Fun With Pedicures: Conning Mr. Man, If Only For A Moment

It’s not easy to pull the wool over Zen-Den’s eyes. He’s smart and lawyerly and hyper-aware of liars. But for a moment I had him going, so I have to share it here. For posterity. For snorts and giggles.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION

I.  In the photo above the color of nail polish you see on my toenails is unusual for me.  I usually go clear/pale OR dark/bright.  I rarely wear halfway/medium colors like you see above.

II.  OPI nail polishes, which I prefer, are grouped into cleverly named collections.  For instance a pale pink called Bubble Bath might be found in the Always Bare For You Collection.  A bright pink red called California Raspberry might be found in the Fan Faves Collection.  [These particular colors are so old that they’re no longer featured in any collection, but I’m making a point here so please go with it.]

III.  After wearing Bubble Bath for a few weeks I decided it was too blah for me.  No character.  So on a whim as a way of zhooshing it up, I mixed a bit of California Raspberry with it.  I figured I’d create a new medium color.  And I did.  That’s what you see on my toenails in the photo.

THE CON *tee-hee*

Z-D came home from work the other night and noticed the pink color of my fresh pedicure.  He looked down at my feet and asked me if I had a rash on my toes.  I instantly realized that he thought my created shade of pink was calamine lotion.

So I told him: “No, that’s a new shade of nail polish.  It’s called Chicken Pox Pink, part of OPI’s new Childhood Illnesses Collection.”

He said nothing, just kept staring at my toes.

So I continued: “There are other colors in the collection, like Measles Mauve and Flu Shot Fuchsia.”

With a totally confused look on his face he said: “There’s a nail polish collection called Childhood Illnesses?”

I said: “Oh yes, there’s Bronchitis Burgundy and…”

He interrupted: “THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS THIS COLLECTION.”

But I kept going: “Boo-Boo Bunny Beige and…”

He said: “You’re making this up.”

I said: “Oh no, this is for real.  There’s Drippy Nose Rose and…”

At which point Zen-Den, shaking his head in disbelief and laughing, wandered away from the conversation, as if I might not be telling the truth.  Can you imagine that?

THE END

Published by

Ally Bean

Observant. Humorous. Adaptable. Pleasantly crazy. Midwestern by chance. Kindhearted by choice. Wordy.

135 thoughts on “Fun With Pedicures: Conning Mr. Man, If Only For A Moment”

  1. Yep – you had me going. for while. I would love to read sometime about how companies like these come up with their names – results of customer focus groups, over-paying marketing companies that are just making crap up, or do they go to the annual goofy name national convention and take turns with the paint companies to draw from this year’s pool?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Z-D, I’d like to know what you ask, too. I’d be good at coming up with names for colors. I could be an over-paid marketing professional, I just know I could. Think of my career possibilities.

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  2. I never thought about mixing colors, Abean. Did you do the same with your fingernails? Although I still paint my toes in the summer months, I haven’t worn polish on my fingernails in over ten years. I gave it up when they came out with 10-day No Chip and it chipped the first time my nail hit the keyboard.

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    1. Jill, like you I only paint my toenails now. I had a similar experience with a manicure and thought the same thing as you. Not worth it. Life is too short to fuss around with chipped nails.

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  3. LOL – I think you’re on to something that’ll sell at this time of the year! PS – I think the color you made is lovely, I’d wear it. I spilled many bottles of that pink calamine stuff on mosquito bites as a kid. Ah…fond memories!!

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    1. Shelley, thank you for your support of my proposed new line of OPI polish colors. I like this color, Chickenpox Pink, too. I’m going to use it until the end of sandal season– which could be January at the rate things are going. 🙄

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  4. Oh my! This post just cracked me up! How clever of you to mix two colors together. And amazing that Zen Den noticed! You have quite the imagination for color names. Love them! you could be a marketing professional for sure!!

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    1. Beth, I’ve mixed polish colors before and sometimes the result is awful– but this time it’s pretty. I like Chicken Pox Pink so I’m going to keep it on my little piggies. Start a trend even

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  5. I had a good laugh Ally Bean thank you. Verrrrrry occasionally I have a manicure I always smudge it and have to back with hands outstretched. I’ve had a pedicure precisely once and now am planning both pedicure and manicure next week for fancy wedding – why does the colour change the minute it goes on the nails? Even if pale?

