Alumni Directories & The Art Of Mischievousness

/ Ally Bean

Apropos of a delightfully snarky conversation with a friend…

FRIEND HAS RECEIVED AN INVITATION to her college reunion this fall. She has no interest in attending, but has the opportunity to be included in the alumni directory.

She would like that.

To do this she has to fill out an online form telling ye olde university details about who she is now. The form will not be accepted unless it is filled in completely.

Friend, like me, graduated from a liberal arts university. Hers, Methodist. Mine, Lutheran.

Friend, like me, majored in something to do with words. Hers, Romance Languages. Mine, English Literature.

Friend, like me, graduated from college and never returned to her hometown, instead choosing to make her way in the big bad world on her own.

Friend, like me, received almost no career counseling while in college. Instead she’s had many jobs, but none that suggest a specific title showing the summation of her work accomplishments*.

• • •

As always, Calvin asks the important questions

• • •

THE PROBLEM, AS WE SEE IT, is that Friend is unsure about how to describe herself on this ridiculous form that will ONLY be accepted if she fills in ALL the blanks.

Does she take the dutiful route and tell this university, where she received a great classical education but had no help finding work, about ONE of the things she’s done? That is, does she say she’s an Interpreter, even though she did that briefly?

OR should she be more irreverent, feeling no need to divulge anything specific about her work history to this institution that provided no career guidance. That is, does she say she’s a Woman of International Mystery?

I relate to this problem.

I know that when I’ve been forced to fill in forms like the one Friend is dealing with, I waiver between saying I’m a Writer or a Kept Woman. Both are apt, more or less, and satisfy the nosy computer system.

So what say you?

IF you were in this situation wherein you only needed to fill in the blank as a means to an end AND you felt no loyalty to the university from which you graduated…

Would your answer be sincere or flippant? 
And why?
Do you consider yourself mischievous at times?
And if so, how does that make you feel?

* If you’re a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher or an accountant [or whatever], you’ve not had to deal with this situation. But for those who have wandered through life working at various jobs, contributing to the GNP in our own ways, this can be problematic.

243 thoughts on “Alumni Directories & The Art Of Mischievousness”

  1. I also, have done many things. Since these things are looked upon as a sign of accomplishment, I might be snarky. Perhaps “an award winning writer” (does getting Freshly Pressed count?) or multi-dimensional designer (does anyone really know what that is?) or perhaps something I actually do tell people “moral compass for a company that didn’t want one” that would be my HR job.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I tried to answer your questions sincerely, and then I tried to answer them flippantly. Neither worked, because every newsletter, questionnaire, appeal for funds, and announcement of alumni events has landed in the very same place: the trash can next to the mail boxes. Apparently when I choose to leave academia behind, I really left.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Linda, HA! You make a good point. I’m not one for staying in touch with my academic roots either. Their missives all go into trash. BUT Friend is attempting to join in, in her own way, of course.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Interesting how we spell practising – I always thought that when a verb the s is used, as in I must go practise the violin, otherwise a c – as in music practice or legal firm practice – please o please tell me the how’s and why’s- or the s and c –

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        • Autocorrect changed your spelling [that I copied and pasted] to this spelling. I’ve given up fighting autocorrect when it wants me to spell words a certain way. I don’t know that I was ever taught a distinction between using ‘c’ and ‘s’ but I’d guess it has to do with American English and British English? That’s a great topic for research. 🤔

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    • I, too, love this response 🙂 It’s funny how in the Information Age, when so many of the more interesting people have amorphous job descriptions that change, sometimes drastically over time, forms demand that we conform to job descriptions from the Industrial Age. This exists at all levels. Daniel Kahneman, a self-described psychologist, received a Nobel prize in economics because there wasn’t another good fit for his field, and clearly he was deserving 🤷‍♀️

      Speaking of funny job descriptions, one of the funniest ones I heard was “Help people hate each other” for a divorce attorney… 😁

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  4. Hmmm. I have done a lot of things throughout my life, but I did work for several years in a job in my field (economics). However, I left that job in 2004 so I am not sure it applies now. I usually put “yoga teacher” which is accurate, but doesn’t really require a master’s in economics.
    I think I’d be tempted to be flippant, but then I’d end up answering earnestly, probably saying what I do now. Which…probably wouldn’t be great as a mentor for young people exploring economics!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Nicole, you get the problem here. At least when you write in yoga teacher, which is an accurate and sincere answer, you’re honestly showing where a Masters in Economics can take you in life. It’s a subversively flippant answer & I like it.

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  5. I recently received at least 50 emails from my home owners insurance company asking me to rate their services. Luckily I’ve never needed their services, and the only thing I know is that I pay them once a year. That is the extent of our contact. Finally, after I had one too many emails I answered. Would you rate this company- 0. Why 0? Because you send me too many surveys. So my answer to the questions would be irreverent…

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  6. Oh, Ally. Love this. May I borrow your answers? I’m especially fond of “Woman of International Mystery”. Flippant, irreverent and just the right touch of cheeky humor and a little sass – as you and Susan mentioned above. Thanks for the Wed morning giggle. xo! 😉

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  7. If it’s only to be listed in the alumni directory (I get it…what a lowdown trick to not have a box to check for that as a solitary option), then I’d say first thing: do **not** angst over this! Just fill in the blanks like you might do in a timed writing exercise – top of the head stuff, one liners, etc then if needed: do a very quick edit to make yourself not look too ‘dumb’. Ya know?
    I gotta say it though – how anal of that university to not process the ‘form’ unless all blanks are filled…maybe the term N/A might work in a pinch?
    Take care, MS Bean and remember, you’re one of the cool ones!
    😎

    Liked by 2 people

    • Laura, excellent advice, “do in a timed writing exercise – top of the head stuff, one liners, etc” way. That takes the worry out of what you write for your answers– and considering this is only a form for an alumni directory, why not?

      Liked by 1 person

  8. LOL, Kept Woman. I say, if you’re a writer, you write the most entertaining answers possible.

    Work: “It’s classified–well, it was until last week. Let me get back to you after the Special Master in Florida takes over.”

    Work: “Currently in Phase I of Bringing Down the Patriarchy.”

