Thoughts About How I Comment On Personal Blogs Today

GOING THROUGH OLD FILES I found the following that I wrote as my response to something that must have happened, but I don’t know exactly what the catalyst was for this. Nor do I know why I didn’t publish this at the time.

Perhaps I thought sharing the following was too personal? Or too snarky? Or too dull?

I suspect that the issue that prompted this thinking was the infernal eternal blogging conundrum best summarized in a question: what do you do about people who are happy to take your comments, but will not give any, or very few, back to you?

What I wrote back then holds true for me today, so I’ll toss it out here and let you, my gentle readers, make of it what you will.

+ • +

Here’s my take on the issue: while in the early days of blogging quid pro quo reciprocity was the way everyone did things, I no longer abide by that standard.

I do, however, hang onto the idea that I have bloggy friends, not merely followers or fans.

Today I follow a variety of bloggy friends who interest me, and short of them turning out to be blatant narcissists or psychopaths, I leave comments willy-nilly around the blogosphere.

I like when I receive attention back but it’s not a make or break thing with me.  I figure how I treat other people is my good karma, and how they treat me back is their good, or bad, karma. ❤️🌻☮️

+ • +

AND ON THAT NOTE I’LL end this post by sharing with you one of the underlying premises of this blog.  It’s a premise based on the idea that everyone likes to be noticed, understood, and appreciated.

This is something I believe and you might believe it, too. It is a premise that I keep in mind every time I write a post or comment anywhere.

Maya Angelou said it best when she said: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Is this not true?  Please comment below.

Published by

Ally Bean

Observant. Humorous. Adaptable. Pleasantly crazy. Midwestern by chance. Kindhearted by choice. Wordy.

169 thoughts on “Thoughts About How I Comment On Personal Blogs Today”

  1. TOTALLY true. Sort of goes with the saying, “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything.” I follow bloggers who share their stories, their truths, their fiction and non-fiction honestly and openly. And I won’t post a story or piece of non-fiction myself unless it’s as open and honest as I can be. That’s one of the tenets of writing – if you’re not true to yourself, and if you try to just be ‘general’ in your writings and in your truths, it’s not much worth reading. It’s one of the reasons we bloggers become ‘friends,’ even if we never meet each other. In a sense, we meet our ‘souls,’ our insides, and reveal our light. How amazing is that? And with that, we have the responsibility to acknowledge each other’s light, and to treat it well.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. Pam, I hadn’t thought of that saying but it’s spot on to how I approach blog commenting. Like you mention I try to be as open and authentic as possible whenever I write anything whether it be a post here or comments anywhere. For this, I believe, I’m blessed with a lovely bunch of bloggy friends. I adore your idea that our souls meet, even if our bodies never do. SO TRUE. Shine on, your light is appreciated here.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Well, if maya said it…..but you’re right. It’s totally true. The people who are my closest friends are that way because they make me feel good in general. And I remember people who have wronged me. Good post.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. LA, I agree that we all tend to remember the people who done us wrong, especially the ones who did it for no reason at all except that they could. And the thing is that in blogworld, it’s so easy to spot the insincere people by their very public behavior. 🤨

      Liked by 1 person

      1. True that….I think we all have blog friends though….I have people who I read no matter how busy I am and try to comment. Sometimes insincerity, sometimes lack of time

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Makes sense to me. I’m at an age though that it doesn’t matter if I get comments or likes on what I’m posting. It’s become cathartic. Long winded way of saying “ditto” I guess 😂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Andrew, I no longer care about reciprocity either. I do notice if I leave a comment and the blogger doesn’t respond to it. That’s bad manners. But overall I comment where and when I do because I’m interested in what someone has done or said. There need be no more to it than that.

      Liked by 3 people

  4. I notice you! And I like you! Your writing makes me smile. Thanks for helping me see the humor in life’s circumstances.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Joan, thank you. Writing about daily life as I do seems to resonate with many different people. It’s fascinating to see who likes humor and honesty. 😊

      Like

  5. Your take and your premise are dead-on valid, and of course well stated. They evidence moderation, sanity and normalcy – both sorely needed in the blog-o-sphere and the World-at-Large. I would add to it my own personal mantra as the situation warrants: “Don’t start none, won’t be none.”

    Bean, you always made be feel better after I read your post. For that, I will always thank you.

    And as I have the honor of being Mr. Bean, I can say that you have made me better man. For that I will always love you.

    Liked by 9 people

    1. Z-D, thank you for all your kind words. I’d say that you’ve made me a better woman so meant to be, eh?

      Like you allude to I sometimes feel like I’m the only moderate, sane + normal person standing in a room. I’d forgotten about your personal mantra, which is much like mine: Cause no harm, Take no shit. We are a pair, aren’t we?

      Liked by 3 people

      1. As Tina Turner sais to Mel Gibson in “Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome” – “Well ain’t we a pair, raggedy man . . .

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Okay…first, I’m swooning over Zen-Den’s comment! ❤ Secondly, I completely agree with Angelo's words. Over the years, I've learned that blogging is very much like the game of golf whereas you're putting yourself out there, completely exposed. There's no where to hide the real you and if you try, you'll probably will end up with a swing and a miss.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Jill, yours is a perfect analogy for how personal blogging works. You really do put yourself out there, hoping for a hole in one, but often hitting it into a sludgy pond. I had a difficult time at first being the real me, but somewhere along the line [thanks to the support of a generous wise blogger way back when] I decided to say what I had to say. Both in my blog posts and as a commenter on other blogs. It’s scary, but also freeing.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. I like humor and honesty. I enjoy your blog and it’s one of a small handful I read. Problem is that right now it’s hard to work up the energy to write a brief comment. I appreciate your outlook on comments and that you are not going to write us lurkers off just because we don’t comment often. Perhaps one day I’ll even start writing on my own blog again

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Zazzy, I look forward to the day when you start blogging again. Miss you. But until then feel free to lurk and like and comment when the mood strikes. I do what I do for my own reasons, and I figure it’s the same way with everyone else who wanders around blogland. You know?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ve always loved reading your posts, and have read every single one. I don’t always leave a comment because I don’t always have something to say. You know I’ve been wanting you to write a book. It would be great!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Beth, thanks for your support. Honestly I’d be a little worried if you, if anyone, left a comment on every post that I write. I mean, that’d be a little stalkerish, wouldn’t it?

