Welcome: A Few Meandering Thoughts About Being Gladly Received

/ Ally Bean

I take my blog prompts where I find them…

Years ago I remember reading an article about how to connect with people, online and in real life. The gist of the article was about ways to make sure you’ll be gladly received, appreciated even by the people you meet.

In retrospect I realize that the article touched on ideas you might find in Norman Vincent Peale’s ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ but that’s not what the article was about. It was a modern take.

According to the article the formula for being included was simple. Initially you establish yourself as memorable, then you apply yourself to being likable. A leads to B, familiarity with your uniqueness leads to people feeling comfortable around you. Then as long as you are consistent, you will be welcomed.

I’ve never definitively decided what I think about this advice, however it’s stuck with me— maybe to be shared and discussed in this very moment.

🔹 Playing the part of devil’s advocate here, first off it seems to me that being memorable can be a slippery slope. It’s great if you’re remembered for doing something ostensibly positive, but how many times do you remember someone because of the less positive thing that they did?

[QUICK: elementary school – who threw up in class? high school – who was stoned more often than not? college – who got caught cheating on an exam?]*

🔹 Then of course there’s also the issue of the definition of likable. Without using a dictionary, mine would be something along the lines of:

  • friendly, warm, non-judgmental
  • assertive but not aggressive
  • truthfulness wrapped in kindness

How would you define a likable person? Are you one? Is this something you aim to be?

🔹 And as for consistent, something I think of as being conscientious, but of course could also mean consistently not being conscientious, I’d suggest that most people don’t pay close enough attention to what other people do to really notice if someone is consistent.

Thus I will conclude by saying that the foregoing, my gentle readers and kind lurkers, is nothing more than my addled brain’s meanderings, unfiltered and with no hidden agenda, after seeing the word WELCOME on a wooden container holding a few tulip bulbs.

This is what I thought about.

Any remarks, regrets, reconsiderations you’d like to add?

* In fourth grade – Janie who was shy and scared to stand up in front of the class, threw up in front of the class while giving her report on how to play her flute. Vomit went everywhere, including inside her flute. She didn’t return to class for a few days.

In high school – Doug who was a kid who lived down the street from me on the swankier end of the street, had a ready supply of weed. He enhanced his social standing by putting vodka dyed dark green into an empty Chloraseptic sore throat spray bottle that he carried around, happy to spray some into your mouth.

In college – Susan who was smart but lived in fear of not being perfect, was caught sneaking around in the library cheating on a take home honor system exam. She cried her way into being allowed to take it a second time. She got an A+ of course.

205 thoughts on “Welcome: A Few Meandering Thoughts About Being Gladly Received”

  1. I’ve had a few memorable people in my life that were fleeting. First was a classmate who took me under her wing on my first day in a new high school. The school was ginormous with wings and I wasn’t sure how to get around (they didn’t do orientations back then). We were good friends for a few years then went our separate ways. I always appreciated her kindness.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Maybe the fact that I don’t like the idea of trying to be likeable is the reason I always had a few good friends but never a crowd of friends. For the record, I’m fine with that. I look back fondly on the people were kind to me and who accepted my kindness.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Dan, I hear ‘ya. I don’t know that I set out to be likable, more like I set out to be truthful in a pleasant way. I run with a small group of people too— sincerity ranks high up among us. Some people find that likable.

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      • Suzanne, I’m with you. I figure that it’s none of my business if people like me. I’m kind and truthful and happy as such, so take me as you find me. However it is interesting to me how the advice in this article has stayed with me and how that planter brought it back into my mind.

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  3. I think we are all more likely to remember the less positive about ourselves and others. You could say negatives thoughts form who we are more than positive ones. In my life, my mom always brings up my negatives even if the mistakes are 55 years old. But that’s just what I thought of ..

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  5. Hmmm… Much to ponder here, Missy. I love that a Welcome pot got your juices running…

    I can honestly say I do not set out to be memorable per se. And NO ONE wants to be remembered for barfing… just sayin’ 😉

    I do, however, aim to be likable – sometimes to my detriment – but that won’t stop me from being myself, which, I am told and believe to be true is that I am basically nice.

    Trying to remember something from elementary school: Alison was not very nice to Kathleen and would try to make fun of her but Kathleen always laughed in her face. I, however, had no problems with Alison and we participated in many sports together.

    High School: I’m trying to remember anything in particular other than I was in the trouble maker’s class in Grade 9. Every time someone did something and the teacher asked, who did that, the whole class changed Dostie Dostie Dostie and poor Dostie would be kicked out of class.

    College: I got nuthin’ except that’s where I met who was to become my best friend, Roxanne, (on her 17th birthday) until we weren’t anymore (and I’ll never know why because she passed away at 42) and I would walk into the locker room and hear Roxie and Karen singing: Day-O, Daaaay-O, Dale no come, coz she’s gone to French.

    Regarding consistency: I dunno. I think I notice if someone is not…

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    • Dale, I don’t set my sights on being memorable either. To me that seems like something that’s outside a person’s control. I take your point about how being likable can be used against you. I figure being nice enough is a good way to go.

      Alison was a snot to Kathleen but not you. Sure I can understand why you’d remember her. Two-faced, maybe?

      I remember a kid like Dostie who was always the one who caused trouble. Mine was named Tony but by the end of 6th grade we knew his full Christian name because teachers yelled it in frustration at him.

      I’m sorry about your unresolved, never to be resolved, relationship with Roxanne. I notice what people do too, so I notice when someone is acting out of character, but I’m not convinced most people pay attention as closely as we do. I think we might be the outliers.

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      • I think, not to sound conceited, just aware, that that is part of our charm. We don’t try, we just are. Of course, when being too nice, we might be taken advantage of 😉

        Yes, she was. And YES, she was!

        Poor bugger… half the time it wasn’t even his fault! I heard he came to a rather nasty end – don’t know if it’s hearsay or truth buth…

        Yeah, it sucks. Even at her funeral, I asked her sister, brother, mother if they knew the what’s what and they all said they were hoping I would tell them! Sigh.

        I think you might be right. I notice lots of stuff and am looked at with a questioning expression when I mention whatever because they did not see it.

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        • I agree. I don’t try either, I am who I am. Take me or leave me. When I was younger I tried all the time, but now…I just is.

          Good point about how as kids we may not have had the complete story about why some kids behaved as they did. As an adult, looking at the overall context, I can now see the *why* behind some kids.

          Yes, I notice details too and get those same odd looks. I’m not doing it to be memorable, I’m doing it because I’ve always noticed details. For better or worse.

          Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh no. I have just realized the girl remembered for throwing up in my 6th grade was me. I hadn’t thought how much that must have damaged my social standing until now. The cause wasn’t nerves though – it was good old tonsilitis. Mind you, at least I wasn’t the kid who didn’t make it to the toilet in year 2. His name was Daniel. Unforgettable. Poor kid.
    Likeable people – they had a certain charisma, were kind and mature beyond their years. Well-adjusted people who exuded calm.
    I laughed at the dyed vodka trick. I wonder where that kid is now?

    Liked by 3 people

    • Amanda, oh no! I’m sorry that, or maybe entertained by, the fact you were that girl. I had tonsillitis around that age, too. Horrible feeling. Yes, no doubt Daniel will live on in your mind forever, poor kid.

      Good definition of likable: charisma, kindness, well-adjusted, calm.

      I’ve no idea what became of Doug, he was artistic so maybe went on to college in that field? Or he took his natural business skills and earned a MBA, currently running a huge capitalistic corporation. I could see either scenario.

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      • I would love to know what happened to Doug. Did he get swallowed up in the bottomless cauldron of the creative ne’er do wells with their head in the clouds art world, or was he resilient enough to start a career where his ability to think out of the box, and perhaps a little dangerously, could be used for personal or company profits? I am intrigued.

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  7. In second grade, Glenn didn’t make it to the bathroom in time and that is all any of us who I am still in touch with remember about him. In eighth grade, I had a nose bleed just before an oral book report and didn’t realize it until Joleen yelled out loud as I faced the class. I sure hope that is not all folks can remember about me, but I suspect it is since I ran out of the room crying and hid in the bathroom and then the nurse’s office.
    PS Dough really did have the makings of a creative thinker, I hope he learned to control his demons.

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    • Dorothy, poor Glenn. No doubt he was a legend in his time, for the wrong reasons of course. Your nosebleed experience sound awful and I’m sorry. I’d have hidden in the nurse’s office for the rest of the year! Well, probably not but you get my sympathies.

      I’ve no idea what became of Doug. Many of the kids I knew who dealt pot [or coke] were little entrepreneurs in the making who went on to be well-educated professionals who rose to fame in their fields.

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  8. More and more as I age, I don’t really care about being likeable. I try to be consistently kind. I try to think about the other person, practice empathy, and generally not be a self-centered a-hole. I do this not to be liked, but more because I try to be as I wish others would be. Having spent my younger years (as so many do) contorting myself to be liked, I also aim now to be genuine. Also, I absolutely remember the day that Maggie threw up all over her spelling workbook in third grade. We had a long-term sub, and she rinsed it off, hung in from the window to try, and gave it back to Maggie, saying that there were no other workbooks available and she’d just have to use that one. Maggie was likeable; that sub wasn’t so much. Both were memorable.

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    • Rita, yes, yes! I’m right there with you. I want to be authentic to who I am, kind enough and helpful enough, which may or may not make me likable. My parents told me that life wasn’t a popularity contest so being likable wasn’t the goal, being effective was. I try to remember that advice.

      What a story from third grade. I feel sorry for Maggie, the poor kid. And that sub? Not likable at all, kind of mean if you ask me.

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      • I knew you’d know just what I mean. Your parents sound like my kind of people, at least in this. I felt SO sorry for Maggie. That day cemented our impression that the sub was horrible. (Her name was Mrs. Diefendorf, and behind her back we called her Mrs. Beef ‘n Barf.) Now, however, I feel sorry for both of them. She wasn’t so horrible; we just missed our regular teacher, who was beloved. And she probably didn’t have another book to give to Maggie. She was in a tough spot, Mrs. Diefendorf. I would be much kinder to her today than I was back then. Not sure if others find me more likeable now, but I do.

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  9. Fascinating, the idea that trying to be “memorable” is high on the list. I’m trying to wrap my head around that one, but it just doesn’t work. I should have thought that just being pleasant and interested in/open to what the other person had to say would be a better start!

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    • Jane, you’re saying what I think too. I remembered the formula in this article because it seemed contrived to me but made me wonder if I was being naive to not apply it to my life. 🤷‍♀️

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  10. I like to be kind and helpful and funny. I have a quandary right now in a volunteer group I work with. I few of the nice ladies also happen to be Trumpers so while I cannot agree at all with what they say on some topics, they can be very pleasant to me when talking of other topics and the group usually avoids talking politics because of this. But sometimes…a person just has to speak up or leaving the group is another option I have considered.

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    • Ellen D., I understand your quandary. I hear other people mention the same sort of situation when it comes to feeling uncomfortable around people who take their political opinions too seriously. To confront the Trumpers will make them angry, but also may make it clear about why you’re leaving the group. I don’t know what I’d do in your place. I live in a conservative part of the country so Trump fans are everywhere, difficult to avoid them.

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  11. Being likeable and memorable sounds like it would take a lot of energy. I never felt the need for either. Sometimes I am and sometimes I am not. Mostly I am just me. Like me or not. I don’t change for anyone. But I do have a tendency to be less likeable to people I don’t like.

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  12. I told my kids being invited to parties didn’t mean they were there to be entertained. They had to contribute to the fun. My son gave up on parties, but my daughter took it to heart, to the point she was often invited because she’d become the life of the parties. She tired of that and also rarely attends parties. Not sure what that all means.

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  14. My kids joke that I have no friends but I’m clear I have basically four — 3 very good help-bury-the-body friends and a ride or die sister. In my 50s that feels like plenty.

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  15. In high school I went through a period where I thought I was supposed to be liked (or more accurately, popular) then I realised that chasing that notion wasn’t for me – I found it exhausting and empty. Like most adolescents and teenagers, I had to figure out my individuality as opposed to being swept along by the crowds.

    Being liked by the numbers just becomes a popularity metre, I would say. And consistency is about recognising your personal set of characteristics and working with them; not trying to be something you’re not. All of this is easier said than done, of course. As usual, very thought-provoking, Ally.

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    • Lynette, I imagine all of us went through a high school phase of wanting to be popular. I know I did, but wasn’t charismatic or well heeled so didn’t make it into the popular crowd. Seems like a blessing in retrospect.

      I like your definition of what it means to be consistent. You’re right it is working with what you have going on within you, not being who someone else wants you to be. Took me a few decades after high school to understand that.

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  16. I think maybe we should care a lot less about being liked. I understand that in some ways, if you aren’t a white male, being liked was a key survival skill, especially when you had minimal rights. But in our current society, we’re watching what happens when white males take advantage of other people not standing up to them, calling out their lies, giving them a pass for cheating (SUSAN!), etc. They fail upwards, into the highest offices.

