In Which We Learn The Secret To Longevity According To My Husband

~ An early morning conversation between husband [HIM] & wife [ME] that took place in our bathroom ~

HIM:  { stepping out of the shower, drying off, looking in my direction }  You look pretty.

ME:  { awake for less than 15 seconds, standing in front of the mirror, looking at the crazy mess that is my curly hair pre-styling }  Huh?

HIM:  { hanging up his towel }  Your hair looks pretty like that.

ME:  { wondering why I am being forced to converse before my first cup of coffee }  Huh!

HIM:  { looking into the mirror, starting to comb his straight wet hair }  I know that you think that I’m being facetious when I say that you look pretty, but I’m not.

ME:  { using a scrunchie, pulling the top portion of my bobbed hair up into a vertical straggly looking ponytail-esque style good enough for going downstairs to get a cup of coffee }  Huh.

HIM:  { applying shaving cream to his face, looking like Father Time }  And do you know why I’m not being facetious when I say that you look pretty?  It’s because…

ME:  { distracted while searching for my eyeglasses }  What?

HIM:  { looking into the mirror, starting to shave his face while chuckling at his supposed cleverness }  …I don’t know what “facetious” means, so I can’t be saying anything facetious.

ME:  { finally realizing that I’m going to have to talk to him because he’s so full of it }  So if you don’t know what a word means when you use it, then when a doctor tells you that you have some sort of disease that you’ve never heard of, you won’t have it because you don’t know what it is?!!!

HIM:  { stopping mid-shave, looking at me, pontificating upon his brilliance }  Yep.  That’s it exactly.  That’s how I’m going to live to be one hundred: if I don’t know what it is, I can’t get it.  Ignorance is the key to good health.

ME:  { putting on my slippers, leaving the bathroom in search of coffee }  Well then, you’ve nailed that ignorance part.  Enjoy your long life.  I hope you and your second wife will be happy together.

~ The End ~

Published by

Ally Bean

Observant. Humorous. Adaptable. Charmingly cynical. Midwestern by chance. Kindhearted by choice. Fond of words.

14 thoughts on “In Which We Learn The Secret To Longevity According To My Husband”

        1. Zen-Den, that did sound rather Fifean [a word?], didn’t it? So sorry. No disrespect intended.

          What I meant to say was: he’s a creative genius with astounding insight into the human condition so it comes as no surprise to me that he was so bright and articulate this morning…. Better?

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Actually, I am OK with “nut.” Just thought I would see what kind of response I would get. Words like “genius” and “astounding” don’t seem right.


            1. Okay, how about: he’s a funny guy who is kind enough to include me in the musings that go on within his chaotic brain…?

              No reference to “nut,” “genius” or “astounding.” Happy now?

              Liked by 1 person

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