The Noisy Week That Was: Of Lost Blogging Mojo & Exterior Home Improvements

July 9, 2023 / Ally Bean / 208 Comments

As I sat down to edit this rare Sunday blog post I couldn’t help but smile and remember that I’d forgotten that I used to have a sign on my desk that said: EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED.

Good advice, very pithy. Spot on, even.

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LAST WEEK SLIDE THROUGH MY HANDS, like a slippery rubber ducky in a steamy bubble bath. I lost track of the day of the week and a sense of purpose– and sadly one of my favorite lavender-colored cotton t-shirts that I think accidentally got sent to Goodwill.

[Hope someone enjoys it.]

You see, it was noisy around here in the neighborhood and when life gets noisy, I shut down. I don’t find noise energizing and instantly lose my writing/blogging/commenting mojo because I can’t think straight enough to form sentences.

My mind goes into *whatever* mode while my actions go into *sloth* mode. As for my spirit, I’ve no idea where it hides when it gets noisy.

The poor beleaguered dear.

THE FIRST PART OF THE WEEK was filled with predictable noise, fireworks & gunfire to celebrate the Fourth of July. Of course it being a long weekend the kapows and booms started on Friday night [June 30] and continued through Tuesday night [July 4].

Not a constant noise, mind you, just random loud cacophonies that set my teeth on edge, worrying me greatly.

And instantly put my central nervous system on high alert.

THEN UNEXPECTEDLY ON WEDNESDAY MORNING AT 7:00 a.m., just when I was grooving on quietude, the phone rang. It was the exterior home improvement company we contracted with in the spring to do exterior home improvements in August.

August, people. August.

And what did these fine folks have to say? They politely announced that they’d be at the house today [July 5] at 7:30 a.m. to start our projects because they were ready to do our work. Huzzah, huzzah!

This is good.

I am not complaining because that would be wrong.

BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT STARTING Wednesday I began dealing with more outside racket in the form of [hammer] NOISE & workers and [sawing] NOISE & clutter. Plus, to his credit, Zen-Den continued doing exactly what he planned to do during the week.

Yes, Zen-Den started organizing and painting the inside of the garage which is wonderful. I appreciate this project and have wanted it done for years, but it does add to the mess that I find everywhere outside any door I open when I attempt to leave the house.

And quite frankly in my estimation visual mess is a cousin of noise, on its father’s side of course.

ANYHOW HERE ARE A FEW PHOTOS of what’s going on around here. The home improvement repairs are focused on the screened-in porch, boxed bay window, and the entryway around the front door. Then, of course, the whole exterior of the house will need to be painted.

But that’s a ~~nightmare~~ project for another time.

So having unburdened myself with the foregoing insight into home ownership, midwest-style, I promise that once the exterior repairs are finished [or there’s less pounding], probably later this week but maybe not, I’ll get it together and write what I’m calling my July Reply series in which I answer your AMA questions.

It’s going to be three long posts because you, my little sunbeams of good cheer, ask many questions.

And for that I love you!

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Ladders in front yard, awaiting their turns to be useful

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Ladders leaning against screened-in porch, work in progress

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Trash formerly known as the screened-in porch exterior

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New exterior panels on one side of screened-in porch, trim being added

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Assorted garage stuff piled up out of the way whilst one part of the garage is being painted, forsooth

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Ladder in garage used by husband whilst painting the walls Sherwin-Williams Pure White

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Trailer parked in driveway making it impossible to get car into garage BUT featuring a cute orange cone

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In Which I Admit To Joyfully Thwarting Some Youthful Shenanigans + Reader Comments

March 14, 2023 / Ally Bean / 200 Comments

Joyfully Thwarting Youthful Shenanigans

Remember Muttley, Dick Dastardly’s sidekick?

It’s good to be an adult.

[Bwha-ha-ha!]

A few weeks ago we had an unusually warm day. The temps were in the 70s and it was dry and sunny outside. Around 4:00 p.m. I went into the living room to read.

Before I plopped down on the loveseat I decided to open the window just a little bit, about 2″, to take advantage of the pleasant fresh air. As I began to read I heard rustling sounds outside the window. That’s not unusual when you live on a wooded lot, so I didn’t think much about it.

It wasn’t until I heard voices that I became interested in what was happening outside the window.