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    • Autumn, I agree with you about not worrying about being likable. something that can be seen as passive. It seems like a false goal, when it’d be better to be known as effective or productive or truthful. I’m a kind enough person, but I also think that you gotta have a little [perhaps unlikable] chutzpah when necessary.

      You’ll enjoy the irony about the rest of the Susan story; she went on to become a practicing attorney. Failed straight up.

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  17. This formula had me check-boxing my approach to blogging, Ally. I think it’s a good parallel. I strive to write interesting (“memorable”) posts so that I’m not wasting a reader’s time. I also stick with topics I think people will find “likeable”. And “consistent” seems to be a tenet of a good blogger so I try to keep it weekly. Social media is much more unpredictable of course, and I can’t speak from my own experience since I’m pretty much just a follower on FB and Insta.

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    • Dave, you’re right. This formula is how I go about writing posts for this blog, although I can’t say that I’d put this together until this moment. It may be easier to use the formula with the written word than in daily interactions.

      I deleted my FB account years ago, but my experiences on IG suggest that most people are completely random. I have a tagline, my thesis statement for what I’ll share, but most people don’t.

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  18. I like your meandering thoughts after being inspired by a tulip planter! You make some good points – people are often more memorable for negative things! Yikes! I DO remember the vomiters, stoners, and cheaters from back in the day! I hardly remember the quiet, good students who never got in trouble. (I was one of those, so I’m sure no one remembers me!)
    I laughed so hard about the kid with the spray bottle of vodka! Even though that was devious, it was also a genius idea, and I wonder if he made something of himself. An inventor? A bartender? A criminal mastermind?
    It would be a fun plot for a story!

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    • Michelle G., exactly. It’s the negative things that kids did that have stuck with me, too. I know I was one of the quiet good students which means, I’d guess, no one remembers me.

      I’ve no idea what became of Doug. He had the spirit of an entrepreneur. Where it took him is a mystery— or a good story line like you mentioned.

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  19. Doug was quite clever, as that is not something I’ve ever heard of doing. Susan would have enjoyed having the internet at her disposal. And we had too many Janies for me to remember any of them. I even threw up once on the bus ride home. My husband and I still talk about some of the wack things we remember kids doing from kindergarten through college. They are some of our favorite stories. Nothing like being memorable!

    It’s funny how few ‘likable’ people we remember. Probably because at that age, we are more worried about ourselves. And as adults, it’s extremely hard to find non-judgmental folks, considering my last post.

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    • Bijoux, yes Doug was a creative kid, a good artist, good at figuring out what people wanted then providing it. Susan went on to be a lawyer, having learned how to manipulate the system.

      I remember some incidents from before college, but most of the really memorable events happened there or when Z-D was in law school.

      My take on the word “likable” is that some people consider it a good attribute while other people consider it a way of describing someone as a pushover. Only after everyone agrees on what it means can you safely use it to describe someone.

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  20. OMG! High School was painful. Let’s just say I learned a lot of important lessons there. I learned the hard way I’m allergic to alcohol stronger than lite beer, and the jocks only date the cheerleader types, and I was never going to be an academic.
    I remember quite a few of the quiet ones. I always was a bit envious of them as they were so smart and just seemed to “get life” and know how to do all the schoolwork with ease. It was most often a struggle for me.
    Ha ha! The kid with the vodka laced spray bottle sounds like a character! Every school seemed to have one.

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  21. How exhausting, to try and be ‘memorable’ and same with ‘likable.’ No thanks. In elementary school I was quite and instrospective and had no desire to be liked. I just wanted to learn to “BE.” In high school I needed to learn to BE ME, and that’s a big task for each of us. The best way to be received is by those who like us for just the way we are, neither memorable nor maybe even likable, but unique and true-to-ourselves for sure.

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  22. I’ve never thought about being memorable nor wanted to be. I do prefer to be liked, but if not liked, at least respected. I try to reach out to others but if it only goes one way, I usually give up. Communication and invitations to get together are a two way street. Some relationships are dead ends and it can be hard to accept that.

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    • Margaret, I’m with you. I’ve never said to myself I want to be memorable, which is probably why the advice in that long ago article stayed with me. Was I being naive? Still no answer to that question. Like you I want to be respected and if that leads to being liked, yay. If not, oh well. Good point about how some relationships lead to dead ends, but that’s how it is.

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  23. “Memorable, likable, and consistent” are all very well and good if they are genuine, but as soon as someone is pretending or acting in order to be seen as any of those things, the mask falls and we are faced with either a manipulator or a very insecure person. I think most of us have felt insecure at some point in our lives—especially when thrust into new situations—but hopefully, time and experience help us overcome that belief. As for the manipulators, may they throw up into their flutes (no, not really, that was unkind—may they learn new ways of relating to people and their environment).

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    • Donna, your summation is perfect. I think for me the idea that someone is intentionally attempting to be memorable or likable makes me distrust them regardless of what they’re doing. Seems desperate. I know that when I read this article years ago it seemed weird, but also maybe like an insight into how some people think. Strange how seeing the word WELCOME on that planter reminded me of the article— and to wary of manipulators.

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  24. I think “memorable” is much like “interesting”: each can be good or bad and are open to much interpretation. When someone says my post is “interesting”, I often respond that I hope that’s in a good way. Without body language or inflection, it’s hard to know.

    Consistency is probably mostly noticed when applied to ourselves. If someone treats us well, remembers what we tell him/her, always remembers to send a birthday greeting, etc., we probably think they’re consistent and might not notice/know if they are with others.

    If we listen with genuine interest to others, are kind even in disagreement, make it plain that person matters to us even though not perfect, I think we’ll be gladly received, at least by most people. The rest? Who cares? 🙂

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    • Janet, I agree with you. As with most words used to describe someone it’s all in how you define the word. One person’s use of memorable, can mean positive while the next person’s use of the word can imply negativity. I think that’s why this rule of thumb confused me enough for me to remember it all these years. At the time I stumbled over it I wasn’t as wise [I hope] as I am today.

      Good point about the concept of consistency. You’re right that if you’re always good to me I’ll think you are consistent while you might be the opposite with everyone else. Will I notice the disparity? Probably not.

      Your ways of being gladly received seem more in keeping with my approach to relationships. I want to feel welcomed because I am welcoming, not because I’ve manipulated people.

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  25. If I were to ask a classmate from second grade who was most memorable, she might name me since I was one of the kids who bullied her for a reason I can’t recall just now. But my best friend and I made up a song about how we didn’t want to play with her. This is an incident that I deeply regret. I never did that again.