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    1. Susan, I’m not a manicure person, either. However I do paint my toenails. I don’t like professional pedicures so I do it myself. I’ve no answer to your color conundrum, but I know what you ask is true. The color transformation is weird, isn’t it?

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  6. (snort) Oh if only they named nail polishes those colours – we’d all know exactly what they mean! 😀 Manicures & I are almost strangers. I bit my nails as a child, so they’re really weak. Clacking away at a keyboard & washing up without gloves (yes, I know) means polish never lasts even 24 hours, so I don’t bother. I do like to have my toenails done and a truly good pedicure is a genuine treat. But, let’s be honest most pedicures simply don’t fall into that category, so why bother? There’s two nail parlours in my new home town. Ever the optimist, I shall try them out …

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    1. Deb, I’m not one for a manicure either. Too expensive for how little time it lasts. I do my own pedicures because I don’t like anyone messing around with my feet. I know that many friends adore a professional pedicure so I hope you find a good place near you so that you can have your genuine treat.

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  7. You are very quick witted! I think your “collection” is a brain storm and could be top sellers. They are catchy names and easy to remember. My favorite nail color is Chicago Champagne sunset, or something like that. I can never quite remember it. I wouldn’t forget the name of a Childhood Illness polish! You better patent your idea right away!!

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    1. Margaret, my collection was not planned, I can assure of that, but it did catch Z-D unaware so it is in my mind a perfect collection. I’m not familiar with your color, but once you find one that works you gotta stick with it. 💅🏻

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  8. Haha! It’s not that far-fetched which is why he was fooled. My living room is painted “yeast” – about the most unsexy name you can come with! I’ve had people tell me they thought I was kidding.

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    1. Jan, your walls are “yeast”? Oh that’s a sad name for what I’m betting is a good color. Of course, you’re right, it does explain why Z-D was taken in by my Childhood Illnesses Collection.

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  9. I’m going to have to share this one with my daughters who are really into nail polish. I have never polished my toes. I do polish my fingernails but only when they are long so that’s like maybe once a year for a month. LOL. Good job on catching ZD. Just be wary of retaliation of some sort. I know my hubby would be all over trying to get me back!

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    1. Janet, I bet your daughters will know all about OPI collections! They are a thing. I agree that I’m going to wary of retaliation. In fact I thought of that before I hit publish on this post. He may be a nice guy, but…

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  10. Bubble Bath is gone? One of my favs when I did my fingernails. I gave that up for the same reason you and Jill did. Waste of time! For a couple of years back in the 90’s I had fake nails glued on (acrylics?) and the polish lasted for 2 weeks. Unfortunately when I decided to give my nails a break from that routine, they were like mush. Not doing again. My toenail fav (which I do during the summer months) is I’m Not a Waitress red. It’s not orangey but a superb red color.

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    1. Kate, I found Bubble Bath on the website [link in post above] but I haven’t seen it in the stores this summer. It didn’t seem to be part of any collection anymore. I have a friend who is all about I’m Not A Waitress Red. Very classic. There are so many colors now and they come come and go quickly. Blink and you’ve missed a collection or two.

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  11. I’d copyright that idea. Because you just have to know some ‘designer’ with a whole lot less imagination than you exhibit is out there in the dark reading your words and thinking to themselves “Hmmmm….” and next thing you know, those will be offered as choices for nail polish color names. 😐 Personally I really liked that pink. Calamine lotion is more sickly and washed out than that. Those toes look rosy to me.

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    1. Melanie, I agree that the color I created seems more rosy than drab pink. But to Mr. Man at a fast glance he saw calamine lotion. Which I don’t think we have anywhere in the house, but *hey* who was I to correct him on that point! 😉

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  12. This post astonished me. I live in quite a different world — never have had a pedicure, and when you work with sandpaper day in and day out, nail polish is out. Those 80 grit manicures are a killer. But I loved your tale, and enjoyed the thought of you as a color consultant. Think of the possibilities: food groups, for instance.

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    1. shoreacres, I do a few girly things and painting my toenails is one of them. I’m not much for a manicure though– and I don’t even work with 80 grit sandpaper. I just see little point in spending money &/or time on something like a mani that’ll chip in minutes of completion. I like your idea of me being a color consultant, I do like them all, in one shade or another.