“So you gonna do it?”

[Do what, thought I?]

I got up from the loveseat and walked over to look out the window. Immediately below me were two neighbor boys, about 10 years old, who were scrunched down hiding in our bushes while having a serious conversation about what one was going to do.

“Maybe.”

The gist of their conversation, that I could clearly overhear through the open window, was that one boy had challenged the other to run up onto our stoop, ring the doorbell, then run back into the bushes to hide.

A classic prank, no?

They figured, correctly, that from their vantage point crouched down in our bushes they’d be able to see whoever opened the door and watch that person look confused.

IT WAS GOING TO BE HILARIOUS.

They just knew it.

So I waited patiently at the window. Eventually one kid found the gumption he needed to be a prankster. He ran up onto the stoop, rang the bell, then darted into the bushes.

THERE WAS SNICKERING.

Lots of it.

I did nothing except stand quietly at the window looking down on the youth below, waiting to see what they were going to do when no one came to the door.

[Truth bomb, I may have been smiling a bit too much.]

As you can imagine when no one came to the door these two boys were defeated. Their classical prank had failed. Their shoulders sagged, they stood up in the bushes, and muttered. Then the one who’d rang the bell stepped out of the bushes and started to walk across our lawn to his house.

“Dude not that way they’ll see ‘ya.”

To which the first one looked exasperated as he shouted back to his friend still in the bushes, “THEY’RE NOT HOME, haven’t you been paying attention?”

“Oh yah…”

And with that the boys walked slowly across our yard in plain sight, looking dejected, in a way that only failed pranksters can look.

And me, what did I do? I started laughing and am still smiling when I think about how I thwarted this prank. There are moments when being an adult is SO FUN!

Then, of course, who could forget Huckleberry Hound?

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AND FINALLY FOUR READER COMMENTS…

About your take on the word Matriarch:

“I am the matriarch in my family, now that my mom is gone…and I don’t have a problem with that word. Or crone or even sea hag. So long as it is said to me with love, respect and good humour. No one laughs harder at me than myself 😂.”

~ Deb

“Call me any name you want to as long as I think ‘the shoe fits’…. ‘Elderly’ is a tough one, though. Some day, many years down the road, I may earn that particular stripe but only because of the eighty or ninety wonderful years leading up to it.”

~ Dave

“Matriarch is a word that means she is the head of her tribe, in my case, that would be my mother. My turn will come. Interpretation is a funny thing. Words are used in various ways and transform over the years, their original meaning becoming muddled.”

~ Dale

“Wow. I grew up in a matriarchal family so I see it as a compliment! Isn’t it funny how we all have our own perceptions based on our experience? Sea hag would raise my hackles!”

~ Kay

A 5-Question Multiple-choice Pop Quiz About A Power Outage That Rankled Ms. Bean

March 8, 2023July 2, 2025 / Ally Bean / 203 Comments

Yes, my little huckleberries, today I have a pop quiz for you. Anyone who answers all 5 questions correctly will receive a gold star ⭐️ which, I think we can agree, is quite nice. What more could you want?

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Q1: What was Ms. Bean doing when the power went out at 6:00 p.m. on Friday?

A. Editing a new blog post about the meaning of life.

B. Playing an old-time word game, UpWords, with her sweet patootie whilst enjoying Classic Vinyl on SiriusXM.

C. Making a chocolate soufflé to celebrate the weekend.

D. Writing a strongly worded tweet criticizing Space Karen for ruining Twitter.

Q2: What caused the power to start flickering and turn off in a dramatic ending to a long week?

A. A roofing shingle on our house came loose, crashed down onto a utility line, and *bam* no power.

B. A crazed squirrel a few blocks over ate through an electrical line and *shazam* no power.

C. Torrential rain and high winds knocked over an old tree onto an electric substation and *kapow* no power.

D. Thor the God of Thunder, son of Odin and Freya and source of the name for Thursday, had a hissy fit and *poof* no power.

Q3: What did Ms. Bean mutter when she saw realized what had happened?

A. Now what?!!

B. Where is that damned squirrel!

C. The end is nigh, repent ye sinners while ye may.

D. Holy Fricking Mole-y! I’M. NOT. HAPPY.

Q4: How long did the power outage last and what was the temperature inside the house when it came back on?