    How interesting that your WELCOME planter sparked this conversation.

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    • L. Marie, oh you have to forgive your 2nd grade version of yourself for being a little snot. I’m smiling because making up a song about the girl you bullied is clever. Way to take it to the next level. It’s a shame you don’t recall why you disliked her, although maybe for the best.

      Yes, occasionally I write a stream of consciousness post like this one. Just pick a topic and see what stumbles out of my brain. Readers either respond to it, or ignore it. 🤷‍♀️

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  26. Hi, Ally. Well, fortunately I’m just about always gladly received by relatives and friends I’m close to. Other than that, I try to be friendly with most people, but don’t really give too much thought about being gladly received by them.

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    • Neil, you sound like you’ve got it going on without putting much thought to it. I read this advice years ago, not sure I’ve embodied it over the years, but also haven’t worried about it either. Just happened to think of it when I saw the planter.

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  27. I like your definition of likable. I think you nailed it. And I’m howling about your stories about being memorable. You have clearly demonstrated the many ways being memorable is not a positive.

    It seems like this is the other side of the coin to wanting to be somewhere and knowing that you belong. If you know that, perhaps you don’t care as much about how you are received.

    Tricky subject – I find myself going around in circles. One thing is that it is always consistent is that it’s interesting to read your musings, Ally!

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  28. Interesting thoughts to ponder. “Like” is such a bland word because when it comes to human interactions and relationships, it’s so bland – nondescript. Yet, we regularly use it.

    For me, I prefer to look at genuineness, integrity, and respect. Although I believe the majority of the people in the world are good, I’m a bit down on my circle. Unfortunately, I’ve taken time to observe – which has informed me. Then again, that also means I bring my analysis upon myself.

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  29. It’s interesting what tweaks a memory, and your post tweaked quite a few including some experiences in Catholic grade school and a few grumpy nuns. I’ve never run with a crowd, but have a few good friends and we enjoy each other’s company. I’m consistent, mostly likable, but I’m not sure memorable. 🙂

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    • Judy, I saw that word on the planter and I immediately remembered the article that was about being welcomed wherever you go. A tenuous connection, yet there it was. Grade school with grumpy nuns could be the title of a memoir!

      I feel that I’m the same as you: consistent, likable enough often enough, but easily forgotten. So be it.

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  30. I’m friendly, but I’ve recently noticed some people still misunderstand me and think the opposite. Friendliness is also a slippery slope because nice people get walked over, especially professionally. It would be better to just have super high self esteem, a loud voice and lots of opinions! Bad opinions, unfounded ones, it doesn’t matter. Just express them in a lucid way with self-confidence and the flock will follow. 🤪 This seems to be the recipe for success at work. Unfortunately my self esteem isn’t that great and I’m not loud! 🤣😅

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    • Snow, you’re right about how friendly people can get taken advantage of, everyone thinking they’ll do everything without complaint because they want to be perceived as friendly.

      As a fellow quiet person I adore your observation: Bad opinions, unfounded ones, it doesn’t matter. Just express them in a lucid way with self-confidence and the flock will follow. Ain’t that the truth, both in real life and online. Maybe especially online. 🤨

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  31. Is it wrong that I can’t answer any of those three questions? I have no memories of puke in elementary school, although Jodeylee Radner broke her arm on the teeter totter in fifth grade. I don’t know if anyone was stoned in my high school, but all the wrestlers were chewing in class and that is disgusting. In college, I don’t think anyone was caught cheating, or if they were, I didn’t hear about it. Successful FERPA at my alma mater!

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    • NGS, I feel sorry for Jodeylee and you remembered her so not all of your academic social past is buried. I don’t remember anyone chewing in high school, but many kids smoked cigarettes so there was that. I only knew of Susan’s story because it was a small campus and gossip like that was gold. She went on to be a lawyer… because of course she did. 🙄

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  32. What a sweet post Ally.
    I agree with you on what it takes to be likable, and I believe I hold these qualities without trying, and I think that makes a person more authentic and relatable. Right? Someone trying to be your friend intentionally might not fly, unless they are truly themselves.

    I tend to remember those who were kind to me in school as that wasn’t always the case when you’re always the new kid.
    I never threw up in school, but I can still remember the smell of the hallways after some poor kid did. Ugh.

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    • Suz, I agree that if someone is intentionally trying to embody likability it comes across to me as fake. But an authentic person will seem likable, according to my definition, without trying to impress me.

      I remember some kind kids back in school, too. Usually quiet ones who avoided the drama. Yes, I also remember that awful smell in the hallways. Poor kids.

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    • Janis, I have a framed piece of art in this very room that has that quote on it. I’m a free spirit, but probably a too well-behaved one to make history. Not memorable in other words. But you never know, do you? Maybe my impact is more subtle!

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  34. in fourth grade– martin was joking around, throwing a marble up into the air, and catching it in his mouth. all was good until it lodged in his throat and the teacher had to do the heimlich manuever on him (he was fine after the marble disloged from his throat and went bouncing across the classroom floor).

    in high school/college– i was the girl chugging the vodka infused chloraspetic spray. i was also the girl that stapled a cheat-sheet into the hem of her catholic-school unform.

    i am definitely not likeable. i know this because janette-the-prom-queen informed me of this very fact (more than once) during high school– so, i stole her boyfriend. just kidding, that was cathy.

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    • Pink, Martin!!! What a little punk. That’s a scary story that could have ended in tragedy. But you do remember him.

      I don’t know I’ve ever heard of anyone stapling a cheat-sheet into the hem of her uniform. I’m in awe of your ingenuity. We usually wore jeans so no decent hem to think of.

      I’m laughing about Janette the prom queen’s appraisal of you. Obviously she was right, they know things. I’m not sure I knew our high school prom queen. If she had an opinion of me I’d be truly surprised. Now I’m going to be plagued trying to remember who the prom queen was…

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  35. I agree with the comments on authenticity. I think that makes people likable. I’m thinking of the new people I’ve met since moving to Arizona. The ones who are likable to me are sincere, they’ve taken an interest in me and I find them fascinating.

    As for grade school, I remember feeling sick and feverish when faced with a test I couldn’t complete. I went to the nurses office and lo and behold — I had a high fever. Probably why I struggled with the test.

    In high school, the stoners hung out on a corner across from the high school. I had to walk past them with my best friend who lived a couple houses away.

    In college, a a few guys in a fraternity had a file cabinet of papers and tests collected over several years. They charged guys in their fraternity to use them.

