In Which I Admit To Joyfully Thwarting Some Youthful Shenanigans + Reader Comments

 Joyfully Thwarting Youthful Shenanigans

Remember Muttley, Dick Dastardly’s sidekick?

It’s good to be an adult.

[Bwha-ha-ha!]

A few weeks ago we had an unusually warm day. The temps were in the 70s and it was dry and sunny outside. Around 4:00 p.m. I went into the living room to read.

Before I plopped down on the loveseat I decided to open the window just a little bit, about 2″, to take advantage of the pleasant fresh air. As I began to read I heard rustling sounds outside the window. That’s not unusual when you live on a wooded lot, so I didn’t think much about it.

It wasn’t until I heard voices that I became interested in what was happening outside the window.

“So you gonna do it?”

[Do what, thought I?]

I got up from the loveseat and walked over to look out the window.  Immediately below me were two neighbor boys, about 10 years old, who were scrunched down hiding in our bushes while having a serious conversation about what one was going to do.

“Maybe.”

The gist of their conversation, that I could clearly overhear through the open window, was that one boy had challenged the other to run up onto our stoop, ring the doorbell, then run back into the bushes to hide.

A classic prank, no?

They figured, correctly, that from their vantage point crouched down in our bushes they’d be able to see whoever opened the door and watch that person look confused.

IT WAS GOING TO BE HILARIOUS.

They just knew it.

So I waited patiently at the window. Eventually one kid found the gumption he needed to be a prankster. He ran up onto the stoop, rang the bell, then darted into the bushes.

THERE WAS SNICKERING.

Lots of it.

I did nothing except stand quietly at the window looking down on the youth below, waiting to see what they were going to do when no one came to the door.

[Truth bomb, I may have been smiling a bit too much.]

As you can imagine when no one came to the door these two boys were defeated. Their classical prank had failed. Their shoulders sagged, they stood up in the bushes, and muttered. Then the one who’d rang the bell stepped out of the bushes and started to walk across our lawn to his house.

“Dude not that way they’ll see ‘ya.”

To which the first one looked exasperated as he shouted back to his friend still in the bushes, “THEY’RE NOT HOME, haven’t you been paying attention?”

“Oh yah…”

And with that the boys walked slowly across our yard in plain sight, looking dejected, in a way that only failed pranksters can look.

And me, what did I do? I started laughing and am still smiling when I think about how I thwarted this prank. There are moments when being an adult is SO FUN!

Then, of course, who could forget Huckleberry Hound?

~ ~ • ~ ~

AND FINALLY FOUR READER COMMENTS…

About your take on the word Matriarch:

“I am the matriarch in my family, now that my mom is gone…and I don’t have a problem with that word. Or crone or even sea hag. So long as it is said to me with love, respect and good humour. No one laughs harder at me than myself 😂.”

~ Deb

“Call me any name you want to as long as I think ‘the shoe fits’…. ‘Elderly’ is a tough one, though. Some day, many years down the road, I may earn that particular stripe but only because of the eighty or ninety wonderful years leading up to it.”

~ Dave

“Matriarch is a word that means she is the head of her tribe, in my case, that would be my mother. My turn will come. Interpretation is a funny thing. Words are used in various ways and transform over the years, their original meaning becoming muddled.”

~ Dale

“Wow. I grew up in a matriarchal family so I see it as a compliment! Isn’t it funny how we all have our own perceptions based on our experience? Sea hag would raise my hackles!”

~ Kay

Learn Something, Make Food: My Report On Granola & My Recipe For It

Be forewarned, I wondered about the origin of granola and ended up going down a heck of a rabbit hole…

MY REPORT ON GRANOLA

Our story of granola starts in prehistoric times

The history of granola is intertwined with oats, a wild grain that was probably first cultivated by the prehistoric inhabitants of Central Europe.

No one is certain about the origins of oats but all agree that once milled the resulting oatmeal, when cooked, is easy to digest, healthy, and economical. It is the basis for many breakfast dishes, then and now, most notably porridge.

Granola owes a debt of gratitude to oats.

Fast forward to the 19th century

In the late 1800s as the US population became more health conscious, Dr. James Caleb Jackson of the Our Home on the Hillside health spa of Danville, NY, developed a dry cereal that he called “granula.” It was the first processed breakfast cereal in the US.

Granula involved oatmeal and twice-baked zwieback mixed together. It was disparaging referred to as “wheat rocks” and was intended to be a healthy grain-based alternative to a breakfast of bacon and eggs.

At about the same time Dr. John Harvey Kellogg of the Battlecreek Sanitarium of Battlecreek, MI, learned about Dr. Jackson’s granula and stole the idea of it. Kellogg, more businessman than doctor from what I can tell, renamed his product “granola” to avoid a lawsuit by Dr. Jackson.

Continuing into the early 20th century

Even though recipes for granula existed, like the popular one by The Sisters of the Brethren Church, Kellogg’s name for the cereal became associated with the product.

Ironically one of Kellogg’s patients at his sanitarium, a Mr. Charles William Post, stole the idea of Kellogg’s granula/granola and created his own version if it called Grape-Nuts.