A. A few minutes then all was well again; temperature remained at 68ºF.

B. A few hours just long enough for Ms. Bean to fret about the food in the refrigerator going bad; temperature went down to 65ºF.

C. 16 hours meaning that Ms. Bean slept fitfully knowing the food in the refrigerator had gone bad, but not the freezer… yet; temperature plummeted to 56ºF.

D. over 24 hours thereby causing the food in the refrigerator and the freezer to go bad; temperature bottomed out at 54ºF.

Q5: Did Ms. Bean and Zen-Den go to the grocery store on Saturday and spend mucho dinero to buy food to replace what was in the refrigerator when the power went out?

A. Yes, of course they did.

B. Nope, the power outage was just a blip.

C. Maybe, but first they went to buy a lottery ticket feeling it’d be the best way to finance the unanticipated expense of buying food for the refrigerator again having been grocery shopping on Friday afternoon.

D. What makes you think they went grocery shopping on a Saturday?

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Encouraged By Your Interest I Answer Minnie Driver’s Existential Questions

January 31, 2023July 1, 2025 / Ally Bean / 216 Comments

These 7 questions are from the podcast Minnie Questions with Minnie Driver. In December I asked you, my gentle readers, if these questions would be of interest to you and there was a resounding YES! My answers are as follows

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Artwork created by Zen-Den the Retired who has figured out how to draw pictures on my iPad.

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• When and where were you happiest?

When? Now. Where? Here. Granted there’s nothing about my current midwest suburban lifestyle that years ago I’d have thought I’d like, but I do. I’ve adapted. I’m grateful for where I’ve landed.

And with whom, of course.

• What quality do you like least about yourself?

I still tend to be a perfectionist in certain situations. I’ve overcome it in the sense of meal planning and daily schedules and wardrobe decisions, but when it comes to interior design decisions or word choices/grammar I get in my own way because I want things to be perfect.

I know, I know, progress not perfection.

• What relationship — real or fictionalized — defines love for you?

I’m going to go with a fictionalized relationship and say Amy Pond + Rory Williams.

They travelled with the 11th Dr. Who [Matt Smith] for a while and their love for/commitment to each other was so strong that Rory once guarded Amy’s tomb for thousands of years, just in case she would come back to life. Which she did, eventually [because time travel, like a bowtie, is cool].

They were honest with each other, kind and adventurous, accepting each other’s foibles for what they were, quirky personality features.

• What would be your last meal?

Once upon a time Z-D and I were in Hawaii on Christmas Day. We didn’t have reservations at any restaurant so we ate our Christmas dinner sitting on chaise lounge chairs by the hotel pool.

We ordered from the poolside menu, choosing the only items that were still available. Thus we each had a tuna salad sandwich on wheat, a small bag of potato chips, a cup of pineapple cubes, and a couple cans of light beer.

It was memorable and delicious.

• What person, place or experience has most altered your life?

I don’t have a specific answer for this question. Maybe going to college altered my life? Or having a house built altered my life? Or learning about reiki altered my life? Or writing this blog altered my life?

All of the above, none of the above, I do not know for sure.

• What question would you most like answered?

I’d like to know why some people are only happy when they’re clinging to their problems.

They blah-blah-blah about their problems, sometimes even ask for advice, but if you offer a solution, or suggest that it’s not really a problem, then you are the foe in their narrative. How dare you deprive them of their precious problems!

Can’t you see how put upon they are?

I understand the need to vent for a while but there comes a point when you have to fish or cut bait. Do something or shut up about it.

• What in your life has grown out of a personal disaster?

I’d say blogging. Years ago I had emergency surgery, called volvulus, to remove part of my large intestine that unceremoniously had knotted itself shut [plus while the surgeon was in the neighborhood he removed my appendix]. After 6 days in the hospital in a morphine haze I was sent home to recover.

Come to find out healing from major abdominal surgery was a huge lifestyle change. No longer was I the walking-est yoga girl ever. Instead I was told to not exercise vigorously, to not stretch, to not lift heavy objects– and pretty much to sit still.

For 13 months.

So I did the only thing I could think to do while sitting still, I threw myself into blogging as a way to pass the hours and feel productive. Thus thanks to emergency surgery I became Ally Bean, the blogger you know and love today.