          As for writing a book, I have in essence done that here. So unless an agent comes my way, I’ll sit tight blogging instead of dealing with the stress of having a book published. Call me lazy or call me wise!

          Liked by 3 people

  8. It’s difficult to comment sometimes, for any number of reasons that I probably don’t have to list as you are a smart woman and have been at blogging for some time. If I can’t or won’t or find it better not to comment I try to acknowledge with a like at least. Sometimes it’s just as simple as I really have nothing to say on a topic though and why ramble on taking up space and reading time to literally say nothing…

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Deb, you are so right about not always having anything to say on a topic. I find that happens to me, too. I like the blogger, I enjoy what has been written, but I have nothing to contribute so I don’t. I don’t take it personally when that happens to me, and hope that other bloggy friends feel the same way when I don’t comment, only like [when the system lets me].

      Liked by 3 people

  9. Hi Ally,

    I try to comment whenever possible, but sometimes life gets in the way and I don’t have time for a thoughtful response, and then I am thankful for the Like button (if the blog sports one) so at least I can let the blogger know that I read it and liked it. And yes, sometimes I have nothing to say or nothing good to say (but the latter is quite rare, amongst the bloggers I follow). And even more rarely, when what the blogger writes goes against my most dearly held values, I try to just zip it (but rant and rail in private), and cease to follow. Because who needs that kind of aggravation in their inbox?

    I don’t expect comments on ye olde blogge but I am ever so grateful to hear from others. I know how busy life can get and appreciate when people take the time to hammer out a few words. I have found quite a few bloggers I love to read from the comments on my own and others’ blogs.

    Thank you for the post!

    Deb

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Deb, I get what you’re saying. I try to keep up with lots of bloggers, but real life gets in the way. How dare it!

      When I started blogging in 2004 strict “debits on the left, credits on the right” reciprocity was the norm, but over the years blogging mores have changed and I’m good with that. Much prefer it, in fact. It’s kind of cool to be part of a social media that is evolving as you use it.

      I began blogging with the idea that if I got 2 comments on a post I was doing well. I still cling to that idea– always amazed and appreciative of the fact that anyone pays heed to me at all.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. There are bloggers/readers/followers and then there are friends. The friendship may exist entirely in the virtual world but the friendship is real. We all have them. We all value them.

    Blogging for me is about exercising a creative muscle that’s been unused for most of my life. That it allows me to connect with others is icing on the cake … and I do love icing 🙂

    Comments are the best but there is an element of pressure to be witty or insightful. Personally, it took me a long time to feel confident enough in my own voice to leave comments on other people’s blogs.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Joanne, I agree with you on all your points. I value the support and insights I’ve gained from bloggy friends. In some ways y’all know me better than anyone.

      I continue to keep a blog, and I’ve said this before, so that my brain keeps clicking and my heart stays open. Corny but true.

      I hated leaving comments when I first started blogging. I was scared that I’d say something wrong– and I did. Many times, so I apologized. But I came to realize that communicating via the written word like this lends itself to miscommunication and that you have to give everyone the benefit of the doubt when they comments on your posts. Lesson learned.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So true! The written word is tricky … there are no mannerisms or verbal nuances to modify a message.

        I’ve been told more than a few times that many people in the real world simply don’t get my sense of humour … including my own husband. Apparently the deadpan delivery is deceptive so I’ve learned that even in person, my message can go sideways 😏

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Sideways is a good way of describing it. I mean well, but realize I don’t always come across as such. Good intentions though– that must count for something.

          Like

  11. For me, blogging is all about sharing and connecting….. I rarely read without leaving a reply. If you took the time to write it, I can take the time to respond. If I follow you, I’ll read you… and drop my 2 cents worth every time. I don’t need 100 comments on my posts to stroke my ego, but the drive by liking thing only goes so far.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. rivergirl, I agree about the drive-by liking thing. I sometimes consider getting rid of the like optional altogether. It wasn’t around when I started blogging and I wonder about its value. HOWEVER, it does give readers a chance to feel connected here, I guess. I prefer to comment with words, myself– but to each her own.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I love the Angelou quote and try to live by it–I fail at times, though. I’m also guilty of reading a post and forgetting to hit a ‘like,’ but I’m trying to get better at letting people know when they touch me in some way or if what they say strikes a chord. You struck a chord. Thank you for the reminder that even a short word or two lets someone know their material is valued.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Dawn Smith Gondeck, you said it beautifully: “… even a short word or two lets someone know their material is valued.” That’s the essence of commenting, I’d say. But yes, I don’t always leave a comment and I don’t always read everything written by a blogger. It’s all about good intentions and balance.

      Like

  13. At least in my view, writing is about entertainment and there are a lot of ways to be entertaining. One can be clever, one can be funny and one can write earnestly about the rights and wrongs of life. That applies to comments too. Whenever I drop a comment, I do so with the hope that it lifts spirits.

    Some people do not trade comments or likes and that doesn’t bother me if their writing is spectacular, anything short of that and it does bother me a little. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    An important element of blogging is the social aspect. We have community here on WordPress and though that does not mean we are compelled to follow everyone who follows us or comment on everyone’s blog who comments on ours, it is our responsibility to be social and respect that dimension of what we are all doing here.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Almost Iowa, I try to do what you do when you comment. I’d like to be a force for good, not a Debbie Downer. Lifting spirits is a great way of thinking about it.