    Your Degree: “Very Expensive”

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  9. I have a question Ally Bean: what do you suggest when you have a distant alma mater that still somehow believes you are a student and consistently sends you student emails both about campus events but also about new lock codes, email procedures and the like? I must have my handy student ID to unsubscribe from all this drivel, which I don’t. I didn’t know it then, why would I know it now. All this means I would have to take my own precious time to call this institution to deal with the issue. Just how flippant can one be when speaking directly rather than simply filling out a form?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Deb, THAT’S INSANE. Why would your alma mater be bothering you with campus drivel to begin with? You’re long gone from there. As for knowing your student ID password, OF COURSE YOU DON’T REMEMBER IT. No rational person would. I’d send their emails straight to trash– or spam maybe.

      In answer to your question, if/when you call I’d say you’re permitted to be very flippant. 🤨

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, they have been deemed spam for some time, but it just astounds me that these are actual notices that clearly are going out to all CURRENT students. No one has asked for money in years, I receive the alumni newsletter yet someone believes strongly that I am still wandering around campus- locked out and needing help.

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  10. She only needs to be as serious as she wants her listing to appear to others. If she’s not looking to network for a current occupation, she could say something like “self-employed” or “undecided” or “retired” or “woman of independent means” or “life coach.”

    If she only wants the directory to lead people to her for the sake of auld lang syne, she can give her creativity free rein.

    BTW: My law school wanted my listing for a directory but outsourced the project to a company whose sole focus was on SELLING the directories to alumni. They did not want to take “No, thanks. I don’t want to buy a directory for $100” as my final answer. They kept calling and e-mailing and writing to try to change my mind. I contacted the alumni office and obtained a cease and desist order to get them to Drop It!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Nancy, I’m laughing because your law school taught you well about what to do when you’re are being hassled! They should be proud of you, even if they’re the reason you had to get the cease and desist order.

      As for Friend she’s interested in being included in the directory for auld lang syne. And only that, no networking. Like me, we’ve found our way no thanks to our alma maters, but wouldn’t mind connecting with some of our college friends, socially.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Actually, the Alumni Office seemed a bit perturbed at the relentless nature of the publisher’s hard-nosed sales tactics. The Office of Alumni Support offered to contact the publisher on my behalf (and on behalf of other similarly situated alum) to instruct them to take “NO” as the final answer.

        The hassling and badgering stopped forthwith! Huzzah! 😀

        Hope your Friend gets contacted only by college buddies whose company she genuinely enjoyed . . . and not by people who seek quantity in their connections without concern about the quality of interactions.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Interesting how it played out. I’m glad it’s a story from your past with a happy outcome. I hope Friend, if she submits the form, finds some good people. I’ve never done a thing about staying in touch with my alma mater, yet occasionally someone from my college days finds me– usually for a genuine connection. Usually.

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  11. I love your title “The Art of Mischieviousness!” It wouldn’t even occur to me to be flippant because I too often just power through in the mad business of just getting things done. But now that you pose this question, I find it delightful and delicious.

    I suspect that I’d try to put as many things on one line as possible: Dog walker, mom, computer consultant, friend, listener, maker of food, daughter, hand holder, delighter in life!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Goodness. How worky. I went to a state school with a much-heralded placement office that did ZERO to help me find a job. I can’t imagine wanting to be in an alumni directory after all these years, but then again, that’s not my thing. The whole idea of facebook makes me shudder, even.

    I love the idea of thinking up a title for oneself based upon what/where we are right now. I could be a political activist, fiber artist (hey, I knit!), cat wrangler, caregiver, or freelance writer/editor. I also like Kindness Outreach Specialist.

    Given enough thought, we’re all so many things.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nance, your story of zero help from your university placement office rings true with me. I, too, was left hanging, smarter academically, wiser about real life– and the institutions that’ll use you.

      I wouldn’t want to be in an alumni directory either. I share your aversion to FB. We’re the exceptions to the rule, if you listen to friends on FB. But who listens? 😉

      I adore your title: Kindness Outreach Specialist. Now THAT’S a great job.

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  13. Since a career in “information managem7ent” is never well understood, even by those who have had one, I think I’d go with flippant. At my mother’s funeral, when a cousin I hadn’t seen since the early 1970s asked me what I did for a living, I said, “I work with computers.”

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    • Kari, thank you. I stumbled on using that title when I was extremely frustrated while filling out an online medical form for a practice I’d been going to for decades. The doctor loved my answer, btw. He knew the online form was bs, and seemed pleased with my sass.

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  15. I guess because I am old and back then ‘career counseling’ was not a thing I don’t get the emphasis on that aspect. Moving on – I long ago decided that my work life is best described as “Office Mommy” . And that’s not being sarcastic. I looked up the definition of mischievous and it is not a desirable trait yet some of the synonyms are fun…I suppose going from injurious and malicious to playful is a matter of usage…

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    • Grace, I went to college when there was emphasis on how helpful your university would be when it came time to find employment. It was a lie, in my case and in my Friend’s case, hence our aversion to sharing a job title.

      I like your Office Mommy title. It seems perfect, albeit not all that snarky. Funny you find the word *mischievous* to be negative. I learned about the concept from a nun friend who encouraged it, so I figured God must be on my side when I am mischievous. 😇

      Liked by 1 person

      • The Office Mommy description was never meant to be snarky – just the easiest most apt description of what I did for a living. I think definitions such as “injurious”, “malicious” “intending to do hard” are negative. Other definitions are more benign but the more I think about it, the more I would not like to have the word mischievous applied to me. It does make me visualize a sly, somewhat evil grin with the action taken being excused with “Can’t you take a joke?” or “But I was only kidding!” Both comments deserving of a well placed smack in the head.

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        • Interesting take on the concept of mischievousness. One I’ve not considered, thinking that maliciousness is bad/negative, while mischievousness is good/positive in its own way. I consider them two different concepts and ways of behaving. My intentions aren’t mean-spirited, nor have I ever been in a situation where I said “can’t you take a joke?” to someone, so I feel like I’m okay using the word to describe a bit of middle age snarkiness.

