The One About Phonies And Alter Egos And Solving Problems, Maybe

May 23, 2023 / Ally Bean / 239 Comments

I AM A REALIST. I am who I am regardless of where I am.

As such, being a naturally inquisitive person, I find people who are phonies, that is people who pretend to be someone they’re not, endlessly interesting.

Thought-provoking, in fact.

[E.g., Elizabeth Holmes or George Santos or Rachel Dolezal.]

They are my opposites and tweak my curiosity about the line between reality and fantasy, between harmless daydreaming and unhealthy delusion.

Allow me to explain.

Thinking back over my years of blogging I’m reminded of one blogger in particular who wrote her blog as if she wasn’t who she was. This wasn’t flash fiction nor was it catfishing, mind you, but saying upfront this is a fantasy of who I wish I was, a different personality, so I’ll write all my posts as this alternate version of me.

She lived in a small midwestern town but pretended she was living in a large southern city. She thought of herself as a resident of that large city and she’d describe her days doing the same things she did now [working, shopping, dining] AS IF she lived there.

The thing was that for me after reading her posts I couldn’t decide if this phony persona was just kind of a fun thing, a light-hearted goof; OR if there was something seriously wrong in her life that prompted her to become someone else, albeit briefly.

In truth I was never sure how to comment on what she wrote, so I politely wandered away from her blog and I cannot even tell you if she’s still around.

I doubt it, though.

• • •

SO WHY AM I talking about this topic today?

Not because I idealize or hold any animosity toward this former blogger, but because of something I read a few months ago and have pondered on since. This something got me thinking and wondering– and reminded me of her.

Believe it or not.

What I read was advice written by someone who claimed to be a mental health therapist. This seemingly legit advice was about how to solve what may appear to you to be an intractable problem.

The advice suggested that you create an alter ego of yourself [not a super hero] that you use to contemplate your problem; an alter ego was defined simply as a different version of you. The advice said that by mentally running the details of your problem through your mind as your alter ego, you’d gain clarity.

Now I have problems, who doesn’t? And I do try to solve them, but never have I ever thought about creating an alter ego of myself, for any reason. I may be too pragmatic, or unimaginative, for such.

Or snarky. Perhaps I’m too snarky.

But I digress.

So tell me, kids, does the idea of creating an alter ego of yourself, something I’d describe as a phony version of yourself, seem like a way to gain real insight into your problems? Have you ever done this? And if so, how’d it go for you?

I’m curious to know what you think about this approach to solving problems. Do you feel it is sound or is it wackadoodle?

Please discuss below.

¡Ay, Caramba! 7 Random Things To Tell You On A Tuesday

May 9, 2023 / Ally Bean / 208 Comments

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1. I am nuts. I woke up thinking: we could change the name of Alexa to Annabelle. Where the heck did that ridiculous idea come from? It’s not like we use Alexa often enough that we need our own special name for her.

2. I am laughing. I follow a few comic strips on Instagram [that I believe are also available on other social media]. The two comics that make me the happiest are: Foxes in Love AND Underpants and Overbites. Never say I don’t share the best with you, my bloggy friends.

3. I am delighted. I read this interview with Diane Keaton and realized that her approach to life is inspiring. At 77 she exudes enthusiasm with a kind of determination to live in the moment, to not get bogged down, that rings true with me. She’s her own quirky person, doing her own thing… her way.

4. I am befuddled. I bought the wrong marigolds. While shopping for annuals at the garden nursery I forgot how much I didn’t like the garish orange marigolds I bought last year– and then what did I do? I went on to repeat my mistake, buying the orange ones again instead of the groovy mellow yellow marigolds I prefer.

5. I am considering. For years I’ve read about the value of creating a Commitment Inventory. You write down all that you’ve said that you’d do; then you evaluate what you’re doing with your time and how to prioritize your commitments. I can’t decide if this is busy work for a free spirit like me– or might actually have some value.

6. I am drinking. We watched a documentary Neat: The Story of Bourbon. It was compelling, informative, and features Steve Zahn as comic relief. Prompted by our newfound knowledge, we marched out to the liquor store and bought some Woodford Reserve Double Oaked to serve neat, of course.

7. I am charmed. I saw a bumpersticker on a car that said: Think about Honking if you like Conceptual Art. Just goes to show that there are some absurdly delightful people running around out there. God bless them one and all.

