Of Cemeteries, Segways & Common Sense

October 21, 2014July 1, 2025 / Ally Bean / 24 Comments

A friend convinced me that it would be a great idea for us to rent Segways and then move through a large cemetery known for its unique tombstones and mausoleums.

We’d be doing this at sunset on an evening when the cemetery closed all the roads to car traffic and encouraged visitors to walk, run, bike, move through the roads.

I hesitated because I’d never ridden on a Segway, but I loved the idea of seeing this cemetery, known for its history, on a more personal level. So I said “yes.”

At first I doubted whether I’d be able to master a Segway, but I did. Sort of. Or at least I did enough to be allowed by the rental company to go move around a cemetery without car traffic.

• • •

If you’ve not been on a Segway, there are 3 things I learned:

1) You have to stand completely still on the device, with your feet locked into a perfectly aligned specific place, or you’ll cause the gyroscopes to reposition you. This means that if you do shift your feet at all, the Segway wiggles underneath you. Uncontrollably.

SO DON’T MOVE YOUR FEET, EVEN ONCE, WHILE ON IT.

2) Going up hills on a Segway is easy to do because all you do is lean forward. [MSNBC would approve.] Going down hills is more difficult because you have to lean back while never moving your feet, yet while softening your knees, so that the impact of any hole in the road doesn’t cause you trouble.

THIS IS NOT AS SIMPLE TO DO AS THE INSTRUCTORS SUGGEST THAT IT IS.

3) Turning a Segway is an unnatural skill that is nothing like driving a car or maneuvering a bicycle. While I was able to easily do it in large movements, such as turning right or left at a 4-way intersection, it was difficult to do on a smaller scale, such as wandering over to look a specific object. In fact, at one point the machine stopped responding to me altogether and took over steering so that I was thrown from it.

YES, I WAS THROWN OFF OF A SEGWAY ONTO THE GROUND BECAUSE IT INSISTED THAT WE WERE GOING TO THE RIGHT WHEN I TOLD IT TO GO TO THE LEFT.

• • •

So did I have a good time on our adventure through the cemetery? Well, to be honest, not really.

I mean I enjoyed spending time with my friend and we did cover a lot of ground in the cemetery, but we weren’t able to see any tombstones or mausoleums up-close because once on a Segway you’re stuck there.

And because it doesn’t go onto grassy areas many of the monuments we wanted to explore were way too far away to get to, let alone photograph. So the whole adventure seemed pointless to us.

Common sense suggests to me that I wouldn’t rent one again unless (maybe) it was part of a guided tour on paved paths (perhaps in a well manicured city park?) that were far away from car traffic. And even then, I might just pass on the whole Segway thing and go for a walk by myself.

It really wasn’t much fun at all. Not recommended.

When The Writing Is Not Easy Because You Care Too Much

September 18, 2014April 17, 2024 / Ally Bean / 22 Comments

“You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone’s soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows what they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift.”

~ Erin Morgenstern, Night Circus

• • •

Bloggers often talk about burnout, being unable to think of something to write about. But for me, this week, has been something different from that.

My brain has been in 5th gear all week, going way too fast.

I’ve thought of many things to say here– and even gone so far as to compose a few posts. In fact, I’ve written three lengthy ones that when completed I decided didn’t have the right subject matter or tone for this blog.

So I deleted them.

This has left me feeling mildly panicked about who I am and what to post here today. Odd isn’t it? Too much thinking, too much caring and I end up here today with nothing to say– as if I was burned out.

THE LESSON: Some weeks all roads lead to nothing. And that’s okay.

• • •

{ Source: Dilbert by Scott Adams }

My Disappointing Summer of 2014: A Look At What Went Wrong

September 2, 2014September 2, 2014 / Ally Bean / 31 Comments

• • • • •

I am at heart a project manager. I like to accomplish things. I’m practical. I’m determined. I have vision. I work well with people. I like to research, plan and then bring to fruition that which I set out to do.

But the Summer of 2014 has thwarted me on every front.

As some of you who live around here know, this has been one of the wettest summers on record. While California is drying up like an unloved, unwatered Philodendron in a terra-cotta pot sitting on the window sill, Ohio has been deluged with so much rain that outdoor pots of waterlogged geraniums and zinnias are holding up white flags of surrender.

All this rain is not right, I tell you.

We have done almost no gardening, no flea markets or antique shows, no cookouts or drinks on the deck with friends, no outdoor concerts, no long walks in the nature preserve or parks, no outside dinners at funky restaurants in cool parts of town, no redecorating projects that need bright clear natural light.

Pretty much one word sums up this past summer: NO!

Zen-Den, ever the optimist, reminds me that around here a wet summer leads to a glorious fall. And that if I can hold onto my sanity for just a few more weeks, I’ll be okay. So it is with that autumnal hope in mind that I continue on trying to ignore the lousy summer weather [like the current pouring rain + thunder] and find something else to do.

Besides complaining, that is.

The Unsolved Case Of The Purloined Tomatoes

July 17, 2014July 29, 2015 / Ally Bean / 51 Comments

As I was walking around the back of the house on a bright and sunny summer morning I noticed that a red ripe tomato from my container garden on the deck above had fallen onto the path below.

Curious as always I wondered: How did that happen?

So I walked up onto the deck where I discovered more tomatoes off the vine. Tomatoes with little teeth-y marks on them. Tomatoes that seemed to have somehow fallen from the vine prematurely.

– • –

Immediately my mind went to our ~~favorite sneak~~ resident squirrel, Fuzzy. So I bided my time and waited to talk with him when he stopped by for his daily afternoon visit.

After we exchanged the usual pleasantries, I looked him straight in the eye and asked: Fuzzy, do you notice anything different around here? There seems to have been a crime committed. A theft.

– • –

To his credit Fuzzy took the time to look around before he denied all culpability in the crime. He looked to his left.

He looked to his right.

He glanced immediately below onto the deck.

Then he suggested that the real culprit in this crime was that nasty old raccoon who lives in the old tree on the other side of the ravine.

– • –

When I mentioned that the nasty old raccoon hadn’t been seen in years and was presumed dead, and therefore incapable of stealing green or red tomatoes, Fuzzy ignored me. This was of no concern to him.

Having answered my questions to his satisfaction, Fuzzy then set about doing that which he had come to do: he started licking the terra-cotta pot to get his afternoon salt feast.