Turkeys Before Trees: In Theory, A Good Idea

/ Ally Bean / 28 Comments
Turkey

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I hesitate to even bring this topic up because…

Someone, somewhere is going to read what I’m going to say here– and that somewhere someone is going to start judging me.  I just know it.

However, a bit of negative energy directed my way is not going to stop me from sharing with you, my gentle readers, the fact that:

Our home is already decorated for Christmas. 

Christmas tree clip art

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I know that it’s early.  In fact, I think that the #turkeysbeforetrees idea is a good one.  Timely.  Putting the emphasis on what is important.  But here’s the thing, and there’s always a thing when it comes to Christmas, we are having a large house party the first weekend in December.

How large you ask?  Well, at last count, 50 people have RSVPed “yes.”  And this means, in practical terms, that the sooner we get the house decorated and organized, the sooner we can start fussing around with the food and drink.

So despite being a person who doesn’t like the idea of forcing Christmas, this year I am a person who, for once, is ahead of the curve on this Christmas thing.

I justify this by remembering three things:

  1. the more organized I am about this party, the calmer I will be prior to it;
  2. the calmer I am prior to it, the better the food and drink will be during it;  &
  3. the better the food and drink are during the party, the happier our guests will be.

And who among you, I ask, doesn’t want happy guests at his or her party?  Hmmm?  ‘Nuff said.

I’m Going Zoom, Zoom, Zoom

/ Ally Bean / 15 Comments

•  To review, on Friday I presented you, my gentle readers, with 5 Truths & 1 Lie.  Since then many of you have hazarded a guess about which of my statements is the lie.

Also, many of you have suggested that I’m a good liar.  I’m still processing that idea.  I don’t know whether you say it to flatter my ego;  or to cover your butt if you pick the wrong statement as the lie.

•  Be that as it may, the lie I told was:

“4.  I DRIVE a gray SUV.  I named him Bullwinkle because of his color [which Lexus says is blue, but they’re wrong].  He’s not a new vehicle,  but he gets me where I need to go.”

This is a lie because I DRIVE A WHITE V-6 HONDA ACCORD COUPE.  Named Olivia. Rather old.  She has a snazzy decklid spoiler and sports leather seats with wood paneling stuff inside the car.  Plus she gets fabulous gas mileage.

Yep, that’s the way I live.  I’m more Nancy Drew in her little blue roadster than Shirley Partridge in her funky van.

•  All of which brings me to the only reason, I suspect, that any of you are still reading this post.  Thanks to all who took the time to comment, but the few gentle readers who guessed correctly are:

•  And now I will leave it up to the winners to tell me if they prefer to be a guest poster here OR have me write a haiku about you that I’ll post here.  The choice is yours.  I await your decisions.

5 Truths & A Lie

/ Ally Bean / 21 Comments

[I got the idea for this post from Rara at Rarasaur;  her answers are here.  She got the idea for her post from Jen at Sips of Jen and Tonic;  her answers are here.  Go visit them both.  You’ll like ’em.]

• • • 

Here’s what I’m doing.  It’s a bit of a game.  I’m going to tell you a few things about me: 5 things will be truthful, 1 thing will be a lie.  Depending on how closely you’ve been paying attention to me all these years you’ll know the lie immediately.  Or not.

Whoever correctly figures out which statement is a lie, will win the opportunity to either: 1) be a guest poster on this blog;  or 2) have me write a haiku about you that’ll be posted on this blog.  Your choice.

Ready?  Here goes.

• • • 

1.  THE HUBSTER proposed to me in the parking lot of a bakery.  He had no ring with him.  All he said was: “so when do you want to get married?”  And that was that.

2.  I PLAYED the violin when I was a girl.  I learned in a Suzuki method class [which means by ear, not by written music].  While I never excelled at playing the violin I did make it to state regional orchestra level one year.  I was the last seat.  And I hated the experience.

3.  WE LIVE in a hilly area in a home built on a wooded ravine lot.  Once upon a time we purchased 200 tons of dirt so that we could create a backyard.  It was a messy project, but now we have a lower level terrace instead of the forest primeval.

4.  I DRIVE a gray SUV.  I named him Bullwinkle because of his color [which Lexus says is blue, but they’re wrong].  He’s not a new vehicle,  but he gets me where I need to go.

5.  I’M NOT a fan of the traditional Thanksgiving Day dinner.  I’ve made my share of them over the years and they were delicious, but I’d rather have a good steak with a baked potato for dinner than turkey + all that carbohydrate crap.

6.  I HAVE narrow feet, as in women’s AA shoes.  This is more of a problem than you might initially imagine because there are very, very, very few AA shoes available.  The result of this is that I keep my shoes forever and am usually forced to wear a pair of “so out of date you have no idea what decade they came from” shoes.          

• • • 

What Is The World Coming To When A Phone Call As Good As This One Isn’t A Prank?

/ Ally Bean / 12 Comments

My cell phone rang earlier this morning.  I didn’t recognize the number, but could identify the area code.  It was the area code of an out-of-town friend that Z-D was meeting for an early breakfast.

Thinking that the call might be from that friend who was lost or something, I answered my phone.  This is unusual because I rarely respond to a number that I don’t know.  However, this time I did and the conversation went something like this:

• • •

Male voice:  Hello! I’m looking for John.

Me, realizing that this wasn’t our friend:  I’m sorry but there is no John here.

*sound of me laughing out loud at what I’d heard myself say*

Male voice:  What?  What did you say?

Me, figuring that this was a fun phone prank:  There. is. no. John. here.

*sound of me giggling because I’m so mature and all*

Male voice:  Oh… I’m sorry to have bothered you, ma’am.  I guess I have the wrong number.  Good-bye.

Me, sadly deflated that this hadn’t been a prank call:  No problem.  Good-bye.

*sound of me sighing that such a good set-up had gone for naught*

• • •

Kind of makes you wonder, doesn’t it?  Is anybody listening to what they’re saying?  It’s such a pity to waste a good *guffaw* when you stumble over one.  Yet that poor man on the phone– so serious.