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    • Donna, until everyone agrees on what those two terms mean, the 3 part formula for being welcomed is flawed. I mean, it’s a good paradigm in theory but only after the deets get worked out.

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  37. I don’t remember who threw up but I did have a girl have a peeing accident all over my school jacket. I was mad about it then but looking back I feel sorry for her. The notice of a new post from you in my inbox is always gladly received, Ally.

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    • Janet, oh dear, that poor girl! I can understand why you’d be upset, obviously, but that’s the kind of notoriety that no one needs. I’m happy to know that you receive my posts gladly. I feel welcome. Thank you.

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  38. Well Ally, the info you read long ago has served you well with your blog since you’ve been blogging for two decades now.

    I was raised so strictly that I daren’t have strayed and been bad when I was younger to be honest.

    As for throwing up at school, yes, I did that once, but decided not to draw attention to myself as I couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time, so I opened my flip-top desk and used it instead. Hmm – what was I thinking? What was the janitor thinking? “Ugh” probably.

    We had some stoners at school too, but not really until senior year as our millage did not pass in our City, so we had half-days of school for 10th and 11th grade, so there were no social activities, nor sports, band – we went to school and came right home. I was in the front yard one day, maybe 20+ years ago and one of the boys that every girl wanted to ask them to prom, homecoming, etc. came walking down my street. He and his two brothers had lived about five houses away when they were growing up. Their mother was a school teacher in this City school system, so “the Byrd boys” were expected to toe the line. How far he had fallen – he looked twice his age, but heck, we all age, right? But as he bragged to me how he worked at Ford on the line and got high on his lunch breaks or came to work high every day and no one knew, I knew why he looked so bad. My mom read his obituary notice to me a few years later.

    It is never good to make your kid(s) strive to be perfectionist(s). I got good grades in Canada, was on the honor roll, but we moved here and when I was bullied by the teachers and students, my grades tumbled quickly. My parents were mad – what happened to their straight-A student? I didn’t divulge why until I got tired of being paddled by the teacher for things I didn’t do and I ‘fessed up about my school days (more like daze).

    We can never be perfect in an imperfect society.

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    • Linda, your last line is so true. Plus I don’t want to be perfect, too much pressure, too little reward.

      I’m laughing about what you did when threw up. In a way it was wise, in another way it was a very bad idea. Being a kid is tough all around.

      Fascinating about the stoner kid grown up. I cannot imagine smoking pot before and during a work day, but then I don’t work on a line at Ford. Maybe it’s more common than I think. No doubt doing so took a toll on that guy’s looks and life. Sad story, but also memorable.

      I’m sorry you were bullied in school here in the U.S. Kids can be unkind and without adults to keep them in line, they get away with stuff. Same scenario for some childish politicians I read about. 🙄

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      • Ally, I don’t know what I was thinking to be honest, but maybe that it would be less embarrassing that way? I was a healthy kid and except for the year I had measles and chicken pox for my mom’s birthday and Mother’s Day respectively, I had a perfect school attendance record, other than that, so I guess I didn’t want to mess it up. 🙂

        I was shocked when I saw him – what a mess he was to be honest. I remember telling my mom when I came inside, thus she remembered when she saw the obituary notice not long afterward.

        Bullying is horrible, by your teachers or your peers – I had it from both. Bullying will never go away and earlier tonight I was reading the news online about a 10-year old girl took her life after she was bullied by classmates, not only physically, but on social media as well. The parents said they had counseled their two teenagers about coming to them if they were bullied, but never thought to counsel their 10-year old about bullying.

        Personally, I feel kids should not be using social media at that young age. I know kids have challenges that we never had, like school shootings, but at that age, the phone should be used for connecting with family for emergency use only. It’s quite a controversy here in Michigan as teachers want phones off in class; parents want phones on in case of an emergency. A lot of that mindset stems from the Oxford High School shooting in 2021 when Ethan Crumbley killed four classmates and wounded six students and one teacher by using a semi-automatic handgun. He pleaded guilty and his parents are in jail for buying him the gun, the first parents to be convicted for this crime.

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        • Your school attendance record is impressive. I was a kid who got sick just about every month from something or another. That’s probably an exaggeration but that’s how it seems thinking back.

          The Ethan Crumbley story was national news, of course. I’m pleased his parents were convicted and are in jail for buying him a gun. That’s a step forward when it comes to stopping school shootings.

          The situation with young kids and phones is a gray area— difficult to find a good solution. I know parents who are pleased their kids have to turn off their phones in school, or in one case the child has to surrender his phone when he walks into the building then picks it up after school. I’m amazed that kids have cell phones at all, but I’m not a fan of phones so I’m biased on that point.

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  39. I try to be consistent, likable, and humble. Naturally, I sometimes fail, but it’s a good target to shoot for. Those are also qualities I admire in the important people in my life. I think most of us want to be liked, but that should also mean we’re true to ourselves. It’s hard to look up to people who are full of themselves or make fun of others in cruel, demeaning ways.

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    • Pete, I agree with all you said. I feel most welcomed when I’m with people who are truthful and kind and humble, consistently. They may not be memorable in the way that the article insisted was important, but that’s part of why I like them. No show-offs or mockers or deceitful people for me, if I can avoid them.

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  40. I laughed when I read “seems to me that being memorable can be a slippery slope”, now that is so totally right. Usually, for most being memorable is when having something or someone in common in their lives. Though in reality there it’s always the big mishap that most remember.

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    • Suzanne, yes it’s the mishaps I remember, too. I also note positive things people do, so I feel balanced. But the idea that being memorable is always admirable, I dunno. Seems idealistic.

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  41. Your post brought to mind an incident that was memorable to me in two ways. It was my first year of teaching (kindergarten) and a little boy vomited in the middle of the room. What I remember is how bad it smelled and how upset we all were, but then how quickly the janitor came in and cleaned the whole thing up. I’ll never forget that janitor. What a hero! He may have thought he was just doing his job, but to me, he felt like a lifesaver.

    My blogs are not consistent. I started out with Chinese subjects to coincide with the publication of my first novel: Tiger Tail Soup. Then, when I published When in Vanuatu, I had come posts about the Philippines and Vanuatu. But mostly, I jump from subject to subject, whatever I’m interested in at the time. When the article you read talks about being consistent, I think they’re talking about sounding like you’re the same person week after week. I don’t know if I do or not.

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    • Nicki, I admire that janitor, too. That’s a somewhat thankless job in schools and yet they quietly keep the place humming along. Poor little kid who threw up, though.