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          • Sometimes the most fun about words/language is our personal relationship with them. I’ve often written about connotation and I like exploring that aspect of my relationship to words and their meaning and usage. Also I can be more than a little pedantic – not an attractive trait and I do try to curb it and failed here – my apologies.

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            • Ha! Grace you’ve made me laugh with your self-awareness. The thing about communication between people is that we all think we’re being clear when in fact what I thought I said is probably not what you heard. And vice versa. 🤷‍♀️

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  16. I have found in the past that alumni directories are used by the insurance sellers and sales people in the class to add to their mailing lists so I tend to not participate.
    If she is trying to connect with old classmates, why not be honest and don’t overthink it?
    Sorry, not a creative comment at all! 🙂

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    • Ellen D, I didn’t know this about alumni directories but then I’ve never put my name in one so I guess the insurance and sales people have never found me. There’s something inherently wise about not being a social butterfly.

      I don’t know if Friend is actually going to follow through on this alumni directory idea, but it made for a fun conversation. The thing is both titles are truthful.

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  17. Ally, this is indeed an opportunity to break out the most obscure and unique answers one can possibly come up with. Then again, if the goal is to be published in the directory, one will also have to live with the consequences of their response choices. It all depends on the comfort level of the creative replies. International Man of Mystery…hmmm…they might think I am Austin Powers in disguise.🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • walkingoffthechessboard, considering that Friend’s university was indifferent to her career aspirations, an obscure job title seems appropriate. She doesn’t care what anyone who reads the alumni directory thinks of her, it’s been too long to worry about such things. I like knowing you might be an International Man of Mystery. Why not?

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I’d love to go to a college reunion, but it seems as though big universities do not have them. Sometimes they will do alumni get togethers in various cities for the specific college your degree is (ie., College of Business) but it’s for alumni of every year, so I’d likely not know anyone.

    I understand the dilemma, as unless you’re a CPA, the various business degrees don’t lend themselves to specific careers. Then there’s my issue, of having been a SAHM for all these years and now still raising an adult daughter with autism. I’ve often just fill in Volunteer as my accomplishments, since I haven’t received a paycheck in 30 years.

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    • Bijoux, I didn’t know that large universities don’t do class reunions anymore, but that makes sense. Friend and I went to small liberal arts universities wherein the alumni departments try to keep us in the fold, guilting us into making contributions. As if. No career placement back then, no donations now.

      I like your answer: Volunteer. That’s perfect, accurate, just slightly snarky, and worth being known for.

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  19. Snark wins hands down every time for me. International woman of mystery it is. Of course the university may not have a sense and refuse to include her, so that is a risk.
    😉

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  20. I too can relate to this problem having had many jobs and worn a few hats. I heard one of my blogger friends Joanne say we two are explores and I loved that so I’d probably say in all sincerity Explorer but, they’d think I was being snarky no doubt.

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  21. I leave it to my husband to fill in forms that require info about both of us – like customs declarations and income tax. He always puts down that I’m a Domestic Coordinator.

    Say what you like about the patriarchy, but these days it seems to be women who design the countless forms and make work paper work projects where every line better be filled out! My daughter is a nurse and she says it takes as much time to do this paper work as it takes to do her real job.

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    • Margy, Domestic Coordinator is WONDERFUL. It’s a delightful way to say who you are, truthfully, without falling into any negative connotations associated with housewife.

      I don’t know where the forms come from, but you well could be right that woman are making these computer forms that require all this detail– or else you don’t get to Pass Go & Collect Your $200.00. 😉

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  22. This is SO relatable. I got very little help from my very tiny liberal arts college, but I do think that was in part because I was clueless, lacked much direction, and was timid/embarrassed about that lack of direction. I believe my college has improved greatly in this area since I graduated.

    I’ve been in a similar situation – how do I classify what it is that I do? Perhaps in my case, I’d say GROWER OF HUMAN BEINGS, MY OWN AND OTHERS IN NEED OF A PLACE TO DELVELOP. Or how about WEARER OF MANY HATS. (I did freakishly once work for a baseball hat manufacturer early on in my career). I am an extraordinary dishwasher loader, able to fit every.last.thing. I have great talents and these kinds of forms don’t always make it easy to share what it is that I do.

    I guess my answer is that I’d be creative, or flippant.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ernie, good point about how liberal arts universities have gotten more in tune with the need to actually help graduates find employment opportunities. But back in our day, you were left out in the cold.

      I’m laughing at your truthful job title, GROWER OF HUMAN BEINGS, MY OWN AND OTHERS IN NEED OF A PLACE TO DELVELOP. Can’t get much clearer than that.

      I’d say you nailed creative and flippant in one unique title. Well done

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  23. I went to four different post secondary institutions (two only part time) because I was constantly bored and liked learning. I’ve done a lot of different things. None of which would be considered financially rewarding. All, making me realize how unbalanced the world was when it came to women and careers. Ten years ago, I would have taken the question very seriously, but these days, I think I would like to put down “professional bitch.” Then thank all the people who helped me achieve this status.

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  24. Having graduated from high school and college with zero career or any other type of counseling…I say, be flipantly sincere. Your friend should write something amazing about herself that is true, but interesting. If she fills in all the blanks they have to print it. Right? I went to one high school reunion (20 I think) and it was awful. All the little groups stayed in their little groups, just like when they were 18. My friends were mostly in other grades, friends because of band. I had no one talk to me unless I started the conversation. I won’t go to another. My college was too big, there won’t be any sort of reunion there. Thank goodness! I DO have 3 friends from college that I stay in touch with and two that have forged ahead of us to their next life. I think that’s plenty of memories from school.

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    • What a bummer, Dawn! I’ve been to numerous reunions and still hang out with a bunch of peeps from waaaay back when! I think, if we were to compare sizes, my school was puny. I don’t know if we had 700 students! (Our high school goes from Secondary 1 to 5, or grades 7 to 11). I just checked and they presently have 838. There was a big reunion to celebrate 150 years in 2004 and I was amazed at how many showed up. Our Class of 81 was one of the largest contingencies…

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    • Dawn, you understand this situation well. I like your idea of being “flippantly sincere.” It seems to be the route Friend is going.