      I find that I’m ok with me leaving comments to bloggers who don’t have an interest in who I am BUT I do think it’s bad manners to not respond to my comment/anyone’s comment on your blog if you keep your comments open.

      Be polite and appreciate that someone took the time to engage with you. After all, like you said, this is a social activity. You want to be a hermit, keep your blog private.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I agree with you about it being bad manners not to respond to comments – but then one can go the other way too. It takes a lot of time to respond to comments and share comments on your followers blogs, so I would say it is bad manners to make a practice of not responding and it is good manners to not expect every comment to have a response and every blog to have a comment. Mostly, this is all about enjoyment and we should all keep that in mind. 🙂 🙂

        Liked by 3 people

        1. Interesting perspective. I remember a blogger years ago saying the difference between a blog and a website is that the former has interactive comments, the latter ignores commenters. Perhaps there’s a middle ground to be found between the two– and we’re only yet in the process of figuring that out.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi, ally. im one of those who doesnt reply to my comments cuz i just visit their blogs and comment there. It is true about having no time to reply because i usually read here when im having a quick meal.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. krcc, so really though you’re being interactive, just in your own way. That seems kind + grateful to me which is my bottom line about personal blogging: play nice. And you are. 🙂

              Like

  14. I just wanted to be one of the cool kids 😉

    I leave comments when I think I have something to say, and when I have time and when WordPress isn’t having a coronary.

    Liked by 5 people

  15. Yes to all of the above.

    I don’t know if this relates, but I’m going to share it, for what it’s worth. Another blogger recently wrote about a school reunion – he attended, despite his misgivings. He struggled with small talk. Most of the people were complete strangers and the only commonality between them was the alma mater.
    If and when I attend a reunion, my social skills learned here on the blogs will come into good use. We bloggers haven’t graduated from the same bricks and mortar school, but we have learned plenty from the school of life, just the same. Be kind, engage in meaningful and courteous commentary, if you can. If you cannot, smile and walk on to the next cluster of old farts hanging around the bar.
    Cheers, Ally
    Now, I must go and comment on this chap’s post – I couldn’t think of a thing to say at the time, but thanks to you, I can!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Maggie, you make an excellent point about all that you’ve learned while engaging in blogland. I feel the same way, too. The insights into how other people think and live have helped me become a kinder, more well-rounded person. Plus by leaving comments that I hope are well-received, I’ve learned how to express myself in the moment. I feel more confident now in all social interactions. Hope one of the old farts at the bar is buying. 🍻

      Liked by 1 person

  16. On target post. As in face to face life, in bloggerville there are friends, acquaintances, stalkers, and those who are like the HS girls running for cheerleader who are so perky and everyone’s bestie when running for office/stats (and leave one or two word comments – sometimes about something that indicates they didn’t really read the post…but you smile at them and say “sure” and take their ribbon or button….and might wear it a little bit or not.)
    Blogging really has change so much, the old pressure of you have to reciprocate isn’t as bad – or maybe it’s just the blogs I mostly read have been around for a bit, people have relaxed and most understand life intrudes and we all do the best we can.
    You are right, everyone does like to be noticed, Karma happens, and Angelou said it.
    Have a great weekend!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. philmouse, I like your analogy to high school girls being your besties, then dropping you when it suits them. SO TRUE, although if I’m honest here I enjoy watching the process unfold across many blogs that me and my besties seem to read. 🙄

      Does anyone appreciate or buy into a one word [or one emoji] comment from someone who you don’t know? Not me, but I’m a charming cynic.

      I agree that at this point I’ve got a core group of bloggy friends who I read and comment on when time permits. If I don’t get to them I trust they’ll survive without me. Real life first, blogging second. That’s my rule, one that I can live with.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Donna, blog commenting etiquette is about expectations. I’ve seen a few bloggers give up on blogging because they couldn’t figure out the how and why of commenting.

      Like

  17. Another good thought-provoking post Ally. This is not your first rodeo is it? 😉
    The whole follow for follow, like for like, comment for comment thing feels like a level of score keeping that I personally don’t have time for, but I understand why it can matter to others who take their blogging a lot more seriously. I guess it depends on what each of us is here for, if that makes any sense 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Norm, what you said makes perfect sense to me. I’m not a scorekeeper, either. In the beginning there was more pressure to reciprocate within blogworld, but that expectation has changed in the last few years. Or at least it’s changed among the bloggers with whom I interact. Social media is a new thing, so the *rules* of engagement are ever evolving.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. And Norm – if I may chime in here – I was just thinking about the angle of a challenge host and how and if they visit and leave comments on folks who join their challenges – and seeing your comment here reminded me of that and I LOVE how you are never too busy to visit (and comment) on the entries for your challenge – 😊

      Liked by 3 people

    1. evilsquirrel13, granted you could be those things, but I believe that you’re just another squirrel wandering this earth looking for some nuts!

