Musings On Being A Good Listener

It’s not unusual for someone— who might be a close friend or a brand new acquaintance– to lean in close to me and then tell me something private about himself or herself.  I’m THAT sort of person.

Everyone tells me everything.  Always have.  Always will, I suppose.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if someone feels threatened by me, then I know that person has mental health problems.  Because no well-balanced person ever thinks of me as a threat.

They think of me as a confidante, a mother confessor, a problem solver, but never as someone to be wary of.

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When I was in college I asked a prof in the Communications department why she thought people treated me like this.  I was taking her course in listening at the time and had excelled at all the classroom auditory tests.

Her observations were that I was an active listener [H/T to my parents on that one] and that I appear to pay attention to what is going on around me.  So, because I tune into people, they are comfortable around me and want me to know things about them.

At the time I thought that was as good of an explanation as any– and I still do.

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I don’t really mind my role as listener, but do find AT TIMES people say some pretty wacko things to me.  I’m not a Judgey McJudgerton, so I let most things roll off me.  I figure that I’m not here to change people, I’m here to help whoever find his or her own way by allowing him or her to talk openly about– well, whatever.

To wit, it’s rare for me to tell someone he or she is doing something stupid, childish, immoral, unethical.  In fact, if by chance I ever tell you that you need to behave differently, then you can be assured that you’ve crossed some sort of line.

And that it’s time for you to re-think how & why you do what you do.

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Anyone else find him or herself in the same sort of role as I do– that is, people telling you things for no apparent reason?  And if so, how do you handle it?  With grace or with annoyance?  With zipped lips or with your finger on speed dial to immediately pass the info along?

Just curious.  No reason, really.  

Watch This If You’re Running Low On Spunk

About a month ago I saw this video over at Cheri’s blog, Naples Girl Blog.  I watched it, loved it, decided that I should watch it frequently– and then promptly forgot to do so.  *duh*

However, last night as I was sitting down to watch TV, I remembered that I wanted to see this video again.  So I did– many times, actually.  And here’s what I thought:

  • isn’t it wonderful to hear someone say encouraging things to me as if I mattered to her?
  • when did this sort of positive & practical attitude become so passé that a video like this one seems fresh & new?
  • why, exactly, don’t I watch this video every day?

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A Credo for Making it Happen by Danielle LaPorte

1)  you’ll figure it out.

2)  life is on your side.

3)  start fresh.

4)  fear is natural.

5)  make tough choices.

6)  passion is fuel.

7)  come out.

8)  do it now.

9)  you’re growing.

10)  integrity.

11)  focus.

Tea On Tuesday

a few thoughts while I drink my tea…

::  I didn’t wake up this morning until 8:30 a.m.  I’m usually up around 6:00 a.m. but somehow I slept in this morning.  We had a very busy weekend so maybe I’m catching up on my sleep.  For the first time in weeks, I feel refreshed + focused.

::  It’s wet & overcast gray here today.  The temps are about what I’d expect for Spring– in the 60s.  Tomorrow’s weather prediction is for sunshine, but today I’m sitting inside the house in semi darkness while enjoying the sound of spring rain tapping on the windows.  Peaceful.

::  Looking outside I’m reminded of how most of my days looked when I was studying at the University of Exeter in Devon, England.  Lush + green + ever so gray.  There was something wonderful & reckless about the flora around that university.  Beautiful, really.

::  I made myself a pot of tea this morning.  I’m usually a coffee in the morning girl.  But once in a while when the weather gets a certain way, I pull my little blue teapot off the shelf and make myself a proper cuppa reminiscent of my adventures in the UK.  With milk + sugar, of course.

::  I have nothing planned for this week.  Not. one. thing.  Even for me, an introvert who likes to spend hours on end by myself, that’s unusual.  If the past is any clue about how this week will go, I’ll be writing & reading & researching my hours away.  There are worse ways to spend your time.

Isn’t This Pretty?

Sunshine through the front door sidelight…

makes a pretty pattern on the stairway wall.

But in the nearby living room…

the light becomes magical.

It dances on the wall behind the chair…

and adds color + shadows to a forgotten corner.

Today’s lesson?

Follow the light & see where it will take you.