      I’m not a person who wants to reunite with my past either. I’ve gone to a couple high school reunions that did a lot to remind about why I left that small town. And as for college reunions I’ve been to one and it was lousy. Like you, no one talked with me unless I started the conversation. It was awkward and forced– and people were a bit too into networking.

      In fact at this point I don’t know where any of my college friends are. Bonds made back then fell apart years ago.

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  25. This is something I would never have considered. Of course, I never went to university coz I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up so this is not a situation that will ever happen to me. I did go to college, put all my courses together – from going in to two different ones and finally finishing it with night courses, to obtain a diploma in Social Sciences, with half my courses in business. Completely useless but hey.
    However, when it comes to my high school stuff? I go to those reunions every time. On the 10th of this is the celebration of our high school’s 50th anniversary – of what, I am not sure because it came to be in 1854 as a Catholic boarding school for boys and transformed over the years. Whatevs. Being a French private school, most peeps have remained in the area. I still hang out with quite a few that I’ve known since 1976 – year I started… oy! How can I be that old?)
    Oh Em Gee… Did I even leave a decent comment on what to respond to such a questionnaire? No, I rambled. Apologies, Ally! I think we both know that I would totally go with snark…

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    • Dale, I know how difficult it can be complete a college degree so I think you did outstanding to get your a diploma in Social Sciences. I’m sure it’s helped you in some way.

      I’ve been back to a couple of high school reunions and that was enough for me. I moved away from where I grew up, so haven’t had the opportunity to stay in touch as adults with high school friends. I’m glad this worked out for you.

      Being snarky seems to be the preferred approach to answering this form. It might be a reflection of our ages, or the times in which we live. Either way, I get it.

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  26. I think about this all the time. My job history makes sense on paper but it is also very, very scattered. I took an unconventional route getting married at the beginning of my Master’s degree and then having a baby right after I finished said degree (at the ripe old age of 23). While everyone else was figuring out to do with their life, I was trying to keep a human alive.
    This is wonderful, but I do sometimes wonder what I’d be doing now if I had streamlined my career trajectory.
    I think I would spin it into something coherent? But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I could easily put down a two word title and be done with this sort of question! Even after all these years, I get a deer-in-headlights look when someone asks what I do!

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    • Elisabeth, I understand where you’re coming from. Like you, on paper I can make what I’ve done and do, seem sensible and a logical progression BUT to sum it up in one title is tricky.

      I’m impressed by how young you were when you finished your Master’s degree. You really did go all in with your education, marriage, and motherhood simultaneously. I didn’t earn my Master’s degree until 7 years after I finished undergrad.

      Maybe we put too much pressure on ourselves to present our work history as something meaningful & coherent? This online form won’t make or break Friend’s career trajectory– but it’s darned annoying nonetheless. Deer in headlights, yes.

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      • I think I’ve bought in to the notion that “success” equals something very concrete. I know how to “sell” what I’ve done as “success” – cofounded two businesses, worked in environmental consulting and project management. I can package it up to look pretty and, as you said “impressive.” But, at the end of the day, I very much feel like a fraud. The unshakeable feeling that someone is going to stop me on the street and tell me I don’t measure up. Or, worse, to tell me that I’m mediocre. And I think a lot of this feeling comes from the fact I don’t have a job history that fits into a neat box and I’m very much a neat-box-loving sort of person.

        I have no idea what life would have looked like if I had taken a more “traditional” route for my schooling trajectory. Medicine would have made logical sense, but I didn’t want to do that at the time. On my first date with my husband I almost shamefully whispered that I didn’t want to keep going with school. Instead I wanted to have 4 children and be a stay-at-home Mom.

        I’ve done none of this as I’ve always worked part-time since having kids and 2 is PLENTY (what was I thinking on 4?!)…but I never expected to feel less-than because I don’t have a shiny title to assign to my life. I want to not care and know that I could very easily be miserable with said shiny title, but the older I get the more I have to accept that shiny title life is not my life. And there is a bit of a grieving process to that.

        Ugh. This has gone a LOT deeper than I expected to go, but I suspect there are many others out there who have also gotten wrapped up in the societal pressure to take a specific route career-wise.

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        • Or, worse, to tell me that I’m mediocre.

          I know what you mean about that feeling of maybe doing something half-assed that I could have done better. I try my best to not necessarily be perfect, but reliably above average. I was, after all, a B+ student in undergrad, moved to A- in grad school. I like to give things my best.

          You’ve nailed the conundrum with shiny titles that are immediately understood by people. You can get one, feel trapped in it, then live a miserable life unable to break free from it. I don’t know how you learn to not care about a shiny title, but I’m sure you’re right about a grieving process.

          You sound very accomplished to me and perhaps need to pat yourself on the back often, reminding yourself that you’re doing great, adding value to the world, and living your best life. Who cares what your title is?

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          • (Who cares what your title is?)

            I guess the only honest answer is…me. No one else cares. My kids don’t care. My boss doesn’t care. My friends don’t care. My daughter’s hamster doesn’t care.

            I care.

            We all want to feel legitimate but, at some point, we all (and I’m preaching to myself here) have to learn that no one else is spending nearly as much time worrying about our output or accomplishments as we are. And you’re right, I know many people for whom the shiny title has become a trap. But it’s still shiny…and I guess that’s an inherent flaw in our system/our hardwiring as humans: to be attracted to all shiny things even if they aren’t always necessarily beneficial!

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            • To thine own self be true. Sometimes it’s a curse to be self-aware. You’ve analyzed this situation in depth and that’s cool. If you care, then you care. The trick is to find a way to care that doesn’t eat you up inside or weigh on your mind. Don’t know that I have any specific advice other than to say keep going– and see if or how your perspective changes as you age.

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  28. Another English major here (got a masters in English too). I spent over twenty years as a stay at home mom before that was a thing (my occupation on my tax forms was listed as housewife). Filling out one of those forms would be a challenge for me too. After the time as a SAHM I went to seminary and became an Episcopal deacon, but that doesn’t pay, so is it a job? I avoid all reunions.

