How To Make “Not Coffee” In The Morning

February 3, 2015January 28, 2021 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

File this one under… MARITAL BLISS.

1) DO NOT set up your electric coffee maker, which has a delayed brewing option, the night before you want your coffee. Instead, go to kitchen in morning while still groggy and make coffee.

2) TURN ON overhead lights in kitchen using dimmer switch to provide a minimum of light onto counter. Pull machine out from under cabinet while confirming that brew basket, glass carafe and plastic lid appear to be in their proper places.

3) PLACE PAPER filter into brew basket, measure water + ground coffee, then place each into its proper compartment within electric coffee maker. Turn on machine and wait for brewed coffee to drip into glass carafe.

4) HEAR BEEPS that tell you that your coffee is ready and with favorite mug in hand pour yourself some coffee from what seems to be an unusually light carafe.

5) DO NOT stop to think about why this carafe is so light and that there might be a problem here as you take your first sip of coffee.

6) SPIT OUT “not coffee” into sink as husband enters kitchen. Describe foul “not coffee” beverage using colorful language, thereby piquing husband’s interest.

7) TURN ON overhead lights in kitchen to full wattage while examining electric coffee maker from whence the “not coffee” came. Snarl loudly and turn to husband who is trying to make quiet exit from kitchen.

8) ACCUSE SPOUSE of incompetence while putting away clean dishes night before. Mention that just laying plastic lid on top of carafe will not work. Reinforce idea that securing plastic lid onto glass carafe is what allows coffee to flow from brew basket into carafe because lid pushes spring on bottom of brew basket open.

9) NOTICE SPOUSE looking guilty and explaining that it’s all his fault. Agree wholeheartedly while cleaning out sludge formed by coffee grounds and hot water trapped in brew basket. Try to be angry with husband but decide that it’s not worth the effort.

10) DECREE THAT there is a new house rule. Specifically, henceforth and ever after the glass coffee carafe will always have plastic lid secured on top of it before placing carafe into electric coffee maker… on penalty of no access to any TV remote control for a month. Capiche?

A Sunday Morning Walk In What Amounts To The Wilderness For Us Suburban Folk, Part 2 Of 2

October 15, 2014July 1, 2025 / Ally Bean / 10 Comments

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Having first walked through acres of cheerful wild flowers in a native grassland enhancement area, Zen-Den & I took a different path in the nature preserve that lead us deep into a dark forest under gray skies. Here is some of what we saw…

the spooky remains of a rotted out tree…

dainty purplish wild flowers growing in the shade…

a rustic wooden yes-I-can-see-between-the-planks-to-the-stream-below bridge…

lichen-covered logs in groovy colors and patterns…

and lots of bright green moss.

[Part 1 was yesterday.]

A Sunday Morning Walk In What Amounts To The Wilderness For Us Suburban Folk, Part 1 Of 2

October 14, 2014July 1, 2025 / Ally Bean / 16 Comments

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Even though it was a bit hazy outside last Sunday morning, Zen-Den & I decided to go for a walk in a nature preserve. During the first part of our walk, which took us through a native grassland enhancement area, we went…

over a sturdy bridge…

by a pond reflecting colorful autumn leaves still on the trees…

down a quiet path…

to fields of wild black-eyed Susans…

with milkweed and dandelions interspersed among them…

to an unexpected spot to take a rest.

[Part 2 will be tomorrow.]

In Which Ms. Bean Does Not Give In To Curmudgeonliness

September 30, 2014May 6, 2021 / Ally Bean / 21 Comments

“Everybody makes their own fun. If you don’t make it yourself, it isn’t fun. It’s entertainment.”

~ David Mamet, State and Main

• • •

I WAS DRIVING BY A HIGH SCHOOL when I noticed that the kid in the car that had just pulled out in front of me, while obeying all appropriate rules of the road, had something written on his back window. So when we got to a stoplight, I made sure that I was behind the car to see what it said.

It said: “Honk. I’m a Senior.”

I didn’t honk. My first thought was that it seemed a tad premature to ask for external validation before you actually accomplish something like– oh, I don’t know— graduate from high school. Earn a college degree or two. Get a job. Buy a house. Fund your 401K.

• • •

BUT THEN AS I DROVE ALONG I had an unexpected change of heart when I realized what an old fogey I’d become. I’m sure that when I was a kid in high school I would have thought that a message like the one on the car was clever + fun.

And it was harmless.

Of course by the time that I came to this conclusion, the kid in the car had turned onto a different road, so my opportunity to honk at him was gone. But I have to thank him for reminding me that everybody needs a bit of moral support from time-to-time, and that asking for it is a good way to make your own fun.