If Shakespeare Had A Coffee Maker, I Know Which One It Would Be

Last week I learned that I write like William Shakespeare.  I determined this amazing truth when I submitted my Bad Coffee On A Monday Morning post to the I Write Like Analyzer.

Surely, thou gleeking half-faced hedge-pig doth jest.

This revelation surprised me.  I won’t lie.  But being the pragmatic soul that I am, I decided to go about my day as if nothing unique had happened.

What say ye, my spleeny beetle-headed varlot?

So, as planned, I went shopping for a new coffee maker.  And taking heed of all the features and brands that you, my gentle readers, told me to pay attention to, I bought a Cuisinart® Extreme Brew 12-Cup Programmable Coffeemaker.

Forsooth, ’tis better looking & more useful than a churlish hasty-witted ratsbane!

After one week of use, I’m going to say that we like it.  The machine fits on our counter.  It is easy to fill and program.  It makes hot coffee in a reasonable amount of time.  The carafe is sturdy and ergonomically balanced so that pouring hot coffee from it is easy.  All the pieces are dishwasher safe.  And, the price was right.

Which, as any pribbling tickle-brained clack-dish knows, is a good thing.

[Please note, I created all my insults for this post using this wonderful resource: Shakespeare Insult Kit.]

[Hello FTC!  So once again we meet, my wayward pox-marked malt-worm good friend.  As usual, this product review is only my opinion about my experiences.  I’ve received no money or other compensation for it.  Are we good, FTC?]

Published by

Ally Bean

Observant. Creative. Humorous. Adaptable. Happy enough. Midwestern by chance. Kindhearted most days.

24 thoughts on “If Shakespeare Had A Coffee Maker, I Know Which One It Would Be”

  1. Said brew doth taste of joy and splendor, my Fairest of Maidens. And can we all forget the “kill the lawyers” quotation?

    Like

  2. Hark, new coffee maker! Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate than other artless, spleeny, canker-blossoming coffee makers.

    Like

    1. kate, lol. You make a good point. Perhaps my title should have been: If Shakespeare Were Alive Today, I Know Which Electric Coffee Maker He Would Buy

      Like

  3. Whimsy on caffeine! Steamy and hotly charged.
    So envious. Still looking ( and buying and returning…not much counter space and picky person involved…not bothered buy the brick holding the top shut at all…)
    The Shakespeare list looks like great fun…will revisit that in a twelfth night’s time for a romp as recommended!

    Like

    1. philosophermouse, this coffee maker suits our needs. There are some expensive, lovely models out there from which to choose– but we went with this model. As long as it makes a hot cup of coffee, I think that we’ll be fast friends.

      Also, you’ll love the Shakespeare Insult Kit. It’s goofy fun. Right up your alley.

      Like

  4. It looks like a lovely machine that produces a dark lady so fine that only Wil could love her with that much passion. I just put my last post in to be analyzed it advised me I was similar to William Gibson. I never knew I was into steampunk until now…

    Like

    1. belle, nicely said. The machine makes a good cup of joe. As for William Gibson… well, that’s cool & all, but I bet that you won’t be able to find a Gibson Insult Kit! 🙂

      Like

        1. Very impressed that you attempted to find a Gibson Insult Kit. Sorry that you’ll have to do without Gibson insults, but suggest that you use Shakespearean ones instead. I’m sure that the Bard wouldn’t mind.

          Like

  5. In faith, I do not love thy grotesque size
    for one lone cup am I allowed to sip
    But ’tis my heart which loves what I’m denied
    who damns the curs who seek to stricture it

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Fascinating! I will have to try this–but which post should I pick? Oh, dear, a DECISION. I’m so glad that you’re happy with the new coffee maker; as a Washingtonian coffee addict, there is no more important item in a home. 🙂

    Like

  7. The analyzer can’t make up its mind with me. Each time I hit “analyze” it comes up with a different author. Mario Puzo, Dan Brown…but I never got Shakespeare. I’m more than irritated by Dan Brown. Not a fan.

    Like

Comments are closed.