Humor

Mourning The Loss Of A Dream, As One Does

/ Ally Bean / 27 Comments

Dream big, they say.

Never give up, they tell us.

Winners do whatever it takes, they assure you.

But sometimes, just sometimes, common sense dictates that you have to give up because…

IT AIN’T GOING TO HAPPEN.

Unless there’s an extra $5,000.00 floating around in your life.

Or you’re emotionally unbalanced and prefer to live with something broken instead of fixed, I guess.

But for Zen-Den, a man with a dream, cursed with common sense, grounded in reality, it’s over.

Kaput.

Yes, Zen-Den’s dream of watching his vehicle’s odometer turn over 300,000 miles is not to be.

You see, after 16 years and 254,000 miles, Bullwinkle, Zen-Den’s trusted steed Lexus SUV, is on the critical list…

MOVING, BUT ON BORROWED TIME.

Not expected to make it through the winter due to exhaust system problems.

Living out his final days, hobbling to and from work, as Zen-Den is forced to start looking for his replacement.

Still a beloved part of the family, but not for long.

Screen Shot 2016-01-12 at 9.48.21 AM

This Is Blog Delurking Week? Show Me The Love.

/ Ally Bean / 53 Comments

Screen Shot 2016-01-08 at 7.41.37 AM

• • •

It has come to my attention that this is Blog Delurking Week.

Apparently this is an annual event which takes place during the first full week of a new year.

That would be this week.

The idea is simple: ask your lurkers to say “hello” in your comment section.  Perhaps say a little something about themselves, too.

Naturally I’m late to this party, but thought why not charm you, my gentle readers and lurkers, by making a cute graphic that explains how comments help bloggers stay energized.

See above.

Having created and shared that graphic, I’ll quietly wait for all of you, lurkers, fans, followers, friends + family, to bring me a shrubbery leave me a comment.

One that looks nice and not too expensive.  [Extra credit if you know this reference.]  😉

3 Simple Rules To Make Your Yuletide Joyful

/ Ally Bean / 41 Comments

I’M A CHEERFUL CYNIC about this time of the year.  Not really a fan of all the seasonal hoopla, but I can see the positive in it.

So as my last blog post of the year, I’ll leave you, gentle readers, with 3 simple rules.

~ ~ • ~ ~

1)  PLAY NICE WITH OTHERS.

2)  BE GOOD TO YOUR FAMILY.

3)  MAKE THINGS PRETTY.

~ ~ • ~ ~

AND WITH THAT, I say to you an Irish toast:

“Merry met and merry part, I drink to thee with all my heart.”

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year, everyone.

See you next year.

Married Life: Of Wordplay And Lettuce

/ Ally Bean / 23 Comments

In case you were thinking I was just another blogging floozy, let me share with you, my gentle readers, the following conversation in which my wordsmith-y skills came in pretty darned handy.  Score one point for Team Wife.

# # #

HUSBAND, aka chubby hubby, getting up off sofa, declaring loudly on his way to bed: BE A SHARK, NEVER STOP MOVING.

ME, laughing: You look nothing like a shark.  There’s no sharkness about you.  I think you should say…

HUSBAND, trying to look stern: DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.

ME, coyly: Say what?

HUSBAND, grumpy: Beached whale.  Don’t tell me I look like a BEACHED WHALE.  Or Santa Claus.

ME, sincerely: That’s not what I was going to say.  You don’t look anything like Santa, you don’t have a white beard… yet.

HUSBAND, irritated, but curious: What were you going to say?

ME, smiling: I was going to say: BE A MANATEE, NEVER STOP GROOVING.

HUSBAND, sighing: Huh?  I don’t want to be a manatee.

ME, cheerful: Why?  They’re cute.  And groovy.

HUSBAND, defeated: Because all they eat is lettuce.  I DON’T WANNA ALWAYS EAT LETTUCE.  Forever.

ME, attempting to be empathetic but failing miserably due to a fit of giggles: Yes, I can see that’s true already.

# # #

Our conversation, more or less about lettuce, reminded me of this, my favorite Simpsons quote, which seems like the perfect way to end this rather ridiculous blog post about, of all things, lettuce.