Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News

In one week I went to the eye doctor and the lady bits doctor.  They are not on the same page as to what I need to do, henceforth, to stay a healthy and whole woman.  In fact, putting together their advice I am left with a math word problem.

I never liked math word problems when I was twelve– and I do not like them any better now that I am many decades beyond twelve.  Here is what I have to figure out:

<begin snarl>

Ally wants to be a healthy person.  She is on a train called YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME heading toward the town known as OLD AGE.

According to the eye doctor, who wants the redness and dryness in her eyes to abate, Ally is to take 2 antibiotics each day.  These are to be taken on an empty stomach 1 hour before eating OR 2-3 hours after eating.  They are never to be taken before eating anything with calcium in it.

According to her lady bits doctor, who wants all women to have strong bones, Ally is supposed to eat 3 servings of calcium-rich food each day.  These foods include all sorts of low-fat, no-fat dairy products + soybeans + raw spinach.  Also, she is to take 1 calcium supplement each day.

So, how does Ally get to the junction of SEEING CLEARLY and NO BROKEN BONES while riding along on the YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME train without making a major stop at I NEED TO GET MY HEAD EXAMINED?  Or before becoming derailed in the ‘burg known as YEAST INFECTION?  Or before being stopped by the outlaw gang known as RAW SPINACH MAKES MY FACE TURN RED?

Hmm?  How does Ally do this?

<end snarl>

And with that question in mind, I shall wander off to solve this ridiculous word problem with a pad of paper + pen, a mug of coffee & a less than enthusiastic attitude.  If figuring out word problems such as this is what old age is going to be all about, I’m having a few doubts about my ability to age gracefully.  Or to even care about good health.  ‘Ya know what I mean?

This is craziness.

16 thoughts on “Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News

  1. Total craziness! It will be interesting to see how you solve this math word problem. They were always my downfall, so I wish you the best of luck on this endeavor!! And may you have the best of health in the outcome:)


    • Beth, I’m sure that I’ll figure out a good enough way to do all of this, but my heart’s not in it. I’m not one for pills, which as we can see, make life complicated. *meh*


  2. Oh no, not word problems! Math always worked better for me if I saw it as a number puzzle rather than something that was supposed to apply to the real world. Let’s see, yogurt to help prevent the dreaded yeast infection but only eaten in the middle of the night when it’s far away from any possible antibiotic? And don’t forget to take acidophilus to rebalance your digestive system from the antibiotics, too. Oh, and some dietitians are now recommending not using fat-free dairy because you need a bit of fat to be able to absorb the calcium. As for calcium supplements – I recommend gummy calcium. No chalky chewables, no giant horsepills – plus the added benefit of a tasty gummy treat. But, of course, eaten at 3 AM when not antibiotics are in sight.


  3. I hate those medication restrictions against eating a certain amount of time before or after, citrus, etc. I snarled at the bone lady when she wanted to put me on meds for having minor osteopenia(which isn’t really even a condition)–NO THANKS. I’ll do the best I can which needs to be your mantra too, dear AB. xoxo


    • robin, you ask an excellent question re: paper gowns. And while we’re on the topic of ob-gyn annual visits, why are these doctors never on time? Because who doesn’t love sitting around in a paper gown waiting for the doc to show up? Oh, I know– that would be me!


  4. I echo Margaret’s sentiment of meds needing to be taken at prescribed times. I have one med that is supposed to be taken in the morning and in the afternoon, but before 3 o’clock otherwise it will keep me awake. I recklessly started taking 2 in the morning and saying to heck with the afternoon pill. When I told my doctor she said, “Well, fortunately for you, that’s okay. Otherwise that’s not a good idea.” In other words, don’t ask me about your math problem because I have been medically diagnosed as having bad ideas.


    • Joan, the eye doc also gave me a suggestion for OTC eye drops, so your suggestion is sound. The antibiotics are just for a while until the infection in my red eyes clears up. Then it’ll be eye drops for life, I suspect.


      • Now I use OTC drops just in the morning and night. Sometimes I need them during the day such as if I’m in a room or a car a long time with very dry air blowing on me. I’m able to get a sense when my eye (just 1 in my case) is drying out and pretty much avoid redness. Again hope it goes well.


  5. YUCKIE. It just gets more complicated. I have to “schedule” medications, too. If you take calcium you need to take D3 for absorption at the same time (I take calcium/D3 twice a day). Docs here are saying 2% milk is recommended. Find a good Greek yogurt you like without fructose to help with anitbiotics and calcium. (We use Chobani or Nossa)
    Fresh fruits and dark green veggies are always good.
    You are right it is a math problem – no wonder I have trouble with it all!
    (and I hate those paper gowns and chilly rooms, too)


    • philosophermouse, good advice. Thanks. I already prefer Chobani & 2% milk is sounding even better! It’s not that I’m against doing this properly, but considering that all the docs around here are linked to each other via computer magic, then I think that they should be able to print out a pill/calcium schedule for me via computer magic. Seems reasonable to me.


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