Humor

In Which I Grumble Upon Learning My Husband’s Ringtone For Me

/ Ally Bean / 54 Comments

My cell phone, which is a flip phone and about 10 years old [don’t judge], has decided to stop me from writing or receiving texts.

Thus it came to be that instead of texting my husband, which is how we usually communicate, I phoned Zen-Den– and learned a little something about what he really thinks of me.

• • •

Him: Hey it’s you! Forgot what your ringtone was.

Me: Yep, can’t text, so must call.  What’s my ringtone?

Him: Some organ music.

Me: Like from the movie The Big Chill?  You can’t always get what you want… I’m what you need?!

Him: No, that’s not it…

Me: Like a church organ playing Amazing Grace? How sweet the sound… I’m your honey?!

Him: No, that’s not it either…

Me: Well, what is it then?

Him: It’s organ music like you’d hear at the intermission of a hockey game while the Zamboni man resurfaces the ice in the rink.

Me: Huh? THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE GOT ON YOUR PHONE FOR ME?!!  You’ve got an iPhone that lets you download about eleven gazillion plus seven songs, and that’s what you pick for me?

Him: Uh huh. It was easy to find and put on the phone.

Me: So besides being useful for cleaning floors, I’m easy– AND NOT WORTH THE EFFORT TO FIND A BETTER SONG FOR MY RINGTONE.  That’s what you’re saying?!!

Him: Yes?

Me: I see. Now I know. Okay then.

Him: Well what do you want me to put on there for you? Black Sabbath?

• • •

That’s when I let the topic drop because I wanted Zen-Den to do something for me, and in that moment it didn’t seem to be in my best interest to press the issue.

However, this is a different moment.

And I’ve been thinking about Zen-Den’s ringtone for moi, which I believe is entirely wrong. In many ways. On lots of levels.

In other words, I don’t like it.

• • •

All of this leads to my question of the day, which is:

Given your druthers, what ringtone song do you prefer to represent you on someone else’s phone?

I need a few suggestions here.  A marriage hangs in the balance.

• • •

A Sunday Morning Winter Walk To Try My New Camera

/ Ally Bean / 23 Comments

This less-than-exciting post comes to you from the intersection of Cabin Fever Drive and New Camera Avenue.

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Because the sun was shining this morning, and ignoring the fact that it was 20ºF outside, I decided we needed to go for a walk somewhere unique.

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We drove to a city park and went for a short walk on a groomed path that runs beside abandoned railroad tracks.

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I wanted to take more photos, but after a 1/4 mile on the path we were cold.  Plus it wasn’t all that pretty out there.

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So we turned around, walked purposefully back to the car, and drove home. Because, you know– frozen!

5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

/ Ally Bean / 35 Comments
Screen Shot 2016-01-19 at 1.09.28 PM

{ Photo here from THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY DIGITAL COLLECTIONS }

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I share the following because no snit-based personal revelation will ever be overlooked on this blog.  

If I’m handed the fuzzy end of the lollipop, you know darned well I’m going to make a post of it.

To wit, I found this list in an undated file with the title: How To People.  I’m not sure why I wrote the list, but clearly I. was. in. a. mood. 

Not mincing words. Leaning toward cynical. Tired of being ignored by the world. Determined to figure out why.

And planning to never let it happen again.

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5 Simple Straightforward Truths About People

1)  People lie.  [Gregory House, M.D., said this, of course.]

2)  People do what works for them.  [I think this is from Dr. Phil.]

3)  There are three specific motivators, or a combination thereof, which compel people to do what they do: safety, status, &/or creativity.  [I learned this in Psych 101, and man-oh-man is it true.]

4)  The people around you are there for: a reason, a season, or life.  [This sounds Hallmark-y to me, but don’t know source for sure.]

5)  It’s time to let go of a person when: you’re not learning anything new and there’s no possibility of him or her changing.  [I used to be on 43 Things, a goal-setting social media community, & some guy left me this advice about one of my goals.]

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[So peoples of the World Wide Web, what have I missed here?]

At The Home Show: Chatting With A Carpenter, Learning Too Much

/ Ally Bean / 22 Comments

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# # #

AS SOME OF YOU KNOW, I’m the sort of person who people love to talk with.  Well, talk to– more accurately.

I’m a good listener and do love a good story.  I admit that.

Since I was a teenager, strangers, in particular, have told me their stories.  I don’t ask, they just tell me.

Sometimes to their own detriment.

# # #

THUS IT CAME AS NO SURPRISE that when Zen-Den and I were at the Home Show this past weekend, Chatty Charlie the Carpenter deviated from his sales pitch to tell me a story about his nemesis, Danny Long-Greek-Last-Name, who is also a carpenter.

In a nutshell, Chatty Charlie feels that Danny Long-Greek-Last-Name has risen above his station in life. Is a snob now. Who charges too much for his work.

Which Chatty Charlie admits is excellent.

# # #

IN FACT, CHATTY CHARLIE TOLD ME that Danny Long-Greek-Last-Name is the man who finished our house years ago.  I’d forgotten the carpenter’s name, but recognized it instantly when I heard it.

Meaning that Danny Long-Greek-Last-Name crafted our beautiful fireplace mantel and surround.

Which I love.

And am looking to have a second level added onto, so that the whole fireplace/mantle/surround area reaches almost up to the apex of the cathedral ceiling.

# # #

NOW LET’S THINK ABOUT THIS conversation, shall we?

Chatty Charlie the Carpenter, who I’m meeting for the first time, in his need to be understood, has inadvertently told me who might do a better job than he could with my small carpentry project– which Chatty Charlie claims he wants to do.

And with that glimpse into how my life unfolds [and how a small business can fail], allow me to end this post with my summation of this conversation: he cut off his nose to spite his face.