Deconstructing The Party That, For Most Of Our Guests, Wasn’t

December 9, 2013December 9, 2013 / Ally Bean / 25 Comments

I. Things for the party began to fall apart a few days before Friday. It was small things at first.

Zen-Den got food poisoning, a rarity, and took to bed for 32 hours. He felt horrible, but eventually rallied. His illness was unexpected, but no reason to cancel a party.

[Poor guy.]

Then I had ridiculous problems placing the “customizable” deli sandwich tray order. We had received a brochure in the mail that told us what was available and at what price. Well, when I went in to place the order, turned out that for the deli, the word “customizable” meant me choosing between turkey or chicken salad on rolls of the deli’s choosing.

[Say what?]

And then at the bakery the man told me that I couldn’t have the Santa Claus face, made of cupcakes, that had been such a hit at last year’s party. He told me that the woman who decorated them no longer worked there, so wouldn’t I like a boring red + white candy cane cupcake cake instead?

[Hell no!]

II. So on Thursday morning before the party, having survived the aforementioned small debacles, I thought we were in great shape. House decorated. Bathrooms cleaned. Food ordered &/or purchased. Pretty paper plates + napkins. Booze aplenty. Wine glasses washed and ready to go. Coolers for the beer and soda on the porch. Gifts wrapped. Outside decorated. Guest bedrooms ready for our overnight guests.

I was ready for 54 friends and acquaintances. Let the party begin.

III. What happened after Thursday morning is blurry.

First, early in the afternoon some out-of-state guests started calling because the airlines had cancelled their flights due to bad weather heading our way; these guests wouldn’t be coming to the party.

However, other out-of-state guests’ flights made it here Thursday afternoon/evening– and, as planned, those guests came to stay with us here at the house.

Then, guests who were in-state, but driving long distances, began to phone to cancel because of the bad weather that was heading our way on Friday.

While I knew that we’d miss those faraway guests, that reason alone wasn’t enough to cancel the party for all the local people. They could still get through, right?

IV. Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Friday morning we awakened to streets covered in sheets of ice and a winter snow storm headed our way. The entire region had closed down, anticipating what turned out to be, by mid-afternoon, a Level 2 Snow Emergency with record amounts of snowfall.

How much snow, you ask? A mere 6.5″! Yep, that’s enough to stop everything around here.

So Zen-Den & I did the only thing that we could, we cancelled the party. And spent the day with our house guests– goofing off. Then at 6:00 p.m. we had THE PARTY with them and two of our guests who happened to be neighbors who were able to walk over to the house.

Where, I have to say, considering how much we six adults ate and drank, a good time was had by all! 😉

Musings While Looking At 7 Pounds Of Cream Cheese

December 4, 2013January 28, 2021 / Ally Bean / 28 Comments

:: As some of you know, in a few days is THE PARTY. At last count we have 54 guests coming to our not-so-little fiesta. Early on, this open-house business holiday party was a small little gathering. Not any more.

Now it is a big party… which, of course, brings me to the topic of this post: cream cheese.

Did you know that 7 pounds of cream cheese = 11,200 calories?

:: I didn’t grow up around cream cheese. My dad liked it, but my mother hated all things cheesy, so not much cream cheese made it into our house.

It was only after I was out on my own, living in Philadelphia, that I became aware of how DARNED GOOD cream cheese can be– especially on freshly baked bagels.

Did you know that 7 pounds of cream cheese is 5″ high x 9.5″ wide x 5.5″ deep?

:: But even here in a midwest suburb, far away from those east coast bagels, cream cheese is a wonder. And, come to find out, it is the basis of ALL PARTY DIPS. Yes, this wondrous substance appeals to young [college interns] and old [retired former co-workers] alike. It’s the yum that binds a party together.

Did you know that 7 pounds of cream cheese will allow me to make 9 recipes of dip (3 recipes x 3)?

Jalapeño Popper Dip

Skyline Chili Dip

Baked Buffalo Chicken Dip

:: And it is on this last note that I find myself dawdling here today. While I know that there is NOTHING DIFFICULT about putting together these dips, I am in awe of the amount of cream cheese that I need to make the dips happen. Looking at the cream cheese piled up in our refrigerator I see a monument– and it reminds me that a house party this large might be a one and only lifetime experience for me.