      Like

  18. So much to ponder here – nice post and I do follow a few photo bloggers who never ever visit me – and that is okay- i don’t take it personal cos they are blogging from the angle of only showing their work vs interacting –
    I guess …
    And I like how you said blog friends – vs followers and fans

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Prior…, early on I took offense if I left a comment and the blogger didn’t come visit my blog back. But I’m long over that reciprocity idea and now just take it all as it comes & goes. I figure this isn’t supposed to be work, it’s supposed to be friends chit-chatting and getting to know each other. Comment when you can.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh there is such freedom in the “comment when you can”
        ((And side note – I still need to go and read a post you linked this week – about following blogs))
        And regarding likes – I read in the comments a little exchange over likes –
        And was wondering if you even notice who clicks like? I usually do not – unless the post just went live and I was still online and saw a few kiosks come in- or one time I was on a long blog break and I went thru a few gravatars wondering who they were –
        And so my advice for new bloggers is that if you want to get to know others – the like button will not necessarily do much – it is leaving genuine comments and being patient to find the groove-
        And one more thing – (oh god topic) as I chimed in to Norm up there – I felt kind of annoyed a couple months ago when “challenge hosts” were too busy to visit the bloggers that joined their challenge – and hey – they can do what they want – but I stopped those two challenges (for other reasons too – like not for me and I can only blog so much each week) but I prefer (just my preference) when a host has the warmth to visit every entry – a hospitality thing

        Like

        1. I’m not emotionally invested in LIKES. I see them as an avenue for someone to show me that they’ve been here and that’s nice, but as for keeping track of who those people are– ain’t gonna happen. I agree with you 100% in that genuine comments and time are the way to make bloggy friends.

          A bunch of years ago I got fed up with the way a certain challenge hostess didn’t bother to visit all of us who took part in her challenge. Like you I walked away from the situation, in my case feeling like I’d been played.

          Norm isn’t like that and it’s good of you to point that out and tell him so. We like Norm!

          Liked by 2 people

  19. The Maya quote is spot on. I suspect the FEELING is what lingers, not events or words. But. I comment very sparingly. My comments are three or four chapters LONG in my defense and I theorize that nobody has time to read all that and get on with life, so I do it very little. Does that mean I haven’t read or am not interested/invested in the blogger and what they say? Noooo. I follow roughly 148 blogs at this point and it’s a good day if I get through half. If I commented on all of them? I’d never get anything done and the dogs like to be fed on a regular basis, as well as walked and played with. And there’s Perry Mason on the classic TV channel….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Melanie, I understand your approach to commenting. Following as many blogs as you do I certainly can see how you could spend your entire day in front of the computer screen. I know that I appreciate it when you get a chance to comment here, but in no way expect you to do so. We all have to live real lives, and while it might be nice [maybe?] to blog our days away… who has the time? We each does what we does, you know?

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Perhaps it’s because I always have something to say about what people write, but I don’t stint on the commenting. Most of my bloggy friends reciprocate, but not all of them. I enjoy getting feedback on my posts and always respond to my comments in some way. (email or on the blog itself) As a relatively normal person, I’m feeling quite out of step with the world these days. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Margaret, we started blogging back when commenting was the only way to interact with each other. Like you, I’m able to usually find something to comment about on someone else’s blog post, but when I can’t I don’t lose sleep over it. Nor do I keep track of who comments here after I comment there. I’m way too laid back for such things. 😎

      Liked by 1 person

  21. The comment conundrum. Some posts touch my heart or I relate to them or react to them. I have something to say so I comment. Sometimes I enjoy the writing but don’t feel inspired so I don’t comment but I may “like” a post. Personally I don’t keep track of who does what on my blog although I know the people who leave the most thoughtful comments. Sometimes I don’t have time and sometime WordPress throws me a punch and I don’t see the post. After all this time of blogging, nothing much fazes me. I’m easy. Low expectations.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You nailed it, Kate. Like you I comment when I have something to say, but if I don’t then I move on. I have no expectations that anyone is going to come and read what I’ve written just because I commented on their blog.

      [I do expect a reply to my comment on their blog and if I don’t get one I classify that behavior as bad manners.]

      As for WP– the system is arbitrary and often stops me from commenting– or lately from liking. I’ve talked with them to no avail and have decided to try to not take it personally. 🤨

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Bloggy world is like the real world. Some want to be noticed (I often think the serial likers-non-commenters are those) and I tend to not notice them after a while. The thing is you and I and others write posts that easily lend themselves to comments. Also, I’m much more interested in connection, which doesn’t happen when one just clicks a star. It’s not required to comment, but I’m more likely to visit those who do rather than those who just click a star. I even had people say they’ve clicked the star without even opening the entire post (in reader). What is the point of that? Have I clicked the star only? Sometimes, but I always read the post. Mostly, though, I type a comment. It takes a minute and is really the only way to, as Captain Picard would put it, engage.

    Anyway…

    Hi! *waving*

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Tara, you’re right. I hadn’t thought of it but serial likers-non-commenters are trying to be noticed. That’s their way/game. Blogging was different when there was no little star to click. I’ve read other bloggers who say the same thing that you do; they talk about people who don’t read any post, just hit that darned star. I don’t get it, but I also don’t care how other people choose to engage in blogland. That’s their karma… 😐

      Liked by 1 person

  23. If people don’t leave comments then I wonder if they even read what I wrote or just “liked” the post in the hopes I would reciprocate. Generally I will once or twice but that’s it. Too many friendly bloggers out there who I’m genuinely happy to support.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Jan, you and me both. I’ll go out of my way to stay in the loop with friendly, interesting bloggers– but the people who only like in the hope of getting me to read their blogs… well, I wish them no ill but I don’t have the time to play games.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. teacherturnedmommy, I know, I try to keep up with more and more bloggers, but I fall behind. I place a priority on responding to comments left here on this blog, so at least I got that figured out. As for everything else, my intentions are good.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Truth! Love the Maya Angelou quote. Sometimes, I will read a blog and not comment because I also try to adhere to Thumper’s Mother’s Rule, which I reckon was actually his father’s. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” And sometimes. Sometimes I will not comment, but leave a ‘like’, because there is nothing to be said. But I do believe that engaging is really kind of the point of blogging and putting yourself out there is hard.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Elen, I like the Thumper Rule and do the same. I occasionally only like something when the WP system lets me do so. I have no strong opinions for or against clicking on like, but do remember fondly the days before it. You probably do, too.

