffed and dabbed before buying it.

Yet all because I cannot accomplish anything around the house like I want to do, I was bored enough to read about perfume, as if that was a good use of my time.

I mean really? Reading about fragrance? I’m doomed.

We Went To Nashville, Y’all

June 23, 2015July 1, 2025 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

Like just about every post that I write about our travels…

Zen-Den was in [fill in the blank] for work and I decided to join him.

In this case he was in Nashville, TN, aka Music City USA. So I flew down there for a goof-off weekend in a city that is cheerful and easy to navigate.

Nashville is fun, y’all. Here are the highlights of our Weekend.

:: We went to the Parthenon.

Built for Tennessee’s 1897 Centennial Exposition, this building has INCREDIBLE detail, a small art museum in the basement featuring regional American landscape art, and is located in a large, somewhat uncared for, city park.

I learned how little I know about Greek mythology while here, y’all.

:: We went to a fancy part of town called Green Hills.

There we wandered around a mall, and adjacent lifestyle center, that had many of the same stores that we have here, BUT they were twice as large with FRIENDLY sales help. As much as I don’t usually enjoy shopping, this I liked.

I bought a Coach purse, y’all.

:: We went to the Country Music Hall of Fame.

This museum was amazing. FASCINATING. Curated to tell, entertain and engage everyone with music, videos, instruments, album covers, photographs, costumes, interactive displays and tasteful decor, we enjoyed this museum more than we thought that we would.

I saw Elvis’s gold Cadillac, y’all.

:: We ate at Ted’s Montana Grill.

This is a chain restaurant, owned by Ted Turner, that features beef and buffalo, along with salads and fish and milkshakes. The restaurant was beautifully decorated in a 1970s steak-house style with lots of dark wood and shiny brass. The food was DELICIOUS and the service was attentive.

I ate a bison burger– and I washed my hands with Boraxo powdered soap, y’all.

:: And finally, the answer to the question that everyone asks when you go to Nashville: Yes, we went to the Grand Ole Opry.

It was GREAT. We saw lots of older performers who we’d never heard of [Connie Smith?], but eventually, as the evening progressed, we saw performers who we knew, like Vince Gill and Pure Prairie League. Then, in true Opry fashion, two superstars stopped by the Opry on a whim– and the crowd went crazy.

I saw Tricia Yearwood AND her husband, Garth Brooks, perform together, y’all.

Tweeted Twaddle: A Blog Post “Written” Without Doing Much Of Anything

April 9, 2015April 9, 2015 / Ally Bean / 20 Comments

• I can’t see straight today. My April allergies are in full swing making my eyes itchy & watery. This happens every year, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Now does it?

• Because I refuse to stop reading while my vision is blurry, I have set my Kindle’s font to old-people-rheumy-eyed large. It’s a feature on there. Really.

• Naturally, while reading I became a bit peckish so I tried a new-to-me snack. I did not like it, so I had to share this fact on Twitter. That’s what Twitter is for, right?

• So in closing of this eclectic [some would say filler] post, I leave you, my gentle readers, with this tweet of creative writing in which I summarize what I wish was going on outside today. Because a girl can dream. Yes?