In Which I Lie, But Cannot Decide If It Matters

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A conundrum.

You know how conventional wisdom says that what you do says more about who you are than what you say?

So here’s the story.  An acquaintance who I’ve known for well over a decade says to me something like:

“You always wear eyeglasses with plastic frames, don’t you?”

This is while I’m standing in front of her wearing my rimless eyeglasses that I’ve worn forever.

Like before Sarah Palin made them popular.

Like all the time. Every day. On my face.

And I say back to her:

“Yes.”

She continues talking while I wonder which one of just revealed the most about ourselves.

That is, she is obviously clueless about what I look like if she hasn’t noticed that my eyewear has been the same in all the time I’ve known her.

But what does it say about me that I lied when I didn’t correct her?  And that I went right along with her pretend attentiveness, intended to make me think she cares about me?

I don’t have an answer to the questions raised during this less-than-delightful little social interaction, but the conversation caused me to wonder: who’s scamming who here?

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Ally Bean

Observant. Creative. Humorous. Adaptable. Happy enough. Looking for the crumb of truth in the cookie of life.

63 thoughts on “In Which I Lie, But Cannot Decide If It Matters”

    1. Zen-Den, having now looked up the definition of sardonic*, I see what you’re getting at. Yes, I was being a cynic, but I didn’t roll my eyes so I’ll say that I wasn’t mocking. Nice comment, darling.

      *Sardonic means grimly mocking or cynical

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  1. Isn’t that strange? I don’t think it matters. Boo on her.
    My mother wears rimless glasses and they look marvelous on her. I tried a few pairs myself. I looked like a poorly drawn cartoon character, perhaps crafted by a small child imitating Picasso. You must have a more symmetrical face 🙂

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    1. joey, I love your description of how you look in rimless glasses. I may look the same way, but I like how comfortable they are, so I wear them. Like for over 10 years. But did this acquaintance ever notice…? *shakes head as she walks away*

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  2. I love those little Sayings, and they often appear on church signs. They also often contradict themselves and open up a Big Can O’ Worms for me.

    “What you do is not as Important as Who You Are” is currently the sign in front of a nearby church. Not ten miles away is this one: “It is not What You Do, but Who You Are”.

    So! It is not The Frames You Wear, but the One Who Wears Them…? Or maybe…oh, never mind.

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      1. nance, you’ve got me laughing out loud here. You make a good point about which saying you’re going to use as your guiding principle. They’re all gibberish– and profound at the same time. I lean toward “actions speak louder than words,” but coming from a practical Presbyterian background what can you expect?

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  3. I don’t know the answer either my favorite Bean, but I think it’s very telling as to why she’s not on your ‘friends’ list….and I think your answer was great!

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    1. bitsfromheaven, oh she’s nowhere near my list of friends. Barely on the acquaintance list after this little convo. I mean really, it’s not like my glasses frames are a secret. Just look at me!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Haha. I hate to say this, but if I was your friend ‘out there’ I’d probably forget all kinds of things! Important dates, to-do lists, meetings, but not you’re glasses….though I forget to wear mine often.

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  4. Perhaps your friend thinks frameless is the same as plastic frames. She was looking right at you! BTW I love frameless best. They are much lighter on my nose. Currently I have a rimmed pair but going back to frameless for my next pair. As to your conundrum, hmmmm, sounds like no one was harmed. Unless it was important to her story it didn’t matter. I’ve tried to make corrections to friend’s theories and it’s never gone well.

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    1. Kate, I realize that no one was harmed during this conversation, so my lie probably won’t condemn me to hell for all eternity. But to not notice something so obvious as my eyeglasses, seems just a tad insincere to me.

      And I agree with you. I like these rimless glasses because they’re comfortable and don’t obscure my peripheral vision the way those plastic frame ones do. They’ve been a good thing for me.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. nrhatch, that could be the reason she’s clueless about what I wear. She can’t see clearly. Sure, I can go with that explanation. Why not?

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  5. What a strange comment from the acquaintance. I am puzzled by it. Could she think of nothing else to say? What difference does it make as to what type of glass frames you wear? You should have said, “And you must have eaten a poop sandwich this morning – again – because you always have that sour look on your face, like you just can’t get the taste out of your mouth. Go make inane comments to someone else.” People are so weird.

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    1. SD Gates, this comment was just part of her chatter. She’s an extroverted talker who goes on about whatever floats through her brain. You know the type, not a bad person, just self-absorbed. But this little snippet of conversation did get me thinking about why I’m even talking with her. Weird is right.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I couldn’t tell you any details about the people I see almost every day…. glasses or not, hairstyles, facial features… and don’t ever ask me for someone’s eye color because there isn’t a soul in the world I could answer that question about (even myself). If someone wants to commit the perfect crime, they only need make sure I am the only witness, because I would never be able to describe them to the police…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. evilsquirrel13, interesting. I notice details about people + objects who I interact with on a regular basis. It’s hardwired into me. But now that I know you’re oblivious to the world around you, I can start planning a major heist! 😉

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  7. I hate people like this. Talkie, talkie, talkie. No filter. Word vomit just coming out their mouths… ugh.

