I’m writing this post as I sit here wearing, of all things, pantyhose under my jammies.  Not just any pantyhose, mind you.  No, I have on light compression pantyhose in a most peculiar, unnatural shade called, Suntan Beige.

The reason for this deviant pantyhose-wearing behavior is that I had sclerotherapy on my legs.   And once one has this voluntary, cosmetic, medical procedure, one must wear support pantyhose, of any color, for two weeks afterward.

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For those of you fortunate enough to not have pasty white vein-y legs, I’ll explain what sclerotherapy is.  You’ve probably never heard of it before.  Lucky ducks.

Sclerotherapy, which involves a trained medical professional with a  sharp needle + saline solution, is a way to permanently remove spider veins & varicose veins from your legs.  Doctors have done it since the 1930s, so this is nothing new.

WebMD describes the procedure thusly:

“In most cases of sclerotherapy, the salt solution is injected through a very fine needle directly into the vein. At this point, you may experience mild discomfort and cramping for one to two minutes, especially when larger veins are injected. The procedure itself takes approximately 15 to 30 minutes.”

While the above description is technically correct, what it fails to make clear is that sclerotherapy is not just one injection, it is many injections during the 15 to 30 minutes.  

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Meaning, quite simply, that one becomes a human pincushion during this procedure.  And while I’m the first to admit that it doesn’t hurt per se, it is damned annoying to be jabbed [oh say, 50 times] with a sharp little needle.

So it is at this point in my life that I find myself this morning.  I’m squished inside a hideous pair of pantyhose, wondering how long it’ll be before the memory of this procedure floats out of my mind.  And my legs look wunderbar.

Only time will tell I guess.