~ • ~

So, what random things have you been up to, mi amigos? Tell all in the comments below, but for the love of Bart don’t overthink it!

~ ~ • ~ ~

In Which I Do NOT Steal A Man’s Identity, But Could Do So Easily

January 17, 2023 / Ally Bean / 213 Comments

You put together a puzzle. You take a photo. You run it through the Waterlogue app on your cell phone and this is what you get: PRETTY!

HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED

I was sitting in the waiting area in a small boutique eyeglass shop that is in an old house, formerly a residence, but now zoned for commercial use.

I was having my spectacles adjusted. The optician helping me had taken my glasses with her into the back of the house, probably into what was formerly [maybe still is?] the kitchen, to have her way with them.

Across the room from me a different optician was talking with a man who was ordering new glasses. The room we were in was what would have been the living/dining room, with an 8′ ceiling, about 20′ x 15′ in size.

This man hadn’t gotten new glasses in over 12 years. The optician had found his file, a paper one, and was confirming details by saying things about him out loud to him.

Very normal.

BUT THERE WAS THIS LITTLE ISSUE WITH ACOUSTICS

Inadvertently I was overhearing everything that was being said between these two people. I didn’t want to hear but I did. I’ve changed the specific details to protect his identity, but the following is what I know about this man:

his former residence is 123 Oak Street in one community;
his current residence, that he moved into in 2017, is 4567 Eagle’s Nest Drive in a different community;
his last name is Smith;
his legal first name is Frederick, but he goes by his middle name, Daniel, preferring to be called Dan;
his wife’s name is Martha;
his brother who also buys glasses in this boutique is named Will;
he has no children;
he confirmed the date of his birth, he is 44 years old;
he confirmed his cell phone number, mentioning that he’s had it for years
he used to work for Blah Blah Blah Corporation but now works from home for Yada Yada Yada Corporation;
his medical insurance is Boring Useless Insurance Company;
he no longer has a checking account with Fancy Regional Bank; and
he prefers to use his Visa for large purchases because he gets points for travel on Whoop-ass Airline.

The optician didn’t ask about the following but in the course of their conversation I also learned that:

he drives a BMW that was parked outside directly in front of this business;
he and his wife have been remodeling their house using Super Duper Home Remodeling Company; and
they have a vacation planned for August.

Obviously I accidentally know a lot about this man, the proverbial ship I passed in the night. If I was a person with nefarious intentions I could easily have snapped a fast photo of him + his car’s license plate, then assumed his identity by knowing these random, but incredibly personal, details about him.

KIND OF SCARY, HUH?

Please discuss 😳

It’s Tuesday & The Topic Of The Day Is Pettiness

September 13, 2022 / Ally Bean / 237 Comments

• 🔹 •

I WAS LISTENING to this episode, Confessions of a Late-Blooming Gen-X Weirdo, on a podcast for women over 40 called, Everything is Fine.

The hosts, Kim [her blog here] & Jennifer, got off on a tangent, which I believe is where the best stuff is on podcasts, and started discussing how petty they were.

I was charmed because it was funny.

But I was also flummoxed because for the life of me I couldn’t decide if I was petty, at least occasionally. Seems like I’ve the potential to be petty, focusing on details like I do and having preferences, but I’D NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE.

Weird, huh?

• 🔹 •

SO I DID what I do when I don’t understand something, I researched the topic. I first referred to the dictionary and got meself a definition of *petty* [an adjective] which is related to *pettiness* [a noun].

I also did cursory research on the concept of pettiness and learned that it has nothing in particular to do with intelligence, but is often correlated with people who are argumentative, inflexible, or lacking impulse control.

To be petty means you want people to do things the way you do things and you’ll judge someone negatively if they don’t, vowing to remember what you’d describe as a transgression.

Resentment and vindication can nudge someone to be petty. Plus being petty might not be good for your immortal soul. So there’s that to consider.

• 🔹 •

HOWEVER DESPITE MY research I still don’t seem to be able to nail down what it really means to be petty.

➡️ Is pettiness an instance of taking the saying “this is the hill I’ll die on” to an extreme wherein you assert the moral high ground because you know you’re right?

➡️ Or is pettiness more like the embodiment of the passive-aggressive Southern saying “well bless your heart” wherein you voice your disapproval while pretending to be cordial?

➡️ Or is pettiness more like admitting you’re “a stick in the mud”about something that is out-of-date yet your crotchety old self refuses to bow to modernity?

• 🔹 •