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    • Maggie, hello fellow English major! I got my Masters in Communication so I strayed a bit in post-grad, BUT it was all about words so forgive me. 😉

      I’d say that Episcopalian deacon is a job title you could put on a form. It’s accurate, and I don’t know if being paid for your work would matter to a nosy computer. All you gotta do is write something on the line.

      I, too, avoid reunions. Let the past stay in the past.

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  29. If it were me I’d write something witty and charming without being revealing. Let them guess.

    I once got a letter from my college inviting me to a 10th year reunion. I was in my 40s when I graduated so I had no interest in going. But the invitation started out asking if I’d made my first millionaire yet and went on pretentiously from there. It made me so mad I wrote them back a scalding letter about the value of an education and how it can’t be measured in terms of how much money you can make after leaving campus. Never got invited to the 20th or 30th reunions if they had them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jean, well reasoned: witty and charming and opaque.

      What an arrogant presumptuous letter. I wonder if the alumni department that it was humorous? Like you’d be in on the joke? That tone would bother me too. I’m glad you contacted someone and set them straight. Not surprised you weren’t included in later reunions, clearly you were the wrong sort of classmate. 🙄

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    • Marian, oh I like your woman of mystery and allure title, although I also see how educator and author works for you, too. I could be a “humdinger of a blogger,” I could work with that title. Thanks for the idea.

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  31. The college I graduated from means nothing to me. I only completed my senior year there because my then-husband had gotten a job there. I don’t identify with that one year at all. I left my then-husband and moved back west where I belong. If the college I went to for three years and loved every illuminating moment of could be listed, I would write University of Colorado in Boulder. Oh the enlightening time that was. Made me fall in love with Physical Anthropology and Evolution.

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    • Robin, I take your point. I can understand how the place where you finished your degree was just convenient as opposed to the place where you learned so much. What an interesting major: Physical Anthropology and Evolution. I was your run-of-the-mill English Lit major, but you? You found something more dynamic.

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      • Ally– Truth be told, I was one course away from getting my degree in Anthropology, but the move in my senior year screwed everything up. I had been doing a minor in English Lit which transferred so easily to that new school. So, I got my BA in Lit, and never got a chance to take that Archeology class I needed for my Anthro degree. I wasn’t too disappointed though, I preferred Evolutionary studies to the history of human artifacts.

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        • It’s funny how some of us stumbled into our majors. Under the circumstances I can understand why you chose to get your BA in Lit. I picked English Lit because I was told I could study in England, which sounded cool, so I said “I’ll be an English major, that’ll do.” No more thought into it than that.

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  32. I had to read all the comments for this post, Ally. What fun! I personally like “a woman of mystery.” How about this from H. Rider Haggard–“She-who-must-be-obeyed?” Or CEO a/o CFO (of our household)?

    I too went to a Lutheran college, now university, (also Lutheran grade school and high school) before getting my masters at University of Northern Colorado at Greeley. I’ve not been to any college reunions. Most of my friends were in the class or classes ahead of me and then I took off a year to backpack around Europe, so my actual class graduated a year before I did. But I did go to several high school reunions and had a grand time, a better time than I had in high school. 🙂 It was fun to see who had become or done what and to see who looked much older and who didn’t.

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    • Janet, Rumpole of the Bailey, a BBC mystery series from the 80s [?], had Horace referring to his wife, Hilda [?], as She Who Must Be Obeyed. I didn’t know there was a source for that. Thanks for reminding me of this title.

      You’re clearly a product of a robust Lutheran education. I was a Presbyterian growing up who went to public schools, then went to Lutheran undergrad, then Roman Catholic graduate school. Somehow I managed to fit in wherever I was.

      I’m in awe of you taking a year off to backpack around Europe. That sounds like FUN, but I can understand how it put you out of sync with your actual classmates. Still, FUN.

      I’ve heard people say that they went to high school reunions and enjoyed them, that people were friendly now. A friend who goes to all of her high school reunions says the best part is watching the boys get fat & bald while the girls still look great. 😜

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  33. Yes! This is me on every form I fill out about my occupation. I have to lean back and forth between a few titles because mine is never as straightforward as lawyer, doctor, teacher, chef, architect, nurse, etc.. I find it hard to use any one title to describe what I do for fear that the title I use might have ppl think I am over-plumping my responsibilities or undermining my abilities. Definitely if it’s a school that didn’t do much in the way of creating that path for me when it should have then yea I wouldn’t put too much thought on being thorough with anything required of me at this point lol… also, while reading this I was like hmmmm are you said Friend?!?! 😲🤣🤔

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    • Jenn, “I am over-plumping my responsibilities or undermining my abilities.” Yes, yes. This I understand and have wrestled with for years. That’s why I’ve settled on saying I’m a Writer when I feel I must be grown-up and Kept Woman when I feel the form is bs. Or when I find myself in a social situation with pompous people who I want to subtly annoy.

      I am not said Friend. She exists but doesn’t do anything with blogging so you won’t see her.

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  34. Definitely flippant, because I hate those forms. I filled one out for my tenth high school reunion, and the first question was “are you married?” I said “yes.” The next question was “Did your spouse attend NTW?” and my answer was “God no! Are you kidding?” They didn’t put that in the book.

    I consider myself mischievous only on days that end in “y”. I have a lot of fun.

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    • John, I love you! [Don’t tell Mary.] Your attitude and spunk about these forms equals mine. *Hallelujah* I’m glad to know that you limit your mischievousness to the days you do. Obviously you’re a man who knows how to have some harmless fun.

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  35. Ally, I would have no problem filling out this form. I have the very best job title in the world: retired!

    I vote for a little flippancy for your friend. Why pigeonhole yourself unnecessarily?

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  36. My answer would be sincere. However, I got an IT degree and even though I wanted to be a programmer, I spent most of my adult life in IT customer support. That said, I’m very mischievous. My husband frequently rolls his eyes as I go through life providing narratives for the cats and asking such thought provoking questions as “I wonder how birds decide who they’re going to perch next to when they land on the wires?” Given the opportunity to be snarky on a form, I probably would be.