      I agree with you about the concept of consistency. It’s being true to your self and how you do things, not necessarily living on a strict schedule, never deviating from it. I write about whatever interests me at the time I write posts, in a month I may care less about what I wrote but I consider myself consistent because I’m genuinely me when I write it.

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  42. Here’s a story of a memorable classmate:
    At the University of Cincinnati, I took a class on public speaking. One girl gave a positively gleeful talk about her job—at the local crematorium! For show-and-tell, she even had a jar of human ashes, which she demonstrated were not like fireplace ash, but contained chunks of bone, too. I can still picture her face, though I did not know her outside of class. Did I want to see if she was like able or consistent? I sort of hoped not.

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    • Eilene, I take your point. I, too, would remember the girl, but might never find out if she was likable. I know that one of the issues I had with the formula in the article, and is probably why I’ve remembered it, is that I tend to consider someone’s likability first, their memorableness second. Wonder if that girl is an undertaker now, still?

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  43. Dang – I read this this am but got really busy making meals for the kids and racing around packing, etc before we leave tomorrow night. Why will I never take a day off before I travel? I need to learn this.

    Anyway, I find that tuning into others when I meet them, not just talking about myself, combined with making a few self deprecating jokes helps me connect with others – If I’m laughing at myself, I think people get that I’m goofy and not judgmental and I tend to be authentic. I couldn’t use a customer service voice if I tried.

    Memorable and likeable are not necessarily the same thing, I think. At Ed’s graduation from college, one of the moms was so intoxicated she couldn’t stand up. That was memorable. I’ll leave it at that.

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    • ernie, yes your approach to connecting with people seems organic to me, something that happens naturally. One of the reasons the advice in the article stayed with me is that it didn’t seem natural to me, too contrived. Yet I have to wonder if being inauthentic is exactly how some people set about influencing other people to include them. Fake it until you make it, that way of being.

      Exactly about memorable and likable, two different concepts. My inclination would be say that likable comes before memorable, but the article insisted otherwise. Unfortunate about the drunk mom at the college graduation, but it happens. Memorable for sure.

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  44. When I was in junior high, it was the late 80s and at the time all the girls had that ridiculous hair that had vertical bangs. Such a style required so much hairspray! You wouldn’t want your bangs to go soft or flat (lol, sounds like a euphemism, but seriously am still talking about hair). Anyway, everyone carried hairspray with them in their lockers or whatnot. But in school dances some girls would sneak vodka or whatever booze they pilfered from their parents in (hopefully) washed-out hairspray bottles. No matter what the booze always tasted like Salon Selectives. Doug would have fit in great!
    Poor Janey. I don’t remember any vomit incidents (that weren’t induced by hairspray bottle booze) from school. But I can imagine that followed Janey around forever.

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    • Nicole, vodka in a hairspray bottle is ingenious, but also makes me say ICK! I can see how it could be done, but somehow it doesn’t appeal to me like the fake Chloraseptic approach that tasted like vodka. If nothing else this all goes to prove teenagers are clever little punks— who’ll wear whatever stupid hairstyle is popular at the time. Those bangs! 🙄

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  45. I agree those three steps would be an effective process, the question I’d have is over the order in which they’re placed. Personally, I’d start with likeable for, if a person isn’t, I’m less likely to bother with them regardless how memorable they are.

    In terms of memorability, when *choosing* what memorable item to share, clearly authentic is better, and something you are happy to be associated with long-term would also be sound.

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    • Deb, I agree with you. I’ve come to realize that the reason this advice seemed off to me was that I consider consistency and likability more important than being memorable. Yet the formula flipped that.

      Overall at this point I trust my gut to tell me if someone is authentic and my heart to tell me if they’re likable. Memorable or not, I’ll hang around them.

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  46. Oh, and I am truly envious of your most excellent stories of memorable fellow students. I was about to say that nothing immediately comes to mind, but I was in school with some interesting characters, so maybe I just need to allow my mind to wander there for a bit…

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    • Deb, it’s been interesting to find out who else went to school with memorable kids. That could be a blog post all by itself. Obviously some kids jumped into my mind stat, but others, like you suggest, might appear later.

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  47. The advice in that article seems wrong-headed to me: or at least wrongly ordered. I’ve never set out to be memorable or likable, but I do strive to be consistent in my work, my writing, and my relationships. It seems to me that sort of consistency sometimes leads to being considered memorable or likable. Both of those qualities seem akin to happiness; people who spend their lives trying to be happy often aren’t, and people who try too hard to be memorable or likable have a good chance of failing. Granted, the school teacher (for example) who turns out to have her own Only Fans site may be memorable, but sometimes ‘memorable’ is a synonym for ‘notorious’!

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    • Linda, yes! I feel the same way. I was younger when I read this advice and I couldn’t quite figure why it seemed off to me. But you’re right, the order is wrong. In m y experience consistent people are likable and as such are memorable, especially in these turbulent times. I cannot imagine going through my life worrying if I was likable or memorable. That’s giving your power away to others. And as you say memorable can mean notorious… it’s all in what you remember about someone.

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  48. Morning, Ally! Hey…I think I knew a “Doug”, too. Thanks for the reminder of a long-forgotten character from my youth, LOL.
    As for the characteristics related to likeability…I always default to consistency from a safety perspective – psychological safety. Hoping and expecting that people will behave the same way in all sorts of circumstances and trying to embody that myself. I think it comes from being parented by someone who was too cavalier and unpredictable. Haphazard. As a result, I think I pay close attention to consistency…to determine safety (or not) before I consider likeability.
    Sorry to be late to the party…I didn’t have a chance to read the other comments, but I bet there are gems throughout. Love this post. Ya made me think. xo! 🥰

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    • Vicki, I just left a comment on Heart of the Matter talking about this very post! Trippy to come back here and see your comment. A good trippy, of course.

      I understand about your focus on consistency and why it’s important to you. I can see how coming from a haphazard childhood you’d be aware of people who aren’t consistent, who might not be safe to be around.

      I’m glad you stopped by to read and comment. Commenters have made some marvelous observations about human nature, the formula in the article, and reality. It’s been different to discuss this, but worthwhile.

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    • Micheal, that’s true. There’s a difference between being organized and being a perfectionistic crazy person. I’m laughing about your approach to likability. I suppose it ’tis a miracle you remember me and this blog. 😜

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  50. I’ve reached the age where I no longer worry about trying to change myself in order to fit in or be liked. Personally, I just try to be my genuine self, and to express interest in the people I meet (which is genuine, not acting.) If we get along, great! If not, well then, that’s simply not the group for me.

