Confounded By Group Photos

May 14, 2013May 14, 2013 / Ally Bean / 32 Comments

“Time can change me, But I can’t trace time.”

~ David Bowie

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A few months ago I was talking on the phone with a friend who happens to be in her eighties. She is a delight– mentally with it + honest to a fault. In other words, exactly who I want to be when I get to be an eightysomething.

In our conversation my friend mentioned that her granddaughter had emailed her some photos of herself with her friends. The young women had gotten dressed up and gone out to brunch together somewhere pricey. The photo of was of all of them in front of the restaurant.

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I asked my friend how her granddaughter looked in the photo and my friend said: “Cute, I guess. All the girls look alike to me, so I can’t tell which one she is. They all have long, stringy hair and carry huge purses. I think that my granddaughter is one of them.”

As we talked a bit more about kids.these.days. I chuckled to myself about me humoring a delightful older woman who was clearly confused by the obvious. I mean, how could she not know which girl was her granddaughter? Really.

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A younger friend of mine, who is not on Twitter, has a high school daughter, who is on Twitter. And as you know, I’m on Twitter. So, every once in a while I check to see what my friend’s daughter is doing on Twitter.

What I have discovered is that this girl is a good kid. She has pleasant friends, likes ice cream, doesn’t like schoolwork, likes sports, goes on dates. Nothing scathing at all– unless you consider a few swear words once in a while to be trouble. Which I don’t.

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One day last week I was glancing at the photos that my friend’s daughter had added to her Twitter feed and I saw a group shot of a bunch of teenage girls. They were all wearing skinny jeans and white t-shirts and pumps with 4″ heels. And I thought: “What a cute photo. I wonder which one is my friend’s daughter? They all look alike.”

Then it hit me. *BAM* I had just said exactly what my older friend said about her granddaughter and her friends. And I realized that I had morphed into an old woman who couldn’t distinguish one child from another.

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This means, of course, that now I must admit to my younger friend that I can’t recognize her daughter in the photo. I can’t help but wonder if my friend will politely listen to me on the phone while chuckling to herself about humoring me, a delightful older woman who is clearly confused by the obvious. I mean, I would understand where she was coming from… as I was in that same situation only a few short months ago.

Oh yeah. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

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Dealing With Cognitive Dissonance, Yet Again

May 8, 2013May 6, 2021 / Ally Bean / 21 Comments

First, I came upon Jessica Hische’s wonderful website, Thousand Under 90. It asked me: “Are you a creative person that constantly submits to competitions but never gets in?” Then it provided me with the opportunity to create an award for myself.

Here it is. Isn’t it cute?

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But then I read this insightful article, The Surprising Secret To Selling You, that told me that being awesome may not be as awesome as I think that it is.

“We have a bias — one that operates below our conscious awareness — leading us to prefer the potential for greatness over someone who has already achieved it.”

~ Heidi Grant Halvorson

This left me flummoxed. Did I not just create an Awesome Award for myself so that I can feel like I am the best? Was this not the best thing for me to do? Is gaming the system with my self-created award, perhaps, counterproductive to me winning at the game, whatever it might be?

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I was, as usual, left with that familiar feeling of cognitive dissonance that has underscored most of my life. You know the one.

“… the feeling of discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs…. a discrepancy between beliefs and behaviors, [wherein] something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the dissonance.”

~ Kendra Cherry

And I begin to wonder if the best change that I could make to reduce my cognitive dissonance might be to keep my Awesome Award secret between you and me, my gentle readers– while continuing to sell myself to the world as someone with potential.

I think that might be the best way to proceed. As if my Awesome Award, like so many awards, doesn’t mean a thing. 😉

I’ve Looked At Blogs From Both Sides Now

April 25, 2013August 29, 2018 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

A few weeks ago I wrote about having been around the blogosphere for nine years. As I said then, I’ve seen and experienced many good things during my blogging career. But as you can imagine there have been weird things that have happened to me, also.

So, in the interest of full disclosure, and as I have nothing else I really want to talk about today, I thought that I’d share some of the less-than-friendly experiences I’ve had while blogging.

