Three Things That Gripe My Grits

June 18, 2014June 18, 2014 / Ally Bean / 20 Comments

“Unfortunately, there are assholes and psychos mixed in with regular people everywhere you go, and they’re not labeled as such, so you can’t identify them by sight.”

~ When I Blink [author’s name], If the Fashion Industry Gave a Commencement Speech

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1) Let’s review the basics.

Q: What must we do?

A: Be proactive and not use the word should.

Explanation: When applied to oneself the word “should” speaks to wishful thinking and lazy follow-thru. By using it one denies his or her own power to make things happen– which is not good, kind of pathetic and will get you a Gibbs head slap from me.

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2) Let’s talk about friendship.

Q: Who do we have the best relationships with?

A: People who behave the same way as we do.

Explanation: That is to say, chronological age is not necessarily what keeps friends together. Shared values and subsequent actions are what keep people close, so do not tell me to limit my friendships to people within my age group. That’s nuts.

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3) Let’s talk about manners.

Q: What must everyone do after receiving a gift?

A: Write a thank you note and send it.

[Also acceptable answers depending on age &/or physical condition: Draw a thank you picture and have Mom or Dad send it. Phone a thank you message.]

Explanation: Lack of gratitude is epidemic in our world. Do not be part of this problem; instead, be classy and say “thank you” in a meaningful, time-honored way. Be part of that proud thank-you-note-sending tradition.

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Project Hummer Is Not Going Well

June 17, 2014November 19, 2015 / Ally Bean / 46 Comments

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I’m sad to report that my grand plan for turning one corner of our deck into a small hummingbird garden/feeding station is not going well. It’s not for lack of cuteness, I tell you.

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Here’s what I’ve done.

√ 3 pots of annuals: 1 dark red geranium, 1 hot pink calibrachoa, 1 fuchsia portulaca

√ 1 sturdy wrought iron shepherd’s hook attached to side of deck

√ 1 hand-painted hummingbird feeder with red plastic pretend flowers that allow the hummers to drink, but thwart the bees

√ 1 32 oz. hummingbird nectar concentrate, chilled in our fridge, then mixed with fresh water using an old Pyrex glass measuring cup to insure proper proportions

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No, it’s not me that’s causing trouble with the hummers. It is, I’m sad to report, Fuzzy the Squirrel and his partner in crime, Khaki, who are causing Project Hummer to fail.

Apparently the sweet nectar in the pretty feeder is too much for them to pass up, so they’ve found a way to tilt the feeder on its side allowing the sweet nectar to dribble onto the ground below where they can enjoy it at their squirrel-y leisure.

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This means that until I figure out a way to keep Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid of squirrels away from the hummingbird feeder, my grand plan is on hold. And all those amazing little hummers who live behind our house in the woods will have to feed themselves on the 22 pink or red or peach rose bushes that surround our house.

The little birds will survive, but I won’t get the fun of seeing them drink up each day… all because two sneaky, uncooperative squirrels have found the best nectar bar in town. Humph.

QOTD: What Do You Really Call Your “Honey Do” List?

June 14, 2014May 6, 2021 / Ally Bean / 12 Comments

We all know what a “Honey Do” List is, right? It’s that wonderful list kept by almost every woman on which she tells her beloved sweetie pie what tasks around the house need to be done next.

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[If you’ve always thought that people were talking about a “Honeydew” List I’m sorry to disabuse of this charming, albeit wrong, idea. We women are not keeping lists about melons. We’re keeping lists about things to do.]

[Image sources here & here.]

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So getting to my point, in our household the “Honey Do” List has been renamed. As we all know Zen-Den gets to the essence of things, and in this case he got it right when he began to refer to what you might call a “Honey Do” List as:

Ally’s List of S#%t That’s Wrong Around Here.

And Then It Rained…

June 12, 2014 / Ally Bean / 16 Comments

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All week it’s been raining here. I like one day of rain once in a while and I understand its importance, but rain every day makes me:

Anxious. Nervous. Unsettled.

There is noise all the time: water hitting the roof, water running down the gutters, water moving in the creek at the back of our property.

There is grayness everywhere: outside in the garden beds, outside when driving along the roads, inside during the day.

There is mold everywhere: making my eyes itch, making the deck slippery, making my allergies go into overdrive.

Given my druthers I’d rather have a gray winter day with snow than this endless wetness. Which, if the weather forecast is to be believed, is going to be with us until the weekend.

Annoyed, I am.

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