The Lighter Side Of Marital Miscommunication

January 23, 2012January 9, 2017 / Ally Bean / 12 Comments

We were watching a football game on TV. And by we were watching I mean Zen-Den was watching the football game and commercials, while I was looking through a stack of home decor catalogues… and aware that a game was on TV.

In one of the catalogues I saw an outdoor small table with two chairs that at first struck me as something that we might want. The table and chair were made of metal but looked like twigs had been put together in such a way as to create a table and chairs. Very chic. I thought that they might work on our deck over against one wall for me to use at noontime when I’m eating lunch by myself.

So I started to show Z-D the photo of the small table with two chairs, but in mid-show I decided that I didn’t like the table and two chairs after all.

Z-D wasn’t really paying much attention to what I was doing. No surprise there. Instead he was staring at a commercial for Cialis— and as with all commercials for Cialis the serious male announcer voice was telling us very important information.

TV commercial: “Blah, blah, blah… When the moment is right, will you be ready?”

Me, referring to the photo in the catalogue: “That’d make nervous if I had to look at it very much.”

Z-D, thinking that I’m watching the TV commercial: “Why?”

Me, staring at the photo: “Because pieces of it stick out funny.”

Z-D, still thinking that I’m talking about the topic of the TV commercial: “Why would you care about that? That’s not your problem.”

Me, getting ready to turn the page in the catalogue: “Because I’d have to sit on it and that’d be uncomfortable.”

Z-D, finally paying attention to me: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

Me, handing him the catalogue with the photo: “This chair that looks like it’s made of twigs. Why? What’d you think I was talking about?”

Z-D, dissolving into laughter: “The commercial on TV for ED. I thought you were watching it.”

Me, indignant then realizing what I’d just said: “No, of course I wasn’t watching that… HEY WAIT A MINUTE. You thought I was talking about THAT?”

Z-D, staring at me in amazement: “Yep. And you were darned funny, too.”

Whatever The Day May Bring Us

January 20, 2012January 20, 2012 / Ally Bean / 12 Comments

The other afternoon I was at home writing and listening to a classical music radio station while waiting for Dave, the man from the chimney/roofing repair company, to arrive. Dave has been to the house before so I knew who to expect and that he’d find a solution to our latest homeowner problem.

He showed up on time and started by looking at our water/mud mess in the basement. Then he and his camera went up on the roof to figure out what was happening up there to cause the mess. It didn’t take long for him to determine that the builder had once again skimped on something important.

[Details of problem for those who care about such things. Chimney cap not installed with proper horizontal support. Hot water exhaust pipe, which goes up inside of the chimney, not surrounded by proper gasket where it intersects with chimney cap. Result: water doesn’t roll off top of chimney cap. Instead, water forms a 2″ deep puddle on top of chimney cap and then slowly drips down leak around the exhaust pipe into inside of chimney. Along the way to the basement water rots first floor sub-flooring under fireplace and creates a gentle steam down the basement concrete walls into the adjacent floor drain.]

So Dave got down off the roof and knocked on the door. He put on his standard issue contractor-inside-your-house paper booties, and stepped into the foyer to show me photos of this ~~year’s~~ ~~month’s~~ week’s problem. He explained to me how the problem could be repaired. And then he told me to expect an estimate in the mail in about 2 days.

Very standard.

But what made this visit different– and almost got me to the point of giggles— was that while Dave was talking with me the classical radio station was playing The Blue Danube Waltz. Just float-y, water-y, swoosh-y music drifting into the foyer from the radio in the next room.

I don’t think that the music registered with Dave at all, but to me it was very fitting and funny. I ask you, could there be any more perfect background music for a discussion about water running down the inside of your chimney into the basement and then flowing toward the drain? Me thinks not.

Well played, Universe. I bow to your sense of the absurd.

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~ as a way of including The Blue Danube Waltz in this post, and for your entertainment, I leave you with this video ~

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When A Presbyterian Decorates Her Coffee Table

January 12, 2012September 19, 2016 / Ally Bean / 18 Comments

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Two weekends ago after we put away our holiday decorations the coffee table in the living room was looking a bit puny— despite the fact that I keep a crystal bowl filled with jingle bells on this table all year round. [The jingle bells are from my childhood. Remind me sometime to tell you the story of how they came to mean so much to me.] Clearly the table needed something more on it, but I was all out of ideas.

Then a few days ago while I was shopping at the grocery store I saw a small houseplant of ivy for sale. It looked very healthy so I bought it, brought it home and transplanted it into the first pot that I found in the garage. However, once I got the pot inside the house I realized that it was too small for this table and that it needed some height. So I pulled some gardening books from the adjacent bookshelves and placed the potted ivy on top of the books.

Still I wanted something more on the table, so I took the plain vanilla candle that had been in the screened-in porch all summer/fall, brought it inside and put it on the table. Suddenly, I had a pretty look for the coffee table. Very coordinated & cheerful.

Or so I thought at first….

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It wasn’t until the next day when I lighted the candle and sat down in the living room to read a book that it dawned on me that I’d set up a tableau that amounted to the Roman Catholic Church’s time-honored excommunication ceremony.

“The bell represented the public character of the act, the book the authority of the words spoken by the presiding bishop. The candle was believed to symbolize the possibility that the ban might be lifted by the repentance and amendment of its victim. The ceremony was performed in some conspicuous place….”

~ Encyclopedia Britannica

After I stopped laughing at myself I got worried that maybe I’d really offended Someone– or some System– or some Being. You know how I like to live a harmonious life. So I did a bit of research about how one gets himself or herself excommunicated, and discovered to my relief that:

“The purpose of excommunication isn’t to allow you to quit or make a political statement or pursue some other private agenda. It’s to allow the church to throw you out. If you’re already out — that is, if you don’t partake of the sacraments or otherwise participate in Catholic activities… — excommunication is likely to strike church authorities as a waste of good holy water.”

~ Cecil Adams, The Straight Dope

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Finding out that I couldn’t excommunicate myself while decorating a coffee table has set my mind to rest about this situation. Also, considering that I’m not Catholic I figure that the authorities won’t want to waste holy water on me either.

Of course, I have to admit that upon closer self-examination during this situation, I’ve come to realize that as a [lapsed] Presbyterian I really need not worry about how I’ve inadvertently offended the Roman Catholic Church, as much as the fact that I rarely go to church. Which I suspect is going to reflect more poorly on my character when I reach the Pearly Gates– than my accidental excommunication-themed decorating tableau. 🙂

Take Joy

December 15, 2011August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 16 Comments

The holidays are almost upon us. Things to do. Places to go. People to meet.

Because Z-D & I will be sort of busy and because I’m sort of tired of writing here, I’ve decided to put my blog on hold until after the beginning of next year. A short break from blogging sounds like a good idea to me right now.

But before I go, gentle readers, I’ll leave you with this charming video about– well… kindness, curiosity & joy. “Oskar, what did you do?”