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Interesting and engaging post as usually, Ally. While I like to be liked, I certainly don’t lose sleep over who sees me and who doesn’t, unless I have what I consider to be a particularly exciting post, (such as directing you to the video I made). Other than that, if you read me and comment, great! I mostly am just having fun and trying to spread those good feelings out there while I do it. Have a great weekend!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Janet, I know some bloggers take their stats seriously so the likes and comment numbers mean more to them than they do to me– or you. I comment whenever I can, but despite being a wordy woman I sometimes have nothing to add to the conversation. Happy weekend back at you. I’m looking forward to it.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. I think I’ve definitely evolved on comments. Like many bloggers, I started out with a set of very strict self-guidelines on what’s appropriate protocol. Over time I’ve loosened up on all of them and now just follow my own instincts. I no longer “keep score” to any degree about who’s commenting, who’s liking, etc. Feedback is always nice, but I also feel it’s healthier not to look for underlying reasons if someone has or hasn’t, which admittedly I probably did in the beginning. Bottom line? I think enjoy the process more now. – Marty

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Marty, I’ve evolved in the same ways that you have. Early on I was much more focused on who was commenting here and why. Now I go with the flow, responding to comments left here– commenting elsewhere when I can. I enjoy the blogging interaction and connection, but real life calls to me, too. It’s a balance.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Like most bloggers, I love getting comments (especially ones that go above and beyond). Writing posts takes work and I always appreciate it when I find that I’ve written something that resonates. A comment always deserves a reply. What has changed for me recently, is that I don’t always comment on every blog that I follow (I used to feel compelled to). I often do comment, but sometimes, if I don’t feel that I have anything to contribute, I just “like” (or not) and move on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Janis, I know how you feel. I cannot comment everywhere nor can I read all the posts. I seem to follow a prolific bunch of folks. I agree that it’s nice to know that what you wrote resonates, but I’d guess that if you’re into blogging only for the comments, then it’d would be a stressful activity. Me? I blog mellow.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Maya’s words are definitely true. And profound.
    I, for one, don’t have time to mess around with blogs that show no reciprocity. I’m in this for the community. I love when I discover a new blogger who is willing to engage back. That’s how you make friends. As a stay-at-home mom, being able to reach out to friends, virtual or not, during the day, is life-sustaining! (And sanity-sustaining! 😉 )

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Betsy, I can understand your approach to blogging. It’s a good way to be elsewhere while you are where you are. I agree that for me, too, it’s all about the community. And the fact that I am learning about how other people live… and think… and enjoy their lives. This is cool to me.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I enjoy seeing where everyone lives, too. Before blogging I didn’t truly comprehend that different parts of the country think different things are perfectly normal. Things that from an outsider’s pov seem weird. 😳

          Liked by 1 person

          1. If you like reading books, I recommend Heading South: Tales from the RV Trail by Florence Russell. Eye-opening slice of life stories from various regions of the U.S. I really had no idea. Plus, there are some seriously funny sections–letters to the author’s grandchildren. 🙂

            Like

  29. First, I’ve always loved that Maya Angelou quote and it certainly applies in the blogosphere. I’ve been blogging here at WP since February 2013 and I had just a handful of e-mail subscribers up to November 2017 and only two were routine commenters. All of a sudden, blogging took off and I thanked, then followed back everyone who followed me, regardless of their blog’s genre. I soon realized that was a silly thing to do – many folks were genuine followers but, as you point out, some were there for likes or so they can sport “X” number of followers on their blog site landing page. I began to weed out those people. I am irritated by those who hit the like button “before the ink has time to dry” – that is an insult to me, when I’ve just published a post and you like it. I do believe in quid pro quo to an extent … I bend my own rules as there are a few bloggers that never comment on my posts and I continue to comment on their posts. That may have to change though. I do have a nice group of fellow bloggers now who seem to show up in many of the blogs I follow and that would include you Ally. I don’t know if I can follow anyone else, as I sometimes feel quite behind here in Reader, but I also fall behind in other non-blogging activities as well. I am still struggling between being polite, yet finding a happy medium. Retirement would likely be the solution!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Linda, your last sentence made me laugh. I know how you feel about getting likes “before the ink has time to dry.” Great line, btw. I don’t use WP Reader so whoever follows me on it won’t be getting any reciprocity in that way. I’m with you on trying to have a nice group of bloggy friends and followers who take an interest here [thank you] and I can take an interest in them there. However it does become a challenge to keep up with everyone, and while I might want to read + comment on everything my bloggy friends and followers write, I DON’T HAVE THE TIME. So I do my best to check-in with everyone about once a week, maybe more, then I go live my real life.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is difficult Ally and I find myself devoting more and more time to blogging and less and less time to other things … things that need my attention around the house, or just being offline for awhile. I will tell myself after a long week at work, I can indulge in one day to myself to just walk, take pictures, upload those pics and write a post. But if I do that two days in a row on a weekend, it now pretty much kills getting anything else done in the house or anything else I want to do, like read. I can’t remember the last time I read a book, but I do read a lot on line, like the news, as I canceled my cable and get my news online and an AM all-news station. At some point soon, I have to find a happy medium, because I feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants half the time. I like my little bloggy group too because the posts are funny and light hearted. I really don’t want to read heavy or maudlin stuff or abstract poetry especially – I had too many years of trying to decipher some of it in school. Perhaps I am just getting cranky and I certainly don’t expect people to read each of my sometimes long and picture-laden posts all the time either. It is hard to give a thoughtful response to every post that passes your eyes, but at some point it is just impossible.

