Humor

The Tale Of The Potted Pothos In The Pretty Pot On The Porch

/ Ally Bean / 17 Comments

ONCE UPON A TIME ON A FINE SPRING DAY… the lady of the house went to the store and bought a small pothos.  She brought it home and planted the pothos in a beautiful terra-cotta pot that featured smiles & dots on its rim.

The lady of the house was very happy with how her new pothos looked in her favorite pot, so she put the potted pothos in the screened-in porch of her home.  There, the lady of the house was certain, the potted pothos would thrive.

 And it did.

WHEN SUMMER CAME UPON THE LAND… the lady of the house decided to take her early morning mug of coffee onto the screened-in porch, sit in her favorite wicker chair, sip her java and gaze upon her potted pothos in the pretty pot on the porch.

And all was well in the land.

UNTIL ONE MORNING… the lady of the house realized that there was something new & different about her pothos.  That during the previous hot, humid night the potted pothos had changed in a very weird way.

At first the lady of the house did not like this transformation.  In fact, the man of the house suggested that she get a paper towel and immediately remove the strangeness from her favorite potted pothos.  [Please note that the man of the house was not put out enough by the strangeness of the potted pothos transformation to do anything about it.  He merely suggested to the lady of the house that she should do this.]

But the lady of the house ignored the man of the house’s advice and decided to look very carefully at the mushrooms that had formed on her favorite potted pothos.  As she did this she realized that the mushrooms were a pretty shade of yellow that just happened to match the tiny yellow stripe on the pillows in the screened-in porch.  Such attention to detail delighted the lady of the house.  Yes, the mushrooms were an interesting development to be sure.

And suddenly the lady of the house had an idea.

FEELING THAT THERE MUST BE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS TURN OF EVENTS… the lady of the house found a link to a webpage that explained exactly what was going on with her potted pothos in the pretty pot on the porch.  She discovered that her beloved potted pothos had a fungus called Leucocoprinus birnbaumii, aka Lepiota lutea, the yellow houseplant mushroom.  Further she learned that this fungus, which had created these yellow mushrooms, was harmless as long as it was not ingested.

And there was learning in the land.

AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE… the lady of the house had absolutely no intention of eating these mushrooms.  Or of letting her precious morning mug of coffee come in contact with them.  The lady of the house had common sense– and then some.

So she let the yellow mushrooms be & allowed them to go through their 48 hour [more or less] life cycle.  During which time she enjoyed the unexpected, color-coordinated bit of beauty that they added to her potted pothos in the pretty pot on the porch.

And once again there was peace in the land.

THE END


Mental Health As Explained Via The Wisdom Of Pinterest

/ Ally Bean / 7 Comments

What is mental health?  { source }  It’s the:

1.  Ability to enjoy life.

{ source }

2.  Ability to bounce back from adversity.

{ source }

3.  Ability to achieve social balance in your life.

{ source }

4.  Ability to remain flexible in your opinions and expectations.

{ source }

5.  Ability to actualize your gifts.  

{ source }

[FYI – These images are from 3 of my Pinterest boards: Let’s Laugh + Attitude Is Everything + Cute & Funny.  There are lots more to see over on Pinterest.  Something new is always happening there.]  [Please note: since writing this post I’ve deleted these boards.  After more than a year on Pinterest, I’m beginning to think that it has jumped the shark for me.  I’ve goofed off enough, I guess.  Update added 07/12.]

My Weekend Summarized Into Two Sentences

/ Ally Bean / 18 Comments

√  When asked what color they stained their deck, she replied:

“It’s a color called– NOT THE ONE I PICKED OUT.”

√  While in the process of staining the deck when asked by her husband where she was going, she replied:

“I’ll be back.  I just need to change my clothes– BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MANY SPLINTERS IN MY BUTT.” 

… So how was everyone else’s weekend.  Did we have fun?

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{Photos added 05.22.12 for Margaret… because she asked.}

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{Please Note: the deck color that you see here is a warm pearl gray instead of a light golden oak as originally planned.  Fortunately our bricks have a gray undertone in them + our siding is SW Agreeable Gray so this “NOT THE ONE I PICKED OUT” color coordinates just fine.  No harm done, really.  In fact, Z-D really likes it so maybe it was meant to be.}

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My Cat: Birthday Girl OR Conspiracy Theorist?

/ Ally Bean / 13 Comments

I was 15 3/4 years old & Cally Cat was 2 years old when my mother snapped this photo of us standing in our kitchen.  These details I know because Mom wrote them on the back of the photo.  God bless those who do such things because I’d  never remember those sorts of details.

Putting aside how tired I look, the first thing that struck me about this photo is how very wingnutty my cat looks in the finely crafted aluminium foil crown that I made for her birthday.  Who knew that by 2012 this style of hat would become the symbol of conspiracy theorist everywhere?

I didn’t, of course.  But maybe Cally Cat did.  She was always a less-than-friendly cat with a tendency toward paranoia.  [Which was probably somewhat justified considering that my mother did accidentally drive the car over her about six months before this photo was taken.]

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Upon finding this photo I did a quick Google search of foil hats– and discovered myself in a whole new world of wackiness.  So without further babble I give you, my gentle readers, some delightful links that will entertain and tell you about a topic that I’m guessing you’ve never really thought about before.  [Unless you’re a conspiracy theorist, in which case these links are all old hat to you.  ;-)]

::  A song about foil hats: “I’ve Got My Tin Foil Hat On” sung by Sylvia & Emmeline Spankhurts.

::  An explanation of what a foil hat is really all about:  “Propoganda [sic] designed to cover up a massive government conspiracy.”

::  An article discussing the efficacy of foil hats:  “Do tinfoil helmets provide adequate protection against mind control rays?”

::  A definition of a foil tiara: “A tiara or crown that one makes from tinfoil/aluminium foil for play when one lives in a trailer in the hood.”

::  An academic treatise about the need for foil hats: “On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study.”

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