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    • Linda, I like your spunk. You, OBVIOUSLY, are asking the important questions in life. You say your husband rolled his eyes, but did he have an answer? Probably not, unlike snarky you who was able to bring up the topic for rumination. 😉

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  37. I have had two major professions, both mainstream, the latest as a CEO, but I have balked at these sorts of forms before because I don’t like the pigeon-holing. I didn’t receive much career advice either, and struggled in my late 30s to break out of a profession that I really kind of fell into and wanted to leave. In the past, I just haven’t completed them …

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    • Lynette, on written forms I have no difficulty leaving something blank, but on these computer forms you can’t do that. I agree about pigeon-holing yourself with titles, it can be a curse. I would have appreciated career advice, but it wasn’t available like it is now.

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  38. I live close to my university and have an easy time filling out those forms as a retired teacher. I can be very earnest so I would probably try to best describe my profession and wouldn’t be flippant. Sometimes snark doesn’t translate well in print.

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  39. I would definitely love to write that I’m an International Woman of Mystery. In fact, I may have to steal that. None of us should be so narrowly defined only by what people paid us to do, doncha think?

    Deb

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  40. My worst nightmare would be to fill out a form for an alumni magazine! At this point, I’m not looking to impress anyone so I’d probably be a snark face. I remember getting a resume from a lady who under “skills” listed “stabling.” Master stabler, that’s me. Also handy with a paper clip.

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    • Jan, I’m with you. I’ve no desire to add my name to any alumni directory, but Friend thinks she might want to. I like the idea of referring to a skill as your job title. Master Stapler suits you. Better than Apprentice Stapler, don’t you think?

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  41. I was thinking going with a humorous answer would be the way to go. But more seriously, could she list a few of the jobs she’s had, or whatever job she’s doing currently? Kind of lame the system requires an answer for every last Q.

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  44. When I left with the degree in my hand, I must admit I didn’t look back. If I was filling out the form, I’d probably lean towards the truth and pick out one of the better jobs that I liked and could talk about. Just writing that reminds me why I didn’t look back. 🙂 Good luck to Friend, and I hope she gets out of it what she’s looking for.

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    • Judy, I understand your determination to not look back. That seems sane to me, but Friend, for some unclear reason, believes she might want to be included in the directory. Whether she’ll be an Interpreter or a Woman of International Mystery remains to be seen.

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  45. Advice: she should by no means claim to have invented post-its.

    My initial form filling would probably be serious. But I’ve seen reunion photos and the people in them are by far the people I couldn’t care less about seeing. And I really don’t care about the directory thing, either, so I expect I would roll the form, if it is in paper format, and play with the cat with it.

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    • Zazzy, ha! Your advice is sound.

      I’d not want to be included in an alumni directory either, but I have said I was a Kept Woman on computer medical forms that insist on knowing what I do. It seems to satisfy the nosy computer. Your cat toy idea is a good one, too, assuming we’re talking about paper.

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  47. I guess it would depend on why I wanted to fill out the form. If it was to connect with former college friends, I think I’d be semi-serious but add some funny bits, especially if that’s how your friends would remember you. I can’t think of anyone I’d want to connect with from the college I graduated from. I didn’t have a bad experience, but that was then and now is now. I also didn’t get any career advice, but I didn’t seek it out either.

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    • Janis, you raise a good point that if your college friends knew you as being a little flippant, then filling out the form that way would make perfect sense. Of course that’s assuming they remember you at all. Like you I’ve no interest in rekindling college friendships, because now is where I live. Kids today get career counseling as part of the college experience, but we sure didn’t. Different times

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  48. I would vote for being a woman of mystery, I wouldn’t even have to be international unless I was a spy! That kind of form sounds very outdated, with career/job changing being the norm these days. I hate that kind of stuff anyway, as if you can summarize your life that neatly, and so much of it seems like bragging about how successful you have been. I recently read an online newspaper profile about one of my classmates retiring and selling his business and it honestly made me want to puke his life had been so perfect. I never went to my 35th class reunion, as I didn’t live or even hang around with many kids in my faculty my last two years at school, plus it was so bloody far away and in the middle of nowhere. I might have gone if it was a dinner in a city, but a whole weekend at a resort with people you haven’t seen in decades? Later, when I received a copy of the class photo from the reunion there were so few people I recognized or remembered that I was glad I had declined.

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    • Joni, you said “as if you can summarize your life that neatly,” which is the essence of this situation. Friend is irritated by that idea. I totally get why you didn’t go to your reunion at a resort with people you hadn’t seen in years. WHO WOULD WANT TO? My cynical answer is only people who wanted to impress &/or use other people.

      I had a similar situation to yours with a class photo from high school. I didn’t go to the reunion but received a photo after it. I could pick out 2 people I remembered.

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      • I forgot to say that it’s really ironic that they didn’t offer any guidance/career counselling and then wanted to know what you did after you graduated! I found guidance counselling useless in high school myself. I distinctly remember the grade 11 guidance counseller telling me I wouldn’t do well in journalism (which was my third choice) because I was too quiet! Looking back, I would have made a fine journalist, because I listen. Not the only reason I turned it down, the other was the only school that offered it was way up in Ottawa an 11 hr drive away and I didn’t speak French and it’s a bilingual city. So guidance counsellers can steer you wrong, as how you are/appear at 16 is not how you’ll be as an adult. If anything my career made me extroverted, although I’m still an introvert at heart.

        I found it really weird re the class photo, as I usually have an excellent memory, but neither the faces nor the names seemed familiar, other than a couple of people I knew from my dorm, had hung around with a bit, and one old boyfriend who still had his hair. But then there were 200 kids in my graduating class and only about 50 went to the reunion. It couldn’t have turned out very well as there wasn’t a 40th reunion. I guess people keep in touch with those they want to. I do keep in touch with a few friends from high school, but then we live in the same city.

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        • It sounds like your guidance counselor was not the most astute. I agree that the ability to listen is a valuable skill if you want to work in journalism. Kind of weird the counselor didn’t know that, but things worked out for you.

          I wonder if now that many people hang on FB and LinkedIn there are fewer reunions in general. It used to be the only way to keep in touch with people was through alumni organizations, but now you can find people through social media and bypass the in-person reunions. A guess, really.