Life ain’t all sunshine and rainbows, now is it?

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1. Years ago a woman with a public blog asked me to remove her blog from my blogroll because she did not know me in real life. She told me that she only allowed people who she knew in real life to put her blog on their blogroll. I did as she asked and sent her an email apologizing for any distress my connection might have caused her.

To this day I have to wonder how she’s doing at keeping strangers from connecting with her. If you don’t want people to take an interest in your life, then don’t keep a public blog. Seems logical to me, but then I’m a pragmatic person, so what do I know?

Kind of trippy, that one.

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2. I’ve always included some photos in my blogs. At one point someone liked my photos so much that he or she set up a Flickr account using a version of my name. Then he or she stole some of my photos off my blog, and placed them in this account. Under my name.

This was one of those “to what end?” experiences. I was given credit for my work– which was good. The account was public– which was good. However, I never determined why someone would do this. Was it supposed to be flattery? I don’t know. It was harmless, but really?

Just a little too weird, if you ask me.

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3. As many of you know, I like to leave comments on other people’s blogs. I only comment if I have something to add to the conversation. Never anything rude or disruptive. So one day I read a post, complete with a photo, that spoke to me. Consequently, I left a short heartfelt comment based on experiences in my life.

I returned to the blog a few days later to see if this blogger had responded to my comment, only to find that she had taken down the photo that had sparked my comment. And that she had deleted my kind, non-confrontational, positive comment. I was shocked at first. But then it slowly dawned on me that this woman was a diva and she might have felt that my comment upstaged her [?], so she got rid of the photo– and me.

Flip city, huh?

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So, tell me, what weirdnesses have you experienced while using social media? I know everyone has a story to tell– and what better place and time than here and now?

Hmmm? ‘Fess up.

2 Movies, 2 Books & 1 Inspirational Quote

April 8, 2013May 6, 2021 / Ally Bean / 20 Comments

As part of my attempt to live a more balanced life in 2013, I have given myself the assignment to watch 2 movies and to read 2 books each month. Here is my March report.

2 Movies

Butter – Satirical + jumbled. With Jennifer Garner, Olivia Wilde, Rob Corddry, Alicia Silverstone and Hugh Jackman in it, this uneven movie has its moments– and those moments are hilarious. All the action revolves around the Iowa State Fair butter carving competition– and the politics associated with it. Recommended if you can overlook the mocking anti-conservative slant and want something light [and rather pointless] to watch.

How Beer Saved The World – Informative + upbeat. This is a short, fast-paced documentary about beer. The narration is wonderful, the cartoon reenactments of history are delightful and the interviews with academics are great. Recommended if you like history and smart, happy people.

2 Books

Mad About Undead You: A Zombie Apocalypse Love Story – Clever + unique. A mad scientist miscalculates and suddenly San Francisco is overrun with former water drinkers turned zombies. This is the backdrop for Carl S. Plumer’s fast-paced novel about love. Yes, love. With characters that could easily be your friends, this slightly campy novel is a different sort of love story that made me laugh out loud. Recommended if you like San Francisco and enjoy a modicum of gore. [H/T to Kristen at Kristen Loves Design for recommending this book– that just happens to be written by her husband!]

Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me – Not what I expected. I picked up this book thinking that I was buying a book of essays written by British mums a la Listen To Your Mother. I was wrong. Instead, Lucia van der Post’s book is a charming, well-written guide to living an upper class, stylish life in London or NYC. I enjoyed it, but will admit that I skimmed through parts of it that seemed too high brow for me. Recommended if you want detailed information about where to shop and how to create a glamorous lifestyle.

1 Inspirational Quote

Winston Churchill said: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.” I’m focusing on this quote because March was not the productive month that I had hoped it would be. In fact, there were a few days when I wanted to crawl into bed and never come out again. Nothing seemed to go right. With the weather. With how I felt. With what I said. With what I planned on doing.

In other words, March, one of my favorite months, was a bust. But then I remembered this Churchill quote and figured that for me the lesson of March 2013 was to just keep going. Which I did.