    See, now my retort would have been something like, “You need your eyes checked, yes?” You were having a polite moment. If she’s not a friend friend, I wouldn’t worry about it. The question now is: why is Ally being so hard on Ally for a “lie” which isn’t really a lie? (Sorry, just read Carolyn Hax in the Washington Post. I’m all expert column-y now!). ~Tara

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    1. Tara, you’d make a good advice columnist. I can see you have a flair for it. I have no idea why Ally is being so hard on Ally, except that doing so keeps me on the mostly straight and narrow which is where a nearsighted person such as myself needs to be. And yes, that talkie, talkie stuff gets tiresome.

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  8. Funny story. I once bought a pair of glasses that I loved the look of and then as I showed them off to my friend I realized they were a lot like hers. It was a genuine mistake (or a subconscious choice), but I couldn’t help wondering if she thought I copied her and lied about it.

    BTW, in your situation, sometimes it’s just easier to go with it then disagree.

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    1. Kourtney, that’s pretty funny. I hope your friend was flattered by your choice. I would be. You’re right about the situation I was in, no real need to correct this woman, if I could have gotten a word in edgewise.

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    1. bnzoot, I like how you’re rationalizing this. I didn’t want to make her feel badly, but I also realized that I didn’t especially want to keep talking with her. I’m not sure if that makes me noble– but it’s the truth! 🙂

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      1. Oh, we’ve all been there! “I’m just gonna shut up because if I have to endure so-and-so a minute longer, I’m gonna kill her.” Been there soooo many times!

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  9. Ally, you are great! What I love about you that you can just own what went on. I think many people can relate to agreeing to something because it’s easier in the moment. Great post and I loved the comments.

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    1. Gulara, thank you. This was one of those conversations where one part of my brain became an observer while the rest of me engaged in the conversation. I knew I was lying, but I really didn’t care… exactly.

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  10. Ally, I think you were just being nice while, at the same time, effectively bringing her inane comments to a close. Well done!

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  11. An interesting conundrum Ms Bean. I got focused on did-you-tell-a-lie-at-all more than the rest of the story. I’m leaning toward no. In my mind, I see you metaphorically tilt your head to the right, probably squint your right eye and say Duh! “Sure, I wear plastic frames, I always have, right?” your Yes says, a bit sarcastically. That’s not a lie, that’s a perfectly acceptable response to stupid people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Zaz, I like your interpretation of this conversation. If only I’d been that sarcastic, but I wasn’t. I just said YES, pretty much to end all further comments about me. I knew I was lying while I spoke, but I didn’t care. This woman is not the brightest bulb, ‘ya know?

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  12. It’s just not worth correcting some people anyway; she’d have probably argued until she was blue in the face that, yes, you do wear plastic lenses. I know several people like this and I simply cannot be arsed to talk to them. Move away from the logorrhea-iac…

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    1. Barbed Words, I think you’re right. She’s a woman who’s in her own world, all the time– so a little bit of reality would be lost on her. Some people are like that, eh?

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  13. I had rimless glasses in the 90s! I have a pair again now. (Zenni Optical–I got a little carried away because glasses are so cheap and bought, like, eight pairs!) I think my next expensive pair of glasses will be rimless. I wore contacts most of my life and can’t anymore, but I like that rimless don’t obscure your face. I’m just looking for a pair that have cool stems. Maybe some bling on them?!

    Stephanie
    http://stephie5741.blogspot.com

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    1. Stephanie, I like my rimless glasses for the reason you mentioned: they don’t obscure your face. Plus so light and comfortable. I’d like some bling on my next pair, too–snazzy things up a bit. But they’ll still be rimless!

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  14. The other day I was telling a story about one of my friends and my son asked, ‘Which one is he?’ and I said, ‘The Australian with the glasses.’ My wife reminded me that he didn’t wear glasses and had never worn glasses in the three years we’d known each other. I’d make a terrible detective.

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    1. The Good Greatsby, that’s a wonderful story. Columbo you are not! Good that you know your limits and aren’t longing to be a detective. Well, be a successful detective, that is. 🙂

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  15. How funny. Your verbal governing guide is better than mine – I would have blurted some narky answer – and she would have probaby cried – and it woul dhave ended up in a huge messy drama. Sigh. Older I get, the more I just smile and nod…and look for the exit door.

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    1. philmouse, I’m getting to be the same way. I could have corrected her, but to what end? It was one of those conversations that was going nowhere, so why not let it?

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  16. This encounter made me chuckle. Maybe she realized her faux-pas halfway through the conversation but then couldn’t understand why you didn’t correct her and was so embarrassed, haha! I would have loved to see the inner monologue of both parties!

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    1. Letizia, it was one of the goofier conversations I’ve had in a while. This woman is a chatter box, so who knows what she was thinking. I’ve worn this rimless style of glasses forever. Am known for them. And then this…?

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