In case you were thinking I was just another blogging floozy, let me share with you, my gentle readers, the following conversation in which my wordsmith-y skills came in pretty darned handy. Score one point for Team Wife.
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HUSBAND, aka chubby hubby, getting up off sofa, declaring loudly on his way to bed: BE A SHARK, NEVER STOP MOVING.
ME, laughing: You look nothing like a shark. There’s no sharkness about you. I think you should say…
HUSBAND, trying to look stern: DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.
ME, coyly: Say what?
HUSBAND, grumpy: Beached whale. Don’t tell me I look like a BEACHED WHALE. Or Santa Claus.
ME, sincerely: That’s not what I was going to say. You don’t look anything like Santa, you don’t have a white beard… yet.
HUSBAND, irritated, but curious: What were you going to say?
ME, smiling: I was going to say: BE A MANATEE, NEVER STOP GROOVING.
HUSBAND, sighing: Huh? I don’t want to be a manatee.
ME, cheerful: Why? They’re cute. And groovy.
HUSBAND, defeated: Because all they eat is lettuce. I DON’T WANNA ALWAYS EAT LETTUCE. Forever.
ME, attempting to be empathetic but failing miserably due to a fit of giggles: Yes, I can see that’s true already.
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Our conversation, more or less about lettuce, reminded me of this, my favorite Simpsons quote, which seems like the perfect way to end this rather ridiculous blog post about, of all things, lettuce.