        Like

  30. I’ve only been blogging for a year and a half, and only found you Ally McBean recently. I enjoy your posts, so I read and like them, but don’t always comment. I like the like button, as it allows you to acknowledge that you have at least read it and thought about it, even if you have nothing to add. Sometimes I just like to read the comments section to see what other people are thinking about the topic. The longer I blog, the thicker my skin has become. This is a very good thing for a sensitive person, who was very nervous about letting anyone read my stuff at the beginning. Now, I basically don’t care. Like it, don’t like it, read it, don’t read it. I write for myself primarily, and if other people read and like it that’s just a bonus. I do like the friends I have found here in the blogosphere and enjoy connecting with people all over the world. With respect to the Maya Angelou quote, if a blogger makes me feel ignored, I might unfollow them…..and I don’t see anything wrong with that, as you can’t read everyone, so why not save your time for more generous souls.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Joni, we think alike: “Now, I basically don’t care. Like it, don’t like it, read it, don’t read it.” Amen, sister. I just said something similar to this to a friend irl who was asking about my blog.

      When I started blogging the ways in which we connected were different than they are today, so reciprocity was more important. I appreciate that the like button can provide useful for sincere readers, but some bloggers seem to be using it as a game of sorts. What they get out of it I could not say.

      I agree that if I feel ignored or marginalized then I move on. There are so many wonderful generous bloggers out there that it seems silly to not go find them.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve come a long way mentally since I blogged about my first year anniversary. I mentioned there the blog pirates, who just go down and like everything without reading anything. One morning I had just posted a blog, so I knew what my stats for the day were, and ten minutes later the Reader said someone had liked about 40 different posts? No way would someone have had time to read 40 posts in ten minutes, just someone looking for followers I guess, but it seemed bizarre.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That is bizarre behavior. I wouldn’t have noticed that either except in the instance you describe. My question is: to what end? Maybe people who do that think they’re helping you by inflating your likes? I dunno. People be weird.

          Liked by 1 person

  31. I don’t expect everyone who read to comment, nor do regular readers comment on every post. I do like engaging with those who do comment and I’ve been pleased with how positive people are. I hope I reciprocate in kind (and kindly).

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Eilene, my expectations are the same as yours. I know that we all have busy lives and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read &/or read/comment &/or read/like what I write here. Kind people do what they can and it’s good karma, you know?

      Liked by 1 person

  32. Visiting a blog reminds me of a cocktail party. You listen to the person who’s speaking. You nod and smile. You listen to what other people have to say, and if you have anything to add, you do so. If you don’t say anything, it only means you don’t feel you have anything to say.

    And, of course, when someone visits my blog and shows in one way or another that she’s been there, I’m pleased.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Behind the Story, yes I like your cocktail analogy. I find that to be true. I like to leave a comment but if it’s all been said, or I have nothing to add, I don’t.

      [And on a related note, I cannot comment on your blog. WP won’t let me do so. Yours is not the only blog on which this is happening. I’ve talked with WP to no avail, but am trying to figure out why on my own. Sorry.]

      Like

  33. Great questions. A while back I wondered what I was sharing online, be it on my blog and in blog comments. The issue for me was I didn’t want to share my life online, and more so what am I comfortable with sharing – and came to the conclusion I want to share very little, and am okay with sharing things that happened a long time ago, say five, ten, twenty years ago but not recently unless it’s a very random situation.

    On commenting on blogs: I follow and comment on blogs that interest me, and blogs that don’t necessarily read my blog. If I like a blog or blogger enough, I like to support their work by engaging with them (and this makes blogging more entertaining for me). I think all of us like to be noticed because it meas someone might care about us – and in real life, that’s an amazing thing 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Mabel, I understand your concern about what you’re sharing online. I am conscious of that too, although in my case I’ve gone the opposite way that you have. I’ll talk about here & now, but my past stays where it is.

      I follow a variety of people whose stories and lives and joie de vivre appeals to me. I comment, like I said, willy-nilly but try to get to everyone at least once a week. I soooo agree with you about the importance of making sure to notice people, to show that I care. In some ways that’s what personal blogging is about.

      FYI: I’m having difficulties commenting on your blog. Have talked with WP and am trying to fix it. In other words, I’m noticing you but cannot show it.

      Like

      1. I think you nailed it when you say you try to notice people to show care. There’s a kind of ‘let’s see what’ everyone is up to and say hi’ vibe around here on WordPress, and I think that’s what makes it so great.

        I am so sorry to hear you are having trouble commenting on my blog. Do you know what the error is? I have checked my Spam and Trash and can’t find trace of you there – so it sounds like an issue :/

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s really the truth of it on WP. I have a few minutes to spare so I check to see what’s up with people via their blogs. It’s fun and engaging– I hope for all of us.

          I get an error that says something to the effect of: invalid blog id. Then nothing happens. My comment is gone and there’s no way for me to get it to you. Yours isn’t the only blog on which this happens, which is a bummer.

          Like

          1. I think if it wasn’t fun and engaging, we’d all wouldn’t be here on WordPress 😀

            That is an unusual error, and unusual it’s happening on other blogs. Never heard of it so I don’t know what to suggest. Maybe logging out and back in and clearing your cookies and cache could help. Good luck with it :/

            Liked by 1 person

  34. Reciprocity is an ideal wish. Reading and commenting on more blogs is another ideal wish. And…I’m a slow reader and a slow content creator. So my efforts to do those things are challenged. And sporadic. And that’s with less than 200 followers. I’ve no idea what I’d do with 2,000 followers. Especially if they engaged a lot. It’s a nice community and it takes time. Which always feels in short supply. Thoughtful post. Thanks.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. WTG, I hear you. I write slowly, edit extensively, and worry excessively if I’ve said what I want to say. I enjoy keeping a blog but will admit that it can be work for me. I don’t want to not read what my commenters have written but like you said, reciprocity is an ideal. I do my best to stay current with other bloggers, especially with the ones who comment here often– but reality does get in my way. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  35. I’ve been writing my blog for about 14 years now, and I’ve always responded to each comment personally, right on the blog, from Day One. If I had hundreds of Commenters, I’d have to rethink that practice, but it’s important to me to not only acknowledge their thoughts, but to continue the discussion.

