We Are Underlings

Musings On Being A Good Listener

/ Ally Bean / 11 Comments

It’s not unusual for someone— who might be a close friend or a brand new acquaintance– to lean in close to me and then tell me something private about himself or herself.  I’m THAT sort of person.

Everyone tells me everything.  Always have.  Always will, I suppose.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if someone feels threatened by me, then I know that person has mental health problems.  Because no well-balanced person ever thinks of me as a threat.

They think of me as a confidante, a mother confessor, a problem solver, but never as someone to be wary of.

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When I was in college I asked a prof in the Communications department why she thought people treated me like this.  I was taking her course in listening at the time and had excelled at all the classroom auditory tests.

Her observations were that I was an active listener [H/T to my parents on that one] and that I appear to pay attention to what is going on around me.  So, because I tune into people, they are comfortable around me and want me to know things about them.

At the time I thought that was as good of an explanation as any– and I still do.

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I don’t really mind my role as listener, but do find AT TIMES people say some pretty wacko things to me.  I’m not a Judgey McJudgerton, so I let most things roll off me.  I figure that I’m not here to change people, I’m here to help whoever find his or her own way by allowing him or her to talk openly about– well, whatever.

To wit, it’s rare for me to tell someone he or she is doing something stupid, childish, immoral, unethical.  In fact, if by chance I ever tell you that you need to behave differently, then you can be assured that you’ve crossed some sort of line.

And that it’s time for you to re-think how & why you do what you do.

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Anyone else find him or herself in the same sort of role as I do– that is, people telling you things for no apparent reason?  And if so, how do you handle it?  With grace or with annoyance?  With zipped lips or with your finger on speed dial to immediately pass the info along?

Just curious.  No reason, really.  

An Explanation Regarding The “Absurdities Of My Week” Post That Is No Longer Here– Absurdly

/ Ally Bean / 19 Comments

I went on a blogging binge this past week.  On Monday I decided that throughout the week I’d comment more on other people’s blogs… that I’d write and publish more posts on my blog…  that I’d tweet more on twitter… that I’d be a SOCIAL MEDIA BUTTERFLY.

I started out strong– connecting, linking, making myself visible to the world, but by Friday afternoon my blogging mojo was waning.  Still I pressed on thinking that I’d write just one more post about some of the absurdity in my week.

*bad idea*

And that’s when the absurdity of all absurdities happened.  For reasons I cannot explain, but suspect that I caused (somehow), WordPress published my post before I’d finished writing it.  Then WP, for reasons unbeknownst to me, would not let me edit/finish writing my post.

So I deleted my post, thinking that I had a back-up copy in my files.  But I didn’t have a copy… and it was late Friday afternoon… so I GAVE UP on writing anything and wandered away from the blogosphere.

*sigh*

Little did I know that my half-finished, now deleted, post was winging its way to all of you who receive this blog via email.  And that part of the post was showing up on RSS feeds everywhere.

And that many of my gentle readers (new and old) would become concerned that something was wrong with my blog and would take it upon themselves to contact me to tell me that there was something wrong with my blog.  That a post was missing.  And to make it come back because THEY WANTED TO READ IT.  Right now.

*oh dear*

Having said all the foregoing (in a rather wordy fashion), here is what I’ve concluded:

  • I was successful in generating some interest in this blog… and then managed to make a mess of things while everyone was looking. NATCH.
  • I have a new rule: NO BLOGGING ON FRIDAY AFTERNOONS.
  • I have the best readers in the world who care about what’s up with me… and this blog. THANK YOU.

Facebook, Friends & Flow Charts

/ Ally Bean / 10 Comments

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about this week.  Brought to you by the letter “F.”

• Facebook.  I was talking with a casual acquaintance the other day.  Over the years we’ve gotten to know each other– sort of.  She is nothing if not outspoken.

Often we talk about FB.  It fascinates her that I just left it.  Like that.  No worries, no looking back.  It’s kind of a theme with her.

And honestly, I’m fascinated about why she doesn’t leave FB.  She hates it– complains about it every time we are together.  In fact one of her biggest complaints is that her friends have the audacity to post status updates using words. That they think she’ll read about what they’re doing.  This seems to bother her to no end.  She mentions it often.

So, I asked her straight up why she messes around with something that so clearly upsets her.

And she told me that the only reason she stays on FB is so that she can see the photos that her friends post.  She wants to see these photos so that she can judge how these friends look.  Her word: judge.

Being the polite soul that I am, I just nodded my head up & down, mumbled a vague sort of “uh-huh,” and quickly changed the topic of conversation to something that didn’t give me a glimpse into the psyche of someone so shallow– and probably– more typical than I care to admit.

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• Friends.  I stumbled upon this article: Bitter About Your Life? Blame Facebook.  The subtitle says: “New research suggests heavy Facebook users are more likely to believe other people have happier lives.”  

According to this article, researchers posit that this perception is due to the fact that people see all sorts of happy photos that FB friends post.  Then these people assume that other people are having a better time than they are.  Enter bitter feelings.

Wonder if that is what’s going on with my acquaintance… seeing how she is a nut for photos.

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• Flow charts.  While I was enjoying all that Pinterest has to offer, I came upon this wonderful How to Delete Half Your Facebook “Friends” flow chart.  It is by a blogger named Samantha who keeps a blog called ashore.

I love this chart.  Now I just need to get my acquaintance to understand it and use it.  Might make her happier about her experiences on FB.  Maybe.


My Daily Dose Of Spam

/ Ally Bean / 19 Comments

Want to get more comment spam on your blog? 

Well then may I suggest that you post a quiet little tale about an evening at an Italian restaurant and a visit to the zoo.  A post like this one that I wrote on Friday, for instance.

And for good measure, in your blog post be sure to mention Bourbon + uppity sheep.  Because, apparently, it’s this combo that gets comment spammers interested in your sweet little bloggy. 

Or so it seems.

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To me the fascinating thing about comment spam is that some of it is rather thoughtful and pleasant.  As if someone I know really cared about what I had to say and then took the time to post a comment.

  • I could watch Schindler’s List and still be happy after reading this.
  • Great hammer of Thor, that is powerfully helpful!
  • Unbelievable how well-written and informative this was.
  • So that’s the case?  Quite a revelation that is.
  • You put the lime in the coconut and drink the article up.
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Pity spammers aren’t sincere because what blogger wouldn’t enjoy seeing such unique comments underneath his or her blog post?  Makes me wonder why comment spammers do what they do.

My guess is that they are clever and misguided individuals with too much time on their hands– looking to make a quick buck [somehow?] from someone else’s work.  Not really my type of people.

But you have to admit that sometimes they’re kind of funny.