Meanwhile in Europe in the early 1900s a Swiss nutritionist Dr. Maximilian Bircher-Benner of a sanitarium in Zurich created a dry grain-based cereal [because apparently who wasn’t?].  He called it “muesli” and his recipe involved oats, nuts, and dried fruit.

Fast forward to the 1960s

Because of the hippie movement granola made a comeback in popularity. Cups of it were popular at Woodstock in 1969.

Sometimes referred to as Sunshine Happy Hippie Granola, this homemade granola was made from a recipe that in essence combined Jackson/Kellogg’s idea of “granula/granola” with Bircher-Benner’s idea of “muesli.”

The new hippie granola hit mainstream America in the early 70s. This reinvented crunchy granola was much sweeter than earlier recipes of granola. It was manufactured by many large food companies, advertised on TV, and became associated with healthy eating despite its high sugar content.

Sources

BREAKFAST DISHES Granula, a recipe by Sister Amanda Witmore, of McPherson, KS, found in The Inglenook Cookbook by The Sisters of the Brethren Church [1906]

Chapter 2, BREAKFAST A History by Heather Arndt Anderson

Charles William Post, Wikipedia

Granola, wordnik

Granola Girl, THE NIBBLE, The Webzine of Food Adventures

Granula, Wikipedia

Jackson Sanitarium, Dansville NY, via #ArtofAbandonment on YouTube

James Caleb Jackson, Inventor of Dry Breakfast Cereal, MENTAL FLOSS

John Harvey Kellogg, Britannica

Maximilian Bircher-Benner, History of the Bircher-Benner Clinik in Le Pont

Peace, Love And Granola: The Untold Story Of The Food Shortage At Woodstock, HUFFPOST

Sunshine Happy Hippie Granola, a recipe by Donna found in Woodstock- Preservation Archives [1969]

THE CEREALS, OR GRAINS., Science in the Kitchen: a scientific treatise by Ella Ervilla Kellogg [1893]

The Origin and History of Granola, CULINARY LORE, Food Science, History and much More!

The Process of How Oatmeal is Made, The Clinton Courier of Clinton, MS

THE SUGAR CONTENT OF GRANOLAS Jane Brody’s Nutrition Book [1980]

MY RECIPE FOR GRANOLA

2 Cups Old-Fashioned rolled oats

1/3 Cup olive oil

1/3 Cup maple syrup

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 Cup coarsely chopped blanched slivered almonds

1 Tablespoon sesame seeds

1/2 Cup dried cranberries &/or dried apricots

1/2 Cup flaked sweetened coconut

Preheat oven to 300ºF.

Scatter oats over a large rimmed greased baking sheet and toast for ten minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from oven.

In a saucepan on the stove top, combine oil and maple syrup then bring to a boil – cook for one minute. Remove from heat and add cinnamon, mixing throughly.

In a large bowl, combine almonds and sesame seeds, add toasted oats, then mix together. Pour the oil/syrup mixture into the bowl and mix thoroughly.

Spread mixture in a thin layer on the baking sheet and return to oven. Toast for 20 minutes, stirring often, until light brown.

Pour into a bowl, add coconut and cranberries &/or apricots, then mix.

Store in the refrigerator. Freezes well.

~ ~ ☮️ ~ ~

In Which I Do NOT Steal A Man’s Identity, But Could Do So Easily

You put together a puzzle. You take a photo. You run it through the Waterlogue app on your cell phone and this is what you get: PRETTY!

HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED

I was sitting in the waiting area in a small boutique eyeglass shop that is in an old house, formerly a residence, but now zoned for commercial use.

I was having my spectacles adjusted. The optician helping me had taken my glasses with her into the back of the house, probably into what was formerly [maybe still is?] the kitchen, to have her way with them.

Across the room from me a different optician was talking with a man who was ordering new glasses. The room we were in was what would have been the living/dining room, with an 8′ ceiling, about 20′ x 15′ in size.

This man hadn’t gotten new glasses in over 12 years. The optician had found his file, a paper one, and was confirming details by saying things about him out loud to him.

Very normal.

BUT THERE WAS THIS LITTLE ISSUE WITH ACOUSTICS

Inadvertently I was overhearing everything that was being said between these two people. I didn’t want to hear but I did. I’ve changed the specific details to protect his identity, but the following is what I know about this man:

  • his former residence is 123 Oak Street in one community;
  • his current residence, that he moved into in 2017, is 4567 Eagle’s Nest Drive in a different community;
  • his last name is Smith;
  • his legal first name is Frederick, but he goes by his middle name, Daniel, preferring to be called Dan;
  • his wife’s name is Martha;
  • his brother who also buys glasses in this boutique is named Will;
  • he has no children;
  • he confirmed the date of his birth, he is 44 years old;
  • he confirmed his cell phone number, mentioning that he’s had it for years
  • he used to work for Blah Blah Blah Corporation but now works from home for Yada Yada Yada Corporation;
  • his medical insurance is Boring Useless Insurance Company;
  • he no longer has a checking account with Fancy Regional Bank;  and
  • he prefers to use his Visa for large purchases because he gets points for travel on Whoop-ass Airline.