I mean, 54 guests? What the heck were we thinking?!!

5 Truths & A Lie

November 22, 2013February 27, 2015 / Ally Bean / 21 Comments

[I got the idea for this post from Rara at Rarasaur; her answers are here. She got the idea for her post from Jen at Sips of Jen and Tonic; her answers are here. Go visit them both. You’ll like ’em.]

• • •

Here’s what I’m doing. It’s a bit of a game. I’m going to tell you a few things about me: 5 things will be truthful, 1 thing will be a lie. Depending on how closely you’ve been paying attention to me all these years you’ll know the lie immediately. Or not.

Whoever correctly figures out which statement is a lie, will win the opportunity to either: 1) be a guest poster on this blog; or 2) have me write a haiku about you that’ll be posted on this blog. Your choice.

Ready? Here goes.

• • •

1. THE HUBSTER proposed to me in the parking lot of a bakery. He had no ring with him. All he said was: “so when do you want to get married?” And that was that.

2. I PLAYED the violin when I was a girl. I learned in a Suzuki method class [which means by ear, not by written music]. While I never excelled at playing the violin I did make it to state regional orchestra level one year. I was the last seat. And I hated the experience.

3. WE LIVE in a hilly area in a home built on a wooded ravine lot. Once upon a time we purchased 200 tons of dirt so that we could create a backyard. It was a messy project, but now we have a lower level terrace instead of the forest primeval.

4. I DRIVE a gray SUV. I named him Bullwinkle because of his color [which Lexus says is blue, but they’re wrong]. He’s not a new vehicle, but he gets me where I need to go.

5. I’M NOT a fan of the traditional Thanksgiving Day dinner. I’ve made my share of them over the years and they were delicious, but I’d rather have a good steak with a baked potato for dinner than turkey + all that carbohydrate crap.

6. I HAVE narrow feet, as in women’s AA shoes. This is more of a problem than you might initially imagine because there are very, very, very few AA shoes available. The result of this is that I keep my shoes forever and am usually forced to wear a pair of “so out of date you have no idea what decade they came from” shoes.

• • •

When A Squirrel Takes A Fancy To Your House, This Can Happen

July 31, 2013February 24, 2015 / Ally Bean / 27 Comments

• • •

He might decide one morning to catch a few rays on the deck.

• • •

I’M NOT GOING TO bother to tell you ALL the back story of The Squirrel Wars that go on here in this subdivision. Suffice to say, in the past, we had to hire someone, with humane traps, to remove all the little chirpy baby squirrels and their parents from our attic/roof. Then we had to get someone else to repair our roof. This kind-hearted approach succeeded in keeping the squirrels away from our property until this year.

• • •

He might decide one evening to dine al fresco leaving the remains of his dinner for a fly.

• • •

ON THE OTHER HAND our former next door neighbor, a retired Army colonel, decided on a more aggressive way to deal with the squirrels. He hired someone to put spring-loaded traps in the gutters where the squirrels liked to nest. Then when a squirrel stepped on the trap, the squirrel was speared through the heart, thrown over the edge of the gutter and left to dangle to death under the gutter from a rope attached to the base of the trap.

It was gruesome– and ultimately not so effective. The squirrels immediately took revenge on the colonel’s house, bird feeders and tree branches causing him more trouble than you can imagine. While I’m not a fan of squirrels, I did think the colonel’s approach was a bit [shall we say?] extreme and will admit that I enjoyed watching him lose to a bunch of squirrels.

• • •

He might decide one afternoon to take a siesta in the pot behind the zinnias.

• • •

BUT THAT WAS THEN and this is now. Which is to say that over the last month one lone squirrel has taken a fancy to our house. I’m not thrilled by it, but as we are past breeding season and there is no indication of a wife and family anywhere in the house, I’m trying to live in peaceful harmony with this sun-loving, tomato-eating, pot-snoozing, gutter-lounging squirrel who insists on calling our house his home.

• • •