In Which My Life Resembles An Episode Of Glee Without The Music

/ Ally Bean

Sue

I saw who it was on the phone before I picked it up.  I knew that the monologue conversation would be long and twisted.  Still, deep down, I like X, so I said “hello.”

[Here’s the cast of characters.]

X is a woman who I’ve known for some time.  She knows lots of information about issues such as politics, books, and real estate– which is good.   But she is someone who, by her own admission, likes to stir the drink when interacting with other people.  This I would describe as bad.

X had called to tell me gossip on Z.  As I have only met Z once, all I can tell you about him is that he seems nice and has curly hair.  I’m not really too interested in knowing more about this guy, but that didn’t stop X.  She had a story to tell.

Will

And it involved Y.  Now Y I’ve known for a very long time and she suffers from the disease to please.  She doesn’t seem to have much backbone of her own– so she is a perfect pawn for X.

[It was at this point in the conversation, when I heard Y’s name mentioned, that I sat down at the island in our kitchen and laid my head down on the cool granite countertop, knowing that this was going be a lengthy chat.]  

So come to find out, X had obtained her gossip about Z by getting Y to sneak around on Facebook.  X had convinced Y to leave “noncommittal comments” on various individual’s FB walls so that those people would respond to Y– and tell her what they knew about Z.  Apparently X’s master plan had worked, because Y had found out the gossip about Z.  And then being Y, she dutifully reported back to X.

Brittany

[You have no idea what a good communicator I am.  I have just condensed 20 minutes of dithery-ness into one succinct paragraph.  Maybe Journalism 101 was more useful to me than I previously thought.]

All of which brings me to what floated through my mind after I hung up the phone with X.  And it is this:

“Oh my goodness, I’ve just experienced an episode of Glee in which Sue Sylvester [X] gets one of the Cheerios, probably Brittany [Y], to spy on Will Schuester [Z] and to report back to Sue with the latest news [gossip].  Then Sue, feeling proud of herself, brags to Emma Pillsbury about what has just happened.”

Which means that, continuing this line of reasoning, I’m Emma Pillsbury!  Guidance counselor.  OCD sufferer.  Total flake.

And you know what?  As much as I understand Emma and her problems, I don’t like playing that role.  In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that the next time when X calls, I’m not picking up the phone.  Let someone else be cast as Emma.  The role is just too much for me.  😉

Emma

[All images via glee wiki.]

18 thoughts on “In Which My Life Resembles An Episode Of Glee Without The Music”

  1. We don’t even get to know the gossip?? 🙂 There is a bit too much drama going on in our family right now too. It would be more like the Godfather but without the horse head. lol

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    • Margaret, hearing what you’re going through gossip-wise makes me even happier to be in an episode of Glee. Really the whole conversation was so ridiculous.

      It answered the question: “Why manipulate someone else when you can do it yourself?”

      Answer: “Because you can.”

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      • It’s taken me all day to work out why I was having trouble commenting on blogs, and all I really wanted to say was:

        “And because X felt her hands to be a little cleaner when she had someone else to do the deed for her”.

        Or something like that. Polly x

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        • Polly, first, glad that you got your commenting prob figured out. I was worried.

          And second, excellent point. I never thought of it like that, but you’re so right. X likes to keep a high profile as a good person– so using Y to get the gossip would allow X to remain “good.”

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  2. Wow. There are actual grown ups out there that still engage in this behavior? Reminds me of the soap opera constantly swirling around a friend of mine in Australia and he is Emma, too. I think I’ll direct him to this post!

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    • Zazzy, it was very long, tedious conversation. I have no one to blame but myself for picking up the phone. But this time, X was more over the top than usual. She delights in this sort of thing– and I don’t. Not my place to change her, but it is my place to protect myself from such ridiculousness in the future.

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    • Melisa, usually I have very little drama in my life. It’s just that I like this woman when she’s on topic. But I never know if I’m going to get the smart version or the gossip version of this woman when I talk with her– which is problematic.

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  4. I don’t know, I was thinking of The Godfather: Part III while I read this:

    “Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in!!!”
    -Michael Corleone (aka Al Pacino)

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    • Relyn, X doesn’t pay any attention to blogs. I doubt that she even remembers that I have one! 😉 And if she does find this post… oh well, it’s my truth to tell.

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    • Interesting info in this video. Doesn’t quite sound like X but does sound very much like someone else who I know! Love the ending of the video: “me, me, me, me, me….” Thanks.

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