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  49. These are the kind of forms I detest. We’re adults—why must we answer all the questions? Perhaps I have personal reasons for not wanting to answer one or more of them. Do I deliberately lie to bypass the system? Sheesh. This is probably the point I find something else to do because I sometimes feel like these things are an invasion of privacy.

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    • Pete, you and me both– detest is the right word. The invasion of privacy issue is how this conversation with Friend came about. To be included in the directory she has to give up information about herself in a way that is awkward, meaning it’ll never reflect who she is now. BUT why should she even have to?

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  50. I would include a few puns and silly things, because I am as goofy when writing as in person. I went to a Presbyterian college, and now they don’t even offer my degree any more. It’s just as well. It’s embarrassing to tell people that I have a BM (bachelor of music).

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  52. Love the Calvin cartoon! I still don’t know what’s going on… I’m not a mischievous person by nature so when filling in the blanks I tend to be sincere. Not sure how that makes me feel since I guess I never entertained the option of being flippant. Too serious for my own good.

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    • Barbara, Calvin is the best. I loved those comic strips then, and still do now. I can see how if you don’t lean toward mischievousness you wouldn’t think to be flippant on a form. Perhaps the next time you’re forced to fill in a computer form, you’ll get your snark on and be a bit less serious– just to see what happens. 😉

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  53. If I knew for sure (which I believe to be the case) that they were just using it for data collection used to warrant their endowments or other achievements substantiating the cost of their tuition for future students who will succumb to the same situation you’ve described, I would be flippant…or flamboyant…or both. Are they really going to verify what data is filled in on the form? Nope, so skip it or flip it and have fun. I do like the suggestion of putting in any character (.) in the field and screwing with the algorithms. 🤔😏

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  54. Flippant, irreverent, and all synonyms of those, because it’s none of their business, really. If she didn’t feel like being irreverent but didn’t want to be put in a box either, she could just write “multiple careers” or “Jane of All Trades” or something to that effect.

    Liked by 2 people

    • The Travel Architect, I like Jane of All Trades because that describes Friend perfectly. Great idea with that one, because like you said “it’s none of their business.” Thanks

      Like

  55. Well, I’ve had a steady job for the past 24 years that could pretty much be considered my career…. though it would raise a lot of eyebrows in a college alumni directory. So I’d probably opt for something less scandalous and just say I became an exotic dancer…

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    • evilsquirrel13, I like Exotic dancer, it suits you. Your logic about what to say on the form is infallible and would, if nothing else, satisfy the nosy computer whilst letting you fly your freak flag. Well done

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  56. Not having attended a formal college (trade school for me), I would still have to go the Flippant Route. I like your suggestions, but I’d edit it to Kept Writer. 😜

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    • Suz, these sorts of nosy computer forms are everywhere. I encounter them when dealing with doctors practices which is where I get the most flippant. I like Kept Writer, it has a certain truthful charm to it while being subtly snarky. Nice one

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  57. Kinda sorta relate to this dilemma, Ally. I received a perfectly usable college degree, in a field I gave about five years before heading in a wholly different direction and never looking back. So my directory entry says “architecture” while my career says “information technology”. At reunions it begs the inevitable reaction, “Whoa, so how’d you go from THAT to THAT?” 🙂

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    • Dave, I can see how you relate to this conundrum. That’s quite a career change, but one that’s done you well. If nothing else it gives you a good conversation starter when you go to reunions. That’s why you did it, right?

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  58. For your friend, does entrepreneur or freelaner work? I have worn many hats, so I go with whatever job pops into my head for these forms. Usually freelancer fits me, though I’ve worked for companies full-time in the past. So I guess I would be straightforward.

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  59. I’ve made a life out of being flippant and mischievous, but I suppose with an alumni query like this one, I’d be sincere. I always worry about online trails with my name attached. So I guess I’d play it safe. Though you are giving me ideas about someday saying that I’m a kept man, just to see what kind of reaction I get. 🙂 – Marty

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    • Marty, that’s the best part about saying I’m a Kept Woman. The reactions are an instant clue into the type of person you’re talking with. Uptight people scowl, but relaxed folks laugh out loud. It’s the perfect litmus test to find out who’s who. You’d make a fine Kept Man, btw.

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  61. In line with the title, it occurred to me, first it’s being nagged to nail down yourself for alumni directories ( to be sold and data collected and also sold) – then it’s what the heck to put on the gravestone (“It’s so much per letter! “). I say go out laughing – with both

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  63. Hmmm, I’d do seriously flippant (or is it flippantly serious?) I’d write the things that count: I’ve LOVED, LOST, LOVED again, NURTURED, MOTHERED, and been entirely successful in all these endeavors. See? seriously flippant.

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  65. I love Calvin’s question — and yours!

    Let’s see…in Friend’s circumstance, I’d likely give flippant answers. Oh, I wonder if it gets published anywhere? It won’t change my answers, though, even if it were. If my sole goal is to be included in the directory and I feel no connection or reverence (or gratefulness/gratitude) towards alma matter, then I think flippant would be the better way. Why do they need to know? Who needs to know? I don’t need to share anything if I don’t know who will see it and what it’s used for.

    I do consider myself mischievous at times, and I enjoy it more and more as I get older. I guess I figure they aren’t going to put me in time out. As long as it doesn’t hurt or inconvenience anyone, that tends to be my go-to approach. I find a lighthearted way that has a hint of mischief is more fun for me and for others who I might share the experience with. Don’t want to take myself too seriously anymore!

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    • M, Why do they need to know? Who needs to know? Those questions get to the heart of it and the nosy computer system. It’s an alumni directory so, I guess, only other alumni and the university will know what you write, but even then… WHY do they need to know? 🤨

      Laughing at your logical assumption that at a certain age no one is going to put you into time out. I also don’t do anything malicious, which would be taking mischievousness to an extreme. I’m lighthearted, slightly goofy, and refusing to be pompous. Of course to people who take themselves seriously, I am persona non grata. Works for me

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    • Luanne, you said it! I only know a few women who have one title [teacher, CPA, lawyer] that’d summarize their careers, all others are Jills of many trades. And that’s okay

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  67. That’s why I hate labels or questions that have pre-selected answers. They just aren’t inclusive enough! I think an alumni directory should just list name and address and then let people decide for themselves what they want to share.

