I’m Just Saying

Even Though I Make No Sense Doesn’t Mean That I’m Not Right

/ Ally Bean / 23 Comments

A glimpse into a marriage…

Mr. Man has a habit of not shutting the blinds on the windows in the bathroom before he gets naked and showers.  In the summertime when the leaves are on the trees and the mornings are bright & sunny, this is okay.  But now that the trees are losing leaves and the mornings are dark, he is on display when he gets ready to shower.

I don’t like this and I told him so.  In uncertain terms.  That made sense to me before I said them to him.

– – • – –

ME:  You can’t stand in the bathroom in the morning with the blinds open.

Him:  Huh?

ME:  Someone could see you.

Him:  Who?

ME:  Someone out for a walk in the early morning… on the street behind us… who looked through the trees and saw you in the bathroom.

Him:  Who would that be?  It’s a private drive back there.  And someone out there can’t see through the trees, across the ravine and up this high to our second floor window.

ME:  But they might have a camera with a telescopic lens– and then they could see you.  Clearly.

Him:  Not likely.  The only creatures who can see me are the squirrels in the trees back there.

ME:  Well, that’s not good.  You don’t want that, right?

Him:  I don’t give a [insert curse word of your choice] if squirrels see me naked.

ME:  Well, well… there could be a sniper back there with a rifle and he could see you… if he was in the neighbor’s second floor bedroom… through their window.  With a gun.

Him:  HUH?!!

ME:  And he could shoot you because you’d be a clear shot.  YOU DON’T WANT THAT, DO YOU?

Him:  THERE IS NO SNIPER BACK THERE.  HE IS NOT GOING TO SHOOT ME WITH HIS RIFLE.

ME:  Well, there could be.  And then I’d be a widow all because you couldn’t be bothered to shut the blinds.

Him:  Where do you get this stuff?

ME:  It could happen.

Him:  No way.  How did the sniper get into the neighbor’s house anyway?  Or are you saying that our neighbors are snipers?  Like that Mr. & Mrs. Smith movie?

ME:  No, of course not.  Our neighbors aren’t assassins.  DON’T. BE. SILLY.  I got the idea from all the NCIS reruns… that you make me watch.

Him:  THAT I MAKE YOU WATCH?  How do I make you watch them?

ME:  You put them on the TV and then I see them… and begin thinking about what could happen if someone saw you naked in the morning getting ready to take a shower.

Him:  That’s what you get from watching NCIS?  That someone might shoot me?

ME:  Yes it is.  So just shut the [insert curse word of your choice] blinds before you get undressed.  OK?

Him:  Sure.  All you had to do is ask.

Thirteen Generic Phrases You Will Say Or Hear Today After Last Evening’s Presidential Debate

/ Ally Bean / 14 Comments

Isn’t it time we made politics fun again?  So today, as a way of mitigating the inevitable & incessant opining that happens after every presidential debate, I give you this list to distract & entertain you.  See how many of these phrases you can use or spot as the day wears on.  Bet it’ll be quite a few.

– – • – –

1)  Well, everyone’s entitled to his or her own opinion, I guess.  [Extra Points – if said by an uptight church lady in a condescending tone of voice]

2)  I really don’t think that he gets it.

3)  He didn’t answer the question!  How could he do that?!!!

4)  Hmmm.  [Extra Points – if said by a practical middle-aged woman in a tired tone of voice]

5)  Why does he HATE ____________ so much???

6)  That’s not what he said!!!

7)  It’s all because of the media, you know?

8)  You gotta be shi%%ing me!  [Extra Points – if said by an older man in a befuddled tone of voice]

9)  What are you talking about??  Just last week he said ____________.

10)  NO WAY!

11)  I dunno what he said.  I fell asleep.

12)  That. Is. Not. True.

13)  We gotta get this guy____________.  [Extra Points – if said by a hyper-partisan person in a defiant tone of voice]

– – • – –

 

Five Senses Friday

/ Ally Bean / 10 Comments

~ ~ • ~ ~

Feeling:

exhausted.  i’ve really been putting my all into my blog lately.  writing.  commenting on other blogs.  updating my template/pages.  it takes focus & commitment to keep a blog going– and there are weeks when i wonder if it’s worth it.

Hearing:

the hum of my old computer, which i still use on occasion, that sits next to my current quiet computer.

Tasting:

dark chocolate “balanced with crunchy hazelnuts and dried currants.”

Seeing:

outside: a gray day.  inside: a gray wall behind the computer that needs some decoration.

Smelling: 

sandalwood spice, a “blend of orange blossoms, sandalwood, and kashmir vanilla,” from the candle in the next room over.

~ ~ • ~ ~

{This wonderful idea is from abby try again.   If you wish, you may play along in the comments below or on your own blog.}

What We Didn’t Do Over The Weekend

/ Ally Bean / 34 Comments

The weather was supposed to be clear and warm over the weekend.  THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID.  So I planned accordingly.  I thought that we’d take the weekend off from our usual home improvement projects and goof-off instead… but that was not to be.

###

I thought that we’d go to a rural county park on the other side of the city.  We go there a couple of times a year.  We like to walk the trails which take you through groves of wildflowers + into farmlands + beside horse paths + near a stream.  But we didn’t do that.

Then on Saturday night I thought that we’d have a cookout for the two of us with burgers + grilled veggies, cold beer and perfectly toasted marshmallows courtesy of moi.  I figured that we’d kick back and enjoy our deck for a few hours.  But we didn’t do that.

On Sunday morning I thought that we’d go to an outdoor antique show (which is more flea market than an antique show) at a county fair grounds.  We like going there because it’s filled with all sorts of old stuff and costs only $3.00 per person.  It’s a fun way to get lost in time.  But we didn’t do that.

Then on Sunday afternoon I thought that we’d spend some time sitting down in The Spoon [the lowest level of our terraced forest backyard].  I figured that we could just do nothing or read our books or play some backgammon or whatever.  But we didn’t do that.

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All of which leads me to the real point of this post that: PLANS CHANGE OFTEN.  And that instead of grumbling about this truth, I’d do well to remember the following Rules of Life by Robin Patricia Williams that I keep on a sticky note on my desktop because, well— they are the rules of life.  And because, clearly, I need to refer to them often.

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As some of you have figured out already, I’ve had quite a bit of difficulty getting the following to show up here on this post.  I’m going to try it one. more. time.   Then if it doesn’t work, I’m going to go drown my sorrows in a cold adult beverage.  Of course, if it does work, there’s a good chance that I’m going to go celebrate my victory with a cold adult beverage.  From my point of view, this last attempt at posting The [Revised] Rules of Life is a no-lose proposition.