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  51. I was going to say that being memorable, especially as the first step in being gladly received, is a slippery slope but you literally beat me to it. As a shy introvert, I’ve often been memorable for the wrong reasons, usually for opening my mouth and saying something that I thought was witty but was, in fact, inappropriate. The result: my shyness and introversion deepened.

    I like your definitions of likeable. Still, it’s not a given that you will be gladly received when you are likeable. I like to think I’m likeable BUT, as a shy introvert, I’ve also been told that I appear stuck-up. Sigh. Once when I was 15, we had a family get-together at my sister’s farm. I was wearing an outfit that I loved and it made me happy and apparently my happiness radiated because a couple of my younger cousins told me that, until that day, they thought I was stuck-up all the time, but here I was being FUN to be around! I remember smiling but their comments stung, to the point that 50 years later, I still remember them keenly. Again, cue the deepening of my shyness and introversion.

    Another episode occurred in my senior year when a guy I was friendly with (but didn’t want to date although he wanted to date me) told me that he’d always thought I was (you guessed it!) stuck-up until he realized I was just shy. By then I was over it. I remember thinking, “yeah, tell me something I don’t already know.” I probably felt I had nothing to lose by being more “extroverted” since I was graduating and knew I would likely never see my classmates again.

    While I agree that consistency is an important quality, I question the emphasis on being memorable. Who can consistently do that? Even being likeable consistently has to be difficult, at least here in the U.S. with things as they are. Again, I’m writing as someone who struggles with her introversion. I mean, I don’t mind being an introvert in and of itself, but it does make being around people—even people I know well and love—fatiguing. Toward the end of a four-hour lunch with a couple of friends, I’m feeling pretty unlikeable. 😉

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    • Marie, I understand about the introversion and shyness. I’ve said the wrong things, too, when I never meant any harm. People are darned touchy sometimes. And I also have found that some people just want to find fault with you. Like your cousins with their backhanded compliment that has stayed with you.

      Your senior year story rings true with me. It’s fascinating that being shy and reserved can be perceived as being stuck-up. Extroverts don’t understand how much emotional effort it takes to show up, let alone jump into any group activity— more so when you chat with someone new.

      I don’t get the memorable part of the formula either. I don’t try to be memorable, and can’t say that I gravitate toward people who are. I’m easily fatigued when I’m around people so I try to be un-memorable lest I have to explain myself to them. And probably say something they think is goofy. And it’s back to shy.

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  52. Maybe the word Authentic is better than Consistent. I’m always the same no matter where I am, and I’ve always been that way. I can usually spot a phony immediately and steer clear.

    I do remember the kid who threw up in elementary school. I felt really bad for him. We were all working on our huge, floor maps of the US with our partners, and he ruined his. Poor Frank.

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    • nance, I’m the same way. I am who I am regardless of my surroundings. Courtesy of my father I have a finely calibrated BS detector. I’m aware of what people are doing, how they’re trying to manipulate other people, but am immune from it. We are lucky.

      Poor Frank, indeed. I know we all lived in fear of being Frank… or Janie.

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    • Crystal, I like that quote and believe it to be true. Maybe that’s what this formula for being welcomed was all about? It parsed out the specific variables necessary for it to happen. Like I said I’ve never decided if what the article suggested made sense— but dang I remember it.

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  54. Regarding the memorable, what quickly popped into my mind was the girl sitting at the desk next to mine in second grade. She wet her pants. The pee made a puddle on the floor that kept growing until it reached my shoes! I kept staring at it in disbelief and had no idea what to do! Years later, in high school, we became friends. I never brought up what happened, though.

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    • Barbara, oh my! What a large amount of pee to watch coming at your feet. As a second grader I’d not have known what to do either. I love that you later became friends and that you were tactful by not mentioning what had happened in second grade.

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  55. Oh, poor Janie! To this day, I live in fear of vomiting in a public place. Not sure why; I’m not a big vomiter (um, knock on wood). But it’s a very intense anxiety. I actually also live in fear of being around someone vomiting in public. D got wasted on a college trip to one of those restaurants that host jousting and feed you chicken legs and beer and barfed all over her plate. That was horrifying.

    Memorable, huh? I think I am either unmemorable (I tend to be very shy for a long time until I get to know someone) or memorably awkward. I like your definition of likability. I might add “welcoming,” which seems like it could be an offshoot of “friendly, warm, non-judgmental,” but has an element of proactiveness that differentiates them in my head.

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    • Suzanne, I’m the same way as you, I’d hate to throw up in a public place. What a lousy experience for D. I’m feeling empathy for her from afar across time. Horrifying, no doubt.

      I know I’m not memorable. I don’t take offense about it, people just easily overlook me because I don’t have a lot of drama in my life, don’t make a big deal out of things. I, too, figure I might be remembered most for being awkward.

      I agree about adding “welcoming” to my definition of likable. Makes so much sense. I’m liking your idea that it’d be a proactive way to better frame the concept.

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  56. I remember a girl named Crystal who vomited in the hallway in elementary school, and that moment stuck with her for the rest of our school days. I hate that because it sends the unspoken message that if you do something embarrassing in public, you’ll be judged for it. But that kind of reaction is something we learn—from the adults around us.

    “How would you define a likable person? Are you one? Is this something you aim to be?”

    Gosh, that’s a tough question. To me, a likable person is someone who listens instead of dominating a conversation, is kind, and is thoughtful. I try to be that kind of person to my loved ones and the people I meet. And yes, it’s something I aim for—not because I’m trying to win people over, but because I believe in being a good person. The world could use more of them.

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    • Kari, good analysis of how kids pick up on what adults tell them, or show them, that is wrong and apply it to their peers. I feel sorry for Crystal, poor kid.

      Like you I don’t use likability to manipulate someone into liking me, I just try to be kind and helpful and truthful because to me it seems like the right thing to do. Of course to some people those characteristics would equal weakness. As usual it’s all about defining your terms.

      I adore your inclusion of listening as a characteristic of a likable person. Agree, agree.

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  57. People tell me all the time I’m a very likable person. I swear that’s not a brag. Looking inward then, I am friendly, helpful, courteous, and respectful in most interactions, so maybe those are key ingredients to likability?

    No idea if I’m memorable though. For good OR bad.

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    • Mark, I’d say you’re likable for the exact reasons you mention. I was raised by parents who didn’t care if I was likable as long as I was effective. Kind of a different spin than what goes on now. As for memorable, I don’t think I’m that… but maybe I am. Who’s to say?