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    • Ann, I like your idea. I’d be comfortable filling out a form like that. Kind of how on Twitter you have a place for a short bio– and that’s that. Unfortunately that’s not how the computer form in question works.

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  68. I am finding it difficult to understand why she wants to be in the directory at all. You’ve probably covered this, but there are a LOT of comments on this. I can be a little mischievous at times, but I’m more often the straight-up type. I have not had a “career” either, preferring to follow whatever calling intrigues me at the time or was dictated by necessity. I suppose “rank amateur” would always be appropriate in my box.

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    • Eilene, well, I’m with you. I don’t know why Friend wants to be included either, but she says she does so I believe her. My role as a friend is not to change people but to help people do what they want to do. Hence the conversation. I like your rank amateur title and I understand why it works for you. It’d work for me, too.

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  69. Hi ally
    Wow – this post was so interesting and I think that the situation you and your friend are in is more common than most people realize! It is part of our culture – and that means part of the college culture and part of the jobs that people get (or don’t get – or get and then leave )
    And so on the form – I say that she should fill in the simplest description but also one that she is proud of. I have not read any of the comments here yet- but I am curious as to what others have said –

    –

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  70. PS
    I think even doctors, lawyers, and accountants also deal with this issue!
    I don’t think any profession is immune to displacement, disillusionment with options, changes, lack of roots, and not quite finding a long term spot –
    And so they might have the more generic title – but I have seen SO MANY college grads wrestle with finding their niche spot and many never really do ((and I believe one stat is that some folks change jobs every three to four years)
    -/
    But I know a lawyer – graduated from a prestigious college in dejected (DU) and he has changed his path four or five times in 12 years and now wants to maybe take over someone’s practice –
    And I know an accountant who went from taxes to business and now works for a bridge company –
    And we just recently saw some old friends – the lady is a physician’s assistant (PA) and she just started traveling because the hospital hours were “killing” her (ha)- and so she takes contract work but feels displaced – and ex husband finished medical school but I guess never did the final internship part and so he can’t work in certain settings (but can work clinics) and he did not really have guidance during formative years and had those shallow roots at jobs – yet his identity is all his own
    And I think long gone are the days when the majority of folks have long-term jobs that become part of their identity
    And sometimes when I see someone who got their “20 years in” somewhere – it often came with a lot of grit and giving up essence – (if hat makes sense)

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    • Good point about how even people with TITLES that are easily understood, don’t always use them because they’ve moved onto something different, more nuanced, more in keeping with the times and who they’ve become. I think that the days of rigidly defining yourself are over– and the alumni associations and medical practices and whoever else uses computer forms need to allow for this REALITY.

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  71. Like you and your friend, most of my education was liberal arts, English with a later diversion into social work. I received little to no career counseling at any of the colleges I attended, although at one, I did receive good training for college teaching, so good in fact that I decided against teaching as a career choice. Instead, I held a variety of jobs until (finally) settling into public health in state government. So …. I’ve turned down the opportunity to be listed in an alumni directory on the rare occasion that it’s been often to me. So … I guess I would be neither snarky nor flippant 🤷🏼‍♀️ BUT if I did take the opportunity, I’d probably be snarky.

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    • Marie, many commenters have said the same thing about no or little career guidance. I’m laughing about how your guidance sent you in the opposite direction. To thine own self be true. I’m not inclined to want to be included in an alumni directory either, but Friend is for some reason. Should I ever join in it’d be with a great deal of snark… and a reluctance to ever contribute $$$ to the university that couldn’t be bothered to help me find a career. You know?

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  73. This (for reasons I am unsure of) may be my favorite Ally Bean post to date. Please, please go with Kept Woman. I mean, most female writers are. Maybe you could employ a slash: Writer/Kept Woman.

    Even we teachers might have trouble with such a form. I generally go with Educator in order to encompass the various jobs I’ve had, but it’s not satisfying, especially when I’m feeling snarky (which has been much of the time since the pandemic revealed so much about what my life’s work has really been for).

    Also: my pretty well-regarded public university also did just about nothing to prepare me for life after academia. I discovered the career center (on my own, in a small part of a huge campus) the week before graduation, far too late to do me any good.

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    • Rita, thank you. I cannot take all the credit for this post because Friend bought up the topic. I can understand how saying you’re an Educator, while accurate, also doesn’t include some job experiences. Perhaps it’s impossible to sum ourselves up with one title and that’s why nosy inflexible computer systems bug me.

      I’ve found it fascinating how many people have mentioned that they got no or little career guidance. I thought it had more to do with being at a small liberal arts university, but apparently not. Some college grads got help, some didn’t.

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      • I thought the reason I didn’t get help was that I was at a big, public university. I’d bet it had more to do with not knowing that such help existed. I remember feeling very at sea as graduation approached. Most of my family had not gone to college, so I navigated that experience mostly on my own.

        Also, you get full credit for the post. It’s the writing, not the content. 🙂

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  74. This is a great question Ally. I have done so many different things and going tours something new now but I still put I’m in the health industry. Mostly because I always find myself talking about health and fitness, or mental health or beauty in some way.

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  75. Interesting topic Ally. Well I think “Friend” keeps the synopsis of her life short and sweet and she owes no allegiance to her alma mater. I owe no loyalty to the college I graduated from. First I went to a community college where I got my A.A., then on to a four-year university where I got my B.A. Wayne State University was pitiful as far as job placement, but then my degree was in print journalism and the market was flooded with journalists by 1978 when I graduated, especially investigative reporters who wanted to be the next Woodward and Bernstein. Had the Watergate scandal not preceded my career choice, perhaps I might have been luckier, but my mandatory 13-week internship as a graduation requirement wasn’t even at a newspaper, but a PR firm writing two-line press shorts. WSU did not bend over backwards except to send out monthly donation envelopes which I started writing “Moved – Return to Sender” so they no longer bother me.

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  77. I think I’d lean towards snarky and honest. I’d probably say that I’m a starving artist and thanks to the university… Emphasis on the starving. ❤️ I didn’t go to college except to take a couple classes. So my advice may not be the most wise given the circumstance. I taught myself photography.

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