The optician didn’t ask about the following but in the course of their conversation I also learned that:

  • he drives a BMW that was parked outside directly in front of this business;
  • he and his wife have been remodeling their house using Super Duper Home Remodeling Company;  and
  • they have a vacation planned for August.

Obviously I accidentally know a lot about this man, the proverbial ship I passed in the night. If I was a person with nefarious intentions I could easily have snapped a fast photo of him + his car’s license plate, then assumed his identity by knowing these random, but incredibly personal, details about him.

KIND OF SCARY, HUH?

Please discuss 😳

Inspired By A *Sincere* Spammer, Here Are Photos Of Pretty Spring Colors

I was wondering how I was going to introduce these photos then inspiration arrived in the form of a spammer. No doubt he’s a sincere dude, offering me unsolicited advice.

You see, kids, this spammer believes I’m too verbose to create good content, as evidenced by my last wordy post*. He mansplained graciously suggested that by using more photos in my posts, and fewer words, I could become a GREAT blogger.

Thus with a hat tip to this fine fellow, and a hope that this picture-filled post doesn’t burden him with the need to read & comprehend too many words, I give you seven pretty photos that showcase spring colors in the garden.

Also, Zen-Den wants me to wish spammer dude well completing fourth grade. We both think this might be a challenge for him… all. those. words.

BLUE sky smiling above

RED geranium in a terra cotta pot

PINK astilbe in dappled sunlight

GREEN trees as backdrop to screened-in porch

BLACK petunias [that are actually as very dark purple but are sold as black] in a terra cotta pot

PEACHY PINK drift roses

PURPLE salvia by a stone path

AND FINALLY THREE READER COMMENTS…

About hypocrisy versus sound judgement:

“I don’t know this woman but I think you’re protecting your personal boundaries. I think her response to your very thoughtful and honest suggestion speaks volumes. Sure, people can change. But that doesn’t mean they get to be let into your life. No thank you.”

~ Nicole MacPherson

“Boundaries, baby! Yes, Ally, I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion/schtick/whatevs, but that doesn’t make them right or smart or even decent people. If there’s anything the I’ve learned since we’ve entered the aughts is that there are a whole lotta people out there I wouldn’t want to have dinner with…”

~ Pam Lazos

“Nothing hypocritical about avoiding people who aren’t good energy. I have to say I feel a little bad for Zelda. Not bad enough that I think you should follow her. Just sad for a person who seems to know something of the world, yet remains so self-focused.”

~ Crystal Byers

* The analysis of my word to photo ratio on the previous post shows 246 words per 2 photos. On this post, excluding this footnote and the captions on the photos, there are 42 words per 7 photos. Make of this what you will.

The One About Demolition & Dust, Home Improvements Have Begun

“Patience is what you have when there are witnesses.”

I don’t know who said it first but I like that saying.  Seems like the subtext of my week, both in real life and blog land*.

After months of waiting for our home improvement projects to begin, they began.  And I’ve been here at home for it, having a noisy, chaotic, dusty week of people and stuff everywhere.

BUT I’VE BEEN A PARAGON OF PATIENCE

The fact is I’m giddy to finally be underway so I’m attempting to overlook the inconveniences that I knew would be part of this experience. This isn’t my first remodeling rodeo, kids.

Below are a few photos that show some of what has happened thus far. Further updates on these projects and my blood pressure as they develop.

• • •

Out with the OLD, in with the NEW.  To protect them from damage the carpeted stairs have been covered. It’s difficult to walk on them now, but I’m not complaining.

• • •

I’m happy to see the end of the OLD tub, toilet, and tile. It was builder grade and ugly, but we lived with it for 22 years.

• • •

The OLD cabinet, countertop, and sink are gone, but the plumbing stays in the same place. Nice touch with the paper towel, eh?

• • •

This is our guest bedroom as it looks today filled with lovely, beautiful, NEW pieces of bathroom.

• • •

Shiny copper pipes in place with NEW bathtub installed immediately below. I’ve yet to see the fabulosity of the tub because it’s protected with plywood right now.

• • •

This is where there will be something NEW, a shelf niche in the shower. My interior design-y heart is thrilled with this upgrade.

• • •

Thanks to everyone who has checked in with me this week to make sure I’m hanging in there. I appreciate your moral support.

Happy Weekend, everyone. May it be all that you want it to be, which in my case is calm and quiet– and not stuck at home.

I’m sure you understand.

* The blog land saga is that my WP media account was hacked for the second time in half a year.  One of my unpublished photo was stolen, then used as the image on a blog post that referred back to my previous post, the one with all the interesting links.

Why? Because to someone somewhere in this world that seemed like the thing to do. To what end? I couldn’t say but it has been the icing on the cake of a difficult week.

The Happiness Engineers, btw, tell me WP takes no responsibility for any photos/images you have in your media account.  WP protects your words, but your images are your own problem.

Just dandy, huh?