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  13. This was a hoot. I used to wear OPI nail polish back when I worked on site and I think they came out with a new color or mini collection every month didn’t they? It seemed each name was more clever than the last – I know I’d see the new names/colors in a magazine and have to check it out, even if I didn’t buy it. Just for kicks, send this post to OPI and let them get a laugh too. While Zen-Den may have been skeptical, he did not open mouth and insert foot and say “no way” and you were quick on your feet to rattle off those funny color names.

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    1. linda, you’re right it does seem as if OPI has a new collection every month. I like the names of the colors in the collections, but I don’t buy polish often nor do I buy much of it. I only created Chicken Pox Pink because I was bored with what I had at home and didn’t want to go shopping for a new shade. Z-D was confused enough to not say much of anything until he caught on that I was conning him. Then he laughed, quite a bit actually.

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      1. Ally – back in the day (way back) I was very vain and unbelievably used to change my polish mid-week … pinky browns part of the week and deeper reds the other part of the week. I would like to recoup some of the time and money expended on my nails back then. I always did my own nails and only stopped using polish when my nails were a putrid shade of yellow from the polish stain despite using a base coat. It is the formaldehyde in the polish. It took a long time for the nails to grow out a normal color and I found a polish at Ulta which is clear and no formaldehyde – bought it but never used it. Right now the nail which I smashed in the garage door is growing out. Luckily I never lost the nail, but it has a huge white spot, the source of the direct hit it took. I was very lucky I did not do more damage. Z-D has a sense of humor, not always found in lawyers … I know, I’ve been in the legal field 40 years next February. 🙂

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        1. I had regular professional manicures when I was younger and thought that was what I had to do to appear mature and professional. I never changed my nail color mid-week, though. Now I couldn’t be bothered to indulge in manis.

          40 years February? Wowsa, that’s an accomplishment on so many levels. Congrats. The legal field is not for the weak.

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          1. I was high maintenance when I was younger. I often wore my hair in a single or double French braid, so I used to get my eyebrows arched too since my hair was pulled straight back; in those days I wore contact lenses. It was a lot of work to appear mature and professional as you said. At that law firm we had a strict dress code – never pants, not even a pantsuit. Even the runner had to be in a white shirt and a tie and dress pants at all times. Now that I’m working from home, the difference is like night and day.

            Yes, sometimes it does not seem possible – 40 years. It was to be a transient job after leaving the ad agency where I had hoped to make a career. We lost our Chrysler account and our 40-person Creative Department scattered to the wind. The administrative partner at the law firm told me “Ms. Schaub, we’re taking a chance on you as you have no legal experience and you worked at the Creative Department of an ad agency …they are a few floors above us (same building) – we know those ‘creative types’ … it’s risky business on our part.” I said “I have a college education – hope that helps me out a little.” Every year on the anniversary of my date of hire, I walked down to his office and said it was another year and wanted him to be mindful of it. He was a Type A personality who had a massive heart attack and left the Firm and recuperated at home and then opened a small firm, just him with his wife as his administrative support. On my 10th anniversary at the Firm, I drew up a Subpoena and mailed it to him, commanding him to eat crow. He was long gone from the Firm and so humorless, however, e sent me a thank note, said he was wrong and called me “Linda”- I was shocked. They were a bunch of stuffed shirts and never addressed women staff by our first name, and never “Ms.” … just Miss or Mrs. and we had to address them by “Mr.” … even the Summer law clerk and the runner. Lots of changes technology wise too, believe me.

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              1. He made a generalization and assumed I was like the rest of the Creative Department; I resented that. The Creative Department in an ad agency, circa late 1970s, was not the norm for an office. People were a little wacky in their dress, mannerisms etc., and talk about being politically INcorrect – everyone said what they felt like saying and it was extremely sexist, but it did not mean they did not work hard just like the person in a three-piece suit with a J.D. degree. He told me I could ask questions of his secretary but only ask that question once because I should write down what I was told. By all rights I should have walked out but I looked at it as a challenge. As to technology, we represented the Michigan State Medical Society who bought our firm a special gizmo to send communications back and forth – it was a huge machine that looked like a Victrola as you had to crank it to make it work. The longer the transmission, the more the area reeked of rubber. It was one of the first fax machines and it was replaced with a huge machine where the phone cradle was placed into a receptacle and made weird noises (like a Martian making a landing on Earth) while transmitting. We did a lot of medical malpractice at that time and one attorney who liked to spend time on the links, came in one day and had us enthralled with his new “cellular telephone” … the case was as big as an attorney’s trial bag and opened up to see a full-sized phone cushioned inside. It looked like a desk phone. He demonstrated for all of us … everyone in the office had to go take a peek at it. How far we’ve come.

