The One About The Friend, The Dog & The Suburban Grocery Store Salad Bar

Funny story.  File this one under: “Things We Do For Our Pets.” 

A former suburbanite, who has moved to a condo in a high-rise in the city, still works out this way, near where she used to live.  Having shopped in a large, suburban grocery store for years, she cannot tolerate the smaller, more citified ones near her current home.  So she continues to shop, either before work or at lunchtime, in her former suburban grocery store.

This woman, who we’ll call Wendy, has an old dog who she adores.  And this dog has taken, sort of, to city living.  Which is to say that when there are proper treats involved the old dog will do what is asked of him.

It follows, of course, that Wendy is conscientious about having a large supply of proper treats on hand.  And because Wendy now shops on the fly, she likes to get as many treats for her money as she can at one time.  Easier, you know. 

# # #

So, here’s what happened.  Wendy’s old dog likes one treat in particular and that one treat is bacon bits.

Wendy, who used to make bacon once a week for her dog, doesn’t like to make bacon in her new smaller condo because it smells up the place.  So Wendy has hit upon a solution.  This solution is to go to the salad bar in the grocery store and fill up one of those square clear plastic containers with the bacon bits that are on the salad bar.

It is less expensive by the pound to do this than to buy a package of raw bacon.  And it is more efficient, from Wendy’s point of view, because she doesn’t have to cook the bacon.  Plus her old dog loves these salad bar bacon bits.

# # #

Win. Win. Win.  That is until the day that Wendy ran into her suburban grocery store and discovered that the store had removed all the bacon bits from the salad bar.  

When Wendy inquired why the bacon bits were gone, an employee told her that some crazy lady kept coming in and buying a day’s worth of bacon bits all at once.  And that the manager in charge of the salad bar couldn’t afford to keep the bacon bits stocked, so the manager decided to take away all. the. bacon. bits. 

This sad turn of events, caused by Wendy herself, has left her bacon bit-less… somewhat ashamed of her behavior… and now shopping at the next nearest suburban grocery store to her place of work.

Because an old dog has gotta have his treats, ‘ya know?   😉

Let’s Talk About Cowinkydinks

So here’s how it all happened.

I went to the grocery to pick up a few things for dinner.  Me with a list, even.  Rather clued into what was going on around me.

As I was walking into the lobby of the store I thought that I recognized another woman walking into the store.  I wasn’t sure at first, but I thought that this woman was my R.A. during my sophomore year of college.

At a small liberal arts university nowhere near here.  About eleventy hundred years ago.

# # #

As she was grabbing for a shopping cart and turned toward me, I realized that she was, indeed, my R.A. in college, who I hadn’t seen in decades.  So I exclaimed her name.  Loudly.

Fortunately, she didn’t seem fazed by some crazy woman, moi, shouting at her.  And in fact we began to talk.  After a few minutes of re-connecting in the lobby of the grocery, she suggested we meet for lunch.

Which we did and had a great time of it.  We even plan to get together again next month to continue the conversation.

# # #

This would be the end of the story if it weren’t for the weirdest coincidence that happened later in the day.  While at lunch my former R.A. told me that she had grown up in a town that I’d never heard of before, a small town in the next state over.

That evening Z-D came home from work and told me that he had to get up early to drive to a meeting somewhere he had never been to before.

Where was he going?  To a little town in the next state over where my R.A. had grown up.

Now what are the odds of that?

In Which I Am Not Mindful While Shopping In The Grocery Store

I found myself with an hour of free time late in the afternoon.  As I was already out & about I decided to run into Kroger to pick up a few things.  Because I wasn’t planning on going there, I didn’t have my shopping list with me.

I knew that I needed 6 items to make what I had in mind for dinner, so I decided to assign each ingredient to a finger/thumb.  The result of this impromptu shopping list was that I looked like a child counting on my fingers as I shopped.  Goofy as it was, my finger list did work.  BUT it also meant that I started pushing my cart, a large one, with one hand.

And if there is anything that you must remember about me, it is that I am not too coordinated.  Clumsy, even.

Thus, it will come as no surprise when I tell you that while counting on one hand and pushing the cart with my other hand I managed to block a produce aisle with my catty-wampus, slightly out-of-control cart.

I knew immediately that I was in the way.  Pretty much because I heard the metal clank of my cart bumping another cart head-on.  It’s a sound one recognizes even while staring at one’s fingers and thumb.

I looked up ready to offer an apology when I  realized that the woman who I’d inconvenienced was Lilias Folan.  As in someone famous.  As in someone with a nationally syndicated PBS TV show.  As in the woman who is sometimes credited with introducing yoga to the USA.

Yep, that’s who I bashed into in the grocery produce department.  Good job, Ms. Bean.

But here’s the thing, Lilias was just standing there with a kind smile on her face waiting for the crazy lady [moi] to get out of her way.  She had no where to back up to, so her choice was to be patient OR to get angry.  And because she was living her life off the mat as she did on the mat, she chose the former.

Of course, me being me, after I said that I was sorry I tried to explain myself by babbling about fingers and no shopping list and dinner– et cetera, et cetera.  And my dithery explanation, I’m happy to report, got Lilias laughing.

This made me feel better about my screw-up and got me thinking that it’s time for me to get back into yoga because I want to be that older woman with perfect posture, a calm aura & the ability to laugh when things go wrong.

And who better to emulate than Lilias?  The bumpee in my brush bump with greatness.

I Was So Wrong About Going To The Grocery

I was dreading my trip to the grocery yesterday afternoon.  I even tweeted this before I left.

• • •

However, once I got inside our Kroger, which was hopping, I realized that they had things well in hand.  Lots of carts available.  Shelves stocked.  Oodles of samples.  Extra cashiers.  As well as…

a woman employee dressed in her usual uniform…

wearing a white silk sash a la Miss America & a glitzy rhinestone tiara on her head…

wandering around the store helping everyone find what they needed.

• • •

Who was this woman with the gracious demeanor, sincere smile, wave of a beauty pageant contestant and endless knowledge of the store?

As her sash clearly stated, she was: Miss Information.  Of course!