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  58. On first glance, this advice seems very forced and contrived. But thinking about it further, I think if one were socially awkward, even perhaps a bit on the spectrum, and had trouble making friends, it could be useful to have some practice at being memorable and likable. I like your definition of what you consider likable in a person. I agree wholeheartedly.

    I was the kid who threw up in the hallway in the 3rd grade. We were lining up for recess or lunch or something, and I suddenly got that feeling and RAN past the other kids, out into the hallway toward the bathroom. My teacher: “Stop! Julie! STOP!” Then I threw up and started running again. My teacher: “GO JULIE GO!!!” I don’t know if anyone else remembers that, but I do. (Probably some of them do…)

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    • J, exactly! I read the advice a long time ago and couldn’t figure out what I thought about it, but also tucked it away in the back of my mind. It seemed wrong and right to me, which confused me enough to remember it. Excellent observation about who it is meant for.

      Your childhood story has made me smile. I’m sorry it happened to you, but also can see it unfolding in the way you describe. Childhood through the eyes of the adult who lived it makes for some of the best stories.

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  59. Likeable, hmmm that feels to me either as someone being too passive and agreeable. Or someone noted for the kindness. It could go either way, just like being memorable.
    And consistency is good, in my mind, it shows the person has follow through.
    Enjoyed your meandering thoughts Ally.

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  61. I remember Jared who threw up when we were playing a game on the floor of our second-grade classroom. He just turned to the side and vomited.

    I remember a kid in high school (can’t remember his name now) who came to one of our classes so hung over and ended up vomited into a trash can that one of my classmates held under his head.

    As for cheating… I don’t think I have any college cheating stories! I do have one from middle school where a girl had a list of words tucked into the space under her desk and she would put her head down to peek at it. She got in trouble for that.

    Memmmmories!

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    • Stephany, poor Jared, I feel for him. The hung over kid in high school, while I feel sorry for him, also realize that you gotta learn your alcohol limits somehow. If not in high school then in college.

      The cheating middle school girl is creative— although maybe creative in the wrong way. I don’t remember anyone doing anything like that, so either they didn’t or they did it so well they didn’t get caught.

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  62. Ally, I’d like to think I’m likeable, at least by the number of actual friends I have. They all seem okay with having breakfast, lunch or dinner with me, going on day trips or vacations with me, being comfortable in my home, etc. I struggled with this so much when in school (I was not a popular or cool kid) because I was so unsure of myself, but it seems that I finally found my footing decades later.
    Memorable? I’m not sure. I’ll ask a good friend when I see her tomorrow. People may remember me for my bikerchick days, my dorkiness, my Christmas cookies…not sure.
    Am I consistent? I am who I am every day because in finding my footing, I care 100 times less if others don’t like who I am. You either think I’m likeable or memorable, or you move on.
    I have many memories of other kids and teachers from long ago, but no one throwing up on their flute. How embarrassing!

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    • Mary, I feel the same way as you. I consider myself likable using my own definition of it. Whether other people think I’m likable is none of my business. I used to worry about what people thought of me, but now that seems like silliness.

      Memorable? I wonder what your friend will say. I don’t think I am, considering how many people just forget about me. Not unhappy about that, btw. Introvert here.

      I appreciate that you are consistent. That, to me, makes you likable. I’m not moving on.

      Yes the 4th grade flute *situation* was unfortunate. I hated standing up in front of the class giving oral reports, so I was sympathetic. Poor girl.

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  64. As you shared, some people can be memorable for very big, grand reasons and not entirely positive ones like the ones you shared! I wouldn’t say I aim to be a likable person. I mean, not everyone will like me and not each person’s cup of tea – but I think that’s the way with all of us! If anything I am the kind of person who is in the background. Don’t mind as I like to keep a low profile and have my space.

    By the way, I scrolled back to when you got back. Glad you are back, we need your humour. So agree with the connection and community through blogging. Enjoy making and eating your lemon curd 🙂

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    • Mabel, I’m with you about keeping a low profile. I’m comfortable with not being memorable, as long as I’m doing what is important to me, I’m golden. Take me or leave me. I understand that what I think of as likable may not resonate with you.

      Thanks for checking out what I’ve been writing. Community is the only reason I keep this blog going at this point. So happy to know you’re a part of it.

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  65. I think you embody these three: through your writing, you are memorable (your randomness and sense of humor), likeable (you are curious and engaging), and consistent (you post regularly). As far as what makes someone likeable to me-they don’t take themselves too seriously, they pay attention to others, and they are playful.

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    • Rhonda, thank you for the compliments. I’m humbled by your assessment of who I am— and also pleased that you see me this way. Hear, hear about your definition of what it means to be likable. The “taking themselves too seriously” part in particular. 🙄

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  66. Hi Ally, the vodka in the Chloraseptic bottle sounds pretty funny and gross – and I wonder if the smell gave him away. And feel bad for the girl who vomited and even had it go into the flute – you told that so well I almost felt like I was sitting in the back row with you all.
    One time, in middle school, I was wearing headphones during some quiet reading time and I accidentally started making grunts and noises that were sorta singing a long. I looked up and everyone was staring at me – then we all started laughing – I did not realize how loud my sounds were – and if the music was loud in class, all would have been well, but when only I herad the music, my singing along grunting harmonies were embarrassing and memorable for the rest of the year.
    Enjoyed your post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yvette, I don’t know if the Chloraseptic kid got caught or not. As kids we knew what was up, but the adults may have been clueless. It was rather ingenious.

      Yours is a funny story. It makes sense, I’m sure everyone has done that signing/grunting thing at some point. I sing along when who knows who is listening, but to do it in class at that age… MEMORABLE.

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  67. As a child, and even into young adulthood, I was pretty shy and didn’t think of myself as memorable, but definitely wanted to be likable. Now I’m content to be myself and find that I have a close circle of friends and family that remember me and seem to like me. That’s good enough for me. As for the Chloraseptic vodka, that reminds me of an “adult” family member who carried blue-colored vodka around in a Scope bottle on a cruise to avoid paying the high costs of alcoholic beverages on the ship. As if anyone believed he was sipping Scope poolside. Still it worked. Everyone looked the other way, and he got a reasonably-priced buzz.

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    • Christie, I was the same way until I was into my 30s. I was shy, not memorable, but wanted to be likable so went along with what I was supposed to do. Not a good way to live, but there you go.

      Nobody would believe someone was sipping Scope. That’s nutty. I remember friends in Vegas with us who wandered around with large coffee cups filled with wine. They carried the bottles in a snazzy high end shopping bag and looked like serious shoppers. It was a hoot. To me the effort seemed more trouble than the buzz, but what do I know?

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