    After all, that’s why I write: I have something I want to share, to talk about, to get some input on. My blog isn’t a showcase of my writing, it’s the start (I hope) of a conversation.

    I leave comments on other blogs where the writers never acknowledge their commenters exist. But I am naturally chatty and like to add my thoughts if the opportunity arises. And many times, those comments have brought readers/commenters to my blog. That’s so great! But not my motivation.

    I’m glad the days of chasing comments is gone (at least for me) from the heyday of blogging when everyone was looking for a book deal or clicks on their hit counter. Now, I just like to exercise my writing chops and stay in touch with my buddies in the Interwebs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. nance, like you I respond to each comment I receive on my blog. If by chance I don’t reply I’ve missed it, not because I am ignoring you. In the beginning I replied via email, but now with threaded comments I do it publicly which I much prefer. It lets other bloggers get to know each other.

      You make a good point about the underlying motivation in why you leave a comment on a blog. If it’s only about reciprocity, in my experience, you’re going to be disappointed. I’m sure you agree. 🙄

      Anymore I blog for pretty much the same reasons that you do. It’s a good way to remember how to think and it’s a great way to learn about other people, while supporting them in the process. Lots of winning there if you ask me.

      [Still can’t comment on your blog. Sorry. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s all because I use such old computers?]

      Like

      1. I know at one point recently you successfully left a comment and mentioned you were using a newer computer and updated browser. Then, it never happened again. Whether that was entirely the case or not, who knows?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I did use a newer computer that one time, but now using it doesn’t let me through to you. I don’t know if the problem is with the browsers in our machines or if it is with Google itself. I’m not offered the ability to sign into Google so I cannot hit a button to submit my comment. I don’t have a blogger blog, but I do use gmail so I have an account. I really dunno…

          Like

  36. It is so true.
    I’m meh about comments. I don’t always comment. I don’t always have something to say. Sometimes I have too much to say and I worry people don’t like that.
    I also think of blogland friends, and I am sad when they don’t write or I don’t have time to read them. Still, they may not get a comment every post. Is it required? I hope not. I prefer to think it’s voluntarily interactive and not forced, like we’re in academic message boards and we need the participation points. I would not like to think people feel pressured to comment, and if someone insisted, I’d likely stop reading.
    Now, what I can’t abide are the skimmers who do a bad job and THEN comment. That’s terrible. Just Like it and go away, Bad Skimmer. Tsk.
    The notifications are not perfect. I usta go back at the end of the week and check for comments I didn’t respond to. I don’t now. I don’t have the time I usta have. I sure hope no one takes it personally. I hope they know it happens to them, too.
    Ooh, see, I had a lot to write. Best I go.
    Good post!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. joey, I think you said it well here. Comment when you can, if you’ve got something to say. I consider commenting a voluntary activity and like you I hope that no one takes offense if I don’t comment on every post. I mean, I do have a life elsewhere.

      When it comes to the skimmers I sometimes wonder if they get distracted mid-read and then think they’ve picked up where they left off. At least that’s how I rationalize some of those slightly odd comments from good people.

      I don’t trust the notifications, either. I double-check to make sure I’ve responded to comments, but not every day. If anyone’s comment slips through the cracks, mea culpa… but I’m not perfect and mistakes happen.

      Liked by 1 person

  37. This is a great discussion – we all like to receive comments, but it’s not always reciprocal. If I really like a post, but don’t have anything meaningful to say that adds to the conversation, I won’t force a comment. But I will like it and share it. And I try to comment whenever it feels right. But I do have my “bloggy friends” and I consider them real friends. I always try to read and comment on those blogs because the bloggers are important to me! But there’s limited time to read and comment on every blog that goes through my reader. So I just do my best. I’m glad you posted this – it’s very relevant to me!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Book Club Mom, we approach blog commenting in the same way. I agree that it’s not good to force a comment, and like you I trust myself to know when to comment. You nailed it with the time constraints issue. I believe many of us would like to read + comment more, but who has the time? We do what we can do.

      Like

  38. I do agree. But I’m sometimes terrible at commenting and hope that my bloggy friends will be as forgiving and my IRL friends when I tend to fall off the face of the earth!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. katie, I understand your MO. I do the same thing. I only comment when I can think of something to say– and as for my IRL friends, they know I fall off the face of the earth frequently [but are there for them if they need me]. We be introverts.

      Like

    1. Sheryl, I like the community aspect, too. At this point I only write here to start conversations and engage with other people. My days of “finding myself” via a personal blog are long gone. 😉

      Like

  39. What you said totally makes sense. I’ve met some great people while blogging. Ain’t nobody got time for visiting millions of blogs. If people comment, great. If not . . . and I had to wait until I could say this sincerely . . . great!

    Like

    1. L. Marie, I agree. I’ve met some fun + smart people along the way while I’ve written a blog. I do follow and comment on a few blogs written by people who rarely comment back. That’s ok. I figure they’re busy or I’m of no interest to them or whatever. Of course when my time is scarce they’re the first blogs I skip over. 😉

      Like

  40. Ally – not only is your blog a joy to visit and comment on, your comments shared on other blogs, including mine, are a pleasure to read. Thank you for all your efforts to create fun and enjoyment in the blogosphere!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shelley, aren’t you sweet to say this! Thank you. I do try to make blogging & commenting as fun and enjoyable as possible. Although truth be known, I had no idea the topic of blog comments would generate so many blog comments. I’m grateful, intrigued, and amazed. 😳

      Liked by 1 person

  41. This is 200% true. Because I do truly enjoy talking with people who visit my blog I’ll usually try to leave a comment when I’m out and about the blogosphere. My guideline is I don’t force it. If the post made me react, or think, or feel, or ____ then I’ll comment — but I won’t drop something like “nice post” unless I feel REALLY strongly. But if I feel REALLY strongly I rarely only have “nice post” to say. Maybe because I’m wordy. Kinda like now. 😆

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Laura, we comment in the same way. I never force anything nor do I just add a word or two as my comment [unless I’ve known the blogger for long time and they’ll understand because of previous conversations]. I’m wordy, too. Rather enjoy it so feel free to comment as wordily as you like here. I get it.

