An Unsolved Mystery: What Became Of Dottie?

February 19, 2015January 28, 2021 / Ally Bean / 16 Comments

When the weather turns sub-zero, my thoughts turn to carbohydrates. All kinds of carbohydrates. Some of which are meant to be eaten with delicious stews and soups.

Carbohydrates like corn bread.

Homemade. Using Dottie Dorsel’s Corn Meal, a regional favorite. A product packaged in a rectangular shape made of thick paper. Traditional. Easy to find on the shelf.

• • •

So I went to ye olde K. Roger to a buy some of Dottie Dorsel’s Corn Meal and instead what I found was Dorsel’s Corn Meal. Packaged in a slick corporate plastic bag with a zip top and large writing that excluded Dottie’s name.

This, I said to myself, is an outrage.

I mean, Betty is still with Crocker. Duncan is still with Hines. Aunt is still with Jemima. [Okay, the last one’s not the same, but go with me here. I’m on a rant.]

SO WHAT HAPPENED TO DOTTIE DORSEL?

The heroine of our story.

• • •

{ Image courtesy of dannwoellertthefoodetymologist }

• • •

Naturally I started researching this mystery because ~~it’s fricking cold outside and I ain’t going anywhere on foot or car [if I can help it]~~ I had the time and I was curious to see how the current owners of Dottie Dorsel’s Corn Meal would explain themselves.

I discovered that:

Dottie Dorsel, aka Dorathea Dorsel, was a real person from northern Kentucky whose father owned The Dorsel Milling Company in the late 1800s.
I learned from a recipe in a 1999 cookbook that the company was at that time called the Dottie Dorsel Company.
I know that today Prairie Mills owns, what it refers to as, Dorsels Brands.
I cannot find any corporate PR releases or newspaper articles that talk about the change in packaging– or why Dottie’s delightfully alliterative name was left off the new package.
I can find some recipes online [here and here] from the early 2000s that mention using Dottie Dorsel Pinhead Oat Meal (another regional favorite), but Corn Meal recipes, specifically mentioning Dottie, do not seem to exist.

• • •

Clearly, there’s a conspiracy going on here. A cover-up. You can’t go around messing with people’s names on food packaging, can you? I realize that Fig Newton dropped the Fig from its name, but Fig wasn’t a real live person who I related to on so many levels.

Fig was a fruit. Duh.

All I can guess is that Dottie must have overheard something so sinister or stumbled upon a secret so dark that there was a need to rub her out. Which lead to some mysterious someone axing her first name from the packaging of her own regionally famous corn meal.

BUT WHY MUST IT END THIS WAY?

That’s what I can’t figure out.

[Hello FTC! I forgot to add this disclaimer when I wrote this post, so I’ll add it now… a few weeks later. I’d love to tell you that this company was savvy enough to respond to my concerns, but no such luck. Meaning that there was no compensation for what I said here.]

Two Impressions About SNL Turning 40

February 16, 2015February 16, 2015 / Ally Bean / 24 Comments

I stayed up to watch most of the SNL 40th anniversary special last night. I doubt that I know anyone who didn’t watch at least part of it, even if we don’t watch the show on a regular basis anymore.

I roll with those who laugh.

My first impression after watching the show was that while the skits on Saturday Night Live have had their ups and downs over the years, the players who performed the skits have been consistently amazing, if for no other reason than that they showed up.

It’s easy to forget how difficult it is to be involved in a live performance and make it work to the best of your ability. There’s a lesson there: just because you aren’t a brilliant success in one place, doesn’t mean that you’re a failure.

Just look at what some of these players went on to do.

And my second impression is that SNL used to have some funny, universally recognized catchphrases [“Jane, you ignorant slut.” – “Well, isn’t that special?”] but that’s no longer the case, is it? If it is, I never hear or read them.

I miss those snarky SNL characters, with their enduring catchphrases and spot on observations, who made me laugh at the foibles of human nature while bringing skits to life. Those hilarious characters, who permeated our real world, were nothing if not memorable.

Like the ones from long ago who we saw last night.

In Which I Become A Cliché & Make Myself Laugh

February 12, 2015January 28, 2021 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

I ate dessert first last night.

I wasn’t certain if I was hungry so I had a snack of yogurt and homemade granola, which I sometimes have for my dessert.

After I ate it I was sure that I was hungry so I made myself a lovely dinner of chicken and mashed potatoes and broccoli and cranberry sauce.

Zen-Den was traveling for business so it was just me dining at the kitchen counter.

• • •

It wasn’t until I started cleaning up the kitchen that I realized that I’d eaten my meal in reverse order.

I started laughing at myself.

I mean, no one thinks that they’ll be the real life embodiment of a pop culture cliché gleaned allegedly from a woman born in 1892, yet I managed to do it.

By accident, of course.

How To Make “Not Coffee” In The Morning

February 3, 2015January 28, 2021 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

File this one under… MARITAL BLISS.

1) DO NOT set up your electric coffee maker, which has a delayed brewing option, the night before you want your coffee. Instead, go to kitchen in morning while still groggy and make coffee.

2) TURN ON overhead lights in kitchen using dimmer switch to provide a minimum of light onto counter. Pull machine out from under cabinet while confirming that brew basket, glass carafe and plastic lid appear to be in their proper places.

3) PLACE PAPER filter into brew basket, measure water + ground coffee, then place each into its proper compartment within electric coffee maker. Turn on machine and wait for brewed coffee to drip into glass carafe.

4) HEAR BEEPS that tell you that your coffee is ready and with favorite mug in hand pour yourself some coffee from what seems to be an unusually light carafe.

5) DO NOT stop to think about why this carafe is so light and that there might be a problem here as you take your first sip of coffee.

6) SPIT OUT “not coffee” into sink as husband enters kitchen. Describe foul “not coffee” beverage using colorful language, thereby piquing husband’s interest.

7) TURN ON overhead lights in kitchen to full wattage while examining electric coffee maker from whence the “not coffee” came. Snarl loudly and turn to husband who is trying to make quiet exit from kitchen.

8) ACCUSE SPOUSE of incompetence while putting away clean dishes night before. Mention that just laying plastic lid on top of carafe will not work. Reinforce idea that securing plastic lid onto glass carafe is what allows coffee to flow from brew basket into carafe because lid pushes spring on bottom of brew basket open.

9) NOTICE SPOUSE looking guilty and explaining that it’s all his fault. Agree wholeheartedly while cleaning out sludge formed by coffee grounds and hot water trapped in brew basket. Try to be angry with husband but decide that it’s not worth the effort.

10) DECREE THAT there is a new house rule. Specifically, henceforth and ever after the glass coffee carafe will always have plastic lid secured on top of it before placing carafe into electric coffee maker… on penalty of no access to any TV remote control for a month. Capiche?