A Glimpse Into Life With The Beans, Mid-Summer Edition

July 23, 2015 / Ally Bean / 24 Comments

The Good

Zen-Den went to the grocery and bought everything on the list, including cornstarch. This, as he pointed out to me, was a big deal because, as he said: “even five years ago I wouldn’t have known what cornstarch was– and would have bought corn meal instead.”

Congratulations, darling. You’ve passed GROCERY SHOPPING 201, an intermediate level course in advanced shopping techniques wherein husbands learn to buy exactly that which is written on the list.

Isn’t he something? Let’s give it up for the Z-D.

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The Bad

Influenced by Mad Men [and a bit of nostalgia for my parents], I had a hankering for an Old Fashioned. So I got out the bourbon and the sugar bowl in which I keep sugar cubes and the Angostura Bitters. Then I made myself an Old Fashioned using the last of the bourbon.

While my drink sat on the counter below, as I attempted to put the sugar bowl back onto the cupboard shelf above, in a horrible moment of miscalculation, I knocked the lid off the sugar bowl. It fell onto the counter, shattering into 3 gazillion + 1 pieces, many of which landed in my drink.

Leaving me distraught and drinkless.

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The Ugly

Because of the excessive rain, we’ve not used our screened-in porch as much as we usually do in the summer. However, the other evening there was no rain, so we decided to go out there to sit.

Almost immediately we both noticed that there were ants walking around on the rug in the screened-in porch. This is amazing because the porch is up a story from the ground below, but those miserable, icky, sneaky, destructive ants were on. my. porch.

I took off one of my Birks, grabbed it with my hand and started hitting the ants until they stopped moving. I put the sandal back on when I thought that I’d killed all the ants, but I hadn’t. So when I saw one last ant moving, in a fit of anger, I stomped down really hard with my sandaled foot on the last ant… and twisted my left ankle in the process.

I hate ants.

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A Soggy Summer: How Bored Can A Bean Get?

July 13, 2015 / Ally Bean / 28 Comments

Things I have done in the past week to try to entertain myself while it rains almost non-stop outside during July, a month when accomplishing things on my “Save It For Summer” To Do List is a top priority.

1) I rooted for Zen-Den to burn up a waffle while he was making some for breakfast yesterday morning. I thought that the smoke might add a little excitement to the day.

He, however, didn’t burn anything, made delicious waffles, and even cleaned up the kitchen afterward, thereby depriving me of things to complain about here in a blog post.

Yes, I’m bored enough to feel defeated about not having a cooking mishap to start the day.

2) I watched hours of TV shows about buying property in Alaska. Alaska is a state that I adored in Northern Exposure, but after watching these shows, I dunno about these people.

While watching these shows I learned that 33% of the homes in Alaska have outhouses. And that people there seem ga-ga over views of mountains that all look the same to me. And that moose wander around free-range style in Alaska’s largest city, Anchorage, population 300,000.

Clearly, no matter how much I loved Maggie and Joel, this is not a state for me, a woman who thinks staying at a Motel 6 is roughing it.

3) I sorted through all the catalogues that are in this house. I ended up with a 14″ high pile of catalogues, unwanted, in my way, yet here, for reasons most varied.

Some were catalogues from companies that I have bought things from online, while other catalogues, unsolicited, seem to magically appear in our mailbox. Then like a ninny, I bring them inside the house.

My conclusion? Catalogues are a plague of locust, impossible to stop.

4) I researched perfumes online. I want a new fragrance, but when shopping in the stores I can’t find one that suits my fussy nose. So I sat here, at the computer, reading online descriptions of fragrances, knowing full well that perfume is something that needs to be sniffed and dabbed before buying it.

Yet all because I cannot accomplish anything around the house like I want to do, I was bored enough to read about perfume, as if that was a good use of my time.

I mean really? Reading about fragrance? I’m doomed.

Friends Of The Family, Groovy Fauna Edition

June 12, 2015February 14, 2023 / Ally Bean / 22 Comments

At the risk of sounding hippy dippy I’ll share with you that morning & evening I like to go outside into the garden with a beverage and commune with nature.

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I enjoy the aloneness of it. Tossing my thoughts aside. Being in the moment. Enjoying the colors of the flora. Trippy.

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But this Spring I’ve come to realize that often when I’m outside doing my Earth Mother thing, I am not alone. There be more than flora, there be fauna, too.

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And this fauna doesn’t seem to give a flying fig through a donut hole that I’m out there too. You’d think that they would care, wouldn’t ‘ya?

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But they don’t seem to groove on the idea that this is my garden– and not theirs. They just keep on keeping on like they belong out there. Far out man. 😉

“If This Is Correct, Press 1”

June 2, 2015 / Ally Bean / 24 Comments

I’m in awe of this woman. I don’t know who she is, but I would not be so gracious under similar circumstances.

Because what happened must happen to her, and her family, almost daily. And only a bunch of saints could be this cheerful about the mistake I made.

An honest mistake, but a stupid one.

~ • ~

You see, on Sunday morning around 7:00 a.m. I decided to call the automated Kroger pharmacy line to refill my prescription. I was out of Restasis, my favorite eye drops ever.

Being half awake + a bit blurry-eyed [see previous sentence] I goofed while dialing the phone for the pharmacy. Instead of getting the “Hello. Thank you for calling your Kroger pharmacy.” message, I got a real person whose home I’d just called.

The woman who answered said your basic “Hello!” then heard me babble: “Oh no. I dialed wrong. Oh dear. Sorry to have bothered you this early. On Sunday. Oh my.”

And without missing a beat this polite woman said: “Trying to reach Kroger pharmacy?”

~ • ~

I answered, in a most pathetic voice: “Yes.”

All I heard on the other end of the line was her laugh and then she said: “Our phone number is close to theirs. You just misdialed. Try again. It happens here all the time.”

Grateful to be talking with someone who was not yelling at me for waking him or her up early on a weekend morning, I said: “Thank you. Sorry to have bothered you.”

Then with another laugh I heard her say: “No problem. Bye, bye!”

And so it came to be that on Sunday morning I spoke with a saint. I now have proof that they walk and talk among us.

Hallelujah & Amen.