      Like

  42. I’m pretty sure we’re on the same page with our thoughts on commenting Ally. But I always like these discussions, and I love all the thoughtful comments offered in response to your post. I know very few things for certain, but I do know that I love being part of the blogging community – there’s so much goodness here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Deborah, I didn’t know that this topic, how to comment on a blog, would be as popular as it has been. So many people have shared their ideas here and I’ve learned how people think about commenting, sometimes differently than I do. Kind of cool that there’s a place for everyone in the blogging community.

      Liked by 1 person

  43. Now, you’re making us look within. 🙂 I leave a comment when there is a topic that calls to me. I love reading different opinions on different topics, but sometimes that person you follow suddenly shifts from one to two posts a week to almost daily. I have no desire to try and stay up to date on that many posts from the same person. There’s a nice blogger that posts 1-3 times a day, and just writing that gives me a headache. So, when she stops by I go and find a topic I find interesting and leave her a comment. I have reduced the number of blogs I try to read because especially this time of year, I prefer to be outside instead of in front of the screen. But, I do try to be a good neighbor in this wonderful blogging community.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Judy, oddly enough when I posted this I was just clearing out the last draft in my file. I’d no idea it’d be a popular topic and that people would have a variety of things to say. Goes to show you never know.

      Like you I’m following fewer bloggers than I used to because while I enjoy what people have to say, I can’t attend to their every word/thought/post. Keeping up with bloggers who post daily [or more] is beyond me, too. I check-in with them when I can.

      You nailed it with your “try to be a good neighbor” approach to blog commenting. I hadn’t thought of it like that, but it is how I do things, too. We’re all in this together, might as well play nice. 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  44. I have been around the blog scene for a while, and I think it is a journey for many of us. I started out writing a blog for information collecting and sharing, later it transformed into a small community and finally into an ongoing converastion with some very nice people. Readers come and go, just like some acquaintances or friendships i.r.l. I feel a responsibility to visit other bloggers if they participate in a challenge, I am running. It would be rude not to. However, I can’t always cope with all the email notifications of posts and have to rely on the reader to catch up on my blogging community. The wordpress reader is not always great at filtering so I miss some important posts from the blogs I follow. I think I may have even mentioned this to Mabel Kwong at one point. We search for a balance in blogging. A balance between writing and reading/commenting. For each person, the balance point is different. Comments make blogging more than just a diatribe, they turn it into a conversation. I love that. Btw, I sometimes get an error when visiting a new blog who has commented on mine and have to find them via a google search. A bit frustrating, at times….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda, you’re right that personal blogging is a journey. I also agree that it’s all about balance. I try to visit the blogs of people who visit my blog, but that’s not alway practical– especially if the blogger is in a niche that doesn’t interest me. At this point it’s the ability to start conversations that keeps me involved in blogging, so commenting is a big part of that.

      I gave up on WP Reader a long time ago and I don’t get any email notifications. I use Feedly to follow blogs which gives me more of a sense of control over who I’ll read and when. Thanks for the idea of doing a google search to get to blogs that give me an error message. I’ve never tried that.

      Like

  45. I have been blogging for about eight years and times have-a-changed! Blogging was so different back then. I don’t follow as many blogs anymore because I have now added on FB groups, IG stories, and what have you. I try to keep up with my favorite-est bloggers, and often I batch a lot of blog reading in one day because I like to settle in for an evening of enjoyable reading, cup of tea at hand.

    I agree that good manners are important, and I try to be diligent about replying to comments on my blog posts. But there are days that comments come in, and I just can’t get to my post to reply, and then before I know it, three weeks have gone by with no reply from me. I always feel terrible about that, because I know it looks like I’m being ungrateful. Nothing is further from the truth, but I wish I had a better system on those crazy time-suck days!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Kate, I agree that personal blogging has changed. I started back before threaded comments were standard and if anyone left a comment I followed them. Reciprocity was the way it was. However like you I follow fewer bloggers now. I’m not part of FB so I don’t have that reason. I just try to stay in touch with people who interest me, not a particular niche.

      My take on replying to comments is that I attempt to respond in a timely manner. Sometimes that’s the same day as the comment is left, other times it’s within a few days– or occasionally a week. I wouldn’t beat yourself up because it takes you a while to get time to reply to your comments. Just do what you can when you can. Your blog, your rules, right?

      Like

  46. So sometimes it’s the technology that gets in the way. For e.g., I read this Monday morning, and tried to comment using my phone, but your blog wouldn’t accept the comment even after I put my password in and that happens to me with other blogs, too, so under those circumstances, I may just forget to go back to a blog. But I agree with you; make friends and comment on their work and don’t worry about the rest. Have a groovy day, Ally!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Pam, I’m sorry that WP blocked you from commenting. Every once in a while I have that happen to me too and I don’t know why. I’ve tried talking with the Happiness Engineers but they placate instead of solve the problem. I do just try to do my best, stay in touch with bloggers who I find interesting, take whatever attention they want to send my way when/if it happens. Personal blogging is fun, but I refuse to let it own me. Thanks for making the effort to comment here. Much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.