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  14. It looks like he has just a touch of gullibility. I’ve been accused of being gullible. I must have passed it on to one of my daughters. The other two just shake their heads.

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  15. Can’t stop laughing. Measles mauve. Boo boo bunny beige.
    Certainly a viral internet worthy composition
    I’ve given up nail polish and buff instead – nails may break, but I no longer have to worry about chipping/ imperfect unequal appearance of too active fingers. Just don’t have the time or motivation to stay polish perfect these days.
    This post so funny in so many ways.

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    1. philmouse, thank you. I try to find the humor in things so this little conversation just happened. I don’t wear any polish on my fingernails anymore either. Not practical, but for those who do keep up their manis I have much admiration. Of course, now that I’ve created Chicken Pox Pink it might just become my signature toenail color… for a while.

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  16. The naming of nail polish, like the inside of a woman’s purse, remains a mystery to some. I could probably make up a name and my brothers would fall for it too. 😀

    Bravo for mixing the polish. Makes for a lovely shade.

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    1. L. Marie, you’re right about the mystery behind naming nail polishes. At least my names have a theme, such as it is. I like Chicken Pox Pink, too. It’ll make a good color to wear until we get to boot season when the piggies go into hibernation.

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  17. OMG, my sides were hurting from laughing. I actually thought that could never happen with a discussion regarding nail polishes and pedicures!

    But you nailed it! Ha ha sorry for the pun.

    Thank you for making me laugh today,

    Susan Grace

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    1. Susan, I rarely get the better of Z-D but this one time I got him going. He was baffled, but eventually caught on and started laughing about it. But like you said, who’d have thought there could be humor in a pedicure?

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    1. Marty, I understand where your wife is coming from. The names of polish can be darned clever and the colors are great anymore. You almost have to talk about them for a while. It’s a law. 😉

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  18. Hahaha – very fun!
    And did you know that Opi had a line of nail polishes for when they thought Hilary would take office? Madame president was one of the colors –
    I posted about it on my other blog and not sure if I still have it up – but they were a little too presumptuous
    And laughing at your childhood illness idea- o my goodness was that clever

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    1. Yvette, I didn’t know about the Madame President Collection. I cannot help but feel sad that it never came to be. How wonderful it would have been on soooo many levels. #Resist

      [What other blog?]

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  19. Lol. I think I may have a gift idea for the next time… in the height of the Harry Potter craze, there was a collection of 10-ish Jelly Bellies flavors with a little spinner. Say the spinner landed on green, you sampled a green Jelly Belly and it could be apple … or grass. Brown could be chocolate … or boogers, etc.

    If ZD likes Jelly Bellies, you could bundle them in a jar, and it’d be a roller coaster ride 😉

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    1. Endless Weekend, now that’s a great idea. It’d be fun to fool him with jelly beans, if only he ate them. But I’ll keep that idea in mind for other situations wherein a harmless prank might be needed…

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  20. Ok, so I just got a pedicure yesterday….dark green in honor of the upcoming holiday….I think we could call it Baby Shit Green….but I still like it! haha

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    1. pam, your proposed nail polish name would fit neatly into my Childhood Illnesses Collection. I’ll make sure to add it in when OPI contacts me about this great idea I have here. 😉

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  21. OH Ally Bean, whatta laugh! I bout died at Boo-Boo Bunny! 😀 So funny! I love it! I like your blended pinks! Is cute! I most love bright light reds and corals, but I work with paper a lot and I hate pigment streaks. Nude and gold and “Calamine lotion pink” LOL!!! are winners for paperwork. I’m a Sally Hansen gal. I have some OPI, (OPI’s I’m Not Really a Waitress for the holidays) but I remain faithful to Sally year round. I do NOT love gels, as you may recall.

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    1. joey, glad to have made you laugh. I only put color on my toes so I can wear the darker colors without fear of chipping my nails. If I was still doing what you do, I’d go for nudes and neutrals on my fingers, too. I really NEED to find a bottle of I’m Not Really a Waitress. Many women have mentioned it to me as their fave. I want to be with it, don’t you know?

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    1. Laura, happy to know I made you laugh. It was one of the funniest conversations I’ve had with Z-D in a long time. He was so baffled and believed me even though I was saying what every woman would know is complete gibberish. It was fun. 😈

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