In one week I went to the eye doctor and the lady bits doctor. They are not on the same page as to what I need to do, henceforth, to stay a healthy and whole woman. In fact, putting together their advice I am left with a math word problem.
I never liked math word problems when I was twelve– and I do not like them any better now that I am many decades beyond twelve. Here is what I have to figure out:
Ally wants to be a healthy person. She is on a train called YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME heading toward the town known as OLD AGE.
According to the eye doctor, who wants the redness and dryness in her eyes to abate, Ally is to take 2 antibiotics each day. These are to be taken on an empty stomach 1 hour before eating OR 2-3 hours after eating. They are never to be taken before eating anything with calcium in it.
According to her lady bits doctor, who wants all women to have strong bones, Ally is supposed to eat 3 servings of calcium-rich food each day. These foods include all sorts of low-fat, no-fat dairy products + soybeans + raw spinach. Also, she is to take 1 calcium supplement each day.
So, how does Ally get to the junction of SEEING CLEARLY and NO BROKEN BONES while riding along on the YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME train without making a major stop at I NEED TO GET MY HEAD EXAMINED? Or before becoming derailed in the ‘burg known as YEAST INFECTION? Or before being stopped by the outlaw gang known as RAW SPINACH MAKES MY FACE TURN RED?
Hmm? How does Ally do this?
And with that question in mind, I shall wander off to solve this ridiculous word problem with a pad of paper + pen, a mug of coffee & a less than enthusiastic attitude. If figuring out word problems such as this is what old age is going to be all about, I’m having a few doubts about my ability to age gracefully. Or to even care about good health. ‘Ya know what I mean?
This is craziness.